Some people claim that it is acceptable to use animals in medical research for the benefit of human beings, while other people argue that it is wrong. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people claim that it is acceptable to use animals in medical research for the benefit of human beings,
while other people argue that it is wrong. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people belief that doing experiments on animals for medical research is important for the positive influence on human beings, but others disagree with this belief. Despite some obvious advantages of this trend, I believe that these are outweighed by the disadvantages.

On the one hand, there are several major benefits when researchers conduct tests on animals is necessary. The first advantage is there are many similarities between genetics and functions in the human body and animals. As a result, thanks to this investigation, scientists can predict many diseases that may happen in human health helping identify the risks. Moreover, they can better plan to reduce the level of diseases or discover solutions. Another positive effect is examining risks and side effects on animals before applying it to the human body. For example, before publishing the MMR vaccine, testing was conducted on monkeys because their immune systems and genetics were more similar to humans than other animals. Additionally, scientists are certain that the vaccine is safe and efficacy for humans.

On the other hand, I can not deny the benefits of conducting tests on animals for medical studies; However, I believe that the drawbacks are more significant than such advantages. Firstly, these reaches are immoral and toxic. For instance, several kinds of animals suffer from physical pain because researchers conduct different strategies on their bodies such as heart and brain. As a result, the life expectancy of laboratory animals declines significantly. Secondly, not only have human rights, but animals also. The rights of animals to be treated well, for instance by not being hunted or used for medical experiments. In today’s modern society, many animal organizations are established to protect animal rights and preserve animals’ lives.

In conclusion, I would argue that doing experiments on animals for medical studies brings more drawbacks than benefits. From my perspective, experts and scientists conduct tests on plants instead of animals.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some people belief" -> "Some people believe"
   Explanation: Correcting the typo "belief" to "believe" fixes a grammatical error, ensuring the sentence is grammatically correct and formal.

2. "positive influence on human beings" -> "positive impact on human health"
   Explanation: Replacing "influence" with "impact" provides a more precise term that is commonly used in academic contexts to describe the effects of research on health outcomes.

3. "I believe that these are outweighed by the disadvantages" -> "I contend that these advantages are outweighed by the disadvantages"
   Explanation: Using "contend" instead of "believe" elevates the formality and specificity of the statement, aligning better with academic discourse.

4. "when researchers conduct tests on animals is necessary" -> "when conducting tests on animals is necessary"
   Explanation: Removing "researchers" and rephrasing the sentence improves the flow and clarity, making the sentence more concise and direct.

5. "there are several major benefits when" -> "there are several significant benefits in"
   Explanation: Changing "when" to "in" corrects the prepositional error, ensuring the phrase functions correctly in the sentence structure.

6. "thanks to this investigation" -> "owing to this research"
   Explanation: Replacing "thanks to" with "owing to" refines the tone to a more formal academic style, avoiding colloquial expressions.

7. "helping identify the risks" -> "enabling the identification of risks"
   Explanation: "Enabling the identification of" is more formal and precise, fitting better in an academic context than the simpler "helping identify."

8. "Another positive effect is examining risks" -> "Another advantage is the examination of risks"
   Explanation: "Advantage" is more appropriate than "positive effect" in this context, and "the examination of" is more formal and precise than "examining."

9. "because their immune systems and genetics were more similar to humans" -> "since their immune systems and genetic profiles are more similar to those of humans"
   Explanation: "Genetic profiles" is a more precise term than "genetics," and "are more similar to those of" is more formal and accurate than "were more similar to."

10. "I can not deny" -> "I cannot deny"
    Explanation: Correcting the contraction "can not" to "cannot" adheres to formal writing standards by avoiding contractions in academic texts.

11. "these reaches are immoral and toxic" -> "these experiments are morally and ethically problematic"
    Explanation: "Morally and ethically problematic" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "immoral and toxic," which is overly simplistic and emotive.

12. "suffer from physical pain" -> "experience physical pain"
    Explanation: "Experience" is a more formal and scientifically accurate term than "suffer from" in this context, aligning better with the objective tone of academic writing.

13. "not only have human rights, but animals also" -> "not only do humans have rights, but animals do as well"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the structure and maintains parallelism, enhancing the formal tone and readability of the sentence.

14. "by not being hunted or used for medical experiments" -> "by not being hunted or subjected to medical experimentation"
    Explanation: "Subjected to medical experimentation" is a more precise and formal way to describe the treatment of animals in research, aligning better with academic standards.

