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Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others claim it has positive effects on children as they grow up. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others claim it has positive effects on children as they grow up. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the contemporary world, some people argue that watching TV brings a drawback meaning for young people. However, others claim that it plays an important role in the growth of them. I agree with the latter idea.
Opposers of televisions focus on the influence on physical and mental development. In modern life, young people spend a lot of time in front of the screen. Therefore, many youngsters suffer from physical inactivity which means an increase in obesity issues. Moreover, children can easily develop depression. A study found that exhaustion and sadness make a person more likely to get angry, which is surprising given that most people who use TV without limits show this problem.
On the other hand, there are several benefits of watching TV. Firstly, television can be used as an entertainment tool which boosts power. High-quality programs enhance the curiosity and attraction to a weird topic about study methods like science and history. For instance, the history syllabus has reminded the new generation about the nation’s victor hero. After that, television can be an international resource. Children can spend their time relaxing after a laborious study day. In particular, they will play some video games on their technology with friends or family.
In summary, television can be like an instrument to improve our lifestyle beside many drawbacks of them. Nevertheless, if we use it wisely, it will bring so many crucial things for us like entertainment and boosted knowledge.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "watching TV brings a drawback meaning for young people" -> "watching TV has a detrimental impact on young people"
    Explanation: The phrase "brings a drawback meaning" is awkward and unclear. "Has a detrimental impact" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, clearly conveying the negative effects of TV on young people.

  2. "it plays an important role in the growth of them" -> "it plays a significant role in their development"
    Explanation: "The growth of them" is grammatically incorrect and vague. "Their development" is grammatically correct and more specific, enhancing clarity and formality.

  3. "Opposers of televisions" -> "Opponents of television"
    Explanation: "Opposers" is not a standard term; "opponents" is the correct noun form. Additionally, "televisions" should be singular as it refers to the concept, not the plural devices.

  4. "young people spend a lot of time in front of the screen" -> "young people spend considerable time in front of screens"
    Explanation: "A lot of time" is somewhat informal and vague. "Considerable time" is more precise and formal, and "screens" is the correct plural form.

  5. "many youngsters suffer from physical inactivity which means an increase in obesity issues" -> "many youngsters suffer from physical inactivity, leading to increased obesity rates"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and unclear. The revised version clarifies the cause-and-effect relationship and uses more precise language.

  6. "children can easily develop depression" -> "children are susceptible to depression"
    Explanation: "Can easily develop" is informal and imprecise. "Are susceptible to" is more formal and accurately conveys the potential for depression.

  7. "exhaustion and sadness make a person more likely to get angry" -> "exhaustion and sadness increase the likelihood of anger"
    Explanation: The original phrase is informal and slightly awkward. The revision is more concise and maintains a formal tone.

  8. "boosts power" -> "enhances cognitive abilities"
    Explanation: "Boosts power" is an idiom and too informal for academic writing. "Enhances cognitive abilities" is precise and appropriate for an academic context.

  9. "High-quality programs enhance the curiosity and attraction to a weird topic about study methods like science and history" -> "High-quality programs foster curiosity and interest in subjects such as science and history"
    Explanation: "Weird topic" is informal and imprecise. "Subjects such as" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

  10. "the history syllabus has reminded the new generation about the nation’s victor hero" -> "the history curriculum has educated the new generation about the nation’s victorious heroes"
    Explanation: "Reminded" is incorrect in this context; "educated" is the correct verb. "Victor hero" is grammatically incorrect; "victorious heroes" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  11. "Children can spend their time relaxing after a laborious study day" -> "Children can use their leisure time after a demanding study day"
    Explanation: "Relaxing" is somewhat informal and vague. "Use their leisure time" is more precise and formal, and "demanding" is a more appropriate adjective than "laborious" in this context.

  12. "they will play some video games on their technology with friends or family" -> "they engage in video games on their devices with friends or family"
    Explanation: "Play some video games" is informal and vague. "Engage in video games" is more formal and specific, and "devices" is a more general term than "technology."

  13. "it will bring so many crucial things for us like entertainment and boosted knowledge" -> "it will provide numerous benefits, including entertainment and enhanced knowledge"
    Explanation: "Bring so many crucial things for us" is informal and awkward. "Provide numerous benefits" is more formal and precise, and "enhanced knowledge" is a more academic term than "boosted knowledge."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding the impact of television on children. However, it does not fully explore the arguments for both sides. The first paragraph mentions the negative effects but lacks depth in presenting the opposing viewpoint. The second paragraph briefly discusses the benefits but does not provide a balanced examination of the arguments. For instance, while it mentions physical inactivity and mental health issues, it does not elaborate on the positive aspects of TV viewing sufficiently.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both viewpoints are discussed in equal measure. This could involve providing more examples and evidence for the benefits of watching TV, such as educational programs or social interaction through shared viewing experiences. Additionally, the writer should explicitly state the counterarguments in a more structured manner.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer states their position in favor of the positive effects of television early in the essay. However, the position becomes somewhat muddled as the essay progresses, particularly in the summary, where the phrasing "beside many drawbacks of them" suggests uncertainty about the stance. The use of "I agree with the latter idea" is clear, but the subsequent arguments do not consistently reinforce this position.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their viewpoint throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using phrases that reinforce their stance after presenting each argument. Additionally, a more definitive conclusion that reiterates their opinion and summarizes the key points supporting it would strengthen the clarity of the position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas but lacks sufficient development and support. For example, the mention of "high-quality programs enhance curiosity" is vague and could benefit from specific examples of such programs. The argument about video games is also underdeveloped; it could be expanded to discuss how they promote social skills or cognitive development.
    • How to improve: To improve idea presentation and support, the writer should aim to provide specific examples and explanations for each point made. This could include citing particular TV shows that have educational value or discussing studies that link television viewing to positive outcomes in children. Expanding on each point with relevant details will make the arguments more convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the effects of television on children. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly when discussing video games, which could be seen as tangential to the main topic of television. The phrase "After that, television can be an international resource" is unclear and does not directly relate to the prompt.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the impact of television. Avoiding unrelated topics, such as video games, unless clearly tied back to television, will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, clearer transitions between points can help maintain coherence and relevance throughout the essay.

