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Some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. Other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experience. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. Which do you think is preferable?

Some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. Other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experience. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. Which do you think is preferable?

In this day and age, one of the most question that young people often ask is “what is the best way of learning about life?”. It is globally argued that some people hope listening to the advice of family and friends can give them life experience, while others are convinced that studying through personal experience is better. In my view, I agree with both of two opinions because of these positive aspects and I will discuss them in this essay.
Firstly, when we face to face with troubles or hesitate with some choices, talking to our close relationship helps us finding the right way. Family and friends are people who have a second perspective that gives us a more general view with many solutions than ourselves. It means parents spend a long time to live and to save their life experience, they can tell us all of the best things they had in the past and support us with pleasure. In addition, friends are peers and they know our feeling or our pressure clearly, so receiving advice from them is also a way to get more life experience.
Secondly, learning from personal experience may help us making progress step by step. After successful times, we look back on how to do that work and summarize experience when having achievements. However, beside getting experience with lucky times, learning from failures is not less important. Many people who were defeated by poor life or wrong choices heard themselves and found others ways to lead to success. For example, before being a famous physician with huge achievements, Thomas Edison didn’t get support from his surrounding relationships and he failed lots of times. With his attempt and learning experience after failing, he determined “the tube” and was recognized through more than ten thousand times trying unsuccessfully.
In summary, there are many positive aspects of learning from personal experience or family and friends advice, so two opinions behind also help us take the right way to learn more life experience.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "one of the most question" -> "one of the most common questions"
    Explanation: Replacing "one of the most question" with "one of the most common questions" corrects the grammatical error and adds clarity to the sentence.

  2. "It is globally argued" -> "It is widely argued"
    Explanation: Substituting "globally" with "widely" maintains the intended meaning while using a more formal and appropriate term in academic writing.

  3. "listening to the advice" -> "seeking the advice"
    Explanation: Changing "listening to the advice" to "seeking the advice" enhances the formality of the sentence and emphasizes a proactive approach to gaining life experience.

  4. "because of these positive aspects" -> "due to these favorable aspects"
    Explanation: Replacing "because of these positive aspects" with "due to these favorable aspects" introduces a more formal expression without losing the original meaning.

  5. "face to face with troubles" -> "confronted with challenges"
    Explanation: Substituting "face to face with troubles" with "confronted with challenges" provides a more sophisticated and formal description of encountering difficulties.

  6. "close relationship" -> "close relationships"
    Explanation: Changing "close relationship" to "close relationships" corrects the plural agreement error, making the phrase grammatically accurate.

  7. "more general view with many solutions than ourselves" -> "a broader perspective with multiple solutions than we have"
    Explanation: Replacing "more general view with many solutions than ourselves" with "a broader perspective with multiple solutions than we have" improves the clarity and formality of the statement.

  8. "parents spend a long time to live" -> "parents have spent a considerable amount of time living"
    Explanation: Modifying "parents spend a long time to live" to "parents have spent a considerable amount of time living" enhances the precision and formality of the expression.

  9. "they had in the past and support us with pleasure" -> "they had in the past and support us willingly"
    Explanation: Changing "support us with pleasure" to "support us willingly" maintains a positive tone while using a more formal term.

  10. "beside getting experience with lucky times" -> "Besides gaining experience during fortunate times"
    Explanation: Substituting "beside getting experience with lucky times" with "Besides gaining experience during fortunate times" improves the structure and formality of the sentence.

  11. "heard themselves" -> "listened to themselves"
    Explanation: Replacing "heard themselves" with "listened to themselves" corrects the verb choice, conveying a clearer meaning in the context.

  12. "found others ways" -> "found alternative ways"
    Explanation: Changing "found others ways" to "found alternative ways" corrects the grammatical error and maintains a formal tone.

  13. "to lead to success" -> "leading to success"
    Explanation: Modifying "to lead to success" to "leading to success" improves the flow and correctness of the sentence.

  14. "there are many positive aspects of learning from personal experience or family and friends advice" -> "there are numerous advantages to learning from personal experience or advice from family and friends"
    Explanation: Substituting "there are many positive aspects" with "there are numerous advantages" and rephrasing the remainder of the sentence enhances formality and precision.

