Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think that they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Choosing a career is a significant decision that shapes much of a young person’s future. There are contrasting opinions on whether young people should follow their passions when selecting jobs or prioritize realistic, future-oriented considerations. Both perspectives offer valuable insights, and striking a balance between passion and practicality might be the key to a fulfilling career.

One argument for allowing young people to choose jobs they want is the motivation and satisfaction derived from pursuing their interests. When individuals are passionate about their work, they are likely to be more engaged and industrious. This enthusiasm often translates into higher productivity and a greater willingness to face challenges. Additionally, job satisfaction is closely linked to mental well-being. A career aligned with personal interests can significantly contribute to overall happiness and a sense of fulfillment.
Moreover, pursuing a passion can lead to innovation and excellence. Many successful entrepreneurs and professionals attribute their accomplishments to their passion for their field. For instance, tech innovators like Steve Jobs and creative minds like J.K. Rowling turned their passion into successful careers that also made substantial contributions to their respective industries.

On the other hand, some people argue that young individuals should be more realistic about their career choices, focusing on job stability and future prospects. The ever-changing job market and economic uncertainties necessitate a pragmatic approach. High-demand professions in fields like healthcare, technology, and engineering often offer stable employment and competitive salaries. Choosing such careers can provide financial security and long-term benefits.
Furthermore, practicality should consider the evolving nature of certain industries. Jobs that are in demand today might not be so in a decade, and vice-versa. Therefore, young people should be encouraged to develop adaptable skills and be open to lifelong learning, which is essential in navigating an unpredictable job market.
While both perspectives have merit, the ideal approach might be a balanced one that incorporates passion and practicality. Young people should be encouraged to explore careers that they are passionate about, while also being mindful of the realistic aspects like job market trends, financial stability, and career growth opportunities.
Additionally, education and counseling can play a crucial role in helping young people make informed decisions. Schools and universities should offer robust career guidance programs that provide insights into various industries, potential career paths, and the skills required for success. This approach ensures that young people have the knowledge to balance their interests with practical considerations, leading to more informed and sustainable career choices.

