Some people believe that robots will play an important role in future societies, while others argue that robots might have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that robots will be irreplaceable part of future societies, while others argue that robots may have negative affect on society. This essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favor of the former
On the one hand, it is understandable why some people believe that robots bring more drawbacks than benefits. First and forevermore, using robots may lead to an increase in unemployment rate. To be specific, large numbers of manual workers are being replaced by cutting- edge robotics systems in numerous factories around the world. Second, the enormous cost incurred to machining robot would put a strain on government coffers. As a result, this could lead to budget deficits, tax hikes, or reduced social welfare, thereby forcing ordinary citizens, especially the underprivileged, to struggle even more to earn a living.
On the other hand, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that robots will be an integral part of the future. One reason is that using robots may give rise to an increase in labor productivity and efficiency in many industries. To illustrate, robots can work and operate around the clock without eating or sleeping, thereby increasing production. As a result, it could a thriving economy. The other reason is that robots can replace humans to work in unsafe environments. For example, in nuclear establishments where direct exposure to humans can be dangerous for their health, robots can be used effectively to handle of radioactive materials.
In conclusion, while it is irrefutable that robots bring some advantages on future societies, I would contend that robots play a pivotal role in future societies.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"irreplaceable part of future societies" -> "integral component of future societies"
Explanation: The phrase "integral component" is more precise and academically formal than "irreplaceable part," which can sound colloquial and vague in this context.
"negative affect" -> "negative effects"
Explanation: "Affect" is a verb, whereas "effects" is the noun form needed here to describe the outcomes or consequences of robots on society.
"First and forevermore" -> "First and foremost"
Explanation: "First and foremost" is the correct idiomatic expression, whereas "First and forevermore" is incorrect and awkward.
"increase in unemployment rate" -> "rise in unemployment rates"
Explanation: "Rise" is more commonly used in academic writing to describe an increase in statistics, and "rates" is the plural form appropriate for discussing multiple industries or sectors.
"machining robot" -> "manufacturing robots"
Explanation: "Machining" is not the correct term for the production of robots; "manufacturing" is the appropriate verb for describing the process of creating robots.
"put a strain on government coffers" -> "strain government finances"
Explanation: "Strain government finances" is a more direct and formal way to express the impact on government budgets.
"enormous cost incurred to machining robot" -> "substantial costs incurred in manufacturing robots"
Explanation: "Substantial costs incurred in manufacturing robots" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the context of the costs.
"budget deficits, tax hikes, or reduced social welfare" -> "budget deficits, increased taxes, or reduced social welfare"
Explanation: "Increased taxes" is a more precise term than "tax hikes," which is somewhat informal and colloquial.
"a thriving economy" -> "a robust economy"
Explanation: "Robust" is a more formal and precise term than "thriving," which can be seen as overly emotional in academic writing.
"can be used effectively to handle of radioactive materials" -> "can be used effectively to handle radioactive materials"
Explanation: Removing "of" corrects the grammatical error and improves the flow of the sentence.
"bring some advantages on future societies" -> "offer advantages to future societies"
Explanation: "Offer advantages to" is grammatically correct and more formal than "bring some advantages on," which is awkward and incorrect.
"play a pivotal role in future societies" -> "play a pivotal role in shaping future societies"
Explanation: Adding "shaping" enhances the precision and formality of the statement, emphasizing the active influence of robots on the development of societies.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the role of robots in future societies. The first paragraph outlines the concerns about robots, such as unemployment and financial strain on governments, while the second paragraph presents the benefits, including increased productivity and safety. However, the essay could improve by providing a more balanced discussion of both views. The negative aspects are somewhat underdeveloped compared to the positive aspects, which could give the impression of bias.
- How to improve: To enhance this section, the writer should aim to provide equal depth for both perspectives. This could involve adding more examples or elaborating on the negative impacts of robots, such as ethical concerns or potential societal changes, to ensure a more balanced discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position in favor of robots playing an important role in future societies, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the negative and positive aspects could be smoother, as the shift may confuse readers about the writer’s stance. The phrase "I am in favor of the former" is somewhat vague and could be misinterpreted.
- How to improve: The writer should explicitly state their position more clearly in the body paragraphs, perhaps by using phrases like "Despite these concerns, I believe…" or "While acknowledging the drawbacks, it is essential to recognize…". This would reinforce the writer’s opinion throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the impact of robots on productivity and safety. However, some points lack sufficient development. For instance, the mention of robots increasing productivity could be further supported with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. Additionally, the argument about robots in unsafe environments could benefit from more detail on how this impacts workers and industries.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could include providing examples of industries where robots have successfully increased productivity or discussing specific cases where robots have improved safety. Adding data or expert opinions could also enhance the credibility of the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the role of robots in society. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the phrase "thereby forcing ordinary citizens, especially the underprivileged, to struggle even more to earn a living" introduces a broader societal issue that, while related, could distract from the main topic of robots.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the role of robots. Avoiding overly broad statements and sticking to specific impacts of robots on society will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, using clear topic sentences for each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for both views followed by a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the two perspectives, and each body paragraph addresses one side of the argument. However, the logical flow could be improved, particularly in the transition between the two viewpoints. