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Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In our increasingly digitized world, people could read and view various types of art and historical items from anywhere with computer-based platforms. Some individuals believe that public art exhibitions and museums will be eliminated. While it is undeniable the advent of technology has contributed accessibility to historical and artistic objects, I maintain that it is not entirely replaceable to the real experience of contemplating these works of art.

On the one hand, online connection offers a useful tool for individuals to search for information and images related to history and art. One of the advanced and prevalent platforms is google where those find it straightforward to research the diverse kind of historical artifacts. Therefore, people can save considerable amounts of money and time commuting long distances to a museum or art gallery but they can still comprehend and enjoy the beauty of historically and artificially significant works. Furthermore, the cost of maintaining virtual museums would be saved as it eliminates the need for physical facilities, reducing financial burdens on both organizations and visitors.

However, the assertion that online platforms can totally replace the necessity of public exhibits and art galleries neglects profound significance connected directly to physical spaces. Digital technology can not foster a feeling of standing in front of a centuries-old painting, immersing in its size, texture, and beauty. For instance, a million of visitors are willing to travel to a Paris museum, directly contemplating the work of art named Mona Lisa as this experience could be replicated by seeing through the Internet.

In conclusion, it is true that computers could help people effortlessly access different content about art and historical objects . However, this digital technology could not completely replace the experience of being in the presence of that. Therefore, I think museums and art galleries should remain.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Some individuals believe that public art exhibitions and museums will be eliminated." -> "Some individuals posit that public art exhibitions and museums will be eradicated."
    Explanation: Replacing "believe" with "posit" and "eliminated" with "eradicated" adds formality and precision to the statement, aligning it better with academic style.

  2. "While it is undeniable the advent of technology has contributed accessibility to historical and artistic objects…" -> "While it is undeniable that the advent of technology has enhanced accessibility to historical and artistic objects…"
    Explanation: Inserting "that" after "undeniable" and changing "contributed accessibility" to "enhanced accessibility" improves grammatical structure and clarity in expressing the idea.

  3. "One of the advanced and prevalent platforms is google where those find it straightforward to research the diverse kind of historical artifacts." -> "One of the advanced and prevalent platforms is Google, where individuals find it straightforward to research various kinds of historical artifacts."
    Explanation: Capitalizing "Google" and rephrasing the sentence for better structure and clarity.

  4. "Therefore, people can save considerable amounts of money and time commuting long distances to a museum or art gallery but they can still comprehend and enjoy the beauty of historically and artificially significant works." -> "Therefore, individuals can save substantial amounts of time and money by avoiding long commutes to a museum or art gallery while still comprehending and enjoying the beauty of historically and artistically significant works."
    Explanation: Streamlining the sentence for improved readability and replacing "considerable amounts" with "substantial amounts" for a more precise expression.

  5. "Furthermore, the cost of maintaining virtual museums would be saved as it eliminates the need for physical facilities, reducing financial burdens on both organizations and visitors." -> "Furthermore, the cost of maintaining virtual museums would be reduced, given the elimination of the need for physical facilities, thereby alleviating financial burdens on both organizations and visitors."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better flow and replacing "saved" with "reduced" for more accuracy in conveying the idea.

  6. "Digital technology can not foster a feeling of standing in front of a centuries-old painting…" -> "Digital technology cannot evoke the sensation of standing in front of a centuries-old painting…"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error "can not" to "cannot" and choosing "evoke" over "foster" for a more precise and formal expression.

  7. "For instance, a million of visitors are willing to travel to a Paris museum, directly contemplating the work of art named Mona Lisa as this experience could be replicated by seeing through the Internet." -> "For instance, millions of visitors are willing to travel to a Parisian museum to directly contemplate the work of art named the Mona Lisa, an experience that cannot be fully replicated through the Internet."
    Explanation: Correcting the plural form of "million" and rephrasing for clarity and formality. Additionally, specifying "the Mona Lisa" and reordering the sentence for better flow.

  8. "In conclusion, it is true that computers could help people effortlessly access different content about art and historical objects." -> "In conclusion, it is evident that computers facilitate the effortless access of diverse content about art and historical objects."
    Explanation: Replacing "help" with "facilitate" and restructuring the sentence for enhanced clarity and formality.

