Some people believe that the rapid increase in population these days is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Others believe that the world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world’s economy and society. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Some people believe that the rapid increase in population these days is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Others believe that the world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world’s economy and society. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Some people believe that the rapid increase in population these days is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Others believe that the world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world’s economy and society. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Some people believe that the rapid increase in population these days is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Others believe that the world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world’s economy and society. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
In contemporary times, the world is confronting several global issues that affect people from all walks of life in various aspects. One of the most noticeable problems is overpopulation, which is caused by the significant growth in population these days. While some contend that this rapid growth is essential for advancing the global economy and society, others argue it is unsustainable and will inevitably lead to a catastrophic global crisis. From my perspective, the swift increase in population is a critical issue that can result in negative influences in people's lives and demand urgent attention.
Granted, there are some rationales why people believe that overpopulation can create positive impacts on the global economy and society. Chief among these is that overpopulation means that there is an increase in workforce to enhance the country's potential. Thanks to the abundant human resources, governments can increase the production lines and maximize economic potential. This can be exemplified by the prime case of China – one of the most populous and well-developed countries around the globe, where several factories meet their set targets due to ample workforce, with construction, agriculture and service jobs all being handled by enthusiastic workers. Therefore, countries that encounter a significant rise in population can stand a high chance of fostering their economy and society, which strengthens the nations' status in the global conference.
Notwithstanding these above-mentioned justifications, I still gravitate towards the idea that overpopulation can lead to excessive burdens across every aspect of a nation. One of the most compelling consequences is that overpopulation is a major cause of overcrowding in public destinations such as hospitals, schools and recreational areas. Not only does this overload reduce the productivity of public utilities, but it also causes the national shortage in necessities like healthcare facilities, school slots for children and spaces for leisure purposes. It is reported by Vietnamese journalists that in 2024, 5000 children in Hanoi have to compete for 1000 slots at the top primary schools in the city while Bach Mai Hospital, a leading institution in healthcare, records over 2,000 admissions per day, leading to congestion issues. Therefore, it is crucial for world leaders to prioritize sustainable population growth to ensure a healthy balance between population growth and available resources. Although overpopulation means an increased workforce dedicated to enhancing national development, it is the government who takes responsibility for educating citizens to become work proficient before starting their career. Never have plentiful human resources created positive impacts on the nation's economic growth without absorbing a quality education system.
To encapsulate the whole point, overpopulation has increasingly become an issue worthy of consideration due to its pros and cons. Although the dramatic shift in population can lead to immediate benefits, contributing to the country’s economy and society, this can have detrimental effects on the people's quality of life. Therefore, governments need to have a comprehensive national development plan leveraging existing resources rather than relying solely on population growth.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In contemporary times" -> "In the contemporary era"
Explanation: "In the contemporary era" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the essay. -
"confronting" -> "facing"
Explanation: "Facing" is more commonly used in academic texts to describe dealing with challenges or issues, making it a more suitable choice for formal writing. -
"all walks of life" -> "all aspects of life"
Explanation: "All aspects of life" is a more precise and formal expression, avoiding the colloquial tone of "all walks of life." -
"the significant growth in population these days" -> "the significant population growth"
Explanation: Removing "these days" simplifies and clarifies the sentence, making it more direct and formal. -
"is essential for advancing" -> "is crucial for advancing"
Explanation: "Crucial" is a stronger, more academic term than "essential," emphasizing the importance of the issue. -
"the swift increase in population" -> "the rapid population growth"
Explanation: "Rapid population growth" is a more commonly used and precise term in academic discussions about demography. -
"can result in negative influences" -> "may have negative impacts"
Explanation: "May have negative impacts" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic style by introducing a possibility rather than a definitive statement. -
"demand urgent attention" -> "require immediate attention"
Explanation: "Require immediate attention" is a more formal and precise way to express the necessity of addressing the issue. -
"rationales why" -> "reasons why"
Explanation: "Reasons why" is a more straightforward and academically appropriate term than "rationales why," which can be seen as overly complex or pretentious. -
"enhance the country’s potential" -> "enhance the country’s economic potential"
Explanation: Adding "economic" clarifies the type of potential being referred to, making the statement more specific and precise. -
"prime case" -> "prime example"
Explanation: "Prime example" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "prime case," which is less commonly used in formal writing. -
"stand a high chance of fostering" -> "have a high likelihood of fostering"
Explanation: "Have a high likelihood of fostering" is a more formal and precise expression, suitable for academic discourse. -
"in the global conference" -> "in the global arena"
Explanation: "In the global arena" is a more appropriate and formal phrase, commonly used in academic and diplomatic contexts to refer to international relations and global issues. -
"overcrowding in public destinations" -> "overcrowding in public facilities"
Explanation: "Public facilities" is a more specific and formal term than "public destinations," which is vague and less commonly used in formal writing. -
"national shortage in necessities" -> "national shortages of essential resources"
Explanation: "National shortages of essential resources" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the type of resources affected and the national scope of the issue. -
"it is crucial for world leaders" -> "it is imperative for global leaders"
Explanation: "Imperative" is a stronger, more formal synonym for "crucial," and "global leaders" is a more precise term than "world leaders" in this context. -
"takes responsibility for educating citizens" -> "is responsible for educating citizens"
Explanation: "Is responsible for" is a more direct and formal way to express accountability, fitting the academic style better than "takes responsibility for." -
"Never have plentiful human resources created positive impacts" -> "Plentiful human resources have never created positive impacts"
Explanation: Reordering the sentence improves the flow and clarity, making it more direct and formal, which is preferred in academic writing.
