Some people believe that scientists have the greatest influence on the world. Other people think that the influence of politicians is greater. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that scientists have the greatest influence on the world. Other people think that the influence of politicians is greater.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

While it is commonly believed that scientists make the most significant impact all around the world, others assert that politicians exert greater power. This essay will discuss both perspectives and explain the reasons why I support the former.
On the one hand, individuals holding the belief that politicians wield significant power assume that politicians are held accountable for enacting laws, which ensure equality and transparency in society. Specifically, they contend the country is not able to thrive and ascertain its position in the world if there is a lack of clear ordinances relating to economy and demography. Additionally, politicians are believed to play the most important role in the world because of their military duties, which greatly contribute to the peacekeeping of each country.
On the other hand, opponents consider scientists exert the most significant impact globally due to their groundbreaking biological and technological discoveries and inventions, both of which have expanded the life span of each individual and enhanced living standards. Throughout hundreds of years, these discoveries have made a great contribution to finding the most optimal treatment to overcome serious diseases. For instance, “polio” used to be incurable, but people can retain it nowadays thanks to scientists' relentless efforts to develop a vaccine. Moreover, technological improvements allow professionals in various fields to do in-depth research, thereby equipping people’s lives with cutting-edge machines at a lower price.
In conclusion, both viewpoints have their own valid arguments, however, I am of the opinion that scientists exert a huge influence on today’s society compared to politicians given the biological and technological betterment. In the near future, I believe that politicians will hold the most position in society in the settings of more conflicts and wars occurring in the world.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "While it is commonly believed that scientists make the most significant impact all around the world" -> "While it is commonly believed that scientists wield the greatest influence worldwide"
   Explanation: Replacing "make the most significant impact" with "wield the greatest influence" maintains formality and precision in describing the role of scientists without sacrificing clarity.

2. "This essay will discuss both perspectives" -> "This essay will examine both viewpoints"
   Explanation: "Discuss" is slightly informal; "examine" is a more formal and precise term often used in academic writing to indicate a thorough analysis of different perspectives.

3. "individuals holding the belief" -> "proponents"
   Explanation: "Individuals holding the belief" is somewhat verbose. "Proponents" succinctly refers to those who support a particular viewpoint, enhancing clarity and conciseness.

4. "politicians are held accountable for enacting laws" -> "politicians are responsible for legislating"
   Explanation: "Enacting laws" is correct but slightly less formal. "Legislating" is a more formal synonym that maintains the intended meaning while enhancing the academic tone.

5. "clear ordinances relating to economy and demography" -> "clear regulations pertaining to the economy and demographics"
   Explanation: "Ordinances" is not the most appropriate term here. "Regulations" is a more precise and formal term often used in discussions of economic and demographic policies.

6. "Additionally, politicians are believed to play the most important role in the world because of their military duties" -> "Furthermore, politicians are perceived to wield significant global influence through their military responsibilities"
   Explanation: "Believed to play the most important role" can be refined for clarity and formality. "Perceived to wield significant global influence" captures the essence of the argument in a more precise and formal manner.

7. "Throughout hundreds of years" -> "Over the centuries"
   Explanation: "Throughout hundreds of years" is slightly awkward. "Over the centuries" is a more concise and elegant way to convey the same meaning.

8. "For instance, ‘polio’ used to be incurable, but people can retain it nowadays thanks to scientists’ relentless efforts to develop a vaccine." -> "For example, polio was once incurable, but today, thanks to the relentless efforts of scientists in developing a vaccine, it is preventable."
   Explanation: The original sentence contains a factual error ("people can retain it" should be "people can prevent it"). Additionally, "retain" is an inappropriate word choice. "Preventable" is more accurate in this context.

9. "technological improvements allow professionals in various fields to do in-depth research" -> "technological advancements facilitate comprehensive research across various disciplines"
   Explanation: "Allow professionals to do in-depth research" can be rephrased for clarity and formality. "Technological advancements" is a more precise term that emphasizes progress, while "facilitate comprehensive research" enhances formality.

