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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The ongoing debate regarding whether graduates should pursue further academic development or immediately embark on their career paths has been a contentious issue. Some argue that enrolling in university and college would provide greater job opportunities, while others contend that initiating their careers early is the optimal choice for fresh graduates. Despite recognizing the potential merits of the opposing viewpoint, I am inclined to favor the former perspective. This essay will explore the advantages of both approaches and articulate my position on this matter.

On one hand, initiating one's career path early can encompass several favorable aspects. An exemplary case is the success of well-known TikTok personalities, such as Phuong Dung Socola or Tun Pham, who opted to dismiss their academic pursuits early, allowing ample time and opportunity to explore and pursue their ambitions. Another noteworthy aspect is that entering the job market early represents an optimal strategy for young individuals to efficiently utilize their time, accumulate valuable experience, and outperform those who graduate from traditional educational paths. For example, an experienced computer engineer, despite a lack of formal academic knowledge, may outshine a university graduate in roles that require adaptability and hands-on experience.

On the contrary, I believe that maintaining a commitment to higher education after graduating can yield several benefits that surpass the previously mentioned advantages. A crucial concern is that the superior career prospects stemming from academic achievements in university may outweigh those of candidates lacking qualifications during the recruitment process. In fact, among the most prestigious companies, none of these showcase their recruiting posts without the requirements of a diploma in relevant fields. Additionally, keeping up with tertiary education indicates a wider range of opportunities for profession and career development. For instance, a graduate from university can make various choices in the next stages of life, including applying for a new job, enrolling in graduate programs, and taking part in research programs, among others.

In conclusion, while the early initiation of a job journey can lead to some favorable outcomes, the advantageous potentials that follow higher education display more possibilities for success.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "enrolling in university and college" -> "pursuing higher education at universities or colleges"
    Explanation: The phrase "enrolling in university and college" is redundant and could be streamlined by using the term "higher education" to encompass studies at universities or colleges.

  2. "initiating their careers early" -> "commencing their careers early"
    Explanation: "Initiating" is slightly formal and less commonly used in this context. "Commencing" maintains formality and clarity, presenting a more varied vocabulary choice.

  3. "An exemplary case is the success of well-known TikTok personalities" -> "Illustratively, the success of well-known TikTok personalities"
    Explanation: Replacing "An exemplary case is" with "Illustratively" maintains the same meaning while enhancing the sentence’s flow and formality.

  4. "allowing ample time and opportunity to explore and pursue their ambitions" -> "providing abundant time and opportunities to explore and pursue their aspirations"
    Explanation: "Ample" is a slightly informal term, and the phrase "ambitions" is more appropriate in an academic context than "their ambitions."

  5. "accumulate valuable experience" -> "gain valuable experience"
    Explanation: While "accumulate" is not incorrect, "gain" is a more commonly used and suitable term in this context, aligning better with academic language.

  6. "outperform those who graduate from traditional educational paths" -> "outperform traditional graduates"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more concise and maintains the same meaning, enhancing clarity and formality.

  7. "For example, an experienced computer engineer, despite a lack of formal academic knowledge" -> "For instance, an experienced computer engineer, notwithstanding formal academic knowledge"
    Explanation: "Despite" can be replaced with "notwithstanding" for a more formal tone, maintaining the contrast while enhancing the academic language.

  8. "may outshine a university graduate in roles that require adaptability and hands-on experience" -> "might excel in roles demanding adaptability and hands-on experience compared to a university graduate"
    Explanation: "Outshine" is a bit informal; "excel" offers a more precise and academically appropriate term. Restructuring the sentence improves clarity and maintains a formal tone.

  9. "I believe that maintaining a commitment to higher education after graduating can yield several benefits" -> "I contend that upholding a commitment to higher education post-graduation can yield numerous benefits"
    Explanation: The phrase "I contend that" enhances formality and clarity, while "upholding a commitment" replaces "maintaining a commitment," aligning better with academic style.