These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both viewpoints on the impact of rapid population growth: one side arguing its benefits for the economy and society, while the other side posits its unsustainability and negative consequences. Each perspective is clearly outlined and supported with examples.
- How to improve: To enhance this criterion further, ensure that each viewpoint is explored in greater depth, potentially providing more nuanced arguments and counterarguments. This could involve delving deeper into specific economic or social impacts and considering alternative perspectives beyond the immediate benefits and drawbacks.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position that overpopulation, despite potential economic benefits, poses significant challenges and should be managed sustainably. This stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, emphasize the author’s stance more explicitly at critical junctures throughout the essay. This could involve reinforcing the thesis statement and ensuring each paragraph directly supports this overarching position with cohesive reasoning.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with sufficient development and support. For instance, it discusses economic benefits and societal challenges related to overpopulation, supported by examples from China and Vietnam.
- How to improve: To improve coherence and depth, consider expanding on how specific examples relate to broader global trends. Additionally, ensure that each supporting example directly contributes to advancing the argument, avoiding any tangential points that do not reinforce the main thesis.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by exploring the implications of rapid population growth as outlined in the prompt. However, there are occasional instances where the connection to the central theme could be clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, carefully evaluate each paragraph to ensure all content directly relates to the discussion of population growth and its consequences. Avoid digressing into peripheral topics, even if they seem tangentially related to the overarching theme.
In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt’s requirements with a balanced consideration of opposing views on population growth, there are opportunities for enhancement in depth of analysis, clarity of position, coherence of supporting examples, and maintaining strict adherence to the central theme. By refining these aspects, the essay could potentially achieve a higher band score in Task Response criteria.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally clear organization with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the issue, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a different aspect of the topic: the benefits of population growth, its drawbacks, and a concluding statement. However, transitions between some paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift from discussing benefits to drawbacks feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases more consistently to connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, phrases like "On the other hand," or "Moreover," can help signal shifts in perspective and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different arguments and perspectives. Each paragraph is focused on a single main idea, such as economic benefits or societal challenges of population growth. However, paragraph lengths vary, with some being overly lengthy, which can affect readability and clarity.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea, followed by supporting details or examples. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and emphasize key points more effectively.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including pronouns ("these," "this"), conjunctions ("but," "although"), and transitional adverbs ("therefore," "however"). These devices generally help link ideas within sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: Aim to diversify the types of cohesive devices used further, such as using more advanced linking phrases ("nevertheless," "consequently") and parallel structures ("not only… but also"). This diversification can add sophistication to the essay’s cohesion and strengthen the connections between ideas.
Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the transitions between paragraphs and ensuring consistent paragraph structure could elevate the coherence and cohesion further, potentially raising the band score to a 7.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt to use a variety of vocabulary throughout. Examples include terms like "overpopulation," "sustainable," "rationales," "consequences," and "national development plan."
