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Some people believe that the government should spend more money putting in more works of art like paintings and statues in cities to make them better places to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that the government should spend more money putting in more works of art like paintings and statues in cities to make them better places to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Throughout history, art has been considered an essential aspect of human culture, taking various forms. People enjoy expressing themselves through art and being surrounded by it. Some individuals believe that the government should allocate tax money to fund creative activities and display artworks in cities to improve the quality of life. Conversely, others argue that funds should be directed towards social services rather than art. In my opinion, the decision to invest in art to decorate communal spaces depends on the community's specific circumstances.
Citizens can not be in a good mood to enjoy art when they are stuck in a polluted environment or are supposed to struggle with the cost of living every day. So, if that community is disadvantageous and undeveloped, the government needs to consider spending more money to improve the living standards for people, such as the education system, infrastructure, and health services. When individuals can live in good conditions and be set free from starvation, disadvantages, and an unstable political society, they will enjoy comfortably beautiful scenes around them.
On the other hand, it is very crucial to decorate the city with artwork when that place is a famous place for tourism. The beautiful painted walls on the streets and the impressive statues will draw more and more tourists to visit and contribute to the development of the city. Moreover, being lived in an artistic space surrounded by colors and artwork is a really fascinating thing that no one can refuse.
In conclusion, I believe that spending more money putting in more works of art is a good idea but that idea needs to be considered after the government invested money properly for social services and infrastructure that can help citizens live in safe and comfortable.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "People enjoy expressing themselves through art and being surrounded by it." -> "Individuals derive pleasure from expressing themselves through art and immersing themselves in its presence."
    Explanation: The suggested revision replaces the casual "People enjoy" with a more formal "Individuals derive pleasure," and it enhances the formality of the sentence by using more sophisticated language.

  2. "Conversely, others argue that funds should be directed towards social services rather than art." -> "Conversely, an opposing viewpoint posits that financial resources ought to be channeled into social services rather than the promotion of art."
    Explanation: The replacement of "others argue" with "an opposing viewpoint posits" adds formality to the statement, and the phrase "ought to be channeled into" is a more formal alternative to "should be directed towards."

  3. "Citizens can not be in a good mood to enjoy art when they are stuck in a polluted environment or are supposed to struggle with the cost of living every day." -> "Citizens cannot appreciate art fully when residing in a polluted environment or grappling with daily financial challenges."
    Explanation: The use of "cannot appreciate" is a more formal expression than "can not be in a good mood to enjoy," and the revised sentence maintains clarity while adopting a more sophisticated tone.

  4. "So, if that community is disadvantageous and undeveloped, the government needs to consider spending more money to improve the living standards for people, such as the education system, infrastructure, and health services." -> "Therefore, in the case of an underprivileged and underdeveloped community, the government should contemplate allocating additional funds to enhance living standards, including investments in the education system, infrastructure, and health services."
    Explanation: The revised sentence employs more formal language, such as "contemplate" instead of "consider," and provides a detailed list of aspects to improve, enhancing the precision and formality of the statement.

  5. "When individuals can live in good conditions and be set free from starvation, disadvantages, and an unstable political society, they will enjoy comfortably beautiful scenes around them." -> "Once individuals can reside in favorable conditions, liberated from concerns such as starvation, disadvantages, and political instability, they will derive pleasure from the aesthetically pleasing surroundings."
    Explanation: The replacement of "When" with "Once" and the use of "derive pleasure" instead of "enjoy" contribute to a more formal tone, and the phrase "liberated from concerns" is more formal than "be set free from."

  6. "On the other hand, it is very crucial to decorate the city with artwork when that place is a famous place for tourism." -> "Conversely, it is imperative to adorn a city with artwork, particularly when it holds significance as a renowned tourist destination."
    Explanation: The substitution of "very crucial" with "imperative" adds formality, and the phrase "holds significance" is a more formal alternative to "is a famous place for tourism."

