Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence for films of television and cinema. Others feel that violent films should be not regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

In the contemporary world, there has been a debate surrounding detrimental impacts that violent films left on people’s behavior. To tackle this phenomenon, some argue that the government should control the level of violence in films, others contend that this type of film is just a way of entertainment, and they should not be restricted . From my point of view , I wholetedly agree that the government should establish the boundaries for violent content .

On the one hand, there are some reasons why violent films should not be regulated by the government. Firstly, looking at this problem from the angle of viewers, these violent elements are just a kind of entertaiment ,they find joy and exciting offered by violent screnes in movies, if reduce these factors for the sake of minority of audience it can cause injustice among these individuals by directly interrupting their mood. Furthermore, the violent factor is an instrumental key for film’s makers to draw the attention from the audience and make their films become successful. If these elements are cutted, it strictly impacts on their profits.

On another hand, I strongly hold the view that the circulation of these movies should be restricted. The first and foremost reason is the bad impacts on children, who are innocent. .They can easily access these age-inappropriate films online, and tend to imitate what they see on these films , which can lead to detrimental consequences on children’s behavior. For teenagers and adults , who are having excessive interaction on these movies can misunderstand that these films encourage the types of antisocial behaviors .As a result the rate of crime like bullying , domestic violence , and scam increase day by day.

