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Some people believe that success in sports depends on physical ability. Others believe that there are more important factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that success in sports depends on physical ability. Others believe that there are more important factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is believed that physical ability supports the triumph of sports athletes, but some people argue that other factors do affect the result. I think that both viewpoints are valid to a certain extent.

On the one hand, there are some reasons why people think strength is so crucial. First, physical toughness is an advantage for players in physically-demanding sports such as weightlifting or boxing. With a sturdy physique, the competitors in Olympic games or other sport competitions are easily to meet the requires of lifting dumb-bells or flexibility in teamwork sports while the others struggle with overcoming the challenges. For example, competitive swimmers or runners must have brute strength to adjust their pace during different stages of the game to maintain their position or take the lead. Second, having a strong body helps athletes to survive longer in the game. Endurance which comes from the muscles helps avoiding suffering from injuries during training or competition. As a result, physical power ensures people can continuously carry out their athletic performances.

On the other hand, skills and strategies are decisive factors in players’ achievements. As athletes, strategy formulation plays a crucial role in competition when they flexibly find out opponent's weaknesses and learn from experiences in order to come up with the proper plans. To illustrate, the football club of Spain in the World cup 2010 scored outplayed victories as having won seven triumphs over several football teams by implementing Tiki Taka strategy, which is one of the prevalent strategies in soccer. Additionally, the mastery of skills does benefit sport participants. Skill is thought to be the outcome of training so it allows the players to beat other opponents effortlessly in their actual performances.

In conclusion, because of the facts mentioned above, it seems that both physical power and skills along with strategies are advantageous in different ways.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is believed that physical ability supports the triumph of sports athletes, but some people argue that other factors do affect the result." -> "It is widely acknowledged that physical prowess contributes to the success of sports athletes, but some argue that additional factors significantly influence the outcomes."
    Explanation: Replacing "triumph" with "success," and refining the sentence structure enhances the formality and precision of the expression. The use of "widely acknowledged" adds a more authoritative tone.

  2. "I think that both viewpoints are valid to a certain extent." -> "Both perspectives have validity to some extent."
    Explanation: Simplifying the statement while maintaining clarity and formality. The change removes the first-person pronoun, aligning with the academic style.

  3. "there are some reasons why people think strength is so crucial." -> "Several reasons underscore the perception that strength is paramount."
    Explanation: Substituting "think" with "perception" and using "paramount" instead of "crucial" elevates the language and emphasizes the significance of strength.

  4. "physically-demanding sports such as weightlifting or boxing." -> "physically rigorous sports such as weightlifting or boxing."
    Explanation: Replacing "demanding" with "rigorous" maintains the meaning while introducing a more formal and precise term.

  5. "are easily to meet the requires of lifting dumb-bells or flexibility in teamwork sports while the others struggle with overcoming the challenges." -> "can more readily meet the demands of lifting dumbbells or displaying flexibility in team sports, while others may face challenges."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality. "Easily to meet" is revised to "can more readily meet," and "requires" is corrected to "demands."

  6. "For example, competitive swimmers or runners must have brute strength to adjust their pace during different stages of the game to maintain their position or take the lead." -> "For instance, competitive swimmers or runners must possess considerable strength to modulate their pace at various stages of the competition, ensuring they can maintain their position or take the lead."
    Explanation: Enhancing the precision and formality of the sentence by replacing "brute strength" with "considerable strength" and providing a more detailed description.

  7. "which comes from the muscles helps avoiding suffering from injuries during training or competition." -> "which, derived from muscular development, aids in preventing injuries during training or competition."
    Explanation: Clarifying the relationship between endurance and muscular development and improving sentence structure for academic style.

  8. "As a result, physical power ensures people can continuously carry out their athletic performances." -> "Consequently, physical prowess ensures athletes can consistently deliver peak performances."
    Explanation: Substituting "power" with "prowess" and refining the expression for a more formal and precise tone.

