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Some people believe that robots will play an important role in future societies, while others argue that robots might have a negative affect on society. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that robots will play an important role in future societies, while others argue that robots might have a negative affect on society. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

With the advance of technology, robotics are becoming ubiquitous like smartphones, ipads or laptops in future societies. It is argued that robots will play an instrumental part in our life while others believe that automated machines and processes could have adverse effects on society. Personally, I suppose that the benefits of the robots are likely to outweigh the demerits of them.

On the one hand, there are two main disadvantages of using robots in society. At first, this will increase the unemployment rate. Robots have the ability to replace humans' physical toll, which will jeopardize job security for many employees. For instance, in the factories, employers will use robotics to complete the manual task instead of workers. As a result, their income will gradually become lower as well as the descent of living standard, which will evenly lead to other issues like poverty and crimes. Second, automated machines and processes will lead to a sedentary lifestyle in future society. The fact that robots will work in place of humans will make people depend more on robots on a daily basis and become less active. Consequently, this may cause health problems like obesity and gradually get weaker.

On the other hand, it is undeniable that automation will bring positive effects for societies. First of all, robots will be a big contribution to the field of medicine. People may use robots to monitor their health in order to deal with immediately when health turns bad. Besides, robot-assisted surgery might succeed more easily thanks to the high accuracy and agility of robotics. In addition, humans with limb defects might use bionic limbs to live and do activities more conveniently. Second of all, robotics engineering will drive economic productivity. With the big effectiveness and high flexibility, robots play an important role in the workforce, which will create mass products in a short time. As a result, the economy will become prosperous along with the higher living standards of citizens. Last but not least, using robot helps people spend more time on their family and their habit. Some robotics engineers like robot cleaners or robot washers will do the housework in daily life, which will save time for humans.

In conclusion, it is admitted that there are both advantages and disadvantages of robotics, but I believe this will bring more merits to future societies.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "robotics are becoming ubiquitous" -> "robotics is becoming ubiquitous"
    Explanation: "Robotics" is a singular noun, so the verb should be singular as well. The correction ensures subject-verb agreement.

  2. "like smartphones, ipads or laptops" -> "such as smartphones, iPads, or laptops"
    Explanation: The use of "like" is more informal; "such as" is a more appropriate choice in academic writing. Additionally, "iPads" should be capitalized.

  3. "instrumental part in our life" -> "instrumental role in our lives"
    Explanation: "Part" is replaced with "role" for more precision and formality. The plural "lives" is used to match the plural noun "robots."

  4. "demerits of them" -> "drawbacks of them" or "their demerits"
    Explanation: "Demerits" is less formal; "drawbacks" or "their demerits" is more appropriate for academic writing.

  5. "At first, this will increase" -> "Firstly, this will increase" or "First, this will increase"
    Explanation: "At first" is more conversational. The suggested alternatives provide a more formal transition to enumerate the disadvantages.

  6. "jeopardize job security" -> "threaten job security"
    Explanation: "Jeopardize" is replaced with "threaten" for a more formal tone without sacrificing clarity.

  7. "the descent of living standard" -> "a decline in living standards"
    Explanation: "Descent" is replaced with "decline," and "living standard" is changed to the plural form "living standards" for grammatical correctness and formality.

  8. "like poverty and crimes" -> "such as poverty and crime"
    Explanation: "Like" is replaced with "such as" for greater formality. Also, "crime" is used in the singular form.

  9. "will lead to a sedentary lifestyle" -> "may lead to a sedentary lifestyle"
    Explanation: The change from "will" to "may" acknowledges a degree of uncertainty, aligning with a more cautious and academic tone.

  10. "depend more on robots on a daily basis" -> "rely more on robots on a daily basis"
    Explanation: "Depend" is replaced with "rely" for a more nuanced and formal expression.

  11. "get weaker" -> "become less physically active" or "lose physical strength"
    Explanation: "Get weaker" is replaced with a more specific and formal phrase.