  7. "The beautiful painted walls on the streets and the impressive statues will draw more and more tourists to visit and contribute to the development of the city." -> "The aesthetically pleasing murals on the streets and the remarkable statues will attract an increasing number of tourists, thereby fostering the city’s development."
    Explanation: The use of "aesthetically pleasing" and "remarkable" elevates the formality, and the phrase "thereby fostering" is a more formal way to express the idea of contributing to the city’s development.

  8. "Moreover, being lived in an artistic space surrounded by colors and artwork is a really fascinating thing that no one can refuse." -> "Furthermore, residing in an artistic environment, enveloped by vibrant colors and artwork, is an exceptionally captivating experience that is irresistible."
    Explanation: The revision replaces the colloquial "is a really fascinating thing" with a more formal "is an exceptionally captivating experience," contributing to a more sophisticated expression.

  9. "In conclusion, I believe that spending more money putting in more works of art is a good idea but that idea needs to be considered after the government invested money properly for social services and infrastructure that can help citizens live in safe and comfortable." -> "In conclusion, I posit that the allocation of additional funds for the installation of artworks is a commendable notion. However, such an endeavor should follow thorough investments by the government in social services and infrastructure, ensuring citizens can lead secure and comfortable lives."
    Explanation: The revised conclusion uses more formal language, such as "I posit" instead of "I believe," and provides a detailed explanation of the sequence of actions, enhancing the overall formality and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Throughout history, art has been considered an essential aspect of human culture, taking various forms. People enjoy expressing themselves through art and being surrounded by it. Some individuals believe that the government should allocate tax money to fund creative activities and display artworks in cities to improve the quality of life. Conversely, others argue that funds should be directed towards social services rather than art. In my opinion, the decision to invest in art to decorate communal spaces depends on the community’s specific circumstances."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction adequately presents the writer’s opinion on the topic, but it lacks a clear roadmap for the essay. Consider including a brief preview of the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs to enhance the overall structure and coherence.
    • Improved example: "Throughout history, art has played a pivotal role in shaping human culture, offering diverse forms of self-expression. While some advocate for government spending on creative endeavors to embellish cities and enhance quality of life, others argue for directing funds to social services. In this essay, I will delve into the factors influencing this decision, considering both the importance of social services and the cultural and economic benefits of investing in art."
  2. Quoted text: "Citizens can not be in a good mood to enjoy art when they are stuck in a polluted environment or are supposed to struggle with the cost of living every day. So, if that community is disadvantageous and undeveloped, the government needs to consider spending more money to improve the living standards for people, such as the education system, infrastructure, and health services. When individuals can live in good conditions and be set free from starvation, disadvantages, and an unstable political society, they will enjoy comfortably beautiful scenes around them."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The paragraph presents a reasonable argument about prioritizing basic needs over art in disadvantaged communities. However, it lacks specific examples or experiences to illustrate the point and make the argument more persuasive. Adding personal anecdotes or examples would enhance the depth of idea development.
    • Improved example: "Citizens cannot fully appreciate art when grappling with daily struggles in a polluted and economically strained environment. For instance, improving the education system, infrastructure, and health services can create a foundation for a thriving community. Growing up in such an environment myself, I witnessed firsthand how access to quality education transformed not only individual lives but also the community’s overall well-being."
  3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, it is very crucial to decorate the city with artwork when that place is a famous place for tourism. The beautiful painted walls on the streets and the impressive statues will draw more and more tourists to visit and contribute to the development of the city. Moreover, being lived in an artistic space surrounded by colors and artwork is a really fascinating thing that no one can refuse."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While the paragraph highlights the economic benefits of art in tourist destinations, it lacks examples or specific details to support the argument. Including concrete instances of cities that have thrived economically through art could strengthen the position.
    • Improved example: "For instance, renowned tourist destinations like Paris and Barcelona have strategically invested in art, resulting in increased tourism and economic prosperity. The vibrant street art and iconic statues in these cities not only attract visitors but also contribute significantly to the local economy. Having personally experienced the positive impact of art on tourism in Barcelona, I can attest to the transformative power of artistic initiatives in boosting a city’s development."

