Some people belive that professionals , such as doctors and engineers , should be required to work in the country where they did their training . Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Some people belive that professionals , such as doctors and engineers , should be required to work in the country where they did their training . Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
It is widely acknowledged that people in every profession should be obliged to work in their country of education has attracted a lot of attentions recently. While some people think it is essental for workers to stay in the country educating them , I believe that choice should not be limited to just one nation
On the one hand , students should be oligated to contribute the efforts to the country that has educated by having their work in that country to build their career. The education system of a nation is usually partly funded by the governmet , which essentally means that government investing in all students attending those schools. In other word , the facilities of education in schools and universities are government funded, professional indirectly recieved support during the education. Therfore, after well-equipment systems of education with the necessary skills and knowledge to pursue their career , those students are expected to use their expertise to help develop the country , in which they are education
On the other hand , individual have the right choose to choose their career path freely. They could gain exposure to various knowledge and facilities that are not avaliable in their home countries. For example , many postgraduates relocated to European countries , attracted by competitive salaries and free medical treatment. Despite the cost of education in Parkistan being cheaper , compared to other countries, people prefer to move to European due to the essential needs
In conclusion , it is true that highly skill workers should either shoulder the responsiblity of developing the country that supports their study . However, I think requiring them to stay in one particular country is counterproductive as they may resent working there. Thus, the choice should be up to each individual so that they can comfortably contribute to society.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"people in every profession should be obliged to work in their country of education has attracted a lot of attentions recently" -> "the notion that individuals in every profession should be obligated to work in their country of education has garnered significant attention recently"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammatical structure and uses more formal vocabulary ("garnered significant attention" instead of "attracted a lot of attentions"). -
"essental" -> "essential"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the word is spelled correctly and maintaining professionalism in academic writing. -
"oligated" -> "obliged"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the word is spelled correctly and used in the correct context. -
"contribute the efforts to the country that has educated by having their work in that country" -> "contribute to the country that educated them by working in that country"
Explanation: Clarifies the sentence structure and corrects the grammatical errors for better readability and formality. -
"well-equipment systems of education" -> "well-equipped educational systems"
Explanation: Corrects the adjective "equipment" to "equipped" and changes "systems of education" to "educational systems" for grammatical accuracy and clarity. -
"professional indirectly recieved support" -> "professionals indirectly received support"
Explanation: Corrects the verb tense and subject-verb agreement, ensuring grammatical accuracy and clarity. -
"Therfore" -> "Therefore"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the word is spelled correctly and maintaining professionalism in academic writing. -
"individual have the right choose to choose their career path freely" -> "individuals have the right to choose their career path freely"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical structure and removes redundancy, enhancing clarity and formality. -
"avaliable" -> "available"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the word is spelled correctly and maintaining professionalism in academic writing. -
"Parkistan" -> "Pakistan"
Explanation: Corrects a geographical error, ensuring accuracy and professionalism in academic writing. -
"people prefer to move to European due to the essential needs" -> "people prefer to move to Europe due to essential needs"
Explanation: Corrects the geographical reference and removes the unnecessary "the" before "essential needs," improving clarity and formality. -
"highly skill workers" -> "highly skilled workers"
Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error, ensuring the adjective "skilled" is correctly used with the noun "workers." -
"shoulder the responsiblity" -> "shoulder the responsibility"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the word is spelled correctly and maintaining professionalism in academic writing. -
"is counterproductive as they may resent working there" -> "is counterproductive, as they may resent working there"
Explanation: Adds a comma for proper punctuation, enhancing readability and maintaining formal tone. -
"the choice should be up to each individual so that they can comfortably contribute to society" -> "the choice should be left to each individual, allowing them to contribute comfortably to society"
Explanation: Revises for clarity and formality, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding whether professionals should work in the country where they trained or be free to work elsewhere. The first paragraph outlines the argument for staying in the home country, emphasizing the investment made by the government in education. The second paragraph presents the counterargument, highlighting the benefits of working abroad, such as better opportunities and conditions. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of both perspectives, as the arguments presented are somewhat underdeveloped and lack depth.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more detailed examples and evidence for both viewpoints. For instance, discussing specific benefits of staying in the home country, such as contributing to local healthcare or engineering projects, would strengthen the argument. Additionally, elaborating on the reasons why professionals might choose to work abroad, such as career advancement or personal fulfillment, would provide a more balanced view.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer expresses a clear personal opinion that professionals should have the freedom to choose where to work. This position is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the essay occasionally wavers in clarity, particularly in the transition between discussing the two viewpoints. The phrasing in some areas is convoluted, which may confuse readers about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use more straightforward language and ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to their main argument. Using transitional phrases to signal shifts in perspective can help clarify the writer’s stance. For example, explicitly stating "In my view" before presenting the personal opinion would reinforce the position.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both viewpoints, but they are not fully extended or supported. For example, the argument for professionals staying in their home country mentions government funding but lacks specific examples of how this investment translates into societal benefits. Similarly, while the essay mentions better opportunities abroad, it does not explore the implications of this choice on the home country or the professionals themselves.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, discussing how professionals who work abroad can still contribute to their home country through remittances or knowledge transfer would add depth. Additionally, using statistics or studies to support claims about job opportunities or salaries could enhance credibility.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirements. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing the benefits of working abroad. The mention of "essential needs" in the context of moving to Europe is vague and could be better articulated to maintain relevance.
