Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods, while others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In recent years, the issue of excess packaging has become a pressing concern, as it directly contributes to environmental degradation. While some people argue that manufacturers and supermarkets should take the lead in reducing packaging, others believe that customers should bear the onus of this challenge. In this essay, I will elaborate both perspectives before arriving at a personal viewpoint.
On the one hand, proponents of the thinking that manufacturers and supermarkets should take responsibility argue that they have significant influence over production and distribution of goods; hence these parties could make significant changes in the market. As the primary creators and distributors of packaged products, they are in a unique position to develop sustainable packaging and promote innovative solutions. For example, if eco-friendly packaging such as biodegradation bags were opted to replace plastic bags, a reduction in plastic waste is much a result of this initiative. In addition to this, they could actively promote a sustainable campaign to encourage people to follow the suit, leading to decreasing wastes from ungradable packed-products to a great extent.
On the other hand, advocates of the idea that reducing the amount of packaging of goods lies with customers argue that customers play a crucial role in driving market behaviors. They contend that by making the conscious decisions to purchase minimalist-designed and environmentally-friendly packaging somewhat creates a ripple effect, meaning that everyone tends to do the same by collecting sustainable products, further initializing consumers to have a sense of responsible consumption. It is common to see that manufacturers and supermarkets often place importance on profits, so they are likely to unveil sustainable alternatives to meet demands in the long term.
From my perspective, a combination of both approaches is necessary for a comprehensive solution. While manufacturers and supermarkets should be encouraged to minimize packaging size and adopt sustainable activities, individuals should support environmentally-friendly products, creating a demand to prioritize sustainable practices.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"excess packaging" -> "excessive packaging"
Explanation: Replacing "excess packaging" with "excessive packaging" is a more formal and precise term commonly used in academic writing.
"pressing concern" -> "urgent issue"
Explanation: "Urgent issue" is a more formal and academic expression than "pressing concern."
"bear the onus" -> "should shoulder the responsibility"
Explanation: "Shoulder the responsibility" is a more formal and clear way to convey the idea without using the less common phrase "bear the onus."
"elaborate both perspectives" -> "examine both viewpoints in detail"
Explanation: "Examine both viewpoints in detail" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea.
"proponents of the thinking" -> "supporters of the notion"
Explanation: "Supporters of the notion" is a more formal and precise phrase for academic writing.
"ungradable packed-products" -> "non-degradable packaged goods"
Explanation: "Non-degradable packaged goods" is a more precise and formal way to describe products that do not decompose easily.
"advocates of the idea" -> "proponents of the concept"
Explanation: "Proponents of the concept" is a more formal and academic choice of words.
"minimalist-designed" -> "minimally packaged"
Explanation: "Minimally packaged" is a more concise and academically suitable term.
"further initializing consumers" -> "further encouraging consumers"
Explanation: "Further encouraging consumers" is a clearer and more academically appropriate phrase.
"a combination of both approaches" -> "an amalgamation of both strategies"
Explanation: "Amalgamation of both strategies" is a more formal and sophisticated way to convey the idea.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9
Band Score for Task Response: 9
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both views (manufacturers/supermarkets vs. customers) and provides a clear personal opinion.
- How to improve: There is no improvement needed in this aspect; it comprehensively covers the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. It begins by presenting both sides of the argument and then offers a personal viewpoint that aligns with the earlier discussion.
- How to improve: No improvement is necessary; the clarity and consistency of the position are well-maintained.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides specific examples and arguments for both perspectives, such as mentioning eco-friendly packaging and responsible consumption.
- How to improve: There is no need for improvement in this aspect; the essay adequately develops and supports its ideas.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays on topic throughout and does not deviate from the prompt. It consistently discusses the issue of excess packaging and the responsibility of manufacturers, supermarkets, and customers.
- How to improve: There are no deviations to address; the essay maintains focus and relevance to the topic.
Overall, this essay is exceptionally well-structured and effectively addresses the prompt. It discusses both perspectives comprehensively, maintains a clear stance, supports ideas with examples, and stays on topic. It provides a strong argument for a combined approach involving both manufacturers/supermarkets and customers, demonstrating a deep understanding of the issue. To further enhance this essay, the writer could consider expanding on counterarguments or potential challenges in implementing these solutions to provide a more comprehensive analysis. Nonetheless, it is a well-written and deserving Band Score 9 response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 9
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 9
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively organizes information in a clear and logical manner. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the topic and presents both sides of the argument. The body paragraphs follow a structured approach, with one paragraph discussing the perspective of manufacturers and supermarkets, and the other discussing the viewpoint of customers. Each paragraph presents arguments and provides examples to support the respective views. The essay then concludes by offering a well-reasoned personal viewpoint.
- How to improve: There is little to improve in terms of logical organization. However, to enhance clarity further, consider providing a brief summary of the main points in the introduction and a recap in the conclusion. This will help readers easily follow your line of reasoning.
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure the content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, and the transitions between paragraphs are smooth, ensuring a logical flow. The first paragraph introduces the topic, the second discusses the manufacturer’s perspective, the third discusses the customer’s viewpoint, and the final paragraph presents the author’s opinion.
