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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Within academic discourse, a persistent debate revolves around the optimal trajectory towards a prosperous career, with proponents positing that the pursuit of higher education offers a preeminent avenue, while others contend that immediate workforce integration following secondary schooling is a more efficacious route. This essay undertakes a comprehensive examination of both perspectives, meticulously evaluating their respective merits and demerits, culminating in the articulation of a nuanced viewpoint.

Advocates for higher education assert its favorability premised upon the accrual of academic acumen and an attendant augmentation of employability prospects. Given the pervasive ubiquity of tertiary education enrollment, employers frequently accord primacy to formal qualifications, discerning these as indicative of a candidate's capacity to contribute substantively to organizational objectives. Illustratively, in contrasting the credentials of an applicant hailing from a distinguished academic institution against one whose experiential provenance emanates from a less distinguished apprenticeship, the former invariably commands a heightened probability of professional assimilation.

Conversely, detractors of tertiary education posit that immediate workforce induction confers unique advantages, particularly in the cultivation of indispensable soft skills and the acquisition of pragmatic vocational experience. Premature societal integration obliges individuals to negotiate financial autonomy and grapple consistently with exigent problem-solving scenarios, precipitating a concomitant refinement of soft skills such as time management and cognitive adaptability. Additionally, certain vocations, notably within the realm of manual labor, accord primacy to experiential prowess over formal academic credentials.

In summation, while both vantages proffer cogent arguments, my advocacy leans towards the continuum of academic pursuits post high school. This predilection emanates from an appreciation of the contemporary global predilection favoring heightened academic qualifications, thereby concomitantly augmenting one's marketability within a progressively competitive professional landscape. To fortify this standpoint further, an elucidation of empirically grounded instances substantiating the transformative impact of educational qualifications on career trajectories is imperative.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "proponents positing" -> "advocates argue"
    Explanation: Replacing "proponents positing" with "advocates argue" maintains formality while using a more direct and precise expression.

  2. "efficacious route" -> "effective path"
    Explanation: Substituting "efficacious route" with "effective path" simplifies the language without compromising on the academic tone, making it more accessible to a broader audience.

  3. "This essay undertakes a comprehensive examination" -> "This essay conducts a thorough examination"
    Explanation: The phrase "undertakes a comprehensive examination" is replaced with "conducts a thorough examination" for clarity and conciseness without losing the academic register.

  4. "militating their respective merits and demerits" -> "weighing their respective advantages and disadvantages"
    Explanation: The substitution of "militating their respective merits and demerits" with "weighing their respective advantages and disadvantages" enhances clarity and avoids unnecessary complexity.

  5. "accrual of academic acumen" -> "development of academic expertise"
    Explanation: Changing "accrual of academic acumen" to "development of academic expertise" maintains a formal tone while offering a more precise and common expression.

  6. "attendant augmentation of employability prospects" -> "associated enhancement of employability"
    Explanation: Replacing "attendant augmentation of employability prospects" with "associated enhancement of employability" simplifies the language without sacrificing formality.

  7. "pervasive ubiquity" -> "widespread prevalence"
    Explanation: Substituting "pervasive ubiquity" with "widespread prevalence" retains a formal tone while using more straightforward language.

  8. "invariably commands a heightened probability" -> "consistently enjoys a greater likelihood"
    Explanation: The phrase "invariably commands a heightened probability" is replaced with "consistently enjoys a greater likelihood" for a more precise and nuanced expression.

  9. "detectors of tertiary education" -> "critics of higher education"
    Explanation: "Detractors of tertiary education" is replaced with "critics of higher education" for a more conventional and widely used term.

  10. "premature societal integration" -> "early societal integration"
    Explanation: Substituting "premature societal integration" with "early societal integration" maintains formality while using a more common and straightforward expression.

  11. "concomitant refinement" -> "simultaneous development"
    Explanation: Changing "concomitant refinement" to "simultaneous development" simplifies the language without compromising on the academic tone.

  12. "fortify this standpoint further" -> "strengthen this position"
    Explanation: The phrase "fortify this standpoint further" is replaced with "strengthen this position" for a more concise and direct expression.

  13. "predilection emanates" -> "preference arises"
    Explanation: Substituting "predilection emanates" with "preference arises" maintains formality while using a more commonly understood term.

  14. "contemporary global predilection" -> "current global preference"
    Explanation: Replacing "contemporary global predilection" with "current global preference" simplifies the language without losing the intended meaning.

