Some people feel that government should regulate the level of violence in films on television and that at the cinema, Others feel that violent films should not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

With the development of cinematic field, there are numerous kinds of film published in the contemporay epoch, being one of the most entertaining platforms for individuals, especially, several films have much violents senses which is a noticable point to group of viewers. Some dwellers agree that those kinds of film should be limited and managed by the government, while, the others are opposite to group 1. Therefore, both of these viewpoints will be analysed herein.

First and foremost, there are some reasons why the level of violence in films shoud be regulated by the authorities. The first one is that children or teenagers could be prevented from watching high active films in some movie theaters by limiting the age throung checking identification. However, when they watch TV at home, parents are not capable of controlling them not to access violent films which makes them more active, in some terrible situation, the young can imitate the actions from the films. Taking cases reported on the News as an example, in UK, when people are allowed to use weapons according national rules, there are some situations which the young just from 5 – 10 years-old use weapons and shoot their parents through seeing and copying behavior from TV.
Another essential point to consider is that by making many violent films can increase the education via watching, in the past, films were about bringing to valuable points to viewers not like that of now. With the advent of a large number of distinct grades of violence in films, other educational films and shows can not compete with the interest of action ones.

On the other hand, those who are in favour of violent films, do not agree with the management of the government. Regarding to personal privacy, people have rights to choose entertaining ways for comfort and relaxation, hence, the level of not only violence but also other elements such as thrill, argument, and so on is not matter, which are just a platform for boosting positive mood for work and study. Additonally, it would be an argument between citizens and authorities, if they had different viewpoints. The implication of this is noticeable discussion, which makes society uncontrolled. Eventually, in some cases, that is not unnecessarily high for government to take action in people’s enjoyment because In today’s modern society, residents have more understanding how dangerous one action film bring to, so they can control their behavior by themselves.

Looking from overall perspective, it is readily apparent that no matter what kinds of film that people watch, the crucial one in the way and reason why they consume intensive content. From my point of view, instead of regulating the levels of violence in films, they have to make solution so as to solve in some detrimental situations like punishing strictly with dangerous actions or cooperate with film organizations to minimize the number of violent films introduced.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"With the development of cinematic field" -> "With the development of the film industry"
Explanation: "Cinematic field" is an awkward and less common term. "Film industry" is the standard term used in academic and formal contexts to refer to the sector of the entertainment industry related to film production and distribution.
"numerous kinds of film published" -> "numerous types of films released"
Explanation: "Published" is not the correct term for films; "released" is the appropriate verb for describing the distribution of films. Additionally, "kinds" is less formal than "types," which is preferred in academic writing.
"contemporay epoch" -> "contemporary era"
Explanation: "Contemporay" is a typographical error; the correct spelling is "contemporary." "Epoch" is also less commonly used to describe a period of time in this context; "era" is more suitable.
"violents senses" -> "violent scenes"
Explanation: "Violents senses" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Violent scenes" is the correct term for describing violent content in films.
"noticable point" -> "noticeable point"
Explanation: "Noticable" is a typographical error; the correct spelling is "noticeable."
"dwellers" -> "residents"
Explanation: "Dwellers" is not typically used to refer to people who live in a place; "residents" is the appropriate term.
"opposite to group 1" -> "opposite to the first group"
Explanation: "Group 1" is vague and informal; specifying "the first group" clarifies the reference.
"shoud" -> "should"
Explanation: "Shoud" is a typographical error; the correct spelling is "should."
"high active films" -> "highly active films"
Explanation: "High active" is grammatically incorrect; "highly active" is the correct adverbial form.
"throung" -> "through"
Explanation: "Throung" is a typographical error; the correct spelling is "through."
"not capable of controlling them not to access" -> "unable to prevent them from accessing"
Explanation: "Not capable of controlling them not to access" is awkward and unclear. "Unable to prevent them from accessing" is more direct and formal.
"terrible situation" -> "serious situation"
Explanation: "Terrible" can imply emotional connotation which is not suitable for academic writing; "serious" is neutral and appropriate.
"in UK" -> "in the UK"
Explanation: "In UK" is informal; "in the UK" is the correct form for referring to the United Kingdom in formal writing.
"national rules" -> "national laws"
Explanation: "Rules" is too vague and informal; "laws" is the correct term for referring to legal regulations.
"making many violent films" -> "producing numerous violent films"
Explanation: "Making" is too informal and vague; "producing" is more specific and formal.
"bringing to valuable points to viewers" -> "conveying valuable messages to viewers"
Explanation: "Bringing to valuable points" is awkward and unclear; "conveying valuable messages" is clearer and more formal.
"not like that of now" -> "unlike those of today"
Explanation: "Not like that of now" is informal and unclear; "unlike those of today" is more formal and precise.
"Regarding to personal privacy" -> "Regarding personal privacy"
Explanation: "Regarding to" is grammatically incorrect; "Regarding personal privacy" is correct.
"not matter" -> "not a matter"
Explanation: "Not matter" is grammatically incorrect; "not a matter" is the correct phrase.
"boosting positive mood for work and study" -> "enhancing a positive mood for work and study"
Explanation: "Boosting" is somewhat informal; "enhancing" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"Additonally" -> "Additionally"
Explanation: "Additonally" is a typographical error; the correct spelling is "Additionally."
"uncontrolled" -> "unstable"
Explanation: "Uncontrolled" may imply a lack of management, whereas "unstable" better describes the potential for conflict or disorder.
"In today’s modern society" -> "In today’s modern society"
Explanation: "In today’s" is a typographical error; the correct spelling is "In today’s."
"one action film bring to" -> "one action film brings to"
Explanation: "Bring" is incorrect in this context; "brings" is the correct verb