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is appropriately used, but the transition to "On the other hand" could be more explicitly connected to the previous argument to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the arguments. For example, after discussing the drawbacks of robots, you could introduce the opposing view with a phrase like, "Conversely, proponents of robots argue that…" This would create a smoother transition and reinforce the contrast between the two perspectives.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. The first paragraph addresses the negative impacts of robots, while the second highlights their benefits. However, the conclusion could be more developed, as it currently reiterates the main points without providing a strong synthesis of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a point but also connects back to the overall thesis. In the conclusion, instead of merely restating your opinion, summarize the key arguments from both sides and explain how they lead to your conclusion. This will provide a more comprehensive closure to the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and forevermore" and "as a result," which help in linking ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "thereby forcing ordinary citizens" could be better linked to the previous sentence to clarify the cause-and-effect relationship.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. Consider using alternatives like "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In addition" to introduce new points, and "Consequently," "Thus," or "Therefore" to indicate results. This will enhance the flow of ideas and make the essay more cohesive overall.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments clearly, improvements in logical transitions, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "irreplaceable," "drawbacks," "manual workers," "cutting-edge robotics systems," and "labor productivity." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the phrases used to describe robots and their functions. For instance, the term "robots" is used frequently without variation, which limits the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "robots," alternatives like "automated systems," "machines," or "artificial intelligence" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more advanced vocabulary related to technology and economics could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the arguments. For example, the phrase "irreplaceable part of future societies" could be more accurately expressed as "irreplaceable components" or "integral elements." Additionally, "negative affect" should be corrected to "negative effects" to convey the intended meaning. The phrase "the enormous cost incurred to machining robot" is also awkward and unclear.
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choices to enhance precision. Review sentences for clarity and correctness. For instance, revise "the enormous cost incurred to machining robot" to "the enormous costs associated with manufacturing robots." Such adjustments will improve the overall clarity of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that affect its professionalism and readability. Notable mistakes include "irreplaceable part" (should be "irreplaceable part"), "affect" (should be "effects"), "cutting-edge robotics systems" (should be "cutting-edge robotic systems"), and "a thriving economy" (should be "lead to a thriving economy"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay for spelling errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help catch mistakes. Additionally, practicing spelling commonly used academic vocabulary can reinforce correct spelling in future writings.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting viewpoints. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "To illustrate, robots can work and operate around the clock without eating or sleeping, thereby increasing production" is somewhat repetitive in its construction.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "robots can work and operate around the clock," you might say, "because robots can work and operate around the clock, they significantly increase production." Additionally, using more varied transitional phrases and conjunctions can help create a smoother flow and more dynamic sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "irreplaceable part" should be "an irreplaceable part," and "negative affect" should be corrected to "negative effects." Additionally, the sentence "the enormous cost incurred to machining robot would put a strain on government coffers" contains a grammatical error; it should be "the enormous cost incurred by machining robots." Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, can lead to confusion. For instance, "As a result, it could a thriving economy" is missing the verb "be," making it unclear.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement, article usage, and pluralization. Additionally, practicing with grammar exercises focused on these areas can be beneficial. For punctuation, reviewing the rules for comma usage in complex sentences and ensuring that each sentence is complete before moving on can help enhance clarity. Consider using tools like grammar checkers or peer reviews to catch mistakes before finalizing the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents both sides effectively, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people believe that robots will be an irreplaceable component of future societies, while others argue that robots may have negative effects on society. This essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favor of the former.

On the one hand, it is understandable why some people believe that robots bring more drawbacks than benefits. First and foremost, using robots may lead to a rise in unemployment rates. To be specific, large numbers of manual workers are being replaced by cutting-edge robotics systems in numerous factories around the world. Second, the substantial costs incurred in manufacturing robots would put a strain on government finances. As a result, this could lead to budget deficits, increased taxes, or reduced social welfare, thereby forcing ordinary citizens, especially the underprivileged, to struggle even more to earn a living.

On the other hand, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that robots will be an integral component of the future. One reason is that using robots may give rise to an increase in labor productivity and efficiency in many industries. To illustrate, robots can work and operate around the clock without eating or sleeping, thereby increasing production. As a result, it could create a robust economy. The other reason is that robots can replace humans to work in unsafe environments. For example, in nuclear establishments where direct exposure to humans can be dangerous for their health, robots can be used effectively to handle radioactive materials.

In conclusion, while it is irrefutable that robots bring some advantages to future societies, I would contend that robots play a pivotal role in shaping future societies.