In conclusion, the debate between choosing a job based on passion versus practicality is multifaceted. While pursuing one’s interests can lead to job satisfaction and innovation, being realistic about employment prospects is crucial for financial and professional stability. Encouraging young people to find a harmonious balance between these two approaches, supported by comprehensive career guidance, is essential for their long-term success and well-being. This balanced strategy ensures that they not only build rewarding careers but also enjoy the journey along the way.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Choosing a career is a significant decision" -> "Selecting a career is a pivotal decision"
Explanation: "Selecting" is more formal and precise than "choosing," and "pivotal" conveys a stronger sense of importance than "significant," enhancing the academic tone.
"There are contrasting opinions" -> "There exist divergent opinions"
Explanation: "Exist" is more formal than "are," and "divergent" is a more precise term than "contrasting" in academic contexts, emphasizing the differences in opinion.
"young people should follow their passions" -> "young individuals should pursue their passions"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people," and "pursue" is more specific and formal than "follow," aligning better with academic language.
"When individuals are passionate about their work" -> "When individuals are enthusiastic about their profession"
Explanation: "Enthusiastic" is more specific and formal than "passionate," and "profession" is a more formal term than "work" in this context.
"job satisfaction is closely linked to mental well-being" -> "job satisfaction is intimately connected to mental well-being"
Explanation: "Intimately connected" is a more precise and formal expression than "closely linked," enhancing the academic tone.
"Many successful entrepreneurs and professionals" -> "Numerous successful entrepreneurs and professionals"
Explanation: "Numerous" is a more formal and precise term than "many," fitting better in academic writing.
"tech innovators like Steve Jobs" -> "technological innovators such as Steve Jobs"
Explanation: "Technological innovators" is more specific and formal than "tech innovators," and "such as" is more formal than "like."
"choosing such careers can provide financial security" -> "selecting such careers can offer financial security"
Explanation: "Selecting" is more formal than "choosing," and "offer" is a more formal verb than "provide" in this context.
"practicality should consider the evolving nature" -> "practical considerations should take into account the evolving nature"
Explanation: "Practical considerations" is a more formal phrase than "practicality," and "take into account" is more precise than "consider."
"Jobs that are in demand today might not be so in a decade" -> "Jobs that are currently in demand may not be so in a decade"
Explanation: "Currently" is more precise and formal than "today," and "may" is more academically appropriate than "might" in this context.
"young people should be encouraged to explore careers" -> "young individuals should be encouraged to investigate careers"
Explanation: "Investigate" is more formal and precise than "explore," fitting better in an academic context.
"robust career guidance programs" -> "comprehensive career guidance programs"
Explanation: "Comprehensive" is a more formal and precise term than "robust," which is somewhat colloquial in this context.
"ensures that young people have the knowledge" -> "ensures that young individuals possess the necessary knowledge"
Explanation: "Possess" is more formal than "have," and "necessary" adds specificity and formality to the statement.
"build rewarding careers" -> "establish fulfilling careers"
Explanation: "Establish" is more formal and precise than "build," and "fulfilling" is a more academic term than "rewarding."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether young people should choose jobs based on passion or practicality. The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives, and each viewpoint is discussed in separate paragraphs. The writer provides a balanced examination of both sides, mentioning the benefits of pursuing passion (motivation, job satisfaction, innovation) and the importance of realism (job stability, adaptability). The conclusion reiterates the need for a balanced approach, which encapsulates the discussion well.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the writer could explicitly reference the implications of each viewpoint on young people’s futures in more detail. For instance, discussing potential consequences of solely pursuing passion without considering job market realities could deepen the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that advocates for a balanced approach between passion and practicality. This stance is consistently reflected throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, where the writer emphasizes the importance of integrating both perspectives. However, the position could be made even clearer by explicitly stating it in the introduction and reiterating it more forcefully in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: The writer could strengthen their position by using phrases such as "I believe" or "In my opinion" in the introduction and conclusion. This would make the personal stance more explicit and reinforce the argument throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents well-developed ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. For example, the discussion on job satisfaction and mental well-being is supported by relevant examples of successful individuals. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration, particularly the practical considerations of job stability and adaptability.
- How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the writer could include more specific examples or statistics related to job market trends and the success rates of various career paths. Additionally, incorporating counterarguments or potential drawbacks of each perspective could provide a more nuanced discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt directly and avoiding irrelevant information. Each paragraph contributes to the overall discussion of the balance between passion and practicality in career choices. The writer effectively ties back to the topic in the conclusion, summarizing the key points made.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that each paragraph explicitly connects back to the main argument can further enhance coherence. The writer could use transition phrases that link back to the central theme of balancing passion and practicality, reinforcing the essay’s focus.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With minor adjustments in clarity of position, depth of support, and explicit connections to the topic, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a well-structured argument, clearly delineating the two opposing views regarding career choices for young people. The introduction sets the stage effectively, outlining the topic and hinting at the author’s opinion. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the debate, with the first focusing on the benefits of pursuing passion and the second on the necessity of realism. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the discussion and reinforces the author’s balanced viewpoint. However, while the overall organization is strong, transitions between some ideas could be smoother to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit transitional phrases between paragraphs and within paragraphs. For example, phrases like "In addition to this," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can further clarify the main idea being discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific argument. The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, and the body paragraphs are well-structured, each containing a main idea supported by examples. