Some people believe watching TV is bad for children, while others claim that it has positive effects for children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some argue watching TV has negative impacts on children, while others believe it is advantageous for them. This essay will first closely examine both views before concluding my own opinion.

On the one hand, opponents of watching TV often emphasize its detrimental effects on children’s well-being. Excessive time spent on TV can lead children to a sedentary lifestyle, potentially increasing the risk of various dangerous diseases such near-sightedness, heart attack or obesity. Moreover, watching inappropriate content containing violent scenes may negatively affect children’s mental health. Some children may be more aggressive and prone to violent behaviors, while some may become fearful and obsessed.

On the other hand, others contend that television is undeniably beneficial, particularly in terms of education. Nowadays, smart TV has provided a great number of educational contents which are well invested in both quality and formats, making it more accessible for all children. For example, children in rural or mountainous areas where learning conditions are limited may make good use of educational programs on TV to expand their knowledge. In addition to this, most educational contents on TV are illustrated in the form of vibrant images and sounds, which can make children more engaged and observe information easily.

In the light of aforementioned considerations, I think watching TV is a double-edged sword. At young ages, children have not yet fully developed their perceptions and ability to control their behaviors, so it is parents that are responsible for ensuring that watching TV is useful for their children. By setting watching time limits, choosing the appropriate contents or co-viewing with their children, parents can totally turn TV into a good companion for educating their children.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Some argue watching TV" -> "Some argue that watching television"
Explanation: Using "television" instead of "TV" is more formal and aligns better with academic writing conventions.
"This essay will first closely examine both views before concluding my own opinion." -> "This essay will initially explore both perspectives before presenting my own viewpoint."
Explanation: "Closely examine" is replaced with "explore" for a more formal tone, and "concluding" is changed to "presenting" for clarity and conciseness.
"On the one hand, opponents of watching TV often emphasize" -> "On one hand, detractors of television frequently highlight"
Explanation: "Opponents of watching TV" is replaced with "detractors of television" for a more formal expression, and "often emphasize" is substituted with "frequently highlight" for variety and sophistication.
"Excessive time spent on TV" -> "Extended periods of television viewing"
Explanation: "Excessive time spent on TV" is rephrased for a more formal tone by using "extended periods of television viewing."
"near-sightedness, heart attack or obesity" -> "myopia, cardiovascular issues, or obesity"
Explanation: The medical terms "myopia" and "cardiovascular issues" are more precise and formal alternatives to "near-sightedness" and "heart attack," respectively.
"may negatively affect children’s mental health" -> "can have adverse effects on children’s mental well-being"
Explanation: Replacing "may negatively affect" with "can have adverse effects on" enhances formality and clarity, and "mental health" is changed to "mental well-being" for a more precise term.
"Some children may be more aggressive and prone to violent behaviors" -> "Some children may exhibit increased aggression and susceptibility to violent behaviors"
Explanation: "Prone to" is replaced with "susceptibility to" for a more formal expression, and "aggressive" is modified to "increased aggression" for clarity and specificity.
"others contend that television is undeniably beneficial" -> "others argue that television confers undeniable benefits"
Explanation: "Contend" is replaced with "argue" for variety, and "undeniably beneficial" is changed to "confers undeniable benefits" for a more formal phrasing.
"smart TV has provided a great number of educational contents" -> "smart TV has offered a plethora of educational content"
Explanation: "Contents" is replaced with "content" for correct singular form, and "a great number of" is substituted with "a plethora of" for a more sophisticated expression.
"well invested in both quality and formats" -> "well-invested in terms of quality and format"
Explanation: "Formats" is replaced with "format" for grammatical correctness, and "both quality and formats" is rephrased for clarity and conciseness.
"For example, children in rural or mountainous areas where learning conditions are limited" -> "For instance, children residing in rural or mountainous regions with constrained learning environments"
Explanation: The revised sentence provides a more formal and descriptive expression for the geographical areas mentioned.
"may make good use of educational programs on TV" -> "can utilize educational programs on television effectively"
Explanation: "Make good use of" is replaced with "utilize effectively" for a more formal tone, and "TV" is replaced with "television" for formality.
"more engaged and observe information easily" -> "more engaged and absorb information effortlessly"
Explanation: "Observe information easily" is replaced with "absorb information effortlessly" for a more precise and formal expression.
"In the light of aforementioned considerations," -> "In light of the foregoing factors,"
Explanation: "Aforementioned considerations" is replaced with "foregoing factors" for conciseness and formality.
"I think watching TV is a double-edged sword." -> "I believe television viewing is a double-edged sword."
Explanation: "Think" is replaced with "believe" for a more formal expression, and "watching TV" is changed to "television viewing" for variety and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question