  10. "the superior career prospects stemming from academic achievements in university" -> "enhanced career prospects resulting from academic achievements in university"
    Explanation: "Superior" is slightly informal; "enhanced" offers a more precise and suitable alternative in an academic context.

  11. "among the most prestigious companies, none of these showcase their recruiting posts without the requirements of a diploma" -> "most prestigious companies invariably display recruiting posts mandating relevant diplomas"
    Explanation: The revised sentence provides a more formal and precise expression of the idea.

  12. "keeping up with tertiary education" -> "continuing tertiary education"
    Explanation: "Keeping up with" is a bit informal; "continuing" better suits the formal tone while conveying the same meaning.

  13. "indicates a wider range of opportunities for profession and career development" -> "signifies an expanded array of opportunities for professional and career development"
    Explanation: "Indicates" can be replaced with "signifies" for a more formal tone, and "expanded array" offers a more sophisticated alternative than "wider range."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument by presenting arguments in favor of both immediate career entry and pursuing higher education. Relevant examples, such as TikTok personalities and the comparison of an experienced computer engineer to a university graduate, are provided to support the points.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider providing a more nuanced exploration of the counter-arguments and potential drawbacks associated with each perspective. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexities involved.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position favoring higher education, as indicated by the phrase, "I am inclined to favor the former perspective." This position is reaffirmed in the conclusion.
    • How to improve: To strengthen clarity, explicitly express the main position in the introduction, ensuring that it guides the reader throughout the essay. Additionally, connect the supporting arguments more explicitly to this stated position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly and supports them with relevant examples, such as the success stories of TikTok personalities and the comparison of job market performance.
    • How to improve: Extend the analysis by providing more in-depth explanations for the examples presented. For instance, elaborate on how the experiences of TikTok personalities translate into success and discuss specific industries where hands-on experience may outshine formal education.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the prompt and discussing the two views presented. However, there is a slight deviation when discussing TikTok personalities, as it focuses more on their success rather than their choice between immediate employment and higher education.
    • How to improve: Ensure that examples and illustrations are directly relevant to the prompt. When using case studies, tie them back explicitly to the choice between university education and immediate employment.

Overall Comments:

The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments for both perspectives. To improve, focus on providing a more comprehensive exploration of counter-arguments and drawbacks. Additionally, strengthen the connection between the stated position and supporting arguments. Enhance the depth of analysis in examples, and ensure that all illustrations directly relate to the prompt. This will contribute to a more nuanced and well-developed response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a clear structure, opening with a balanced introduction that outlines the two viewpoints and the author’s stance. Each body paragraph delves into one perspective (early career vs. higher education) with supporting examples. The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion without introducing new ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more transitional phrases between paragraphs to guide the reader through the argument’s progression. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a focused topic sentence to strengthen coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into three distinct paragraphs: introduction, body (early career advantages), and body (higher education advantages), followed by a concise conclusion. Each paragraph contains a central idea supported by relevant examples.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking down longer sentences or ideas into smaller paragraphs, particularly in the body paragraphs, to improve readability. Ensure each paragraph maintains unity and coherence by focusing on a single aspect of the argument.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices such as ‘on one hand’, ‘on the contrary’, ‘in conclusion’, and ‘for instance’ are effectively used to transition between different viewpoints and examples within paragraphs.
    • How to improve: Broaden the range of cohesive devices by incorporating a more diverse set of linking words and phrases (‘moreover’, ‘conversely’, ‘thus’, ‘furthermore’) to create a richer, more varied structure. This can enhance the essay’s coherence and cohesion.