  9. "skills and strategies are decisive factors in players’ achievements." -> "Skills and strategies constitute pivotal elements in players’ accomplishments."
    Explanation: Enhancing the formality by replacing "decisive factors" with "pivotal elements" and "achievements" with "accomplishments."

  10. "To illustrate, the football club of Spain in the World cup 2010 scored outplayed victories as having won seven triumphs over several football teams by implementing Tiki Taka strategy, which is one of the prevalent strategies in soccer." -> "For instance, during the 2010 World Cup, the Spanish football club achieved remarkable victories, outplaying opponents with seven triumphs, employing the Tiki Taka strategy, a prominent tactic in soccer."
    Explanation: Revising for clarity, precision, and formality. Clarifying the timeframe, improving sentence structure, and using "prominent" instead of "prevalent."

  11. "Additionally, the mastery of skills does benefit sport participants." -> "Moreover, the mastery of skills significantly benefits participants in sports."
    Explanation: Strengthening the statement by replacing "does benefit" with "significantly benefits" and refining the expression for formality.

  12. "because of the facts mentioned above, it seems that both physical power and skills along with strategies are advantageous in different ways." -> "In light of the aforementioned factors, it is evident that both physical prowess and strategic skills offer distinct advantages."
    Explanation: Improving formality and clarity by rephrasing the conclusion and using more precise terms like "distinct advantages."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives, acknowledging the importance of physical ability while also recognizing the significance of skills and strategies. Relevant examples, such as weightlifting and the Tiki Taka strategy, are provided to support the discussion. However, the analysis could be more explicit in certain sections, providing deeper insights into how physical ability and other factors contribute to success in sports.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, consider offering a more nuanced analysis of how physical ability interacts with skills and strategies. Provide additional examples or delve deeper into the interplay between these elements to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by expressing the belief that both physical power and skills, along with strategies, contribute to success in sports. The position is consistently presented throughout the essay, contributing to the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of your position, ensure that each body paragraph explicitly reinforces your standpoint. Provide a brief summary in the introduction and conclusion to reaffirm your overall stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a logical order, providing examples to support the discussion. However, the development of ideas could be more extensive. While examples are given, deeper analysis and elaboration would enhance the overall depth of the essay.
    • How to improve: Extend your analysis by exploring the implications of your points. For instance, discuss how the interplay between physical ability and skills/strategies varies across different sports. Provide more details on why these factors are advantageous in different ways.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of physical ability, skills, and strategies in sports. However, there are moments where the connection to the prompt could be more explicit, and a few sentences could be more focused.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. Clearly connect your examples and analysis back to the central theme of whether success in sports depends on physical ability or other factors. Eliminate any tangential or unrelated information.

