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Some people claim that it is acceptable to use animals in medical research for the benefit of human beings, while other people urgue that it is wrong. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

Some people claim that it is acceptable to use animals in medical research for the benefit of human beings, while other people urgue that it is wrong. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

Nowadays, the medical industry is developed and coming with that are the arguments of using animals in medical research.
On the one hand, animal testing plays an essential role in the medical field. Experiments on animals have contributed to the development of many treatments and saved lots of patients.The California Biomedical Research Association declares that most of medical breakthrough of the past 100 years has directly result from the experiment of animals. For example, experiments to remove the pancreas in dogs which help to light on insulin is an key factor that saves the lives of diabeted people. Over the past few decades there have been a number of medical breakthrough using animal experimentation, which hase saved millions of lives. For example, according to some surveys, the measles vaccine, which was developed using animal testing, has saved over 20 million people since 2000. Another reason is that if new drugs are not tested at all or are tested on human first, it could lead to devastating consequences.
On the other hand, there are several animal organizations and animal lovers against animal testing. They consider animal have their own rights and therefore their lives should be respected. We have no moral right to use them in our research. Laboratory animals often have to be subjected to toxic substances, which cause them pain, distress or even death. Annually, millions of lab animal such as mice, rabbits become deformed or die after being subjected to such tests.
In conclusion eperiments on animals give us a chance to enhance the medical industry and save a lot of people. But we should not overwork it.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
    Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays" with "Currently" provides a more formal and precise transition to introduce the topic without the informality associated with "Nowadays."

  2. "coming with that are the arguments" -> "accompanying this are debates"
    Explanation: "Coming with that are the arguments" is informal and unclear. Replacing it with "accompanying this are debates" maintains clarity and uses more suitable vocabulary.

  3. "On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: "On the one hand" is less formal. "Firstly" is a more precise and academic transition.

  4. "Experiments on animals" -> "Animal experimentation"
    Explanation: "Experiments on animals" is somewhat repetitive. "Animal experimentation" is a more formal and concise term.

  5. "have contributed to the development" -> "have significantly contributed to the advancement"
    Explanation: Adding "significantly" and replacing "development" with "advancement" makes the sentence more formal and emphasizes the importance of animal experimentation.

  6. "saved lots of patients" -> "saved numerous patients"
    Explanation: "Saved lots of patients" is overly simplistic. "Saved numerous patients" is more precise and formal.

  7. "California Biomedical Research Association" -> "The California Biomedical Research Association"
    Explanation: Adding "The" before the organization’s name is necessary in formal writing.

  8. "result from the experiment of animals" -> "resulted from animal experiments"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and not idiomatic. "Resulted from animal experiments" is more natural and academic.

  9. "an key factor" -> "a key factor"
    Explanation: "An key factor" contains a grammatical error. It should be "a key factor" for proper formal usage.

  10. "saves the lives of diabeted people" -> "saves the lives of individuals with diabetes"
    Explanation: "Diabeted people" is incorrect terminology. "Individuals with diabetes" is the appropriate and formal expression.

  11. "medical breakthrough using animal experimentation" -> "medical breakthroughs achieved through animal experimentation"
    Explanation: The original phrase is less formal and lacks precision. The suggested replacement is more formal and clearer.

  12. "hase" -> "has"
    Explanation: "Hase" is a typographical error. "Has" is the correct form.

  13. "measles vaccine" -> "the measles vaccine"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "measles vaccine" is necessary in formal writing.

  14. "since 2000" -> "since the year 2000"
    Explanation: To make the expression more formal, it is better to specify "since the year 2000."

  15. "On the other hand" -> "Secondly"
    Explanation: "On the other hand" is less formal. "Secondly" is a more precise and academic transition.

  16. "animal organizations and animal lovers" -> "animal welfare organizations and advocates"
    Explanation: "Animal organizations and animal lovers" is somewhat informal. "Animal welfare organizations and advocates" is more formal and precise.

  17. "have their own rights" -> "possess inherent rights"
    Explanation: Replacing "have their own rights" with "possess inherent rights" uses more formal language.