Detailed explanation:
The essay addresses both views of the prompt: the negative impacts of watching TV on children and the potential positive effects. The writer offers balanced arguments for each side, providing examples and discussing possible outcomes. However, the essay’s final opinion doesn’t take a firm stance but rather suggests a middle ground, indicating that watching TV can be both beneficial and harmful, depending on parental involvement.
How to improve:
To strengthen the response, consider addressing both views with more detail. Expand on the risks associated with a sedentary lifestyle, offering more examples or statistics to support the claims. Similarly, expand on the educational benefits of TV with specific examples of content or programs that support learning. Additionally, consider taking a firmer stance in your conclusion to align with the "give your own opinion" aspect of the prompt. This could involve suggesting that while TV can be beneficial, parental guidance is crucial to mitigate the risks.

Present a Clear Position Throughout

Detailed explanation:
The essay’s position appears to be that watching TV is a double-edged sword, implying both benefits and risks. However, the essay can seem ambiguous because it presents both sides without strongly affirming which side is more compelling. This lack of a clear position may contribute to the overall Band Score of 6.
How to improve:
To present a clearer position, make it more explicit whether the positive or negative aspects of watching TV outweigh the other. This could be achieved by reiterating the opinion throughout the essay and reinforcing it in the conclusion. Using transitional phrases or conjunctions can also help maintain clarity in your position.

Present, Extend, and Support Ideas

Detailed explanation:
The essay presents ideas for both sides of the argument, providing basic examples to support the claims. However, the support could be further developed, especially on the negative impacts. There is a mention of the potential risks like heart attack, obesity, and violent behavior, but these ideas are not extensively supported with data, studies, or detailed examples.
How to improve:
Consider extending the support for your ideas with more specific examples or empirical evidence. For instance, reference studies or reports on the link between excessive TV watching and obesity in children, or explore the impact of violent content on children’s behavior with more depth. Doing so will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and strengthen your arguments.

Stay on Topic

Detailed explanation:
The essay stays on topic throughout, focusing on the impacts of watching TV on children. There are no significant deviations from the subject, which contributes to a consistent argument.
How to improve:
Although the essay generally stays on topic, it would be helpful to ensure that each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the topic without meandering. For instance, the concluding paragraph could focus more tightly on your opinion and how parents can play a role in mitigating risks, without introducing new ideas or excessive background information. This will help maintain a strong focus on the task at hand.

I hope this feedback is helpful. Let me know if you would like more detailed suggestions or additional assistance on other aspects of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organization by presenting both sides of the argument in separate paragraphs. It starts with an introduction that outlines the purpose of the essay, followed by two body paragraphs that discuss the negative and positive impacts of watching TV on children respectively. Finally, it concludes with a clear opinion. However, within the body paragraphs, the points could be further developed to strengthen the logical progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing more detailed examples and expanding on the arguments presented in each paragraph. Additionally, ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as the negative effects, positive effects, and the author’s opinion. However, some paragraphs could be further developed to provide more depth and coherence.
- How to improve: Aim to develop each paragraph with more detailed examples, explanations, and supporting evidence. This will not only strengthen the structure of the essay but also provide a more comprehensive analysis of the topic.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as transitional phrases (‘On the one hand’, ‘On the other hand’, ‘Moreover’, ‘In addition to this’, ‘In the light of aforementioned considerations’) to connect ideas and enhance coherence. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used.
- How to improve: Consider incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns (‘this’, ‘these’), conjunctions (‘however’, ‘therefore’), and synonyms to avoid repetition and add sophistication to the essay’s structure.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents both sides of the argument and offers a clear opinion, enhancing the depth of analysis, providing more detailed examples, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices will further improve coherence and cohesion, leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of vocabulary that aligns well with the topic and provides clarity in expression. For example, terms like "detrimental effects," "sedentary lifestyle," "double-edged sword," and "perceptions" show a range that is above average. The writer effectively uses these terms to support their arguments, enhancing the reader’s understanding of the points being made.
- How to improve: To elevate the vocabulary further, the candidate could incorporate more sophisticated synonyms and academic phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "watching TV," variations such as "television viewing" or "engagement with televised content" could be introduced. Additionally, exploring more complex vocabulary related to the specific effects of television, like using "cognitive development" instead of "mental health," could provide depth.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly uses vocabulary precisely. The usage of specific terms like "near-sightedness," "obsessed," and "educational contents" appropriately matches the context they are used in. Such precision supports clear communication of the essay’s points. However, there are instances where the expression could be tightened to enhance clarity and precision, such as the phrase "well invested in both quality and formats," which might be better expressed as "well-developed in both quality and presentation."
- How to improve: Precision can be improved by reviewing the essay for potentially vague or overly general terms and replacing them with more specific alternatives. For example, the term "dangerous diseases" could be more specific by mentioning "chronic health conditions." Further, avoiding redundancies and ensuring that descriptive terms are directly relevant to the concepts being discussed will sharpen the essay’s precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy throughout, with no significant errors that detract from the overall readability or understanding. This accuracy contributes positively to the essay’s professionalism and readability.
- How to improve: To maintain and even improve spelling accuracy, it’s beneficial for the writer to continue practicing by reading extensively, especially academic texts that utilize complex vocabulary. Utilizing spell check tools and revisiting commonly confused words can further enhance spelling skills. Regular writing practice and peer review can also help in identifying and correcting subtle mistakes.