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the regulation of violence in films, presenting arguments for and against government intervention. The first body paragraph articulates reasons for regulation, such as protecting children and the potential for imitation of violent behavior. The second body paragraph counters this by discussing personal freedom and the right to choose entertainment. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as the arguments for regulation are more developed than those against it.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both perspectives are equally explored. This could involve providing more examples or elaborating on the arguments against regulation, perhaps by discussing potential negative consequences of government intervention or citing studies that show no correlation between violent films and real-life violence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear opinion in the conclusion, advocating for solutions other than regulation. However, the position is somewhat diluted in the body paragraphs, where the arguments for regulation are more prominent. The transition from discussing both views to stating a personal opinion could be clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently link back to their viewpoint throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using phrases that reinforce their stance after discussing each viewpoint, such as "While I acknowledge the concerns regarding violence, I believe…" This will help to unify the essay and clarify the writer’s perspective.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the impact of violent films on children and the importance of personal choice. However, some points lack depth and supporting evidence. For instance, the claim about children imitating violent behavior could be strengthened with specific studies or statistics. Additionally, the argument about the educational value of films is not well-developed.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the writer should include more concrete examples, data, or references to studies that back up their claims. This could involve citing specific incidents or research that illustrates the effects of violent films on behavior or discussing the historical context of film education.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the regulation of violence in films. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly when discussing the broader implications of government intervention, which could distract from the main topic. For example, the mention of personal privacy and societal control, while relevant, could be more tightly connected to the central argument about film regulation.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently referencing the topic of film violence regulation in each paragraph and avoiding tangential discussions that do not directly support the main argument. Additionally, using topic sentences that clearly relate to the prompt can help keep the essay on track.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining the two opposing views. The body paragraphs are organized to first present the arguments for regulation and then the counterarguments against it. However, the logical flow could be improved as some ideas appear to be presented in a somewhat disjointed manner. For instance, the transition from discussing the impact of violent films on children to the educational value of films is abrupt and could benefit from clearer connections.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the main argument of the essay. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "In contrast," "Furthermore," or "On the contrary" can help guide the reader through the argumentation more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the reasons for regulating violent films, while the second addresses the opposing view. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For example, the first body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into separate sentences or even sub-points to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting details are logically sequenced. Breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear focus will improve the overall readability and coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "first and foremost," and "on the other hand," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the use of "this" in "the implication of this is noticeable discussion" lacks clarity, as it is not immediately clear what "this" refers to.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "moreover," "consequently," "in addition," and "for instance." Additionally, ensuring that pronouns and demonstrative references are clear will help avoid ambiguity and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, improving paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts at using varied expressions. Phrases like "contemporay epoch," "high active films," and "distinct grades of violence" show an effort to use less common vocabulary. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and repetition, such as "the level of violence in films" and "violent films," which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "violent films," alternatives like "films with graphic content" or "films depicting violence" could be used. Additionally, exploring idiomatic expressions or collocations related to film and violence could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "high active films" is unclear and should be replaced with "highly violent films" or "films with intense action." Additionally, "the young can imitate the actions from the films" could be more precisely stated as "young viewers may imitate violent actions depicted in films."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that word choices reflect the context. For instance, using "youth" instead of "the young" can sound more formal and precise.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "contemporay" (contemporary), "shoud" (should), "throung" (through), "noticable" (noticeable), "Additonally" (Additionally), and "unnecessarily" (unnecessarily). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can further reduce mistakes in future writings.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. While there are some complex sentences, such as "However, when they watch TV at home, parents are not capable of controlling them not to access violent films which makes them more active," the overall variety is insufficient. Many sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance the essay’s sophistication. For instance, phrases like "there are numerous kinds of film published in the contemporary epoch" could be restructured for clarity and variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Incorporating more subordinate clauses and varying sentence beginnings can enhance the flow and complexity. For example, instead of starting several sentences with "there are," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses to create more engaging openings.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "the level of violence in films shoud be regulated by the authorities" contains a spelling error ("shoud" should be "should"). Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage, such as "a noticable point to group of viewers," which should be "a noticeable point to a group of viewers." Punctuation errors, such as the unnecessary comma in "while, the others are opposite to group 1," disrupt the flow of the text.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as spelling, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Practicing grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can also help. Additionally, using punctuation correctly will enhance readability; for instance, ensuring that commas are used appropriately to separate clauses without interrupting the flow of ideas.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, enhancing grammatical range and accuracy through varied sentence structures and careful proofreading will significantly improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