  18. "Laboratory animals often have to be subjected to toxic substances" -> "Laboratory animals are frequently exposed to hazardous substances"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative is more formal and precise.

  19. "subjected to such tests" -> "subjected to these experiments"
    Explanation: "Such tests" is somewhat vague. "These experiments" is a more specific and formal term.

  20. "In conclusion eperiments" -> "In conclusion, experiments"
    Explanation: "Eperiments" is a typographical error. "Experiments" is the correct spelling. Adding a comma after "In conclusion" is also necessary for formal writing.

  21. "overwork it" -> "overemphasize its use"
    Explanation: "Overwork it" is informal. "Overemphasize its use" is a more formal expression that conveys the idea effectively.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both views – those in favor of using animals in medical research and those against it – and provides the writer’s own opinion. It covers the benefits of animal testing for medical advancements and acknowledges the ethical concerns raised by animal rights advocates.
    • How to improve: There is no specific need for improvement in this area; the essay has comprehensively addressed the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance throughout. It supports the idea that animal testing is valuable for medical progress while also acknowledging the ethical concerns associated with it.
    • How to improve: No improvement is necessary in terms of clarity and consistency in this aspect.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents, extends, and supports its ideas effectively. It provides examples and arguments to back both sides of the argument, demonstrating a strong level of development and support.
    • How to improve: There is no specific need for improvement in this area; the essay already presents ideas in a relevant, extended, and well-supported manner.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively stays on topic throughout its length. It discusses the use of animals in medical research, addressing both perspectives and the writer’s opinion, without deviating into unrelated subjects.
    • How to improve: No improvement is necessary regarding staying on topic; the essay maintains its focus.