- How to improve: To ensure a tighter focus on the topic, the writer should avoid introducing vague terms and instead provide clear, relevant examples that directly relate to the arguments being made. Regularly revisiting the prompt throughout the essay can help maintain focus and ensure that all points made are relevant to the discussion of the two perspectives.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from deeper analysis, clearer transitions, and more robust examples to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, while the body paragraphs are logically divided between the two perspectives. However, the flow within and between paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the transition from the first body paragraph to the second feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that summarizes the first argument and introduces the counterargument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that summarize the previous point before introducing the next. For example, after discussing the obligation to work in the country of education, a sentence like "Conversely, there are compelling reasons to allow professionals the freedom to choose their work location" would create a smoother transition.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific idea. However, the first body paragraph is overly long and contains multiple ideas that could be better organized. For instance, the discussion about government funding and the responsibilities of professionals could be split into two separate points for clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. Breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible parts will help maintain reader engagement. For example, consider separating the discussion of government funding from the argument about professional obligations into two distinct paragraphs.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow. For example, phrases like "in other word" should be "in other words," and "the country that has educated by having their work in that country" is convoluted and unclear.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," and "In addition," to connect ideas within paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that all phrases are grammatically correct and clearly articulated to enhance overall readability. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy will also improve cohesion.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, ultimately leading to a clearer and more compelling argument.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective expressions such as "obliged to work," "contribute the efforts," and "highly skilled workers." However, there are instances where vocabulary choices are repetitive or lack variety, such as the repeated use of "country" and "education." Additionally, phrases like "build their career" could be expressed more diversely.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "country," alternatives like "nation," "state," or "territory" could be employed. Additionally, varying phrases such as "pursue their career" could be replaced with "advance their professional journey" or "develop their vocational skills."
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "obligated to contribute the efforts" which could be more succinctly expressed as "obligated to contribute." The phrase "essential needs" is vague and could be clarified to specify what those needs are. Furthermore, "professional indirectly received support" is awkwardly phrased and could confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and conciseness. For example, instead of "the country that has educated by having their work in that country," a clearer expression could be "the country that provided their education." Additionally, ensuring that terms are used in their correct context will enhance the overall clarity of the essay.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "belive" (believe), "essental" (essential), "oligated" (obligated), "govermet" (government), "recieved" (received), "avaliable" (available), and "Parkistan" (Pakistan). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and creating flashcards could help reinforce correct spelling. Regular writing practice, along with feedback from peers or instructors, can also aid in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating a broader vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicate an attempt to structure arguments clearly. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For example, the sentence "the education system of a nation is usually partly funded by the governmet" lacks complexity and does not utilize subordinate clauses effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "students should be oligated to contribute the efforts," a more complex structure could be "students, who have benefited from the education system, should feel obligated to contribute their efforts." Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and using transitional phrases can help create a more engaging flow.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "obliged to work in their country of education has attracted a lot of attentions recently" is a run-on sentence that confuses the reader. The use of commas is inconsistent, such as in "On the one hand , students should be oligated," where there is an unnecessary space before the comma. There are also spelling errors, such as "essental" (essential), "govermet" (government), and "avaliable" (available), which detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully to catch spelling and punctuation errors. It may be helpful to read the essay aloud to identify awkward phrasing and run-on sentences. Additionally, practicing grammar exercises focused on common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and correct punctuation usage, can strengthen overall accuracy. Using grammar-checking tools can also provide immediate feedback on errors.
In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument and attempts to address the prompt, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are needed to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision will be crucial for future writing endeavors.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is widely acknowledged that the notion that individuals in every profession should be obliged to work in their country of education has garnered significant attention recently. While some people believe it is essential for workers to remain in the country that educated them, I contend that their choice should not be limited to just one nation.
On the one hand, students should be obliged to contribute to the country that has educated them by working there to build their careers. The educational system of a nation is usually partly funded by the government, which essentially means that the government invests in all students attending those schools. In other words, the facilities of education in schools and universities are government-funded, and professionals indirectly received support during their education. Therefore, after being equipped with the necessary skills and knowledge to pursue their careers, those students are expected to use their expertise to help develop the country in which they were educated.
On the other hand, individuals have the right to choose their career path freely. They may gain exposure to various knowledge and facilities that are not available in their home countries. For example, many postgraduates relocate to European countries, attracted by competitive salaries and free medical treatment. Despite the cost of education in Pakistan being cheaper compared to other countries, people prefer to move to Europe due to essential needs.
In conclusion, it is true that highly skilled workers should shoulder the responsibility of contributing to the country that supported their studies. However, I believe that requiring them to stay in one particular country is counterproductive, as they may resent working there. Thus, the choice should be left to each individual, allowing them to contribute comfortably to society.