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Some people feel that many manufacturers and supermarkets should have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods while others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people feel that many manufacturers and supermarkets should have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods while others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Since the dawn of civilization,overpackaging has become the center of heated debate.Many people nowadays assume that retailers and distributors should have the duty to change their packaging to be more eco-friendly with the environment.However,some people believe it is the consumers should avoid choosing overpackaging goods.From my perspective,despite both sides have their own merits,yet i am more convinced they both should take the responsibility for this phenomenon .

On the one hand,many people feel that the citiens should be on the front line combating with this catastrophic for many reasons.First and foremost,they can put pressure on retailers in terms of packaging.For instance,many advocates of sustainable life style usally boycott products with excessive packaging.Thus,many distributors will have modify their brands to retain the customers and adapt with their demands.Another striking point is that consumers have the ability to exert a long-term impact by obtaining word-of-mouth publicity.When they actively seek for items with less packaging,they will have a tendency to recommend for people surrounding them such as:Their family,their friends,……As a result,this can create a positive shift in consumer’s behavior,helping them to become responsible customers.

On the other hand,many people say that the companies are the most important element to reduce the number of packing products for some reasons.Firstly,manufacturers and distributors have an unique position to adopt sustainable practices.They can do this by simplify the way they packaged their goods.For instance,many famous brand in terms of beverage such as Milo,Nestlé,….. have replaced their plastic straws with paper-based ones in their products to reduce an immense amount of plastic consumed worldwide.So that,this can reduce the amount of plastic on the globe.Another factor is that they have ability to impose the positive impacts on a larger scale.When a brand transition to more eco-friendly materials,their rivals will follow suit to compete with them.As a result,this can cause the’’ripple effect’’ across the whole industry,finally foster the culture of sustainability.

Putting all into consideration,both of the sides have their own rights and opinions about this phenomenon.From my point of view,i strongly believe that it sellers and consumers should both have the duty to minimize the amount of packaging of goods and they should work together to achieve the sustainable habits and avoid contaminating the environment.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "overpackaging" -> "excessive packaging"
    Explanation: Replacing "overpackaging" with "excessive packaging" provides a more precise and formal term, aligning better with academic style.

  2. "Many people nowadays assume that" -> "Many contemporary individuals assert that"
    Explanation: Substituting "Many people nowadays assume that" with "Many contemporary individuals assert that" enhances formality and introduces a more academically appropriate expression.

  3. "it is the consumers should avoid choosing" -> "consumers should refrain from selecting"
    Explanation: Correcting "it is the consumers should avoid choosing" to "consumers should refrain from selecting" improves the sentence structure and replaces informal language with a more formal expression.

  4. "despite both sides have their own merits" -> "although both perspectives have their merits"
    Explanation: Changing "despite both sides have their own merits" to "although both perspectives have their merits" maintains the intended meaning while presenting it in a more formal and structured manner.

  5. "they both should take the responsibility for this phenomenon" -> "both parties should bear responsibility for this phenomenon"
    Explanation: Substituting "they both should take the responsibility for this phenomenon" with "both parties should bear responsibility for this phenomenon" enhances formality and clarity.

  6. "many people feel that the citizens should be on the front line combating with this catastrophic" -> "many argue that citizens should play a pivotal role in addressing this issue"
    Explanation: Changing "many people feel that the citizens should be on the front line combating with this catastrophic" to "many argue that citizens should play a pivotal role in addressing this issue" improves the sentence structure and replaces informal language with more formal terminology.

  7. "sustainable life style usally boycott" -> "advocates of a sustainable lifestyle typically boycott"
    Explanation: Correcting "sustainable life style usally boycott" to "advocates of a sustainable lifestyle typically boycott" addresses the informal language and ensures a more accurate representation of the intended meaning.

  8. "modify their brands to retain the customers and adapt with their demands" -> "adjust their brands to retain customers and align with their demands"
    Explanation: Replacing "modify their brands to retain the customers and adapt with their demands" with "adjust their brands to retain customers and align with their demands" streamlines the sentence and uses more formal language.

  9. "they will have a tendency to recommend for people surrounding them such as: Their family, their friends, …" -> "they are likely to recommend to those around them, including their family and friends"
    Explanation: Modifying "they will have a tendency to recommend for people surrounding them such as: Their family, their friends, …" to "they are likely to recommend to those around them, including their family and friends" improves sentence structure and eliminates unnecessary repetition.

  10. "many people say that the companies are the most important element to reduce the number of packing products" -> "many argue that companies play a crucial role in reducing the number of packaged products"
    Explanation: Changing "many people say that the companies are the most important element to reduce the number of packing products" to "many argue that companies play a crucial role in reducing the number of packaged products" maintains the meaning while using more formal language.