Overall, the essay’s lexical resource is commendable and reflects a Band 7 score. The writer’s vocabulary is generally varied and precise, supporting clear communication of ideas. Continuous improvement in vocabulary sophistication and precision, along with ongoing attention to spelling, will be beneficial for achieving higher proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, incorporating simple, compound, and complex sentences effectively. For instance, the essay employs complex sentences such as "Excessive time spent on TV can lead children to a sedentary lifestyle, potentially increasing the risk of various dangerous diseases such as near-sightedness, heart attack, or obesity." Additionally, it utilizes compound sentences like "Some children may be more aggressive and prone to violent behaviors, while some may become fearful and obsessed." Furthermore, the essay employs a variety of transitional phrases to enhance coherence, such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "In the light of aforementioned considerations."
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s range of structures, consider integrating more complex sentence constructions, such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If children are exposed to excessive violence on TV, they may develop aggressive tendencies.") and parallel structures (e.g., "Not only does television provide entertainment, but it also serves as an educational tool.") This can elevate the sophistication of the essay’s syntax and contribute to a higher band score.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Sentences are generally well-structured, and grammatical errors are minimal. For instance, the essay effectively utilizes subject-verb agreement, pronoun consistency, and tense consistency throughout. Punctuation marks, such as commas and periods, are appropriately used to delineate sentence boundaries and clarify meaning. For example, "By setting watching time limits, choosing the appropriate contents, or co-viewing with their children, parents can totally turn TV into a good companion for educating their children."
- How to improve: While the essay exhibits proficiency in grammar and punctuation, attention to minor details can enhance overall clarity and precision. Proofreading for common errors such as misplaced modifiers, faulty parallelism, and punctuation consistency (e.g., ensuring consistency in the use of serial commas) can further refine the essay’s grammatical accuracy. Additionally, expanding vocabulary and employing idiomatic expressions judiciously can contribute to a more polished and sophisticated writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some argue that watching television has negative impacts on children, while others believe it is advantageous for them. This essay will first closely examine both views before concluding with my own opinion.

On the one hand, opponents of watching TV often emphasize its detrimental effects on children’s well-being. Excessive time spent watching TV can lead children to a sedentary lifestyle, potentially increasing the risk of various dangerous diseases such as nearsightedness, heart attacks, or obesity. Moreover, exposure to inappropriate content containing violent scenes may negatively affect children’s mental health. Some children may become more aggressive and prone to violent behaviors, while others may become fearful and obsessed.

On the other hand, others contend that television is undeniably beneficial, particularly in terms of education. Nowadays, smart TVs provide a great number of educational contents which are well-invested in both quality and formats, making them more accessible for all children. For example, children in rural or mountainous areas where learning conditions are limited may make good use of educational programs on TV to expand their knowledge. Additionally, most educational contents on TV are illustrated in the form of vibrant images and sounds, which can make children more engaged and help them absorb information easily.

In light of the aforementioned considerations, I believe watching TV is a double-edged sword. At young ages, children have not yet fully developed their perceptions and ability to control their behaviors, so it is parents who are responsible for ensuring that watching TV is beneficial for their children. By setting time limits for watching, choosing appropriate content, or co-viewing with their children, parents can effectively turn TV into a good companion for educating their children.