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Some people believe that technology improves education, while others think that technology is distracting students. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that technology improves education, while others think that technology is distracting students. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, some people believe that technology has brought significant benefits to human life. However, others argue that we are becoming overly dependent on technology for many purposes, especially students.
Some people believe that technology helps education. They say that using computers, tablets, and online tools makes learning easier and more interesting. Students can learn at their own speed and find information quickly. For example, videos and educational games can make tough subjects fun. Technology also allows students to work together from different places, which can help them share ideas and learn from each other.
On the other hand, some people think that technology distracts students. They argue that smartphones and social media can take students' attention away from their studies. Instead of focusing on lessons, students might be busy texting or playing games. This can make it harder for them to understand the material. Additionally, not all students have access to the same technology, which can create unfair situations in learning.
In my opinion, technology can be very helpful in education if used in the right way. Teachers should guide students on how to use technology effectively. We can create a better learning environment that keeps students engaged without distracting them.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
    Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

  2. "significant benefits" -> "substantial benefits"
    Explanation: "Substantial" is a more formal synonym for "significant," enhancing the academic tone of the statement.

  3. "overly dependent" -> "excessively reliant"
    Explanation: "Excessively reliant" is a more precise and formal way to describe the degree of dependence, fitting better in an academic context.

  4. "for many purposes" -> "for various purposes"
    Explanation: "Various" is a more formal and precise term than "many," which sounds somewhat vague and informal.

  5. "Some people believe" -> "It is believed"
    Explanation: "It is believed" is a more formal and impersonal way to express a general opinion, which is preferred in academic writing.

  6. "makes learning easier and more interesting" -> "facilitates learning and enhances its interest"
    Explanation: "Facilitates" and "enhances" are more precise and formal verbs, improving the academic tone of the sentence.

  7. "Students can learn at their own speed" -> "Students can learn at their own pace"
    Explanation: "Pace" is a more formal and precise term than "speed" in this context, aligning better with academic language.

  8. "find information quickly" -> "access information rapidly"
    Explanation: "Access" is a more formal term than "find," and "rapidly" is a more precise adverb than "quickly" in formal writing.

  9. "videos and educational games" -> "educational videos and interactive games"
    Explanation: "Interactive" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "educational games," which is somewhat redundant.

  10. "make tough subjects fun" -> "render challenging subjects engaging"
    Explanation: "Render" and "engaging" are more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the statement.

  11. "allows students to work together" -> "enables students to collaborate"
    Explanation: "Enables" and "collaborate" are more formal and specific terms, suitable for academic writing.

  12. "share ideas and learn from each other" -> "exchange ideas and learn from one another"
    Explanation: "Exchange" is a more formal synonym for "share," and "one another" is a more formal expression than "each other."

  13. "distracts students" -> "diverts students’ attention"
    Explanation: "Diverts" is a more precise verb that conveys the idea of attention being drawn away, which is more suitable for academic language.

  14. "Instead of focusing on lessons" -> "Rather than concentrating on their studies"
    Explanation: "Rather than concentrating on their studies" is a more formal and precise alternative, improving the academic tone.

  15. "can create unfair situations" -> "may create unfair situations"
    Explanation: "May" is a more cautious and formal modal verb than "can," which is more appropriate in academic writing to express possibility.

  16. "used in the right way" -> "utilized appropriately"
    Explanation: "Utilized appropriately" is a more formal and precise phrase, enhancing the academic tone of the statement.