Overall, the essay presents a well-structured argument, addressing both viewpoints coherently and providing supporting examples. To further improve, focus on strengthening the connections between paragraphs using varied transitional phrases and expanding the range of cohesive devices for a more nuanced discussion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating diverse terms such as "contentious," "exemplary case," "optimal strategy," and "recruitment process." The use of these words enhances the richness of the content and demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To further elevate the lexical range, consider incorporating more specialized terms or nuanced expressions. For instance, instead of using "successful outcomes," you could employ phrases like "positive ramifications" or "favorable consequences" to add depth to your language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. For instance, the phrases "optimal strategy" and "wide range of opportunities" are clear and apt in their contexts.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, occasionally substitute general terms with more specific ones. For example, instead of "successful outcomes," consider using terms like "career advancements" or "professional achievements" to provide a more exact description of the intended meaning.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors throughout the text. This contributes to the overall professionalism and readability of the essay.
    • How to improve: Maintain the current level of attention to spelling accuracy. Consider proofreading your work systematically to catch any potential errors that might be overlooked during the initial drafting process.

Overall, the lexical resource in this essay is strong, showcasing a rich vocabulary and precise language use. The writer effectively employs varied terms to convey ideas, contributing to the overall coherence and sophistication of the essay. Keep refining your vocabulary by exploring more nuanced expressions and continue paying attention to precision and spelling accuracy to consistently produce high-quality essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are employed effectively throughout the text. This includes the use of complex sentences in the introduction and body paragraphs, enhancing the overall quality of expression.
    • How to improve: To further elevate the essay’s sophistication, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures within paragraphs. Experiment with varied sentence lengths to create a more dynamic and engaging prose.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The grammatical accuracy of the essay is generally high. Complex sentence structures are handled well, and there are minimal instances of grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement could be refined for absolute precision.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, especially when using complex sentence structures. Review sentences for consistency in tense and ensure that all elements align grammatically.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally used correctly throughout the essay. Commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are appropriately placed. However, there are a few instances where the use of semicolons or colons could enhance the flow and clarity of certain sentences.
    • How to improve: Explore the use of semicolons and colons in a nuanced manner to connect closely related ideas or to introduce lists. This can contribute to a smoother and more sophisticated writing style.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. To enhance the score further, focus on incorporating even more diverse sentence structures, refining subject-verb agreement for precision, and experimenting with advanced punctuation to elevate the overall writing style. Keep up the good work!

Bài sửa mẫu

The ongoing debate on whether graduates should pursue further academic development or immediately start their careers has been a contentious issue. Some argue that enrolling in university or college would provide greater job opportunities, while others contend that starting their careers early is the optimal choice for fresh graduates. Despite recognizing the potential merits of the opposing viewpoint, I am inclined to favor the former perspective. This essay will explore the advantages of both approaches and articulate my position on this matter.

On one hand, initiating one’s career path early can encompass several favorable aspects. An exemplary case is the success of well-known TikTok personalities, such as Phuong Dung Socola or Tun Pham, who opted to dismiss their academic pursuits early, allowing ample time and opportunity to explore and pursue their ambitions. Another noteworthy aspect is that entering the job market early represents an optimal strategy for young individuals to efficiently utilize their time, accumulate valuable experience, and outperform those who graduate from traditional educational paths. For example, an experienced computer engineer, despite a lack of formal academic knowledge, may outshine a university graduate in roles that require adaptability and hands-on experience.

On the contrary, I believe that maintaining a commitment to higher education after graduating can yield several benefits that surpass the previously mentioned advantages. A crucial concern is that the superior career prospects stemming from academic achievements in university may outweigh those of candidates lacking qualifications during the recruitment process. In fact, among the most prestigious companies, none of these showcase their recruiting posts without the requirements of a diploma in relevant fields. Additionally, keeping up with tertiary education indicates a wider range of opportunities for profession and career development. For instance, a graduate from university can make various choices in the next stages of life, including applying for a new job, enrolling in graduate programs, and taking part in research programs, among others.

In conclusion, while the early initiation of a job journey can lead to some favorable outcomes, the advantageous potentials that follow higher education display more possibilities for success.

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