Overall, this essay has performed exceptionally well in addressing the Task Response criteria for an IELTS Task 2 essay. It is well-structured, presents a clear argument, and effectively supports its points with relevant examples and ideas. The writer maintains a consistent position while discussing both sides of the issue and successfully addresses the prompt. There is no specific area that requires improvement in terms of Task Response, and it deserves a Band Score of 8 for this criterion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization with a clear progression throughout. It effectively presents both sides of the argument and maintains a coherent flow of ideas. For instance, it starts by introducing the topic and then presents arguments in favor of animal testing before transitioning to the opposing viewpoint. This logical sequence aids the reader in following the essay’s structure.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider using more transitional phrases or words to explicitly signal shifts between different sections of the essay. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a structured approach (e.g., introducing the argument, providing evidence, and concluding) can contribute to an even more cohesive structure.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, maintaining mostly logical idea sequencing. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument, which aids in organizing and presenting the ideas coherently. However, there is room for improvement in terms of ensuring that the ideas within each paragraph are tightly connected and flow smoothly.
    • How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure, focus on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces its main point. Then, provide supporting details and examples related to that point. Additionally, use transition words and phrases between paragraphs to create a seamless flow of ideas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a flexible use of cohesive devices, although there are some inaccuracies or inappropriate amounts in their application. Cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases, are used to connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, there are instances where more precise or varied usage could further improve the essay’s overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, consider using a wider range of synonyms, transitional words, and pronouns to avoid repetition and maintain clarity. Ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately within the context of the sentence, as this will contribute to a smoother and more cohesive text.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a solid level of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To improve further, focus on enhancing the clarity of transitions between ideas and refining the use of cohesive devices for more precise and varied expression.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is a mix of vocabulary used throughout the essay, including terms like "medical breakthrough," "pancreas," "insulin," "measles vaccine," and "devastating consequences." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying vocabulary further to enhance the essay’s lexical resource. For instance, using synonyms and more varied expressions for common terms could elevate the vocabulary score.
    • How to improve: To enhance your lexical resource and move towards a Band 7 score, consider incorporating a greater variety of synonyms, idiomatic expressions, or less common words where appropriate. This can help to elevate the vocabulary and demonstrate a more extensive range.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally conveys its meaning with clarity, despite occasional imprecise word choices. For example, the phrase "light on insulin" could be more precise. While it conveys the idea of shedding light on the role of insulin, a more precise phrase might be "illuminate the role of insulin." Similarly, the phrase "have no moral right" could be more precise with wording like "lack the ethical justification." These imprecise usages do not seriously hinder comprehension, but there is room for more precise vocabulary selection.
    • How to improve: To achieve a higher score in this criterion, strive for greater precision in word choice. Be mindful of the specific meanings of words and use them accurately to convey your ideas. Consider using a thesaurus or consulting reference materials to find more precise alternatives for common words.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally high level of spelling accuracy with only a few minor errors. For instance, "urague" should be corrected to "argue," "diabeted" should be "diabetic," "eperiments" should be "experiments," and "deformed" should be "deaths" in the context provided. However, these errors are relatively minor and do not significantly detract from overall clarity.
    • How to improve: Maintain the good spelling practice that is evident in the essay. Review your writing carefully for any potential spelling errors, especially common ones like typos or homophones, before finalizing your work. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar checkers to catch any minor errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of lexical resource, with some flexibility and precision in vocabulary usage. To improve and aim for a higher score, focus on diversifying vocabulary further, using words more precisely, and maintaining consistent spelling accuracy throughout your writing. This will help you achieve a Band 7 score for Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but the range of structures used is somewhat limited. While there are instances of complex forms, they lack the flexibility and variety expected in higher bands. For example, "Nowadays, the medical industry is developed and coming with that are the arguments of using animals in medical research" is a fairly simple sentence structure that could benefit from more complexity and nuance.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence types such as conditional sentences, passive voice constructions, and relative clauses. This will add depth and sophistication to your writing.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates mostly error-free sentences, with occasional, minor errors. However, there are some instances where grammatical errors or awkward phrasing can be found. For example, "Over the past few decades there have been a number of medical breakthrough using animal experimentation, which hase saved millions of lives" contains a subject-verb agreement error ("hase" should be "has"). Additionally, "which hase saved millions of lives" could be better phrased for clarity.
    • How to improve: Continue to focus on maintaining a high level of grammatical accuracy. Carefully proofread your writing to catch minor errors like subject-verb agreement issues. For sentence clarity, consider rephrasing or revising sentences that may be awkward or unclear.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation in the essay is generally well-controlled. Most of the commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are correctly placed. However, there are instances where punctuation could be refined for improved clarity and flow. For instance, "Nowadays, the medical industry is developed and coming with that are the arguments of using animals in medical research" lacks a comma after "Nowadays" to set off the introductory phrase.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the use of commas, especially in introductory phrases and complex sentences. Ensure that punctuation marks are used consistently and appropriately to aid in sentence structure and readability.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical range and accuracy, as reflected in the overall band score of 6. To improve, work on diversifying sentence structures, maintaining grammatical accuracy, and refining punctuation usage. These improvements can help elevate your writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, the medical industry is highly developed, and accompanying this are debates surrounding the ethical implications of using animals in medical research.

Firstly, animal experimentation has significantly contributed to the advancement of medical treatments and has saved numerous patients. The California Biomedical Research Association asserts that most of the medical breakthroughs of the past century have resulted from animal experiments. For instance, experiments involving the removal of the pancreas in dogs, which shed light on insulin, are a key factor in saving the lives of individuals with diabetes. Over the past few decades, there have been numerous medical breakthroughs achieved through animal experimentation, which have saved millions of lives. For example, according to some surveys, the measles vaccine, developed through animal testing, has saved over 20 million people since the year 2000. Additionally, it is crucial to recognize that testing new drugs on humans without prior animal testing could have devastating consequences.

Secondly, animal welfare organizations and advocates argue that animals possess inherent rights, and their lives should be respected. Laboratory animals are frequently exposed to hazardous substances during experiments, causing them pain, distress, or even death. Annually, millions of lab animals, such as mice and rabbits, become deformed or die as a result of such tests.

In conclusion, experiments involving animals play a pivotal role in enhancing the medical industry and saving countless lives. However, it is important not to overemphasize their use, and ethical considerations must be taken into account.

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