Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs. Do you agree or disagree with that opinion? Write at least 250 words.

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs. Do you agree or disagree with that opinion?
Write at least 250 words.

Some people think that volunteer activities play an important and mandatory role in the high school curriculum. In my opinion, I partly agree with this view because I think it can improve your social skills.
In the first place, it will enhance a sense and be a responsibility. It means unpaid community services help students understand personal and community abilities better. Students will learn more about how to contribute to society and be aware of the importance of helping other people. For instance, organizing a “ day of environment” and giving them duties to clean up and pick up all garbage in the park. This will make students responsible for their responsibilities with the environment and the importance of fulfilling their obligations. In the second place, students can build solidarity because they will participate in activities where many people work together. For example, carrying out a “ plan trees” campaign to help more parks in your city, it needs lots of help from students because one person can not do it. This experience will help students clearly appreciate the value of corporate and unity in the community.
On the other hand, I think that it will make some limitations of study because students will not balance many things at the same time. For example, students already have many things to do with their homework, preparing for exams and many activities with their club, so if school compulsory volunteers to programs, students will feel more stress from busy schedules. Next, students will lack motivation and interest because students will participate to see it as a requirement rather than interest or passion. For instance, students join in this services like a duty, not with volunteer spirit. Leading to less enthusiastic participation reduced impact work results.
To sum up, if taking unpaid community services to a high school program, it will bring lots of advantages to the community and student. But school should be organized campaigns with volunteer spirits to let student choose suitable activities for themselve.

---

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some people think" -> "Some individuals believe"
   Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people," and "believe" is more precise than "think" in academic writing, enhancing the formality of the statement.

2. "play an important and mandatory role" -> "play a crucial and obligatory role"
   Explanation: "Crucial" is more precise than "important" in emphasizing the significance of the role, and "obligatory" is a more formal synonym for "mandatory," aligning better with academic style.

3. "In my opinion, I partly agree" -> "I partially concur"
   Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," and removing "in my opinion" streamlines the sentence, making it more direct and appropriate for academic writing.

4. "enhance a sense and be a responsibility" -> "enhance awareness and foster a sense of responsibility"
   Explanation: "Foster a sense of responsibility" is a more precise and formal way to describe the development of responsibility, and "awareness" is more specific than "sense" in this context.

5. "It means unpaid community services help students understand personal and community abilities better" -> "Unpaid community services enable students to better understand their personal and community capabilities"
   Explanation: "Enable" is more precise than "help," and "capabilities" is a more formal term than "abilities," improving the academic tone.

6. "organizing a “ day of environment” and giving them duties to clean up and pick up all garbage in the park" -> "organizing an environmental day and assigning tasks to clean up and collect all waste in the park"
   Explanation: "Environmental day" is a more formal term than "day of environment," and "assigning tasks" is more precise than "giving duties," enhancing the formality and clarity of the sentence.

7. "make students responsible for their responsibilities with the environment" -> "hold students accountable for their environmental responsibilities"
   Explanation: "Hold accountable" is a more formal expression than "make responsible," and "environmental responsibilities" is a clearer and more specific term.

8. "students can build solidarity" -> "students can foster solidarity"
   Explanation: "Foster" is a more precise verb than "build" in this context, suggesting the development of solidarity rather than its construction.

9. "carrying out a “ plan trees” campaign" -> "conducting a "plant trees" campaign"
   Explanation: "Conducting" is more formal than "carrying out," and "plant trees" is the correct phrase, not "plan trees," which is a typographical error.

10. "it needs lots of help from students because one person can not do it" -> "it requires significant student involvement, as one person cannot accomplish it"
    Explanation: "Requires significant student involvement" is more formal and precise than "needs lots of help," and "cannot accomplish" is more formal than "can not do it."

11. "make some limitations of study" -> "pose some limitations on academic pursuits"
    Explanation: "Pose some limitations on academic pursuits" is a more formal and precise way to express the impact on studies.

12. "students will not balance many things at the same time" -> "students will struggle to balance multiple responsibilities"
    Explanation: "Struggle to balance multiple responsibilities" is a more precise and formal way to describe the challenges faced by students.

13. "if school compulsory volunteers to programs" -> "if schools make volunteering programs compulsory"
    Explanation: "Make volunteering programs compulsory" is grammatically correct and clearer than "school compulsory volunteers to programs," which is awkward and incorrect.

14. "students will feel more stress from busy schedules" -> "students will experience increased stress due to their busy schedules"
    Explanation: "Experience increased stress" is a more formal expression than "feel more stress," and "due to their busy schedules" is more precise than "from busy schedules."