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from a clearer connection to the overall argument, as it feels slightly more detached from the main theme of balancing passion and practicality.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each body paragraph not only presents an argument but also explicitly ties back to the central thesis. For instance, after discussing the importance of job stability in the second body paragraph, a concluding sentence could reiterate how this perspective complements the need for passion, thereby reinforcing the essay’s main argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of cohesive devices, such as "moreover," "on the other hand," and "furthermore," which help to connect ideas and maintain coherence. The use of examples, such as references to Steve Jobs and J.K. Rowling, adds depth to the arguments presented. However, there are moments where the cohesive devices could be varied further to enhance the writing style and avoid repetition.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using alternatives like "in contrast," "similarly," or "consequently" can provide more variety and keep the reader engaged. Additionally, varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more dynamic flow, making the essay more compelling.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively presenting a balanced discussion on the topic. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and fluidity of their arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively employing terms such as "motivation," "satisfaction," "engaged," "industrious," and "pragmatic." The use of phrases like "striking a balance" and "financial security" showcases the writer’s ability to articulate nuanced ideas. Additionally, the inclusion of specific examples, such as "tech innovators like Steve Jobs and creative minds like J.K. Rowling," enhances the essay’s depth and relevance.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical variety, the writer could incorporate more synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of using "passion" multiple times, alternatives like "enthusiasm" or "zeal" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more idiomatic expressions could enrich the language and make it more engaging.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary used in the essay is largely precise and appropriate for the context. Terms such as "job stability," "adaptable skills," and "lifelong learning" are well-chosen and convey the intended meaning effectively. However, there are instances where the precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "the ideal approach might be a balanced one" could be more assertively stated as "an optimal approach is a balanced one," which would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that every term used conveys the exact intended meaning. This can be achieved by revisiting phrases that may seem vague or overly general and replacing them with more specific alternatives. For example, instead of saying "the evolving nature of certain industries," specifying which industries could provide clearer context.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "significant," "contribute," and "uncertainties" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of the language. This level of accuracy contributes positively to the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: While the spelling is correct, the writer should maintain this level of accuracy by consistently proofreading their work. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or engaging in peer reviews can help catch any potential errors that may arise in future essays. Additionally, practicing spelling for commonly confused words or terms related to the essay topic can further solidify this strength.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 8 due to its wide range of vocabulary, precise usage, and correct spelling. By focusing on enhancing variety, precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Choosing a career is a significant decision that shapes much of a young person’s future" effectively convey intricate ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "When individuals are passionate about their work, they are likely to be more engaged and industrious," showcases the writer’s ability to articulate cause-and-effect relationships. However, while the range is impressive, there are moments where the sentence length could be varied more effectively to enhance readability and engagement.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound-complex sentences and rhetorical questions to engage the reader. For example, varying the length and structure of sentences within paragraphs can create a more dynamic flow. Additionally, using introductory phrases or clauses can add complexity and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the ideal approach might be a balanced one that incorporates passion and practicality" is grammatically sound and clearly articulated. Punctuation is also used effectively, with commas appropriately placed to separate clauses and enhance clarity. However, there are instances where the use of commas could be improved, such as in the sentence "Therefore, young people should be encouraged to develop adaptable skills and be open to lifelong learning," where a pause could enhance comprehension.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy further, the writer should focus on ensuring that all clauses are properly punctuated, particularly in longer sentences. Reviewing rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences, would be beneficial. Additionally, practicing sentence diagramming could help the writer visualize sentence structures and identify any potential grammatical issues before finalizing the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. Continued practice in diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation will help the writer achieve even greater proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Choosing a career is a pivotal decision that shapes much of a young person’s future. There exist divergent opinions on whether young individuals should pursue their passions when selecting jobs or prioritize realistic, future-oriented considerations. Both perspectives offer valuable insights, and striking a balance between passion and practicality might be the key to establishing fulfilling careers.

One argument for allowing young people to select the jobs they want is the motivation and satisfaction derived from pursuing their interests. When individuals are enthusiastic about their profession, they are likely to be more engaged and industrious. This enthusiasm often translates into higher productivity and a greater willingness to face challenges. Additionally, job satisfaction is intimately connected to mental well-being. A career aligned with personal interests can significantly contribute to overall happiness and a sense of fulfillment. Moreover, pursuing a passion can lead to innovation and excellence. Numerous successful entrepreneurs and professionals attribute their accomplishments to their passion for their field. For instance, technological innovators such as Steve Jobs and creative minds like J.K. Rowling turned their passion into successful careers that also made substantial contributions to their respective industries.

While both perspectives have merit, the ideal approach might be a balanced one that incorporates passion and practicality. Young people should be encouraged to investigate careers that they are passionate about, while also being mindful of realistic aspects like job market trends, financial stability, and career growth opportunities. Additionally, education and counseling can play a crucial role in helping young people make informed decisions. Schools and universities should offer comprehensive career guidance programs that provide insights into various industries, potential career paths, and the skills required for success. This approach ensures that young individuals possess the necessary knowledge to balance their interests with practical considerations, leading to more informed and sustainable career choices.