- How to improve: While the vocabulary range is generally good, more sophisticated synonyms and idiomatic expressions could enhance lexical diversity further. For instance, instead of "consequences," using "ramifications" or "implications" could elevate the lexical richness. Integrating domain-specific vocabulary related to economics and demographics would also enrich the essay’s vocabulary.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately but occasionally lacks precision. For example, "congestion issues" could be more precisely stated as "capacity constraints" or "overcrowding challenges" to convey a clearer meaning.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that precisely conveys the intended meaning without ambiguity. Carefully consider the context in which words are used to avoid slight inaccuracies in meaning. Utilize a thesaurus to explore more precise synonyms that align closely with the context of the essay.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally sound throughout the essay, with only minor issues such as "rationales" (which is correct but less commonly used in some contexts) and "development" (misspelled as "developmentt" once).
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy further, consider proofreading carefully to catch any typos or errors that may have been missed. Using spell-check tools and taking extra time for revision can help minimize these minor issues.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary and spelling, refining precision and exploring more nuanced vocabulary choices would elevate the Lexical Resource score to a higher band. Keep practicing to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary and ensure accuracy in usage to enhance the overall quality of your writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, as well as occasional use of subordinate clauses and transitions ("Granted, there are some rationales why…", "Notwithstanding these above-mentioned justifications…"). These structures enhance coherence and readability, contributing to a well-developed argument.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay, consider incorporating more sophisticated sentence structures such as conditional sentences ("If X were to happen, then Y would be the result"), and more varied use of adverbial phrases to add depth and nuance to arguments.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates strong grammatical accuracy with few errors. Correct usage of verb tenses ("is caused," "is reported," "can lead"), subject-verb agreement, and effective punctuation (commas, hyphens) is evident throughout. For instance, the essay effectively uses commas to clarify meaning and separate clauses.
- How to improve: While the essay is generally well-punctuated, attention to detail could enhance clarity further. Review the use of commas in complex sentences to ensure they aid readability without overwhelming the reader. Additionally, occasional minor errors such as missing articles ("the country’s economy") could be addressed to achieve higher accuracy.
Overall Feedback: The essay is well-structured and effectively conveys the writer’s viewpoint on the prompt. It utilizes a range of sentence structures to maintain coherence and engagement, supporting a well-developed argument. Grammatical accuracy is strong, with minor areas for improvement in punctuation and article usage. To further enhance the essay, focus on refining sentence complexity and precision in punctuation while maintaining clarity and coherence.
This feedback aligns with a Band 7 score, reflecting a solid command of grammar and a good range of sentence structures, contributing to effective communication of ideas.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the contemporary era, the world is grappling with several global issues that affect people from all aspects of life. One of the most pressing issues is overpopulation, driven by the significant population growth today. While some argue that this rapid growth is essential for advancing the global economy and society, others contend it is unsustainable and will inevitably lead to a global crisis. From my perspective, the rapid increase in population is a critical issue that can have negative impacts on people’s lives and requires immediate attention.
There are reasons why some believe that overpopulation can have positive impacts on the global economy and society. One key argument is that a larger population means more workers to enhance a country’s economic potential. With abundant human resources, governments can increase production and boost economic output. For instance, China serves as a prime example of this phenomenon, where a large workforce contributes significantly to various sectors such as manufacturing, agriculture, and services. Consequently, nations experiencing rapid population growth have a high likelihood of fostering economic and societal development, thereby strengthening their global position.
However, despite these arguments, I lean towards the view that overpopulation can lead to burdens across all aspects of a nation. One of the most significant consequences is overcrowding in public facilities like hospitals, schools, and recreational areas. This strain not only reduces the efficiency of public services but also creates shortages in essential resources such as healthcare, education, and leisure spaces. For example, recent reports from Vietnam highlight overcrowded schools in major cities like Hanoi, where thousands of children compete for limited school slots annually. Similarly, healthcare facilities like Bach Mai Hospital face congestion issues due to overwhelming patient admissions daily. Hence, it is imperative for global leaders to prioritize sustainable population growth to maintain a healthy balance between population increase and available resources.
Moreover, while an increased workforce due to overpopulation may initially boost national development, it is crucial for governments to ensure that citizens receive quality education and training to maximize their potential contribution to the economy. History shows that simply having plentiful human resources does not guarantee positive impacts on a nation’s economic growth without a well-educated workforce.
In conclusion, while overpopulation can offer immediate economic and societal benefits, it simultaneously poses challenges that can adversely affect people’s quality of life. Therefore, governments must adopt comprehensive national development strategies that leverage existing resources rather than relying solely on population growth to ensure sustainable growth and development.
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This refined version retains the original structure and vocabulary as closely as possible while addressing grammar issues and ensuring clarity.