15. "students will lack motivation and interest because students will participate to see it as a requirement rather than interest or passion" -> "students may lack motivation and interest since they view participation as a requirement rather than a passion"
    Explanation: "May lack" is more tentative and appropriate than "will lack," and "since they view participation" is more formal and clear than "because students will participate."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of making unpaid community service compulsory in high school. The writer partially agrees with the notion, which is a valid position. However, the response could be clearer in explicitly stating whether the author ultimately supports or opposes the idea. The discussion of benefits, such as improved social skills and responsibility, is relevant, but the counterarguments regarding study limitations and lack of motivation could be more robustly developed.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly articulate their stance in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, expanding on the counterarguments with more specific examples and reasoning would provide a more balanced view. A clearer thesis statement that outlines both sides of the argument would also strengthen the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that is somewhat clear but lacks consistency. The author states they "partly agree," which introduces ambiguity. While the essay does provide arguments for both sides, the overall position could be muddled for the reader, particularly in the conclusion where it seems to suggest a compromise rather than a definitive stance.
  • How to improve: The writer should choose a more definitive position (either fully agreeing or disagreeing) and maintain that throughout the essay. If a nuanced view is intended, it should be clearly articulated in the introduction and consistently reinforced in each paragraph. Using phrases like "while I acknowledge the benefits, I ultimately believe…" can help clarify the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the development of social skills and responsibility through community service. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the examples provided (like the “day of environment” and “plan trees” campaigns) are relevant but could be more detailed to illustrate their impact on students and the community. The counterarguments are introduced but lack depth and supporting evidence.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should elaborate on each point with more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific skills gained from volunteering or citing studies that show the benefits of community service could strengthen the argument. Additionally, providing more substantial evidence for the counterarguments would create a more persuasive and well-rounded essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing community service in the context of high school education. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing the stress of balancing studies and community service. While this is relevant, it could be better tied back to the main argument about whether community service should be compulsory.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the main question of whether unpaid community service should be mandatory. Using topic sentences that clearly link back to the thesis can help keep the writing on track. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements about student stress and instead tying them specifically to the implications of compulsory service would enhance coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The writer introduces their opinion and supports it with arguments for and against compulsory community service. However, the logical flow could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of community service to its drawbacks feels abrupt. The essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," or "On the other hand" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth. For instance, the paragraph discussing the limitations of community service is shorter and less developed than the one outlining its benefits.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should aim for a more balanced development of ideas. Each paragraph should ideally contain multiple sentences that elaborate on the main point, providing examples and explanations. This will not only enhance the depth of the argument but also create a more uniform structure throughout the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "on the other hand," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "it will make some limitations of study" lacks clarity and could be better articulated to enhance cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "Moreover," "Consequently," or "As a result" can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can improve the overall flow of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the logical organization, balancing paragraph development, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "volunteer activities," "community abilities," and "solidarity." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks sophistication. For example, the phrase "students will learn more about how to contribute to society" could be enhanced by using synonyms or more varied expressions to convey the same idea, such as "students will gain insights into their societal contributions."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively incorporate synonyms and more advanced terms. For instance, instead of repeating "students" frequently, they could use "learners," "pupils," or "young individuals." Additionally, exploring phrases like "engagement in civic duties" or "community involvement" could add depth to the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "enhance a sense and be a responsibility" is unclear and awkwardly constructed. The intended meaning seems to be that community service enhances a sense of responsibility, but the phrasing is convoluted. Similarly, "corporate and unity in the community" appears to confuse "corporate" with "cooperation," which is likely what the writer intended.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness. Revising phrases for grammatical accuracy and ensuring the correct use of terms is crucial. For example, the writer could revise the first example to say, "it will enhance students’ sense of responsibility." Furthermore, they should ensure that terms like "cooperation" are used correctly to prevent misinterpretation.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "day of environment" (should be "Day of the Environment") and "plan trees" (should be "plant trees"). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and may confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and familiarizing themselves with the correct spelling of terms related to their essay topics can be beneficial. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also help improve spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the sentence "In my opinion, I partly agree with this view because I think it can improve your social skills" effectively combines clauses to express a nuanced opinion. However, the essay predominantly relies on simple and compound sentences, which limits the overall grammatical range. There are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "it will enhance a sense and be a responsibility," which detracts from clarity and effectiveness.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "students will learn more about how to contribute to society," the writer could say, "by engaging in community service, students will not only learn how to contribute to society but also develop a deeper understanding of their role within it." Additionally, using a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., "furthermore," "consequently," "in contrast") can help create more sophisticated sentence structures.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that impact clarity. For example, the phrase "organizing a ‘day of environment’" should be "organizing a ‘Day of the Environment’," as it refers to a specific event. Additionally, there are instances of incorrect subject-verb agreement, such as "one person can not do it," which should be "one person cannot do it." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, also hinder readability. For instance, "For example, carrying out a ‘plan trees’ campaign to help more parks in your city, it needs lots of help from students because one person can not do it," could be restructured for clarity and accuracy.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing subject-verb agreement rules and practicing the correct use of articles and prepositions. Additionally, they should pay attention to punctuation, particularly in complex sentences, where commas are necessary to separate clauses. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and rectify these common errors. Reading more academic essays can also provide insight into proper sentence structure and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and demonstrates some understanding of the topic, enhancing the variety of grammatical structures and improving accuracy in grammar and punctuation will help achieve a higher band score in the IELTS writing assessment.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people think that volunteer activities play a crucial and obligatory role in the high school curriculum. In my opinion, I partially concur with this view because I believe it can improve social skills.

In the first place, it will enhance awareness and foster a sense of responsibility. This means that unpaid community services help students better understand their personal and community capabilities. Students will learn more about how to contribute to society and be aware of the importance of helping others. For instance, organizing a “Day of Environment” and assigning tasks to clean up and collect all waste in the park will make students accountable for their environmental responsibilities and highlight the importance of fulfilling their obligations. In the second place, students can foster solidarity because they will participate in activities where many people work together. For example, conducting a “Plant Trees” campaign to help create more parks in the city requires significant student involvement, as one person cannot accomplish it. This experience will help students clearly appreciate the value of cooperation and unity in the community.

On the other hand, I think that it will impose some limitations on their studies because students will struggle to balance multiple responsibilities. For example, students already have many tasks to manage, including homework, preparing for exams, and participating in club activities. If schools make volunteering programs compulsory, students will experience increased stress due to their busy schedules. Additionally, students may lack motivation and interest because they will see participation as a requirement rather than as an opportunity driven by passion. For instance, students may join these services out of obligation, not with a volunteer spirit, leading to less enthusiastic participation and reduced impact of their work.

To sum up, if unpaid community services are included in high school programs, they will bring many advantages to both the community and the students. However, schools should organize campaigns with a volunteer spirit to allow students to choose suitable activities for themselves.