Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults . Do you agree or disagree?Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults . Do you agree or disagree?

The issue of whether young people who commit crimes should be punished in the same way as adults is a controversial one. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the notion that young offenders should receive the same punishment as adults for serious crimes.
Firstly, it is important to acknowledge that teenagers are maturing, in terms of mentally, emotionally, and socially. The brain’s structure and function undergo considerable changes during adolescence. Adolescents are more vulnerable to irrational decision-making caused by impulsivity and reward of sensation-seeking behaviour due to their psychological immaturity. The lack of brain developments make children more susceptible to commit crimes. Therefore, people might take into account about punish teenagers as adults since it could cause detrimental psychological influence on those youths, pushing them into long-term criminal path. To illustrate, studies have shown the rate of traumatic victimization among youth in justice system to be as high as 75%.
Moreover, society has a responsibility to rehabilitate young offenders and guide them towards a better path. Rehabilitation programs that focus on education and guidance are far more effective in granting adolescents great opportunities to learn from their mistakes and make contributions to society, especially for those who have the potential to change. A justice system that prioritizes punishment over rehabilitation for young offenders may be seen as failing in its duty to protect and nurture the next generation.
In conclusion, while serious crimes committed by young people should not be taken lightly, I firmly believe that they should not be punished in the same way as adults. Young offenders should be given the opportunity to rehabilitate and reform, taking into account their age, development, and potential for change. A justice system that balances accountability with compassion is more likely to achieve long-term positive outcomes for both the offenders and society as a whole.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In my opinion, I completely disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
Explanation: The phrase "In my opinion, I completely disagree" is redundant. Simplifying it to "I strongly disagree" maintains the assertiveness while avoiding redundancy, enhancing the formal tone of the academic essay.
"young people who commit crimes" -> "young offenders"
Explanation: The term "young offenders" is more specific and formal, fitting better in an academic context than the more general "young people who commit crimes."
"punish teenagers as adults" -> "impose adult penalties on teenagers"
Explanation: "Impose adult penalties" is more precise and formal than "punish as adults," which sounds somewhat colloquial and vague.
"The brain’s structure and function undergo considerable changes" -> "The brain undergoes significant structural and functional changes"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the subject and verb agreement, making the sentence more direct and formal.
"The lack of brain developments" -> "the incomplete development of the brain"
Explanation: "Incomplete development of the brain" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "lack of brain developments," which is awkward and unclear.
"people might take into account about punish teenagers" -> "consideration should be given to punishing teenagers"
Explanation: "Consideration should be given to punishing teenagers" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction of "take into account about punish," which is grammatically incorrect.
"pushing them into long-term criminal path" -> "propel them onto a long-term criminal trajectory"
Explanation: "Propel them onto a long-term criminal trajectory" uses more precise and formal language, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"studies have shown the rate of traumatic victimization among youth in justice system to be as high as 75%" -> "research indicates that the rate of traumatic victimization among youth in the justice system is as high as 75%"
Explanation: "Research indicates" is more formal than "studies have shown," and specifying "the justice system" clarifies the context, making the sentence more precise and formal.
"granting adolescents great opportunities" -> "offering adolescents significant opportunities"
Explanation: "Offering adolescents significant opportunities" is more formal and precise than "granting adolescents great opportunities," aligning better with academic style.
"A justice system that prioritizes punishment over rehabilitation" -> "A justice system that emphasizes punishment over rehabilitation"
Explanation: "Emphasizes" is a more formal synonym for "prioritizes," fitting the academic tone better.
"Young offenders should be given the opportunity to rehabilitate and reform" -> "Young offenders should be afforded opportunities for rehabilitation and reform"
Explanation: "Afforded opportunities for" is a more formal expression than "given the opportunity to," which is slightly informal and less precise in this context.
"taking into account their age, development, and potential for change" -> "considering their age, developmental stage, and potential for change"
Explanation: "Considering their age, developmental stage, and potential for change" uses more precise and formal terms, enhancing the academic quality of the sentence.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and style of the essay to better suit an academic context, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating the writer’s disagreement with the notion that young offenders should be punished like adults. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs provide reasons supporting this stance. The mention of psychological development and the role of rehabilitation directly responds to the question’s implications about punishment and young offenders.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint. Including a brief discussion of why some might argue for equal punishment could demonstrate a more balanced approach and strengthen the overall argument by addressing counterarguments.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position against treating young offenders as adults throughout the essay. The use of phrases like "I completely disagree" and "I firmly believe" reinforces this stance. The conclusion succinctly reiterates the main argument, ensuring that the reader understands the writer’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: To further solidify the clarity of the position, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly link back to the main argument throughout the body paragraphs. For instance, summarizing how each point relates back to the central thesis could enhance coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents well-developed ideas, particularly regarding the psychological aspects of youth development and the importance of rehabilitation. The use of statistics (e.g., "75% traumatic victimization") supports the argument effectively. However, some ideas, such as the impact of rehabilitation programs, could be elaborated further with specific examples or studies to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more concrete examples or case studies to illustrate the effectiveness of rehabilitation over punishment. This could involve mentioning specific programs or success stories that demonstrate positive outcomes for young offenders.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, consistently addressing the question of punishment for young offenders. There are no significant deviations from the main argument, and each paragraph contributes to the overall thesis.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, the writer should ensure that each point made directly ties back to the central argument. This can be achieved by explicitly linking the implications of each point to the overarching question of whether young offenders should be punished as adults, ensuring that the relevance is clear to the reader.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. With minor adjustments to address counterarguments, provide more specific examples, and enhance coherence, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the argument, stating the author’s disagreement with the notion of punishing young offenders as adults. Each paragraph builds upon the previous one, with the first paragraph discussing the psychological development of adolescents and the second focusing on the importance of rehabilitation. The use of transitional phrases such as "Firstly" and "Moreover" helps guide the reader through the argument. However, the connection between the points could be strengthened, particularly in linking the psychological aspects directly to the implications for punishment.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases that connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the psychological immaturity of adolescents, a transitional sentence could explicitly relate this to the need for a different approach to punishment, thereby reinforcing the logical connection between the two points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-paragraphed, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the author’s stance, the second delves into the psychological reasons for leniency, and the third emphasizes the need for rehabilitation. This structure aids readability and comprehension. However, the conclusion could be seen as slightly repetitive of the main points without adding new insights.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, the conclusion could summarize the key arguments more succinctly while also introducing a broader implication or a call to action. This would not only reinforce the main points but also leave the reader with a lasting impression of the importance of the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including conjunctions (e.g., "and," "but"), transitional phrases (e.g., "Firstly," "Moreover"), and referencing (e.g., "those youths"). These devices effectively link ideas within and between paragraphs, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the essay could benefit from a greater variety of cohesive devices to enhance sophistication.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating more advanced linking phrases such as "In light of this," "Consequently," or "As a result." Additionally, using synonyms or paraphrasing when referring back to key concepts can help avoid repetition and demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary. For example, instead of repeatedly using "young offenders," synonyms like "juvenile delinquents" or "adolescent offenders" could be utilized to maintain engagement and clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively communicating the author’s argument while maintaining a logical structure. By focusing on enhancing transitions, refining paragraph conclusions, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could reach an even higher level of sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of juvenile justice. Terms such as "rehabilitate," "psychological immaturity," and "detrimental psychological influence" showcase the writer’s ability to use appropriate and varied language. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more diverse or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "punished in the same way as adults" is repeated, which could be varied with synonyms or rephrased for greater lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "punished," alternatives like "penalized," "sanctioned," or "held accountable" could be used. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to psychology or criminology could elevate the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the lack of brain developments make children more susceptible to commit crimes" could be misinterpreted. The term "developments" should be singular ("development") to maintain grammatical accuracy. Furthermore, the phrase "pushing them into long-term criminal path" lacks an article and should read "long-term criminal paths."
- How to improve: To ensure precision, the writer should pay attention to grammatical structures and article usage. Reviewing sentence constructions for clarity and correctness will enhance the overall precision of vocabulary. Additionally, using more specific terms when discussing psychological concepts could improve clarity—for instance, using "cognitive development" instead of "brain developments."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, which is a strength. However, there are minor errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "sensation-seeking behaviour" uses British English spelling ("behaviour"), which is acceptable if consistent, but the rest of the essay should also reflect this choice. Additionally, "about punish teenagers as adults" should be corrected to "about punishing teenagers as adults."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and ensuring consistency in spelling conventions (British vs. American English). Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked during writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases such as "The brain’s structure and function undergo considerable changes during adolescence," which effectively conveys a nuanced idea. Additionally, the author employs conditional structures, as seen in "A justice system that prioritizes punishment over rehabilitation for young offenders may be seen as failing in its duty…" This variety contributes to the overall sophistication of the writing. However, there are instances of less complex structures that could be enhanced, such as the repetitive use of "young offenders" and "serious crimes," which could be varied to improve the flow and engagement of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the author could incorporate more compound-complex sentences and vary the subjects of sentences. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "Young offenders" or "Adolescents," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "Considering their developmental stage, young offenders…" or "Due to their psychological immaturity, adolescents…" This would not only enhance variety but also improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the lack of brain developments make children more susceptible" should use "makes" instead of "make" to agree with the singular subject "lack." Additionally, the phrase "take into account about punish teenagers" is awkward and grammatically incorrect; it should be revised to "take into account punishing teenagers." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "especially for those who have the potential to change" to separate the clause more clearly from the main sentence.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the author should carefully proofread the essay to catch subject-verb agreement errors and awkward phrasing. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers could also help identify and correct these issues. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, would enhance clarity and readability.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument, but attention to the variety of sentence structures and minor grammatical details could elevate it to an even higher level.