In summary, to improve the essay’s band score, the writer should aim for a more balanced exploration of both viewpoints, maintain a clear and consistent position, provide specific examples to support their ideas, and ensure that all content remains relevant to the topic of television’s impact on children.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction outlining the two opposing views and a personal opinion. The body paragraphs are divided into arguments against TV and arguments in favor of it, which helps in organizing the information logically. However, the transition between the opposing views and the author’s opinion could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the negative impacts of TV to the positive aspects feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer transitional phrase or sentence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "Conversely," or "In contrast," to better connect the opposing viewpoints. Additionally, summarizing the main points at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the logical progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with one paragraph dedicated to the negative effects of TV and another to its benefits. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. For instance, the paragraph discussing the negative effects could include more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. The concluding paragraph also feels somewhat weak and could be expanded to summarize the main points more effectively.
    • How to improve: Aim to develop each paragraph with more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, in the paragraph about the negative effects of TV, you could include specific studies or statistics about obesity rates among children. Additionally, the conclusion should not only restate the opinion but also encapsulate the key arguments made in the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "on the other hand," and "firstly." These devices help in connecting ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "which means an increase in obesity issues" could be better linked to the previous sentence for clarity.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "for instance," and "consequently." This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and connection between ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, enhancing the logical flow, developing paragraphs further, and diversifying cohesive devices will help improve the coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication in word choice. For example, phrases like "brings a drawback meaning" and "plays an important role in the growth of them" are somewhat awkward and could be expressed more naturally. The use of "boosts power" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate more varied and precise terms. Instead of "brings a drawback meaning," consider using "presents significant challenges" or "has detrimental effects." Additionally, replacing "plays an important role in the growth of them" with "is crucial for their development" would improve clarity and fluency.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the influence on physical and mental development" could be more specific. The term "exhaustion and sadness" is also somewhat vague; it could be replaced with "fatigue and depressive symptoms" to convey a clearer meaning. The phrase "weird topic about study methods" is confusing and lacks clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to choose words that accurately reflect their intended meaning. For example, instead of "weird topic," use "unconventional topics" or "less commonly discussed subjects." Furthermore, using terms like "psychological effects" instead of "influence on mental development" would enhance clarity and precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with only minor errors. However, the phrase "the nation’s victor hero" is unclear and may be a misspelling or misphrasing of "victorious heroes." Additionally, "televisions" should be singular as "television" when referring to the medium in general.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and phrases. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Moreover, familiarizing oneself with vocabulary related to the topic can reduce spelling mistakes and improve overall fluency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of a complex sentence in "A study found that exhaustion and sadness make a person more likely to get angry" effectively conveys a cause-and-effect relationship. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced (e.g., "On the other hand" and "Firstly"). This limits the overall variety of sentence forms.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that use relative clauses or conditional phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with transitional phrases, the writer could vary the sentence openings or use participial phrases to add complexity. For example, "While some argue that TV is detrimental, others highlight its educational benefits" combines contrasting ideas in a single, more sophisticated structure.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "brings a drawback meaning for young people" is awkward and unclear; a more precise expression would be "has negative implications for young people." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. For example, "After that, television can be an international resource" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate ideas more effectively.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on refining awkward phrases and ensuring clarity in expression. Practicing sentence rephrasing can help. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance readability. For example, the sentence "In particular, they will play some video games on their technology with friends or family" could be restructured for clarity: "In particular, they can enjoy playing video games with friends or family on their devices."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the noted weaknesses will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, some people argue that watching TV has a detrimental impact on young people. However, others claim that it plays a significant role in their development. I agree with the latter idea.

Opponents of television focus on its influence on physical and mental development. In modern life, young people spend considerable time in front of screens. Therefore, many youngsters suffer from physical inactivity, leading to increased obesity rates. Moreover, children are susceptible to depression. A study found that exhaustion and sadness increase the likelihood of anger, which is surprising given that most people who watch TV without limits show this problem.

On the other hand, there are several benefits of watching TV. Firstly, television can be used as an entertainment tool that boosts morale. High-quality programs enhance cognitive abilities and foster curiosity and interest in subjects such as science and history. For instance, the history curriculum has educated the new generation about the nation’s victorious heroes. After that, television can be an international resource. Children can use their leisure time after a demanding study day. In particular, they engage in video games on their devices with friends or family.

In summary, television can be an instrument to improve our lifestyle despite many drawbacks. Nevertheless, if we use it wisely, it will provide numerous benefits, including entertainment and enhanced knowledge.

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