15. "conduct tests on plants instead of animals" -> "conduct research on plants instead of animals"
    Explanation: "Conduct research" is a more specific and formal term than "conduct tests," which is too vague and informal for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the use of animals in medical research, presenting arguments for and against the practice. The first paragraph outlines the benefits of animal testing, while the second paragraph discusses the ethical concerns and drawbacks. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced exploration of both perspectives. For example, while the advantages are mentioned, they are not as thoroughly developed as the disadvantages.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to equally elaborate on both sides of the argument. This could involve providing more specific examples or statistics that illustrate the benefits of animal testing, as well as acknowledging counterarguments to the ethical concerns raised.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear opinion in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion, asserting that the disadvantages of animal testing outweigh the advantages. However, the transition between discussing the benefits and the drawbacks could be smoother, as the shift feels abrupt. Additionally, the phrase "I can not deny the benefits" may create ambiguity about the writer’s stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use more definitive language when transitioning between views. Phrases like "While there are benefits, I firmly believe…" can help reinforce the writer’s stance. Furthermore, ensuring that each paragraph clearly ties back to the central argument will strengthen the overall coherence.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the genetic similarities between humans and animals and the ethical implications of animal testing. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration. For instance, the mention of the MMR vaccine could be expanded with more context about its significance or the specific outcomes of animal testing.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could involve discussing specific studies or statistics that support the claims about both the benefits and ethical concerns of animal testing.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay remains focused on the topic of animal testing in medical research. However, the final sentence introduces the idea of testing on plants without sufficient context or explanation, which may confuse readers and detracts from the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should avoid introducing new ideas or topics in the conclusion that have not been discussed in the body of the essay. Instead, the conclusion should summarize the main points made and reinforce the writer’s opinion without introducing unrelated concepts.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, coherence, and overall effectiveness of their essay, potentially raising their band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of animal testing to the drawbacks feels abrupt. The introduction states a belief in the outweighing disadvantages, but the body paragraphs do not consistently reflect this stance until the conclusion. The argument could be more compelling if the points were arranged in a way that builds up to the conclusion.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using a more structured approach, such as the "point-counterpoint" method. Clearly delineate the benefits in one paragraph and the drawbacks in another, ensuring that each point is followed by a clear explanation or example. Additionally, using transition phrases like "On the contrary" or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. However, some paragraphs could be more focused. For example, the second paragraph mixes several benefits without clearly separating them into distinct points, which can confuse the reader. The transition between discussing the benefits and the drawbacks is also not as clear as it could be.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. In the benefits paragraph, consider breaking it down into two distinct paragraphs: one for the scientific advantages of animal testing and another for the ethical considerations. This would allow for a more in-depth discussion of each point. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting views. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "As a result" is used, but other linking words or phrases could enhance the flow and clarity of the argument.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "Consequently," and "Nevertheless." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and create a more cohesive narrative.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the clarity and persuasiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "experiments," "medical research," "advantages," and "disadvantages." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "conduct tests" and "medical studies." Additionally, some phrases lack variety, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "conduct tests," alternatives like "perform experiments," "carry out studies," or "execute trials" could be employed. This would not only diversify the vocabulary but also enrich the overall quality of the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "belief" instead of "believe" in the opening sentence, which affects clarity. Additionally, phrases like "toxic" when describing research could be misleading, as it typically refers to substances rather than ethical considerations.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on ensuring that the vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, replacing "toxic" with "unethical" would provide a clearer description of the moral implications of animal testing. Furthermore, proofreading for grammatical accuracy, such as ensuring the correct form of verbs, will enhance precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "belief" (should be "believe"), "efficacy" (should be "effective"), and "reaches" (should be "research"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools that provide feedback. Additionally, implementing a proofreading step before submission can help catch and correct these errors. Reading the essay aloud may also assist in identifying misspelled words and awkward phrasing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For example, it uses simple sentences effectively, such as "Some people belief that doing experiments on animals for medical research is important for the positive influence on human beings." However, the essay tends to rely heavily on basic structures, with limited use of complex or compound sentences. The phrase "there are several major benefits when researchers conduct tests on animals is necessary" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses. For instance, instead of saying, "there are several major benefits when researchers conduct tests on animals is necessary," the writer could say, "While there are several major benefits to conducting tests on animals, it is essential to consider the ethical implications." Additionally, using varied sentence openings can enhance the flow of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "Some people belief" should be "Some people believe," indicating a spelling error. The phrase "the first advantage is there are many similarities" is grammatically incorrect; it would be clearer as "the first advantage is that there are many similarities." Furthermore, the use of commas is inconsistent, such as in "I can not deny the benefits of conducting tests on animals for medical studies; However, I believe that the drawbacks are more significant than such advantages." The word "However" should not be capitalized after a semicolon.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can help identify mistakes. Additionally, practicing the correct use of punctuation, especially with conjunctions and transitional phrases, will enhance clarity. For example, the writer should ensure that transitional phrases are properly punctuated and not capitalized unless they begin a new sentence.

By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay, potentially raising their band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people believe that conducting experiments on animals for medical research is important due to its positive impact on human health, while others argue that it is ethically wrong. Despite some clear advantages of this practice, I contend that these benefits are outweighed by the disadvantages.

On the one hand, there are several significant benefits when conducting tests on animals is necessary. The first advantage is that there are many similarities between the genetics and functions of the human body and those of animals. Owing to this research, scientists can predict various diseases that may affect human health, enabling the identification of risks. Moreover, they can better plan to reduce the incidence of diseases or discover effective solutions. Another positive aspect is the examination of risks and side effects on animals before applying treatments to humans. For example, prior to the release of the MMR vaccine, testing was conducted on monkeys because their immune systems and genetics are more similar to those of humans than those of other animals. Additionally, scientists can be more confident that the vaccine is safe and effective for human use.

On the other hand, I cannot deny the benefits of conducting tests on animals for medical studies; however, I believe that the drawbacks are more significant than these advantages. Firstly, these experiments are morally and ethically problematic. For instance, many animals experience physical pain because researchers apply various procedures to their bodies, such as those involving the heart and brain. As a result, the life expectancy of laboratory animals declines significantly. Secondly, not only do humans have rights, but animals do as well. Animals have the right to be treated humanely, for instance, by not being hunted or subjected to medical experimentation. In today’s modern society, many organizations have been established to protect animal rights and preserve their lives.

In conclusion, I would argue that conducting experiments on animals for medical studies presents more drawbacks than benefits. From my perspective, experts and scientists should consider conducting research on plants instead of animals.