  12. "be a big contribution" -> "make a significant contribution"
    Explanation: "Be a big contribution" is replaced with a more formal and precise expression.

  13. "in order to deal with immediately" -> "to address immediately"
    Explanation: The phrase is modified for improved clarity and formality.

  14. "higher living standards of citizens" -> "higher standards of living for citizens"
    Explanation: The order of words is adjusted for a more formal and conventional expression.

  15. "spend more time on their family and their habit" -> "allocate more time to their families and personal pursuits"
    Explanation: The sentence is revised for greater clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a comprehensive discussion of both perspectives, acknowledging the potential benefits and drawbacks of robots in future societies. Each viewpoint is addressed in separate paragraphs, and the author concludes with a personal opinion.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider providing a more explicit reference to each part of the prompt in the introduction, ensuring that the reader immediately recognizes the balanced approach taken.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The author consistently maintains a clear position, expressing a belief in the overall positive impact of robots on future societies. This stance is evident throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To strengthen clarity, consider reinforcing the thesis statement in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, offering examples to support each argument. However, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis and elaboration on certain points.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay, delve deeper into specific examples and provide more detailed explanations, ensuring a thorough exploration of both the positive and negative aspects of robotics.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the impact of robots on future societies. However, there are moments where the connection to the topic could be strengthened, especially in the second paragraph of the disadvantages section.
    • How to improve: Be vigilant in ensuring that each paragraph maintains a clear link to the prompt. Avoid tangential discussions and focus on directly addressing the impact of robots on society.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a well-structured argument. To further improve, strive for more depth in analysis, reinforce clarity in positioning, and ensure a consistent connection to the central theme throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize ideas logically. It employs a standard structure of introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the organization could be improved by enhancing the transition between ideas within and between paragraphs. For instance, the flow from discussing disadvantages to advantages could be smoother to create a more cohesive argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider employing transitional phrases to guide the reader through different points more effectively. Use connectors like ‘Furthermore,’ ‘Moreover,’ ‘On the contrary,’ etc., to link contrasting or supporting ideas and create a seamless flow from one point to another.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to separate different points. However, some paragraphs could be more focused and structured. The paragraphs on disadvantages and advantages of robots tend to merge multiple ideas, affecting clarity. A better division of ideas within paragraphs would enhance readability.
    • How to improve: Aim for a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph, focusing on a single main idea, and support it with relevant details. For instance, each disadvantage and advantage of robots could be explored in separate paragraphs, ensuring a more coherent and structured presentation of arguments.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices like ‘firstly,’ ‘secondly,’ ‘in addition,’ etc., to link ideas within the essay. However, the use of these devices could be more varied and frequent to strengthen coherence further. Additionally, more sophisticated cohesive devices and conjunctions could be employed for a richer and more varied vocabulary.
    • How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of transitional phrases and conjunctions, such as ‘however,’ ‘nevertheless,’ ‘consequently,’ ‘moreover,’ etc. This will not only connect ideas more effectively but also enhance the overall quality of writing.