  11. "manufacturers and distributors have an unique position" -> "manufacturers and distributors occupy a unique position"
    Explanation: Replacing "manufacturers and distributors have an unique position" with "manufacturers and distributors occupy a unique position" improves the sentence structure and adheres to formal language standards.

  12. "famous brand in terms of beverage such as Milo, Nestlé, …" -> "prominent beverage brands such as Milo and Nestlé"
    Explanation: Correcting "famous brand in terms of beverage such as Milo, Nestlé, …" to "prominent beverage brands such as Milo and Nestlé" maintains formality and ensures a more accurate representation of the intended meaning.

  13. "reduce an immense amount of plastic consumed worldwide" -> "reduce the substantial amount of plastic consumed globally"
    Explanation: Changing "reduce an immense amount of plastic consumed worldwide" to "reduce the substantial amount of plastic consumed globally" uses more precise language while maintaining clarity.

  14. "this can cause the ‘ripple effect’ across the whole industry, finally foster the culture of sustainability" -> "this can initiate a ‘ripple effect’ throughout the entire industry, ultimately fostering a culture of sustainability"
    Explanation: Substituting "this can cause the ‘ripple effect’ across the whole industry, finally foster the culture of sustainability" with "this can initiate a ‘ripple effect’ throughout the entire industry, ultimately fostering a culture of sustainability" improves formality and enhances clarity.

  15. "Putting all into consideration" -> "Taking everything into consideration"
    Explanation: Replacing "Putting all into consideration" with "Taking everything into consideration" maintains the intended meaning while adhering to a more formal expression.

  16. "it sellers and consumers should both have the duty" -> "sellers and consumers should both bear the responsibility"
    Explanation: Changing "it sellers and consumers should both have the duty" to "sellers and consumers should both bear the responsibility" enhances formality and clarity in conveying the idea.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Since the dawn of civilization, overpackaging has become the center of heated debate. Many people nowadays assume that retailers and distributors should have the duty to change their packaging to be more eco-friendly with the environment. However, some people believe it is the consumers should avoid choosing overpackaging goods. From my perspective, despite both sides have their own merits, yet I am more convinced they both should take the responsibility for this phenomenon."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting your own position on the issue. While you mention that both retailers and consumers should take responsibility, it would be more effective if you explicitly state your stance. Provide a clear thesis that outlines your main points, enhancing the overall structure of your essay.
    • Improved example: "In this essay, I will argue that both retailers and consumers bear the responsibility for reducing packaging waste. While distributors should adopt eco-friendly practices, consumers also play a crucial role in influencing market trends towards sustainability."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, many people feel that the citizens should be on the front line combating with this catastrophic for many reasons. First and foremost, they can put pressure on retailers in terms of packaging. For instance, many advocates of sustainable lifestyles usually boycott products with excessive packaging. Thus, many distributors will have to modify their brands to retain the customers and adapt to their demands. Another striking point is that consumers have the ability to exert a long-term impact by obtaining word-of-mouth publicity. When they actively seek items with less packaging, they will have a tendency to recommend them to people surrounding them such as their family, their friends, …… As a result, this can create a positive shift in consumer’s behavior, helping them to become responsible customers."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While your points are valid, the explanation is somewhat repetitive. Instead, focus on concise and precise examples to support your argument. Also, ensure a smoother transition between ideas to enhance the overall flow of your essay.
    • Improved example: "Consumers wield significant influence in pressuring retailers to adopt sustainable packaging practices. For instance, boycotting products with excessive packaging sends a strong message, prompting distributors to modify their brands. Additionally, consumers actively advocating for eco-friendly choices create a ripple effect by recommending sustainable products to their social circles, fostering responsible consumer behavior."
  3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, many people say that the companies are the most important element to reduce the number of packing products for some reasons. Firstly, manufacturers and distributors have a unique position to adopt sustainable practices. They can do this by simplifying the way they packaged their goods. For instance, many famous brands in terms of beverage such as Milo, Nestlé, ….. have replaced their plastic straws with paper-based ones in their products to reduce an immense amount of plastic consumed worldwide. So that, this can reduce the amount of plastic on the globe. Another factor is that they have the ability to impose the positive impacts on a larger scale. When a brand transitions to more eco-friendly materials, their rivals will follow suit to compete with them. As a result, this can cause the ‘ripple effect’ across the whole industry, finally fostering the culture of sustainability."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The explanation is detailed, but the connection between the examples and your overall argument could be strengthened. Make sure each example directly supports your claim, and consider providing a brief summary at the end of the paragraph to reinforce your main point.
    • Improved example: "Manufacturers indeed hold a pivotal role in reducing packaging waste. Simplifying packaging methods, as witnessed in the shift from plastic to paper-based straws by brands like Milo and Nestlé, demonstrates their unique position. Moreover, the ‘ripple effect’ generated within the industry showcases how one brand’s commitment to sustainability compels rivals to follow suit, ultimately fostering a culture of environmental responsibility."

