Some people claim that human activities cause global warming, while others believe it is a natural phenomenon. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Deeds catering to the flourishment > flourishing of mankind is stated to be the major element resulting in the thermal escalation of Earth. On the other hand, some assume this alarming issue stems from nature itself. Personally, I would fully consent with the former idea due to certain evidence. The following paragraphs will provide my arguments on both grounds.

It is irrefutable that increasing global temperatures can be attributed to natural causes. For instance, it is common knowledge that the activities of volcanoes releases volumes of greenhouse gasses into the atmosphere. In the long term, these emissons can accumulate heat and gradually warm the planet. Additionally, based off various experiments and data collected from practical contexts, the level of radiation discharged from the sun is growing throughout time and if this reaches a certain point, it would lead to a mass demolishment of myriad species including human due to radioactive effects on the environment.

Notwithstanding the aforementioned damage from the nature, human still contribute to the majority in the makings of global warming and the cause could be noticed in industrial and production activities. The burning of fossil fuels appears to be one of the primary keys for processes in these fields. Using combustible materials such as coal, oil, and gas can emit carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and generate the phenomenon of temperature rising as well as pollutions. The major problem lies in the fact that governments could not abandon the utilisation of these types of energy since the global economy greatly depends on them.

To conclude, while volcanoes and radioactivity of the sun could attach the increase in global heat, i would stand my ground that mankind still takes the greater responsibility in light of exploiting and overusing fossil fuels.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Deeds catering to the flourishment" -> "Actions contributing to the flourishing"
Explanation: "Deeds catering to the flourishment" is an awkward and less formal phrase. "Actions contributing to the flourishing" maintains clarity while using more appropriate language for academic writing.
"thermal escalation of Earth" -> "global warming"
Explanation: "Thermal escalation of Earth" is a less common and more convoluted way of referring to the phenomenon of global warming. "Global warming" is a widely understood and concise term suitable for academic writing.
"some assume" -> "some posit"
Explanation: "Some assume" is less formal and definitive compared to "some posit." "Posit" suggests a more deliberate and reasoned assertion in academic discourse.
"Fully consent" -> "Strongly concur"
Explanation: "Fully consent" is less formal and less precise compared to "strongly concur." "Strongly concur" expresses a firm agreement in a more academically appropriate manner.
"It is irrefutable" -> "It is undeniable"
Explanation: While "irrefutable" is technically correct, "undeniable" is more commonly used in academic writing to assert a strong point. It maintains formality while being more natural.
"releases volumes of greenhouse gasses" -> "emits significant quantities of greenhouse gases"
Explanation: "Releases volumes of greenhouse gases" is less precise and slightly awkward. "Emits significant quantities of greenhouse gases" is more concise and formal.
"long term" -> "long-term"
Explanation: "Long term" should be hyphenated when used as an adjective before a noun, such as "long-term consequences." This maintains consistency and adheres to grammatical conventions.
"gradually warm the planet" -> "gradually warm the Earth"
Explanation: "Warm the planet" is less specific than "warm the Earth" in the context of discussing global warming, which refers specifically to the Earth’s climate.
"based off" -> "based on"
Explanation: "Based off" is considered colloquial; "based on" is the preferred preposition in academic writing for indicating the source of information or evidence.
"practical contexts" -> "practical experiments"
Explanation: "Practical contexts" is vague and less precise compared to "practical experiments," which clarifies the source of the data.
"mass demolishment" -> "mass destruction"
Explanation: "Mass demolishment" is an unusual and less formal term. "Mass destruction" is a more common and appropriate phrase for describing widespread damage.
"Notwithstanding the aforementioned damage from the nature" -> "However, despite the aforementioned natural damage"
Explanation: "Notwithstanding the aforementioned damage from the nature" is awkward and lacks clarity. "However, despite the aforementioned natural damage" maintains formality and improves readability.
"human still contribute" -> "humans still contribute"
Explanation: "Human" should be pluralized to "humans" for grammatical correctness.
"makings of global warming" -> "causes of global warming"
Explanation: "Makings of global warming" is an awkward and less precise phrase. "Causes of global warming" is clearer and more specific.
"the cause could be noticed" -> "the cause can be observed"
Explanation: "The cause could be noticed" is awkward and less formal. "The cause can be observed" is clearer and more direct.
"utilisation" -> "utilization"
Explanation: "Utilisation" is the British spelling; "utilization" is the preferred American spelling. Since academic writing often follows American English conventions, "utilization" is more appropriate.
"takes the greater responsibility" -> "bears greater responsibility"
Explanation: "Takes the greater responsibility" is less formal and less precise compared to "bears greater responsibility." "Bears greater responsibility" is a common phrase used in academic writing to denote accountability.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives by discussing the role of human activities and natural phenomena in causing global warming. It acknowledges the argument that global warming can be caused by natural factors such as volcanic activities and solar radiation, while also asserting that human activities, particularly the burning of fossil fuels, play a significant role.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, ensure that each viewpoint is discussed in more depth. Provide specific examples or evidence for both natural and human-induced causes of global warming to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that human activities contribute more significantly to global warming than natural phenomena. This position is consistently presented throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, explicitly state the position in the introduction and conclusion, and maintain consistency in supporting this stance throughout the body paragraphs.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both perspectives but lacks thorough development and support. While it mentions natural causes such as volcanic activities and solar radiation, the discussion remains somewhat superficial. Similarly, the argument regarding human activities primarily focuses on the burning of fossil fuels without delving into other relevant factors or providing substantial evidence.
- How to improve: To improve, expand on each idea with specific examples, statistics, or research findings. Develop a more nuanced discussion on both natural and human-induced causes of global warming to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the causes of global warming as outlined in the prompt. However, there are instances of slightly irrelevant information, such as the discussion on the effects of radiation from the sun.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points directly relate to the prompt. Avoid introducing tangential information that does not contribute to the central argument.

Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, development of ideas, and relevance to the topic. By providing more detailed explanations and supporting evidence, the essay can achieve a higher band score for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization by presenting two distinct viewpoints (human activities vs. natural causes) in separate paragraphs. Each paragraph introduces a main idea and provides supporting evidence. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence. For instance, a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph can improve the overall flow and help readers understand the progression of ideas.
- How to improve: Incorporate transition phrases or sentences between paragraphs to establish connections and guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on one central idea and develops it cohesively to avoid confusion.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to organize ideas, but the structure within each paragraph could be strengthened for better coherence. Some paragraphs contain multiple points without clear delineation, leading to a lack of clarity. For instance, the paragraph discussing human contribution to global warming addresses both industrial activities and government dependence on fossil fuels within the same paragraph, which may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: Focus on developing one main idea per paragraph and use topic sentences to introduce each idea clearly. Separate distinct points into individual paragraphs to improve readability and coherence. This will allow for a smoother flow of ideas and make the essay easier to follow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "on the other hand," "additionally"). However, the use of these devices is limited, and their effectiveness in guiding the reader through the argument could be enhanced. More diverse and strategic use of cohesive devices would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional adverbs, to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that cohesive devices are used purposefully to link ideas logically and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion by presenting two opposing views and providing supporting arguments, there is room for improvement in organizing ideas, structuring paragraphs, and using cohesive devices effectively. By enhancing these aspects, the essay can achieve greater clarity and coherence, leading to a more cohesive and compelling argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt to utilize a variety of vocabulary throughout, encompassing terms like "flourishment," "thermal escalation," "accumulation," "demolishment," and "utilisation." However, some phrases could be refined for clarity and appropriateness.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical richness, strive for more precision and relevance in word choice. For instance, instead of "flourishment," consider "advancement" or "progress." Aim for diversity not only in terms of vocabulary breadth but also in appropriateness to the context.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay employs a range of vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that detract from clarity and coherence. For example, "deeds catering to the flourishment" could be replaced with a clearer phrase like "actions aimed at human progress." Additionally, "mass demolishment" might be more effectively conveyed as "mass destruction."
- How to improve: Prioritize clarity and precision in vocabulary selection to convey ideas more effectively. Consider the specific connotations and nuances of words in context, opting for clarity over complexity when necessary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several instances of incorrect spelling, such as "emissons" instead of "emissions" and "makings" instead of "causes." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they indicate a need for improvement in spelling accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, employ strategies such as proofreading carefully, utilizing spell-check tools, and familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words. Additionally, actively incorporating corrected spellings into writing practice can reinforce correct usage over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at incorporating various sentence structures, albeit with some inconsistencies. It employs both complex and simple sentence structures, such as compound sentences ("It is irrefutable that increasing global temperatures can be attributed to natural causes") and complex sentences ("The major problem lies in the fact that governments could not abandon the utilization of these types of energy since the global economy greatly depends on them"). However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of structures used. Additionally, there are instances where sentence structure impacts clarity and coherence, such as in the phrase "the radioactivity of the sun could attach the increase in global heat," where the intended meaning is unclear due to awkward phrasing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, strive to incorporate more complex structures, such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, and parallel structures. Additionally, focus on clarity and coherence by ensuring that sentence structures support rather than obscure the intended meaning. Consider revising awkward or ambiguous phrases for clarity and precision.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of grammatical accuracy, with some notable errors and inconsistencies throughout. For example, there are instances of subject-verb agreement errors ("Deeds catering to the flourishment of mankind is stated"), incorrect word forms ("the thermal escalation of Earth" should be "the Earth’s temperature escalation"), and punctuation errors ("the level of radiation discharged from the sun is growing throughout time and if this reaches a certain point, it would lead to a mass demolishment of myriad species including human due to radioactive effects on the environment" lacks appropriate punctuation to separate clauses). While the essay conveys meaning, these errors detract from overall clarity and precision.
- How to improve: Focus on mastering fundamental grammatical principles, such as subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and correct word usage. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors in punctuation, ensuring proper placement of commas, periods, and other punctuation marks to enhance readability. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar resources to reinforce understanding and application of grammatical rules.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in both sentence structure variety and grammatical precision. By incorporating a wider range of structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy, the essay can achieve greater clarity, coherence, and effectiveness in conveying ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

Actions contributing to the flourishing of humanity are often cited as the primary factor behind the escalating temperatures of our planet. Conversely, some posit that this alarming trend is a result of natural phenomena. Strongly concurring with the former perspective, I believe there is compelling evidence to support this assertion. The following paragraphs will expound upon both viewpoints.

It is undeniable that natural factors play a role in the phenomenon of global warming. For example, it is widely acknowledged that volcanic activities emit significant quantities of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere. Over time, these emissions can accumulate and gradually warm the Earth. Additionally, based on practical experiments and observations, there is evidence to suggest that solar radiation levels are increasing over time. Should this trend continue unchecked, it could result in widespread destruction of various species, including humans, due to the adverse effects of radiation on the environment.

However, despite the aforementioned natural factors, humans still contribute significantly to global warming, primarily through industrial and production activities. The burning of fossil fuels, such as coal, oil, and gas, is a major contributor to this phenomenon. These activities release carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, leading to increased temperatures and pollution. The crux of the issue lies in the reliance of governments and industries on these energy sources, which are integral to the global economy.

In conclusion, while natural occurrences like volcanic activity and solar radiation may contribute to the warming of the planet, I firmly believe that humanity bears greater responsibility due to the exploitation and overuse of fossil fuels. It is imperative that concerted efforts are made to transition to cleaner, renewable energy sources to mitigate the impact of human activities on our planet’s climate.