  15. "so two opinions behind also help us take the right way to learn more life experience" -> "thus, considering both perspectives aids us in acquiring a more comprehensive understanding of life"
    Explanation: Restructuring "so two opinions behind also help us take the right way to learn more life experience" to "thus, considering both perspectives aids us in acquiring a more comprehensive understanding of life" improves the academic tone and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses both learning from family and friends as well as personal experience. However, the analysis lacks depth, and the points made could be more directly linked to the prompt’s requirements. The examples provided are somewhat generic and could be more specific.
    • How to improve: To improve, the writer should provide more focused and specific examples that directly relate to the advantages of learning from family and friends versus personal experience. Additionally, emphasizing the importance of considering both perspectives in the decision-making process would strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a clear position by expressing agreement with both opinions. However, the stance is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. There are moments when the writer seems to lean more towards one side, such as when discussing the benefits of personal experience. Clarity in stance is crucial, and the essay could benefit from a more unequivocal position.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and consistently reinforce it throughout the essay. Providing a brief summary in the conclusion reaffirming the chosen stance would solidify the overall argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks thorough development. For instance, the points about seeking advice from family and friends or learning from personal experience are mentioned briefly without detailed examples or elaboration. The essay could benefit from more depth and specificity to make the ideas more convincing.
    • How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, the writer should provide specific examples and elaborate on each point. Including personal anecdotes or real-life instances would strengthen the essay’s persuasiveness and make the content more engaging for the reader.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but occasionally deviates. There are instances where the focus shifts from discussing the advantages of learning from family and friends to general statements about personal experience. This deviation impacts the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. Avoiding general statements and consistently tying examples back to the prompt’s requirements would improve the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt but lacks depth in analysis, clarity in stance, thorough development of ideas, and complete adherence to the topic. Improvements in these areas would contribute to a more effective response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. The introduction sets up the two perspectives, and each body paragraph discusses one viewpoint coherently. However, there are instances where ideas could be more clearly connected, and the flow between paragraphs is somewhat abrupt. For example, the transition between discussing family and friends to personal experience could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use clear topic sentences that connect back to the main thesis, helping readers follow the progression of your argument more easily.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different aspects of the argument, but the structure within paragraphs could be more refined. Some paragraphs lack a clear topic sentence, and there is a tendency to combine multiple ideas within a single paragraph.
    • How to improve: Focus on creating well-structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Ensure that each paragraph discusses only one main point to maintain clarity and coherence. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs to avoid overwhelming the reader with too much information.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "firstly," "secondly"), but their usage is somewhat repetitive. There is a need for a wider variety of cohesive devices to create a more sophisticated and cohesive flow.
    • How to improve: Diversify your use of cohesive devices. Instead of relying solely on "firstly," "secondly," explore other transition words like "furthermore," "however," or "in addition." Additionally, consider using cohesive devices within sentences to create a smoother flow. For instance, employ pronouns or parallel structures to connect ideas more seamlessly.

In summary, while the essay effectively presents ideas on both perspectives, there is room for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. Strive for a more nuanced and varied approach to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to use varied words, some repetition and reliance on basic vocabulary are noticeable. For instance, the repeated use of phrases like "learning about life" and "life experience" could be diversified. Additionally, there is a tendency to rely on common phrases like "face to face with troubles" and "making progress step by step."
    • How to improve: To enhance the score in this aspect, try incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary related to the essay topic. Synonyms and varied expressions can be employed to avoid repetitive language. Be mindful of using clichés or common phrases and strive for more nuanced expressions to demonstrate a broader lexical range.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with sufficient precision. However, there are instances where more precise word choices could enhance the clarity of expression. For example, the phrase "parents spend a long time to live" might benefit from a more precise description, and the term "tube" used in the context of Thomas Edison’s invention might be clarified.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, consider selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of general terms, opt for specific and accurate vocabulary. In the case of Edison, specifying the invention as a "light bulb" rather than "the tube" would enhance the clarity of the description. Always ensure that your word choices align closely with the ideas you are expressing.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "question that young people often ask is" (should be "question that young people often ask is,") and "others are convinced that studying through personal experience is better" (should be "others are convinced that learning through personal experience is better").
    • How to improve: Proofreading is crucial to catch minor spelling errors. Take the time to carefully review your essay before submission. Additionally, consider using tools like spell checkers to identify and correct spelling mistakes. Developing a habit of thorough proofreading will contribute to consistently accurate spelling in your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a decent range of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of sentence structures. The essay predominantly consists of simple sentences, and there is a lack of complex structures such as compound and complex sentences. While the ideas are conveyed clearly, more varied sentence structures could enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating compound and complex sentences. Vary the length and complexity of sentences to create a more engaging and nuanced writing style. For example, instead of relying on short sentences, combine related ideas to form more complex structures. This will add depth to your writing and make it more compelling for the reader.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where errors affect the overall accuracy. For instance, the phrase "one of the most question" should be corrected to "one of the most common questions." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in some sentences. While the overall grammatical accuracy is commendable, attention to specific details can further enhance the precision of the writing.
    • How to improve: Review grammar rules related to common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. Pay close attention to punctuation, including commas, to ensure clarity in sentence structure. Proofread the essay carefully to catch any remaining errors, and consider seeking feedback from peers or teachers to identify areas for improvement. Additionally, strive for consistency in verb tense throughout the essay to maintain a polished and professional writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the present era, one of the most common questions that young people often ponder is, “What is the best way of learning about life?” It is widely argued that some individuals believe seeking the advice of family and friends can provide valuable life experiences, while others are convinced that gaining insights through personal experience is superior. In my view, I agree with both perspectives due to these favorable aspects, and I will discuss them in this essay.

Firstly, when confronted with challenges or uncertainties, seeking advice from our close relationships helps us find the right way. Family and friends offer a broader perspective with multiple solutions than we have. They are individuals who have spent a considerable amount of time living and accumulating life experiences. Consequently, they can share the best lessons they learned in the past and willingly support us. Moreover, friends, being peers, understand our feelings and pressures, making their advice another valuable source of life experience.

Secondly, learning from personal experience may help us make progress step by step. Besides gaining experience during fortunate times, reflecting on successful moments allows us to understand the methods that led to achievements. However, learning from failures is equally crucial. Many people who faced defeat due to challenging circumstances or wrong choices listened to themselves and found alternative ways leading to success. For instance, before becoming a renowned physician with significant achievements, Thomas Edison faced numerous failures without support from his immediate relationships. Despite repeated setbacks, his attempt and learning experience after each failure eventually led him to invent “the tube,” recognized after more than ten thousand unsuccessful attempts.

In summary, there are numerous advantages to learning from personal experience or advice from family and friends. Thus, considering both perspectives aids us in acquiring a more comprehensive understanding of life. Both avenues contribute positively to our journey of accumulating valuable life experiences.

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