- How to improve: There is no need for improvement in the use of paragraphs. The structure is well-organized and supports the coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes effective use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and ensure a smooth flow of information. It utilizes linking words and phrases such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In addition to this," and "From my perspective" to guide the reader through the essay and signal transitions between different viewpoints. These cohesive devices enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: There are no significant issues with the use of cohesive devices in this essay. Continue to use them judiciously to maintain coherence and cohesion in your writing.
Overall, this essay demonstrates a high level of coherence and cohesion. It effectively organizes information logically, uses paragraphs to structure the content, and employs a range of cohesive devices to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. To further improve, consider refining the introduction and conclusion to provide concise summaries of the main points. Additionally, continue to use cohesive devices as you have in this essay to enhance the reader’s understanding of your argument.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 9
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 9
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary, showcasing a wide range of terms and expressions. The writer effectively employs diverse words and phrases to convey their ideas, enhancing the richness of the text. For instance, terms like "pressing concern," "onus," "sustainable packaging," "eco-friendly packaging," "biodegradation bags," and "responsible consumption" are used appropriately and contribute to a nuanced understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: While the essay excels in using a wide range of vocabulary, it could further benefit from incorporating domain-specific terms related to environmental issues, such as "carbon footprint," "recyclability," or "sustainable sourcing." Additionally, varying the complexity of sentence structures and vocabulary levels could elevate the essay’s Lexical Resource score even higher.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary precision. The writer’s choice of words is generally accurate and well-suited to the context. They effectively convey their ideas without unnecessary redundancy or ambiguity. For instance, phrases like "minimalist-designed and environmentally-friendly packaging" and "ungradable packed-products" showcase precise usage.
- How to improve: To further enhance precision, the essay could occasionally employ more nuanced vocabulary choices. For example, instead of using the term "sustainable packaging" repeatedly, the writer could employ synonyms like "eco-conscious packaging" or "environmentally sound packaging" to add variety and depth to their language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a high level of spelling accuracy throughout. There are no noticeable spelling errors that detract from the overall quality of the text.
- How to improve: To continue ensuring correct spelling, it is advisable for the writer to continue practicing careful proofreading and perhaps employ spelling and grammar-checking tools to eliminate any potential typos or errors that may go unnoticed.
Overall, the essay has demonstrated an exceptional level of lexical resource, with a rich vocabulary range, precise word choice, and exemplary spelling accuracy. To further improve, the writer could consider integrating domain-specific terms and occasionally varying their vocabulary complexity, while maintaining their excellent spelling skills.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 9
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 9
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of grammatical structures. It employs complex sentences, conditional sentences, and a variety of connectors effectively. For instance, "While some people argue that manufacturers and supermarkets should take the lead in reducing packaging," showcases a complex sentence structure. Additionally, "It is common to see that manufacturers and supermarkets often place importance on profits," uses a conditional structure to convey a hypothetical situation.
- How to improve: While the essay already utilizes a diverse range of structures, further enhancing the use of rhetorical questions, passive voice, or advanced modifiers could add even more depth and sophistication to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy. There are no glaring grammatical errors, and punctuation is consistently used correctly. For example, "While some people argue that manufacturers and supermarkets should take the lead in reducing packaging," is a well-structured sentence with no grammatical issues. Punctuation marks such as commas and semicolons are used appropriately throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain this level of accuracy, the writer should continue proofreading their work for minor errors or typos that might occasionally slip through.
Overall, this essay exhibits excellent grammatical range and accuracy, showcasing a strong command of the English language. To further enhance its quality, the writer could explore more advanced sentence structures and continue to pay attention to minor details in grammar and punctuation.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent times, the issue of excessive packaging has emerged as an urgent environmental concern. Some argue that manufacturers and supermarkets should shoulder the responsibility of reducing packaging, while others believe that customers should avoid buying goods with excessive packaging. In this essay, I will examine both viewpoints in detail before expressing my own opinion.
Supporters of the notion that manufacturers and supermarkets should take responsibility argue that these entities possess significant influence over the production and distribution of goods. Consequently, they can bring about significant changes in the market. Being the primary creators and distributors of packaged products, they are uniquely positioned to develop sustainable packaging and promote innovative solutions. For instance, if they were to opt for eco-friendly packaging, such as biodegradable bags instead of plastic ones, it would lead to a reduction in plastic waste. Furthermore, they could actively promote sustainability campaigns to encourage people to follow suit, resulting in a substantial decrease in non-degradable packaged goods.
On the other hand, proponents of the concept that reducing the amount of packaging of goods is the responsibility of customers argue that customers play a pivotal role in influencing market behaviors. They contend that by consciously choosing minimalist-designed and environmentally-friendly packaging, customers can create a ripple effect, prompting others to do the same and encouraging consumers to adopt responsible consumption practices. Manufacturers and supermarkets often prioritize profits, but they are likely to introduce sustainable alternatives in response to long-term demand.
In my opinion, an amalgamation of both strategies is essential for a comprehensive solution. While it is crucial to encourage manufacturers and supermarkets to minimize packaging size and adopt sustainable practices, individuals should also support minimally packaged and environmentally-friendly products. This dual approach will create a demand for prioritizing sustainable practices in the market, thereby addressing the issue of excessive packaging more effectively.