10. "In conclusion, both viewpoints have their own valid arguments, however, I am of the opinion that scientists exert a huge influence on today’s society compared to politicians given the biological and technological betterment." -> "In conclusion, while both viewpoints present valid arguments, I am inclined to believe that scientists exert a greater influence on today’s society due to advancements in biology and technology."
    Explanation: The original conclusion is somewhat repetitive and lacks precision. Clarifying the reason for favoring scientists’ influence and restructuring the sentence for coherence improves the clarity and formality of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both perspectives, discussing the influence of scientists and politicians on the world. It acknowledges the arguments supporting each viewpoint and concludes with the author’s opinion.
  • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing more nuanced analysis of the arguments presented by each perspective. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion directly reflects the points discussed in the body paragraphs.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of scientists exerting the greatest influence on society. This stance is evident throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding paragraph.
  • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, avoid using language that may suggest ambiguity or equivocation. Ensure that every paragraph reinforces the chosen position with compelling arguments and evidence.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the influence of scientists and politicians, elaborating on each with specific examples. It supports these ideas with arguments about technological advancements and political responsibilities.
  • How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider providing more detailed explanations of the examples provided. Additionally, connect each example back to the central argument more explicitly to reinforce the essay’s coherence.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by discussing the influence of scientists and politicians as prompted. However, there is a slight deviation in the concluding sentence, which introduces the idea of future conflicts and wars.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that the conclusion directly addresses the topic without introducing new ideas. Summarize the main points discussed in the body paragraphs without introducing new predictions or scenarios.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the influence of scientists and politicians, presenting clear arguments supported by examples. To improve, focus on providing more comprehensive analysis, reinforcing clarity, enhancing idea development, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization of information. Each paragraph is dedicated to discussing one viewpoint – the first focusing on the perspective that politicians have the greatest influence, while the second presents the opposing view favoring scientists. The essay follows a coherent structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs presenting both viewpoints, and a conclusion summarizing the author’s opinion. Transitions between ideas are smooth, contributing to the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: While the essay is well-structured overall, enhancing coherence could involve strengthening the connection between paragraphs. This could be achieved by using transition words or phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next. For example, phrases like "On the contrary," or "In contrast," could be used to signal the shift between discussing politicians’ influence and scientists’ impact.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to organize ideas and present arguments cohesively. Each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the topic, such as the influence of politicians or scientists, and develops the point with supporting details and examples. The essay begins with an introduction, followed by two body paragraphs, each dedicated to one perspective, and ends with a conclusion summarizing the author’s opinion. This paragraph structure enhances readability and clarity.
  • How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, there is an opportunity to improve paragraph transitions for smoother flow between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence at the beginning and maintains unity around that topic throughout the paragraph would further strengthen the essay’s coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates adequate use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and ensure coherence. Examples of cohesive devices include pronouns ("they," "these"), conjunctions ("while," "however"), and transitional phrases ("on the one hand," "on the other hand"). These cohesive devices help to link sentences and paragraphs, facilitating the reader’s understanding of the argument’s progression.
  • How to improve: To enhance coherence further, the essay could incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices. For instance, using more advanced transitional phrases and cohesive conjunctions could contribute to a more sophisticated and cohesive argument. Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay would strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggested improvements could elevate the essay’s organization and clarity, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout. It utilizes a variety of words and phrases effectively to convey ideas, such as "significant impact," "enacting laws," "equality and transparency," "groundbreaking," "optimal treatment," "cutting-edge," and more. The author employs vocabulary to articulate nuanced points, enhancing the overall clarity and sophistication of the essay.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating specialized terminology related to politics and science to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. Additionally, strive to use more advanced vocabulary to convey ideas with greater precision and sophistication.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. For example, phrases like "significant power," "groundbreaking discoveries," and "enhanced living standards" are used accurately to articulate specific concepts. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as the phrase "polio used to be incurable" could be enhanced with a more precise term like "intractable" or "untreatable."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, carefully consider the specific meaning and connotations of each word used and ensure that it accurately reflects the intended idea. Additionally, expanding vocabulary through reading diverse materials and actively learning new words will facilitate more precise expression.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout, with few instances of errors. For instance, "polio" and "ordinances" are spelled correctly. However, there are minor errors such as "asinine" instead of "assuming," "demography" instead of "democratic," and "professionals" instead of "proficient." These errors do not significantly impede understanding but indicate areas for improvement.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools, proofreading carefully, and practicing spelling through writing exercises. Additionally, paying close attention to commonly misspelled words and patterns of errors can help enhance spelling proficiency over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and simple sentences. For instance, it effectively employs compound-complex sentences such as "While it is commonly believed that scientists make the most significant impact all around the world, others assert that politicians exert greater power." This variety enhances the readability and coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the richness of expression, consider incorporating more complex syntactic structures such as inverted sentences, conditional sentences, and rhetorical questions. This can elevate the sophistication of the essay and add nuance to your arguments.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Sentences are generally well-structured and free from major grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances where minor grammatical inaccuracies occur, such as the phrase "they contend the country is not able to thrive." Here, the subject-verb agreement is slightly off; it should be "they contend that the country is not able to thrive." Additionally, the phrase "politicians will hold the most position in society" lacks clarity and could be improved for grammatical accuracy.
  • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure to ensure clarity and accuracy. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help catch and rectify any minor grammatical errors or awkward phrasing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with a varied use of sentence structures contributing to its coherence and effectiveness. However, continued practice in incorporating more diverse syntactic structures and meticulous proofreading for grammatical accuracy will further enhance the quality of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

While it is commonly believed that scientists wield the greatest influence worldwide, others argue that politicians hold more power. This essay will explore both perspectives and explain why I support the former.

On one hand, proponents of the idea that politicians have significant power assert that they are responsible for legislating clear regulations pertaining to the economy and demographics. They argue that without these laws, a country cannot thrive or establish its position globally. Additionally, politicians are perceived to play a crucial role due to their military responsibilities, which contribute to maintaining peace among nations.

On the other hand, those who advocate for scientists believe they have the most significant impact globally. This is due to their groundbreaking discoveries and inventions in biology and technology, which have extended human life expectancy and improved living standards. Over the centuries, these advancements have contributed greatly to finding optimal treatments for serious diseases. For example, polio, once incurable, is now preventable thanks to scientists’ relentless efforts in developing a vaccine. Furthermore, technological advancements facilitate comprehensive research across various disciplines, making cutting-edge machines more accessible to people.

In conclusion, both viewpoints present valid arguments. However, I am inclined to believe that scientists exert a greater influence on today’s society due to advancements in biology and technology. While politicians may hold more sway in times of conflict and war, the ongoing betterment brought about by scientific progress ensures a lasting impact on society.