Bài sửa mẫu

Firstly, it is important to acknowledge that teenagers are maturing in terms of mental, emotional, and social development. The brain’s structure and function undergo considerable changes during adolescence. Adolescents are more vulnerable to irrational decision-making caused by impulsivity and the reward of sensation-seeking behaviour due to their psychological immaturity. The lack of brain development makes children more susceptible to committing crimes. Therefore, people should take into consideration punishing teenagers as adults since it could cause detrimental psychological influences on those youths, propelling them onto a long-term criminal trajectory. To illustrate, studies have shown that the rate of traumatic victimization among youth in the justice system is as high as 75%.

Moreover, society has a responsibility to rehabilitate young offenders and guide them towards a better path. Rehabilitation programs that focus on education and guidance are far more effective in offering adolescents significant opportunities to learn from their mistakes and make contributions to society, especially for those who have the potential to change. A justice system that emphasizes punishment over rehabilitation for young offenders may be seen as failing in its duty to protect and nurture the next generation.

In conclusion, while serious crimes committed by young people should not be taken lightly, I firmly believe that they should not be punished in the same way as adults. Young offenders should be afforded opportunities for rehabilitation and reform, considering their age, developmental stage, and potential for change. A justice system that balances accountability with compassion is more likely to achieve long-term positive outcomes for both the offenders and society as a whole.