Overall, the essay provides a reasonably well-developed argument but could benefit from stronger examples and more explicit structural guidance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, maintaining a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the two perspectives on government spending for art. The body paragraphs follow a cohesive structure, discussing the importance of addressing basic needs in less developed communities before investing in art. The essay then shifts to the positive impact of art in tourist destinations and the overall quality of life. The conclusion summarizes the stance taken by the author.

Cohesive devices are appropriately used, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The transitions between paragraphs are smooth, aiding in the logical flow of ideas. The writer employs a range of cohesive devices effectively, linking sentences and ideas. There is a clear central topic within each paragraph, enhancing the coherence of the essay.

While the essay generally follows a logical progression, there are instances of minor underuse and overuse of cohesive devices, slightly affecting the balance. For instance, the link between the negative impact of a polluted environment and the positive impact of artistic spaces could be more explicitly established.

The use of paragraphing is logical, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there is room for improvement in the connection between paragraphs to ensure a seamless transition.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on ensuring consistent use of cohesive devices and strengthening the connections between ideas. Paying attention to the balance between the negative and positive aspects of government spending on art would further refine the essay’s cohesion. Additionally, refining transitions between paragraphs will contribute to a more seamless flow of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision. There is evidence of using less common lexical items with awareness of style and collocation. The writer manages to convey ideas with clarity and a good level of coherence. However, there are occasional errors in word choice, and some sentences could benefit from more nuanced vocabulary. For instance, the phrase "disadvantageous and undeveloped" could be expressed more precisely.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, consider incorporating a wider variety of sophisticated vocabulary. Aim to use uncommon lexical items more consistently and accurately. Additionally, focus on refining word choices in sentences where precision matters. For example, explore alternative expressions for phrases like "disadvantageous and undeveloped" to add more depth to the writing. Overall, maintain the balance between expressing ideas clearly and incorporating a richer lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of a variety of complex structures, contributing to a cohesive and well-developed argument. There is an evident control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few errors. The majority of sentences are error-free, and the essay showcases a commendable range of vocabulary.

How to improve: While the essay generally exhibits a strong command of language, a more consistent application of complex sentence structures and a careful proofreading to eliminate occasional errors would elevate it to a higher band. Additionally, ensuring precise word choices and refining transitions between ideas could further enhance the overall coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

Art has played a pivotal role in human culture throughout history, manifesting in diverse forms. People find joy in expressing themselves through art and immersing themselves in its presence. There is a belief that governments should allocate tax money to support creative endeavors and showcase artworks in cities to enhance the quality of life. Conversely, some argue that these funds should be directed towards social services rather than art. In my view, the decision to invest in art for embellishing communal spaces depends on the specific circumstances of the community.

Individuals cannot fully appreciate art when surrounded by pollution or grappling with daily financial challenges. Therefore, in the case of an underprivileged and underdeveloped community, the government should contemplate allocating additional funds to enhance living standards. This could include investments in the education system, infrastructure, and health services. Once individuals can reside in favorable conditions, free from concerns such as starvation, disadvantages, and political instability, they will derive pleasure from the aesthetically pleasing surroundings.

Conversely, it is crucial to adorn a city with artwork, especially if it is a renowned tourist destination. The visually appealing murals on the streets and remarkable statues can attract an increasing number of tourists, thereby fostering the city’s development. Furthermore, living in an artistic environment, surrounded by vibrant colors and artwork, is an exceptionally captivating experience that is irresistible.

In conclusion, I posit that allocating additional funds for the installation of artworks is a commendable notion. However, such an endeavor should follow thorough investments by the government in social services and infrastructure, ensuring citizens can lead secure and comfortable lives. Balancing both aspects will contribute to creating cities that are not only aesthetically pleasing but also provide a high quality of life for their residents.

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