  17. "We can create" -> "It is possible to create"
    Explanation: "It is possible to create" is a more formal and impersonal construction, which is preferred in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the impact of technology on education, presenting arguments for both the benefits and distractions caused by technology. However, it lacks depth in discussing the opposing viewpoints. For instance, while it mentions that technology can make learning easier and more engaging, it does not fully explore the implications of these benefits. Similarly, the counterargument about distractions is presented but not sufficiently developed with examples or elaboration on the consequences of these distractions.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should delve deeper into each perspective. For example, it could include more specific examples of how technology enhances learning (e.g., specific educational apps or platforms) and elaborate on the potential long-term effects of distractions (e.g., impact on academic performance or mental health). Additionally, a more balanced discussion could be achieved by acknowledging the nuances within each viewpoint.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a personal opinion that technology can be beneficial if used correctly. However, this position is somewhat vague and lacks a strong, consistent argument throughout the essay. The statement "if used in the right way" is not sufficiently backed by specific strategies or examples, which weakens the clarity of the position.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Furthermore, providing concrete examples of how technology can be effectively integrated into education (e.g., specific teaching methods or classroom practices) would strengthen the argument and clarify the stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding both the advantages and disadvantages of technology in education. However, many of these ideas are not fully extended or supported. For instance, while the essaymentions that technology can make learning more engaging, it does not explore how this engagement translates into improved learning outcomes. Similarly, the discussion on distractions lacks depth and fails to provide supporting evidence or examples.
    • How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should aim to develop each point with more detail. This could include statistical data, research findings, or case studies that illustrate the impact of technology on education. Additionally, using specific examples to illustrate how technology can be both beneficial and distracting would provide a more nuanced discussion.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing technology’s role in education. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the mention of "not all students have access to the same technology" introduces an important point about equity but is not fully explored in relation to the main argument about technology’s impact on education.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of technology’s impact on education. Expanding on the equity issue could provide a more comprehensive view of the topic and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexities involved.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially increase the band score, the writer should aim to provide more depth in discussing both viewpoints, clarify and consistently present their position, extend and support their ideas with specific examples, and ensure that all points remain relevant to the topic. Additionally, addressing the word count issue by expanding the essay would also contribute positively to the overall assessment.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the two opposing views. Each viewpoint is discussed in separate paragraphs, which helps maintain clarity. The progression from the benefits of technology in education to the potential distractions is logical and easy to follow. However, the transition between the two perspectives could be smoother to enhance the overall flow. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" effectively signals a shift, but a more explicit connection to the previous paragraph could strengthen coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases that explicitly link the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits, you might say, "Despite these advantages, there are significant concerns regarding the impact of technology on student focus." This would create a more cohesive transition.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs clearly delineate the two viewpoints. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the writer’s opinion. However, the body paragraphs could be further developed to include more nuanced arguments or examples, which would enhance their effectiveness.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, consider expanding the body paragraphs with more detailed examples or counterarguments. For instance, when discussing the distractions caused by technology, you could include statistics or studies that illustrate the impact of social media on student performance. This would not only strengthen your argument but also demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "however," "on the other hand," and "additionally," which effectively connect ideas within and between paragraphs. These devices help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more complex structures, which would enhance the sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "some people believe," you might alternate with phrases like "advocates argue" or "critics contend." Additionally, using more advanced cohesive devices, such as "consequently" or "in contrast," can elevate the essay’s overall coherence and cohesion.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially reaching a band score of 9.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary with terms like "significant benefits," "overly dependent," and "educational games." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the word "technology" appears frequently without synonyms or related terms being employed, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases, such as "digital tools," "technological advancements," or "online resources." This would not only diversify the vocabulary but also enrich the essay’s overall quality.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are instances where the precision of word choice could be improved. For example, the phrase "can make tough subjects fun" is somewhat vague; "tough subjects" could be more specifically defined as "challenging academic disciplines" to convey a clearer meaning.
    • How to improve: The writer should aim for more specific language that accurately reflects the intended meaning. Instead of "makes learning easier," they could say "facilitates the learning process" or "enhances comprehension." This would demonstrate a stronger command of vocabulary and improve clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is mostly accurate, with no glaring errors that impede understanding. Words like "education," "students," and "information" are spelled correctly, which reflects a good level of spelling proficiency.
    • How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or participating in spelling quizzes. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch any minor errors that may have been overlooked.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of lexical resource with a band score of 6, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling practices. By incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, using more precise language, and maintaining high spelling standards, the writer can enhance their overall performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "which can help them share ideas and learn from each other." However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "Some people believe" or "They argue." This limits the overall range and sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Some people believe," alternatives like "Many argue that" or "A significant number of individuals contend that" could be employed. Additionally, varying the placement of subordinate clauses could add complexity and interest to the sentences.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "we are becoming overly dependent on technology for many purposes, especially students" could be clearer if rephrased to "especially among students." Punctuation is mostly accurate, though the use of commas could be improved in some areas. For instance, in the sentence "Additionally, not all students have access to the same technology, which can create unfair situations in learning," the comma before "which" is correctly placed, but the sentence could benefit from a more varied structure.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on sentence clarity and coherence. Reviewing sentences for potential rephrasing can help eliminate ambiguity. Moreover, practicing punctuation rules, especially with complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Engaging in exercises that focus on the correct use of commas, semicolons, and conjunctions can also be beneficial. Reading well-structured essays can provide examples of effective punctuation and grammar usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, some people believe that technology has brought substantial benefits to education. However, others argue that we are becoming excessively reliant on technology for various purposes, particularly when it comes to students.

On one hand, it is believed that technology facilitates learning and enhances its interest. Proponents argue that using computers, tablets, and online tools makes education easier and more engaging. Students can learn at their own pace and access information rapidly. For instance, educational videos and interactive games can render challenging subjects engaging. Moreover, technology enables students to collaborate from different locations, which allows them to exchange ideas and learn from one another.

On the other hand, some people think that technology diverts students’ attention. They argue that smartphones and social media can distract students from their studies. Rather than concentrating on their lessons, students might be preoccupied with texting or playing games. This can hinder their understanding of the material. Additionally, not all students have access to the same technology, which may create unfair situations in the learning environment.

In my opinion, technology can be very helpful in education if utilized appropriately. Teachers should guide students on how to use technology effectively. It is possible to create a better learning environment that keeps students engaged without distracting them.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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