With the development of the cinematic field, there are numerous kinds of films released in the contemporary era, making it one of the most entertaining platforms for individuals. However, several films contain much violent content, which is a noticeable point for a group of viewers. Some people agree that these kinds of films should be limited and managed by the government, while others oppose this view. Therefore, both of these viewpoints will be analyzed herein.

First and foremost, there are several reasons why the level of violence in films should be regulated by the authorities. The first reason is that children or teenagers could be prevented from watching highly active films in some movie theaters by limiting the age through checking identification. However, when they watch TV at home, parents are not always capable of controlling their access to violent films, which can make them more aggressive. In some terrible situations, young viewers can imitate the actions from these films. Taking cases reported in the news as an example, in the UK, when people are allowed to use weapons according to national rules, there have been instances where children as young as 5 to 10 years old have used weapons and shot their parents after seeing and copying behavior from TV.

Another essential point to consider is that the production of many violent films can hinder education through viewing. In the past, films aimed to convey valuable messages to viewers, unlike many films today. With the advent of a large number of distinct types of violence in films, other educational films and shows cannot compete with the interest generated by action films.

On the other hand, those who favor violent films do not agree with government regulation. Regarding personal privacy, people have the right to choose their forms of entertainment for comfort and relaxation; therefore, the level of not only violence but also other elements such as thrill, conflict, and so on is not an issue. These films serve as a platform for boosting positive moods for work and study. Additionally, it could lead to conflict between citizens and authorities if they have different viewpoints. The implication of this is a noticeable discussion, which can create an uncontrolled society. Ultimately, in some cases, it is not necessary for the government to intervene in people’s enjoyment because, in today’s modern society, residents have a better understanding of how dangerous certain actions depicted in films can be, allowing them to control their behavior.

Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that regardless of the types of films people watch, the crucial factor is the way and reason why they consume intense content. From my point of view, instead of regulating the levels of violence in films, solutions should be developed to address detrimental situations, such as strict punishments for dangerous actions or cooperation with film organizations to minimize the number of violent films released.