  15. "elucidation of empirically grounded instances" -> "clarification of empirically supported examples"
    Explanation: The phrase "elucidation of empirically grounded instances" is replaced with "clarification of empirically supported examples" for clarity and precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Within academic discourse, a persistent debate revolves around the optimal trajectory towards a prosperous career, with proponents positing that the pursuit of higher education offers a preeminent avenue, while others contend that immediate workforce integration following secondary schooling is a more efficacious route."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction effectively presents the topic and outlines the two perspectives. However, it could benefit from a more concise articulation of the writer’s stance on the issue. A clearer expression of the personal viewpoint in the introduction would enhance the overall coherence and directness of the essay.
    • Improved example: "The path to a successful career is a subject of ongoing debate. Some argue for the merits of higher education, while others advocate for immediate workforce entry after secondary school. In this essay, I will explore these perspectives, ultimately supporting the idea that…"
  2. Quoted text: "Given the pervasive ubiquity of tertiary education enrollment, employers frequently accord primacy to formal qualifications, discerning these as indicative of a candidate’s capacity to contribute substantively to organizational objectives."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The writer effectively supports the argument favoring higher education with a relevant point. However, the sentence is complex and could be streamlined for better clarity. Consider breaking it down into simpler sentences to enhance readability.
    • Improved example: "As tertiary education enrollment becomes widespread, employers often prioritize formal qualifications. They see these qualifications as evidence of a candidate’s ability to contribute meaningfully to organizational objectives."
  3. Quoted text: "Conversely, detractors of tertiary education posit that immediate workforce induction confers unique advantages, particularly in the cultivation of indispensable soft skills and the acquisition of pragmatic vocational experience."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The point is well-presented, but it lacks specific examples or personal experiences to illustrate the cultivation of soft skills through immediate workforce induction. Including a concrete example would strengthen the argument.
    • Improved example: "On the contrary, critics of tertiary education argue that entering the workforce immediately provides unique advantages, such as the development of crucial soft skills. For instance, early job entry often requires individuals to navigate financial independence, leading to the refinement of skills like time management and adaptability."
  4. Quoted text: "In summation, while both vantages proffer cogent arguments, my advocacy leans towards the continuum of academic pursuits post high school."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The conclusion succinctly states the writer’s preference, but it could benefit from a brief recap of the main points discussed in the essay. This would reinforce the essay’s coherence and remind the reader of the key arguments.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, while both perspectives present compelling arguments, I support the pursuit of academic endeavors post high school. To recap, higher education enhances employability through academic acumen, despite the valuable soft skills gained through immediate workforce entry."

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the task and presents a clear position, but improvements in conciseness, illustrative examples, and a recap in the conclusion could enhance the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear central topic within each paragraph. The structure demonstrates a clear progression throughout, weighing the merits of higher education against immediate workforce integration. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, contributing to the overall flow of ideas. Paragraphing is sufficiently managed, aiding in the readability and organization of thoughts.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to create even smoother connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that the use of cohesive devices remains consistent throughout the essay to strengthen the overall coherence. Pay attention to maintaining a consistent tone and level of formality throughout the entire piece.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, utilizing a wide range of words with precision and fluency. The language is sophisticated, reflecting a high level of lexical control. The essay skillfully incorporates uncommon lexical items, contributing to the overall richness of expression. While there are occasional instances where word choice and collocation could be more precise, these errors are infrequent and can be considered minor ‘slips.’ The essay effectively conveys meaning through the adept use of vocabulary, enhancing the overall quality of language.

How to improve:
To further enhance the Lexical Resource, the writer can focus on refining the accuracy of word choice and collocation. Careful proofreading can help eliminate the rare minor errors that may occur. Additionally, incorporating a slightly wider variety of less common lexical items could contribute to an even more nuanced and sophisticated vocabulary. Overall, maintaining the current level of lexical diversity while minimizing minor inaccuracies would strengthen the essay’s Lexical Resource even further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammatical range and accuracy, aligning closely with the descriptors for Band 8. The writer employs a wide array of sentence structures with full flexibility and accuracy. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing a high level of proficiency in grammar and punctuation. There are only very occasional errors or inappropriacies, and these can be categorized as minor ‘slips.’

The essay maintains a consistently high standard of grammatical accuracy throughout, with complex structures contributing to the overall coherence and fluency of the argument. The use of vocabulary and phrasing is sophisticated, further enhancing the grammatical range. The writer demonstrates an ability to handle complex ideas with linguistic precision, creating a nuanced and well-articulated discussion.

How to improve:
To elevate the essay to a Band 9, strive for even greater variety in sentence structures and vocabulary. While the essay is already proficient, incorporating a few more rare or sophisticated structures could add a touch of excellence. Additionally, meticulous proofreading can help eliminate any remaining minor errors, ensuring an impeccable standard of grammatical accuracy. Overall, maintaining the current level of linguistic sophistication and addressing any residual minor slips will contribute to achieving a Band 9 score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The question of the most effective path to a successful career sparks ongoing debate in academic circles. Some argue that pursuing higher education provides the best route, while others believe that entering the workforce immediately after secondary school is a more efficient approach. This essay conducts a thorough examination of both perspectives, weighing their respective advantages and disadvantages, culminating in the articulation of a nuanced viewpoint.

Advocates argue that higher education enhances career prospects by developing academic expertise, thereby improving employability. The widespread prevalence of tertiary education enrollment leads employers to prioritize formal qualifications, viewing them as indicators of a candidate’s ability to contribute meaningfully to organizational goals. For instance, when comparing applicants from distinguished academic institutions to those with less renowned apprenticeships, the former consistently enjoys a greater likelihood of professional assimilation.

On the flip side, critics of higher education argue that immediate workforce integration has its unique advantages, particularly in fostering essential soft skills and gaining practical vocational experience. Early societal integration compels individuals to manage finances independently and consistently grapple with challenging problem-solving scenarios, resulting in the refinement of soft skills such as time management and cognitive adaptability. Furthermore, certain professions, especially in manual labor, prioritize experiential prowess over formal academic credentials.

In conclusion, both perspectives present valid arguments, but my preference leans toward continuing academic pursuits after high school. This preference arises from an acknowledgment of the current global preference for heightened academic qualifications, enhancing one’s marketability in a progressively competitive professional landscape. To strengthen this position, clarification of empirically supported examples substantiating the transformative impact of educational qualifications on career trajectories is imperative.

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