  9. "However, this digital technology could not completely replace the experience of being in the presence of that." -> "However, digital technology cannot entirely replicate the experience of being in the presence of such artifacts."
    Explanation: Simplifying and clarifying the statement by using "replicate" instead of "replace" and specifying "such artifacts" for precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "While it is undeniable the advent of technology has contributed accessibility to historical and artistic objects, I maintain that it is not entirely replaceable to the real experience of contemplating these works of art."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: The introduction sets the tone for your argument, acknowledging the impact of technology on accessibility to historical and artistic objects. However, it would strengthen your position if you directly mentioned your stance on the topic in the introduction itself. Explicitly stating whether you agree or disagree with the statement will make your position clearer from the outset.
  2. Quoted text: "Furthermore, the cost of maintaining virtual museums would be saved as it eliminates the need for physical facilities, reducing financial burdens on both organizations and visitors."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: This point is well-presented, emphasizing the potential cost-saving benefits of virtual museums. To enhance this argument, consider expanding on the drawbacks or limitations of virtual museums, such as the lack of a physical presence impacting the depth of experience or the potential for technological barriers hindering accessibility for certain demographics.
  3. Quoted text: "Digital technology can not foster a feeling of standing in front of a centuries-old painting, immersing in its size, texture, and beauty."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: This section effectively emphasizes the irreplaceable value of physically experiencing artwork. To bolster this argument, provide specific examples or anecdotes detailing personal experiences or renowned instances where the physical presence greatly enhanced the understanding or appreciation of artwork. Elaborating on such instances would reinforce your point about the unique value of in-person art experiences.

Overall, while your essay acknowledges the benefits of technology in providing accessibility to art and historical objects, it would be beneficial to strengthen your position by explicitly stating your stance in the introduction. Additionally, expanding upon the limitations of virtual experiences and providing vivid examples of the irreplaceable value of physical presence in art appreciation could further support your argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay attempts to organize ideas coherently with an overall progression, presenting both perspectives on the topic. There is an evident introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that contribute to a somewhat logical structure. Cohesive devices, such as transitions and references, are used effectively in parts but display inconsistency and mechanical use in others. Paragraphing is attempted, but logical coherence within and between the paragraphs could be improved for better cohesion. The essay presents arguments supporting the significance of physical spaces in experiencing art and history, albeit with some lack of clarity in ideas and examples.

How to improve:

  1. Paragraph Structure and Logical Flow: Focus on strengthening logical organization within and between paragraphs to enhance coherence. Ensure each paragraph encapsulates a clear central topic, avoiding abrupt shifts in ideas.
  2. Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices more consistently and purposefully throughout the essay to establish smoother transitions and connections between sentences and ideas.
  3. Clarity and Precision in Examples: Provide clearer and more specific examples to support the arguments presented, especially concerning the differences between digital experiences and physical encounters with art and historical objects.

Improving the logical flow between ideas, refining the use of cohesive devices, and providing more precise examples will significantly enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, thereby potentially raising its band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision. The use of less common lexical items is evident, and there is awareness of style and collocation. The essay exhibits occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication. The writer effectively discusses the advantages of computer-based platforms for accessing historical and artistic content and acknowledges the value of physical spaces for a more profound experience.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource, the writer can focus on minimizing errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. Additionally, incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary, especially in the development of arguments, can contribute to a higher band score. Paying attention to the precision of word usage and ensuring consistency in language proficiency throughout the essay will further strengthen the overall lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures with a variety of complex sentences. The writer effectively uses a range of sentence forms, contributing to overall coherence. While there are some grammatical errors, they do not significantly impede communication. The writer also employs appropriate punctuation throughout the essay.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer could pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in more complex sentences. Additionally, reviewing the use of articles (e.g., "the assertion that online platforms") and refining sentence structures can further elevate the overall quality of the essay. Careful proofreading to catch minor errors would be beneficial. Overall, maintaining this level of complexity while refining specific grammatical aspects would contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In our increasingly digital world, individuals can access various art forms and historical relics through computer-based platforms from any location. Some argue that public art exhibitions and museums will become obsolete. While technology undeniably enhances access to historical and artistic pieces, I firmly believe it cannot wholly substitute the genuine experience of appreciating these artworks.

On one hand, online platforms serve as valuable tools for seeking information and images related to history and art. Google, for instance, stands as an advanced and widely-used platform enabling easy exploration of diverse historical artifacts. Consequently, people can save substantial amounts of money and time by avoiding long commutes to physical museums or art galleries while still comprehending and enjoying the significance of these works. Additionally, the cost of maintaining virtual museums is lower without the need for physical facilities, easing financial burdens for both organizations and visitors.

However, the idea that online platforms can entirely replace the necessity of public exhibits and art galleries overlooks the profound significance associated with physical spaces. Digital technology fails to evoke the sensation of standing in front of a centuries-old painting, experiencing its scale, texture, and beauty. For instance, millions of visitors eagerly travel to a Paris museum to directly witness the Mona Lisa, an experience that cannot be replicated through the Internet.

In conclusion, while computers indeed facilitate easy access to diverse content about art and historical objects, they cannot fully replicate the experience of being physically present. Therefore, I strongly advocate for the preservation of museums and art galleries.

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