By refining the essay’s structure with clearer paragraphing, employing a wider array of cohesive devices, and ensuring a seamless flow of ideas, the coherence and cohesion of the essay can be significantly enhanced, potentially elevating the overall band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "ubiquitous," "instrumental," "sedentary," and "prosperous." However, some repetition occurs, and certain terms are overused, like "robots" and "society."
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or alternative expressions. For instance, instead of frequently using "robots," explore terms like "automated systems," "machines," or "artificial intelligence." Additionally, strive for more precise and contextually fitting vocabulary to elevate the essay’s sophistication.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While there is an attempt at precision, some instances lack clarity. For example, the phrase "descent of living standard" could be more precisely expressed, and the usage of "prosperous" might be too general. Aim for precision in conveying ideas to ensure the reader fully grasps the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: Be meticulous in word choice. Instead of "descent of living standard," consider specifying the economic repercussions, such as a "decline in financial well-being." Also, refine the use of "prosperous" by providing specific details on economic growth or improved living conditions.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays generally accurate spelling, with only a few minor errors like "affect" instead of "effect" and "descend" instead of "descent." Spelling issues do not significantly hinder comprehension.
    • How to improve: Maintain careful proofreading to catch minor spelling errors. Consider using spelling and grammar-check tools to enhance overall accuracy. Pay attention to commonly confused words to ensure precision in conveying ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, with room for improvement in lexical variety, precision, and minor spelling accuracy. Focus on refining word choice and addressing repeated terms to elevate the overall lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is an attempt at using introductory phrases and subordinate clauses to vary sentence structures, but the range is somewhat limited. For instance, there’s a tendency to start sentences with phrases like "On the one hand" and "First of all," which although provide structure, may not fully showcase a wide range of complex sentence structures.
    • How to improve: To enhance variety, incorporate more sophisticated sentence structures such as inversion, conditional sentences, participial phrases, or relative clauses. Expand the range of transitions and sentence starters to avoid repetitive structures.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates fairly accurate grammatical usage with some notable errors. There are issues with subject-verb agreement ("robotics are becoming" should be "robotics is becoming"; "automated machines and processes will lead" should be "will lead to"). Additionally, there are errors in article usage ("the descent of living standard" should be "a descent in living standards"). However, the essay generally maintains coherence and clarity despite these errors.
    • How to improve: Review subject-verb agreements, article usage, and sentence structure. Practice identifying and correcting these specific types of errors to improve accuracy.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a mix of correct and incorrect punctuation. Commas are inconsistently used in complex sentences, resulting in occasional run-on sentences or comma splices. For instance, "On the one hand, there are two main disadvantages of using robots in society" requires a stronger punctuation mark (such as a semicolon or period) to separate ideas. Additionally, there are instances of missing commas before introductory phrases or clauses.
    • How to improve: Focus on using commas effectively to separate clauses, phrases, and introductory elements. Practice identifying instances where punctuation marks are missing or misused, especially concerning complex sentence structures.

Improving in these areas will help strengthen the grammatical range, accuracy, and punctuation skills, leading to a more polished and higher-scoring essay in the IELTS exam. Practice with varied sentence structures, revise grammar rules, and pay close attention to punctuation to enhance overall writing proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

With the advancement of technology, robotics is becoming ubiquitous, much like smartphones, iPads, or laptops, in future societies. It is argued that robots will play an instrumental role in our lives, while others believe that automated machines and processes could have adverse effects on society. Personally, I suppose that the benefits of robots are likely to outweigh their drawbacks.

On the one hand, there are two main disadvantages of using robots in society. Firstly, this will increase the unemployment rate. Robots have the ability to replace humans’ physical toil, jeopardizing job security for many employees. For instance, in factories, employers will use robotics to complete manual tasks instead of workers. Consequently, their income will gradually decrease, leading to a decline in living standards and potentially causing issues like poverty and crime. Secondly, automated machines and processes will contribute to a sedentary lifestyle in future society. The fact that robots will work in place of humans will make people rely more on robots on a daily basis and become less physically active. Consequently, this may cause health problems like obesity and a gradual decline in physical well-being.

On the other hand, it is undeniable that automation will bring positive effects to societies. First of all, robots will make a significant contribution to the field of medicine. People may use robots to monitor their health, enabling them to address health issues immediately. Besides, robot-assisted surgery might be more successful thanks to the high accuracy and agility of robotics. In addition, individuals with limb defects might use bionic limbs to live and carry out activities more conveniently. Second of all, robotics engineering will drive economic productivity. With significant effectiveness and high flexibility, robots will play an important role in the workforce, creating mass products in a short time. As a result, the economy will become prosperous, along with higher standards of living for citizens. Last but not least, using robots helps people allocate more time to their families and personal pursuits. Some robotics engineers, like those designing robot cleaners or robot washers, will handle household chores, saving time for humans.

In conclusion, it is acknowledged that there are both advantages and disadvantages to robotics, but I believe that robots will bring more benefits to future societies.

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