Overall, while your essay provides insightful perspectives, refining the clarity of your thesis statement, avoiding repetition, and enhancing the connection between examples and arguments can elevate your essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a generally coherent organization of ideas with a clear overall progression. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, presenting both views and the author’s opinion. Each paragraph discusses a different perspective, contributing to logical flow. Cohesive devices, such as transition words, are used effectively in most cases, enhancing the connectivity between sentences and ideas.

However, there are instances where cohesion within sentences and between paragraphs is somewhat faulty or mechanical. For example, the sentence "However, some people believe it is the consumers should avoid choosing overpackaging goods" lacks smooth cohesion. Additionally, there is inconsistency in the use of articles, impacting sentence structure.

Paragraphing is utilized, but not always logically. The essay would benefit from clearer demarcation between ideas to enhance overall coherence. While referencing is attempted, there are instances where it may not be clear or appropriate, affecting the overall cohesion.

How to improve:

  1. Refine sentence structure for smoother cohesion, avoiding mechanical phrases.
  2. Ensure consistent and correct use of articles throughout the essay.
  3. Pay attention to logical paragraphing, creating distinct sections for each idea.
  4. Strengthen referencing for clarity and appropriateness, reinforcing overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary with some awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and spelling. The writer effectively conveys ideas and maintains coherence throughout the essay. Some sentences exhibit a good command of language, but others lack sophistication.

How to improve:

  1. Lexical Accuracy: Pay attention to word choice and ensure accuracy. For example, in the sentence, "many advocates of sustainable lifestyle usally boycott products," the word "usally" should be corrected to "usually."

  2. Sentence Structure and Sophistication: Aim for more varied sentence structures to enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay. This can contribute to a higher band score.

  3. Consistency in Formality: Maintain a consistent level of formality throughout the essay. For instance, the phrase "…such as: Their family, their friends,……" can be improved by removing the colon and using a more formal punctuation style.

  4. Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct spelling and grammar errors. Attention to detail is crucial in achieving a higher band score.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and effectively discusses both views. Improvements in lexical accuracy and sentence structure can contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation throughout, with a variety of sentence structures. There are some instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing, but these do not significantly impede communication. The writer effectively uses complex structures, and the majority of sentences are error-free. The essay maintains a consistent level of grammatical accuracy, supporting a band score of 7.0.

How to improve:

  1. Sentence Structure: While the essay exhibits a variety of sentence structures, the writer should aim for more precision in complex sentences to enhance clarity.
  2. Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation, ensuring consistent use of commas, and work on eliminating occasional errors.
  3. Word Choice and Expression: Some phrases could be refined for smoother expression and coherence. Consider revising awkward phrasing to enhance overall fluency.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively conveys the intended message with only occasional lapses in grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Since ancient times, excessive packaging has sparked intense debates. Presently, many individuals argue that it is the responsibility of retailers and distributors to alter their packaging methods for a more eco-friendly approach. Conversely, others advocate for consumer action, suggesting that individuals should avoid purchasing excessively packaged goods. In my view, while both stances have their merits, I am convinced that both parties should share the responsibility in addressing this issue.

On one hand, proponents of consumer action believe that citizens should play a pivotal role in combating excessive packaging for several reasons. Firstly, they possess the power to exert pressure on retailers by altering their purchasing habits. For instance, individuals advocating for sustainable lifestyles often boycott products with excessive packaging. Consequently, this compels distributors to reconsider their packaging strategies to retain customers and align with their preferences. Moreover, consumers actively promoting items with minimal packaging tend to influence those around them, such as family and friends. Consequently, this creates a positive shift in consumer behavior, fostering responsible purchasing habits.

Conversely, others argue that companies bear the primary responsibility for reducing the volume of excessively packaged goods for various reasons. Manufacturers and distributors occupy a unique position to adopt sustainable practices by simplifying their packaging methods. For instance, renowned beverage brands like Milo and Nestlé have replaced plastic straws with paper-based alternatives, significantly reducing global plastic consumption. Furthermore, these companies possess the ability to influence industry-wide change. When a brand adopts eco-friendly materials, competitors often follow suit to remain competitive. This “ripple effect” within the industry ultimately fosters a culture of sustainability.

Considering both viewpoints, it is evident that each holds valid arguments regarding this issue. However, I firmly believe that both sellers and consumers should shoulder the responsibility of minimizing excessive packaging. Collaborative efforts between these stakeholders are crucial to cultivating sustainable practices and preventing environmental contamination.

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