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some people believe the range of technology avilable to individuals today is increasing the gap between poor people and rich people. thers think it is having an opposite effect. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

some people believe the range of technology avilable to individuals today is increasing the gap between poor people and rich people. thers think it is having an opposite effect. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

The poliferation of technology is a topic that sparks diversified perspectives. Some believe it contributes to widening the distance between the elites and the poor in society, while others agree with the reserval. This essay tends to discuss these views and present my own opinion about this contentious topic.

Technology is said to be the underlying cause of the poorer wealth equality in community. This is because it opens more opportunities in career and daily life for the affluent class, who are easily acessible to cutting-edge technical devices. Nevertheless, it is considered as the greatest hinderance for those with disadvantaged background, especially in this digital era when all of us are surrounded by technology. It hampers them in their way to find suitable job or may be get access to information, leading to a lower quality of life in general. For instance, laptop creates significant chances for young people to seek jobs in various fields, however, those who lack this device find it harder to secure a stable working life, thereby increasing the unemployment rate in poverished areas.

However, I believe that the reserval is true for this topic. Technology has joined a helpful hand in bringing people with contradict life standard closer, eliminating the colossal distance that society created for them. The more technical devices are invented and produced, the more gratis and accessible they are. As a consequence, not only the rich but also the poor can afford them, creating an equality in seizing opportunities and developing their own life. For example, apple is applying a strategy that they will lower the price of old-aged products once introducing new iphone or ipad. This act will create more chances more those with tight budget to buy mobilephones and laptops without worrying about price.

in coclusion, people response differently to the actual impact of technology, whether it widen the gap between the rich and the poor or brings them closer. Personally, I believe in the latter point as technology is produced massly so create a balance in chances for all of them, regardless of background .


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "poliferation" -> "proliferation"
    Explanation: Replacing "poliferation" with "proliferation" corrects the spelling error, ensuring accuracy and maintaining a formal tone.

  2. "diversified" -> "divergent"
    Explanation: Replacing "diversified" with "divergent" enhances the sophistication of the language, aligning it with academic style and formal expression.

  3. "reserval" -> "reversal"
    Explanation: Correcting the misspelled word "reserval" to "reversal" ensures clarity and accuracy in conveying the intended meaning.

  4. "underlying cause of the poorer wealth equality" -> "underlying cause of worsening wealth inequality"
    Explanation: Substituting "poorer wealth equality" with "worsening wealth inequality" improves precision and clarity in describing the impact of technology on wealth distribution.

  5. "easily acessible" -> "easily accessible"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "acessible" to "accessible" maintains grammatical accuracy and adheres to formal language norms.

  6. "hinderance" -> "hindrance"
    Explanation: Replacing "hinderance" with "hindrance" corrects the spelling error, ensuring accuracy and formality in the use of vocabulary.

  7. "may be get access to information" -> "or gain access to information"
    Explanation: Substituting "may be get access to" with "or gain access to" improves the flow and grammatical structure of the sentence.

  8. "creates significant chances" -> "provides significant opportunities"
    Explanation: Replacing "creates significant chances" with "provides significant opportunities" introduces a more precise and formal expression to convey the impact of laptops on job seeking.

  9. "poverished" -> "impoverished"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error "poverished" to "impoverished" ensures accuracy and maintains a formal tone in discussing disadvantaged areas.

  10. "reserval" -> "reversal"
    Explanation: Repeating the correction of the misspelled word "reserval" to "reversal" for consistency and accuracy.

  11. "joined a helpful hand" -> "lent a helping hand"
    Explanation: Substituting "joined a helpful hand" with "lent a helping hand" enhances the formality and fluency of the expression.

  12. "contradict life standard" -> "contrasting life standards"
    Explanation: Replacing "contradict life standard" with "contrasting life standards" introduces a more precise and academically appropriate term.

  13. "gratis" -> "affordable"
    Explanation: Replacing "gratis" with "affordable" maintains the meaning while using a more formal and widely understood term.

  14. "create a balance in chances" -> "create a balance in opportunities"
    Explanation: Substituting "create a balance in chances" with "create a balance in opportunities" improves precision and aligns with academic language norms.

  15. "massly" -> "massively"
    Explanation: Correcting the adverb "massly" to "massively" ensures grammatical accuracy and adherence to formal language standards.