In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintaining a clear position and presenting ideas with relevant examples. To improve, focus on providing a more nuanced analysis, extending ideas further, and ensuring each part of the essay directly relates to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It opens with a clear thesis statement and supports both viewpoints with relevant examples. However, the organization could be strengthened by providing a more distinct introduction and conclusion. The body paragraphs lack a clear progression, and some ideas could be better connected for smoother transitions.
    • How to improve: Begin with a more engaging introduction that clearly outlines the main points to be discussed. Ensure a clear progression in body paragraphs, with each one building on the previous. Conclude with a concise summary of the main arguments presented.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: Paragraphing is generally adequate, but there is room for improvement. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, making it challenging for readers to follow the essay’s structure. Additionally, the conclusion is abrupt and could benefit from a more developed summary of key points.
    • How to improve: Break down paragraphs to focus on a single idea each, enhancing readability. Create a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes the main arguments without introducing new ideas. This will provide a more satisfying and cohesive end to the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs basic cohesive devices but lacks variety. There is a reliance on repetitive phrases, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which affects the overall coherence. Additionally, the transition between paragraphs could be more seamless.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, furthermore, nevertheless) to add variety and sophistication to the essay. Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs by using transitional words or phrases that link ideas more coherently. This will enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It uses some specific terms related to sports and athleticism, such as "physical toughness," "flexibility," "endurance," "strategy formulation," and "Tiki Taka strategy." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further to showcase a richer and more nuanced expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance your vocabulary, consider incorporating more varied synonyms, idiomatic expressions, or domain-specific terminology related to sports. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "physical," you might explore alternatives like "bodily strength" or "athletic prowess" to add depth to your language. Also, introduce some sophisticated words or phrases related to the discussion of success in sports to elevate the overall lexical quality.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, particularly when discussing specific concepts like strategy formulation and skills. However, there are instances where words could be more accurately chosen to convey the intended meaning. For instance, the phrase "easily to meet the requires" could be refined for better clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the precise usage of words and expressions. In the mentioned example, consider revising the phrase to "easily meet the requirements" for better grammatical accuracy. Review your sentences to ensure that each word is employed with precision, avoiding unnecessary repetition or ambiguity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, spelling accuracy is satisfactory in the essay. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors detract from the overall quality. For example, "triumphs" in "won seven triumphs" should be "triumphs," and "effortlessly" in "beat other opponents effortlessly" has an extra "s."
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your essay carefully or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Pay special attention to commonly misspelled words and ensure that plurals and verb forms are used correctly. Taking these extra steps will contribute to a polished and error-free final draft.

In summary, while the essay exhibits a satisfactory command of vocabulary and spelling, there is room for improvement in diversifying and refining the use of language. Enriching your vocabulary and meticulously attending to spelling details will enhance the overall lexical resource and contribute to a more sophisticated and polished essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonably varied range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are employed throughout the essay. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further. For instance, the essay tends to lean towards using simpler structures, and a more deliberate mix of complex sentences could enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences. For instance, integrate subordinate clauses, use appositives, or employ different sentence types (declarative, interrogative, imperative). This will add depth to your writing and contribute to a more nuanced expression of ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with a few instances of minor errors. For example, in the sentence "It is believed that physical ability supports the triumph of sports athletes," there is a redundancy in using both "supports" and "triumph." Additionally, there are some minor grammatical issues, such as the phrase "are easily to meet the requires," where "to" should be replaced with "at" or "in."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread your essay for redundancies and minor errors. Pay attention to verb usage and prepositions. Utilize tools like grammar checkers during the editing process to catch any overlooked mistakes. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or educators to gain insights into areas that may need improvement.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures, but a more deliberate effort to diversify sentence structures and address minor grammatical errors could contribute to further improvement. Keep refining your writing skills through practice and continuous self-revision.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that physical prowess contributes to the success of sports athletes, but some argue that additional factors significantly influence the outcomes. Both perspectives have validity to some extent.

On the one hand, several reasons underscore the perception that strength is paramount. Physically rigorous sports, such as weightlifting or boxing, demand a robust physique. Athletes with a sturdy build can more readily meet the demands of lifting dumbbells or displaying flexibility in team sports, while others may face challenges. For instance, competitive swimmers or runners must possess considerable strength to modulate their pace at various stages of the competition, ensuring they can maintain their position or take the lead. This strength, derived from muscular development, aids in preventing injuries during training or competition. Consequently, physical prowess ensures athletes can consistently deliver peak performances.

On the other hand, skills and strategies constitute pivotal elements in players’ accomplishments. For instance, during the 2010 World Cup, the Spanish football club achieved remarkable victories, outplaying opponents with seven triumphs, employing the Tiki Taka strategy, a prominent tactic in soccer. Moreover, the mastery of skills significantly benefits participants in sports.

In light of the aforementioned factors, it is evident that both physical prowess and strategic skills offer distinct advantages. The ability to blend strength with skills and strategies becomes a winning combination, enhancing an athlete’s overall performance. Therefore, a holistic approach that embraces both physical and mental aspects is crucial for achieving success in sports.

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