  16. "coclusion" -> "conclusion"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error "coclusion" to "conclusion" ensures accuracy and maintains a formal tone in the closing statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "The poliferation of technology is a topic that sparks diversified perspectives. Some believe it contributes to widening the distance between the elites and the poor in society, while others agree with the reserval. This essay tends to discuss these views and present my own opinion about this contentious topic."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your introduction clearly presents the topic and the two opposing views, which is a good start. However, it would be more beneficial if you could succinctly outline the main points you will discuss in the body paragraphs. This helps in providing a roadmap for your readers, making your essay more structured and easier to follow.
    • Improved example: "The proliferation of technology has ignited diverse opinions, with some asserting that it exacerbates the gap between the affluent and the underprivileged, while others contend the opposite. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives and articulate my own stance on this contentious issue, examining how technology impacts social inequality."
  2. Quoted text: "However, I believe that the reserval is true for this topic. Technology has joined a helpful hand in bringing people with contradict life standard closer, eliminating the colossal distance that society created for them. The more technical devices are invented and produced, the more gratis and accessible they are. As a consequence, not only the rich but also the poor can afford them, creating an equality in seizing opportunities and developing their own life. For example, apple is applying a strategy that they will lower the price of old-aged products once introducing new iphone or ipad. This act will create more chances more those with tight budget to buy mobilephones and laptops without worrying about price."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While your viewpoint is clear, the development of your argument lacks depth and clarity. Provide more specific examples and elaborate on how technology helps bridge the gap between different socio-economic groups. Additionally, ensure that your examples are logically connected to your main argument and strengthen your position.
    • Improved example: "Contrary to the belief that technology widens the gap, I posit that it fosters inclusivity by making advanced devices more accessible to all. For instance, companies like Apple implement strategies, such as reducing prices of older models when launching new products. This approach ensures that individuals with limited budgets can afford smartphones and laptops, promoting equality in accessing opportunities and enhancing their quality of life."
  3. Quoted text: "in coclusion, people response differently to the actual impact of technology, whether it widen the gap between the rich and the poor or brings them closer. Personally, I believe in the latter point as technology is produced massly so create a balance in chances for all of them, regardless of background."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your conclusion is concise but could benefit from a more nuanced restatement of your thesis and main points. Reiterate your position and summarize the key reasons supporting it. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion and aim for a strong, conclusive ending.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, people hold diverse views on the impact of technology on socio-economic disparity. Despite the debate, I firmly stand by the belief that technology, produced on a massive scale, plays a pivotal role in creating a balanced opportunity landscape for individuals of all backgrounds. By making technological advancements widely accessible, we can foster equality and bridge the gap between the rich and the poor."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair level of coherence and cohesion. There is a clear overall progression, and the ideas are arranged coherently within paragraphs. The introduction presents the topic, and each paragraph discusses a different perspective. However, there are some issues with cohesion within and between sentences. For example, there are spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., "poliferation," "avilable," "reserval") that hinder smooth reading. Additionally, some sentences lack clarity, making it harder to follow the argument. While there is evidence of paragraphing, it is not always logical.

How to improve:

  1. Proofread the essay for spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity and coherence.
  2. Ensure a smoother flow between sentences by using appropriate transitional phrases.
  3. Strengthen logical connections within and between paragraphs to improve overall coherence.
  4. Focus on maintaining consistent spelling and grammatical accuracy throughout the essay.
  5. Consider refining the introduction and conclusion for better framing of the essay’s argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, as seen in phrases like "poliferation of technology" instead of "proliferation of technology," and "reserval" instead of "reversal." Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation throughout the essay, such as "avilable" instead of "available," "acessible" instead of "accessible," and "coclusion" instead of "conclusion." These errors do not impede communication but affect the overall lexical resource.

How to improve: Focus on enhancing accuracy in word choice, spelling, and word formation. Proofread carefully to catch and correct errors before submitting the essay. Consider using a wider variety of vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely and fluently.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While there is an attempt to use a variety of structures, there are noticeable grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as spelling mistakes (e.g., "poliferation" instead of "proliferation," "avilable" instead of "available," and "reserval" instead of "reversal"). Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement and word choice that impact the overall accuracy. Despite these errors, the essay’s communication is not severely hindered, and the writer conveys their ideas reasonably well.

How to improve:

  1. Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to correct spelling errors and ensure proper word usage.
  2. Grammar and Sentence Structure: Focus on maintaining grammatical accuracy, paying attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure.
  3. Word Choice: Choose words more carefully to convey ideas accurately and precisely.
  4. Complex Sentences: While there is an attempt at complex sentences, ensure they are grammatically correct and effectively convey the intended meaning.
  5. Consistency in Punctuation: Maintain consistency in punctuation usage throughout the essay.

The essay exhibits potential for improvement with a more meticulous approach to language use and grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The proliferation of technology is a topic that elicits diverse perspectives. Some believe it contributes to widening the gap between the affluent and the economically disadvantaged in society, while others support the opposite view. This essay aims to discuss these viewpoints and present my own perspective on this contentious issue.

Technology is considered by some as the root cause of increasing wealth inequality in the community. This is because it opens up more career and daily life opportunities for the affluent class, who have easy access to cutting-edge technical devices. However, it is viewed as a significant hindrance for those with disadvantaged backgrounds, particularly in this digital era when technology surrounds us. It impedes their ability to find suitable jobs or access information, resulting in a lower quality of life overall. For instance, laptops create significant job-seeking opportunities for young people in various fields. However, those without access to such devices find it challenging to secure stable employment, thereby increasing the unemployment rate in impoverished areas.

Nevertheless, I hold the view that the opposite is true for this topic. Technology has played a helpful role in bringing people with contrasting living standards closer together, eliminating the considerable distance that society created for them. The more technical devices are invented and produced, the more affordable and accessible they become. As a consequence, not only the rich but also the poor can afford them, creating equality in seizing opportunities and developing their own lives. For example, Apple employs a strategy of lowering the prices of older products when introducing new iPhones or iPads. This approach creates more opportunities for those with tight budgets to purchase mobile phones and laptops without worrying about the cost.

In conclusion, people respond differently to the actual impact of technology, debating whether it widens the gap between the rich and the poor or brings them closer. Personally, I believe in the latter viewpoint, as technology is produced on a massive scale, creating a balance in opportunities for everyone, regardless of their background.

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