In conclusion , violent screnes can bring some benefits for viewers and film’s maker but it can also be attributed to social unrest. Government should set boundaries for the level of violence on films to satisfy all demands of citizens.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"detrimental impacts that violent films left on people’s behavior" -> "detrimental impacts that violent films have on people’s behavior"
Explanation: The verb "left" is incorrect in this context; "have" is the correct verb to use with "impacts" to indicate ongoing effects. Also, "people’s" should be "people’s" for possessive form consistency.
"I wholetedly agree" -> "I wholeheartedly agree"
Explanation: "Wholetedly" is a typographical error; "wholeheartedly" is the correct adverbial form, meaning complete and sincere agreement.
"entertainment, and they should not be restricted" -> "entertainment and should not be restricted"
Explanation: Removing "they" clarifies the sentence structure and maintains a formal tone by avoiding unnecessary pronouns.
"Firstly, looking at this problem from the angle of viewers, these violent elements are just a kind of entertaiment" -> "Firstly, from the perspective of viewers, these violent elements are merely a form of entertainment"
Explanation: "Looking at this problem from the angle of" is informal and vague; "from the perspective of" is more precise and formal. Also, "entertaiment" is a typographical error; "entertainment" is the correct spelling.
"they find joy and exciting offered by violent screnes" -> "they find joy and excitement in violent scenes"
Explanation: "exciting offered by" is grammatically incorrect; "excitement in" is the correct prepositional phrase for describing the source of enjoyment.
"reduce these factors for the sake of minority of audience" -> "reduce these factors for the sake of a minority of the audience"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "audience" corrects the possessive form, and "a minority" is grammatically correct compared to "minority" which is a noun and should be preceded by "a" or "the" depending on the context.
"cutted" -> "cut"
Explanation: "Cutted" is a typographical error; "cut" is the correct form of the verb.
"On another hand" -> "On the other hand"
Explanation: "On another hand" is grammatically incorrect; "On the other hand" is the correct phrase used to introduce a contrasting idea.
"bad impacts on children, who are innocent" -> "negative impacts on children, who are innocent"
Explanation: "Bad" is too informal and vague; "negative" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"can easily access these age-inappropriate films online" -> "can easily access these inappropriate films online"
Explanation: "Age-inappropriate" is redundant as "inappropriate" already implies age-related issues; removing "age-" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning.
"tend to imitate what they see on these films" -> "tend to imitate what they see in these films"
Explanation: "on" is incorrect; "in" is the correct preposition for describing the location of actions within a medium like film.
"As a result the rate of crime" -> "As a result, the rate of crime"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "As a result" improves the sentence structure and clarity.
"like bullying, domestic violence, and scam" -> "such as bullying, domestic violence, and scams"
Explanation: "like" is informal and imprecise; "such as" is more formal and appropriate for listing examples. Also, "scam" should be pluralized to "scams" for consistency with the list format.
"Government should set boundaries for the level of violence on films" -> "The government should establish boundaries for the level of violence in films"
Explanation: "Government" should be "The government" for grammatical correctness, and "on" should be "in" to correctly describe the location of the violence within the films.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views on the regulation of violent films, presenting arguments for and against government intervention. The first paragraph outlines the opposing stance, emphasizing the enjoyment and financial implications for filmmakers. The second paragraph articulates the reasons for regulation, particularly focusing on the impact on children and societal behavior. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both perspectives, as the argument for regulation is more developed than the counterargument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides are equally represented. This can be achieved by elaborating on the reasons against regulation with more examples or evidence, thus providing a more comprehensive discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is clear in favor of regulation, particularly in the second paragraph. However, the introduction contains a somewhat unclear phrase, "I wholetedly agree," which may confuse readers. The position is consistently maintained throughout the essay, but the initial phrasing could lead to misinterpretation.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, the writer should revise the introduction to clearly state their position without ambiguity. Using straightforward language will help maintain a clear stance throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, particularly in the section supporting regulation. The mention of children imitating violent behavior is a strong point, supported by reasoning about societal consequences. However, the arguments against regulation lack depth and specific examples, which weakens their impact.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend and support all ideas presented. For instance, when discussing the enjoyment of violent films, the writer could include statistics on viewer preferences or references to popular films that exemplify this enjoyment. This would provide a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the regulation of violent films and the implications for society. However, some sentences, particularly in the first argument against regulation, become convoluted and may distract from the main point. For example, the phrase "it can cause injustice among these individuals" could be clearer and more directly related to the topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of regulation. Simplifying complex sentences and avoiding tangential ideas will help keep the discussion relevant and on track.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, but it would benefit from more balanced exploration of both sides, clearer phrasing, and deeper support for all claims made.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs lacks a clear linking sentence that would help the reader understand the shift from discussing the lack of regulation to advocating for it. The introduction does set up the discussion well, but the argument could be made more compelling by clearly delineating the points that will be discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the reasons against regulation, a phrase like "Conversely" or "On the other hand" could be used to introduce the second viewpoint more effectively. Additionally, outlining the main points in the introduction can provide a roadmap for the reader.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct viewpoint, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the argument against regulation, rather than starting with a general statement about the debate.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. This will help readers quickly grasp the focus of each section. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that summarize the paragraph’s main point and link it back to the overall argument, reinforcing the essay’s coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "On the one hand," and "Furthermore." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be made clearer. For example, the phrase "which can lead to detrimental consequences on children’s behavior" could be better connected to the previous sentence to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Additionally," "In contrast," or "Consequently" to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately and enhances the clarity of the argument. Practicing the use of different cohesive devices in writing exercises can help build this skill.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on enhancing logical flow, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "detrimental impacts," "entertainment," "instrumental key," and "social unrest." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "violent films" and "violent elements." The essay could benefit from more varied expressions to describe similar concepts, which would enhance the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "violent," they could incorporate words like "aggressive," "hostile," or "brutal." Additionally, phrases like "negative effects" could replace "detrimental impacts" in some instances to avoid redundancy.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "I wholetedly agree" appears to be a typographical error or misuse of "wholeheartedly." Additionally, the phrase "the violent factor is an instrumental key for film’s makers" could be more clearly expressed as "violence is a crucial element for filmmakers." Such imprecisions can detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch typographical errors and ensure that the vocabulary used accurately conveys the intended meaning. Using a thesaurus can help find more suitable words that fit the context better. For instance, instead of "cutted," the correct form is "cut," and instead of "exciting offered," it could be rephrased to "excitement offered."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "entertaiment" (entertainment), "screnes" (scenes), "cutted" (cut), and "wholetedly" (wholeheartedly). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can negatively impact the reader’s understanding and the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding their vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the phrase "some argue that the government should control the level of violence in films" showcases a complex structure. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar pattern, which can lead to monotony. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "I wholetedly agree," which detracts from clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using different types of clauses and phrases. For example, incorporating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If the government regulates violent films, it may lead to…") or using participial phrases (e.g., "Having considered both sides, it is clear that…") can add complexity. Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and lengths can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that impact clarity. For example, "entertaiment ,they find joy and exciting offered by violent screnes" lacks proper punctuation and has spelling mistakes ("entertaiment" should be "entertainment," and "screnes" should be "scenes"). The phrase "if reduce these factors for the sake of minority of audience" is grammatically incorrect and should be rephrased for clarity. Furthermore, the use of commas is inconsistent, such as in "From my point of view , I wholetedly agree," where there should be no space before the comma.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and correct verb forms (e.g., "cutted" should be "cut"). Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage, can enhance the overall readability of the essay. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct mistakes before finalizing the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, there has been a debate surrounding the detrimental impacts that violent films have on people’s behavior. To tackle this phenomenon, some argue that the government should control the level of violence in films, while others contend that this type of film is just a form of entertainment and should not be restricted. From my point of view, I wholeheartedly agree that the government should establish boundaries for violent content.

On the one hand, there are some reasons why violent films should not be regulated by the government. Firstly, looking at this problem from the perspective of viewers, these violent elements are merely a form of entertainment; they find joy and excitement in the violent scenes in movies. If these factors are reduced for the sake of a minority of the audience, it can cause injustice among these individuals by directly interrupting their mood. Furthermore, the violent factor is an instrumental key for filmmakers to draw attention from the audience and make their films successful. If these elements are cut, it strictly impacts their profits.

On the other hand, I strongly hold the view that the circulation of these movies should be restricted. The first and foremost reason is the negative impacts on children, who are innocent. They can easily access these inappropriate films online and tend to imitate what they see in these films, which can lead to detrimental consequences for children’s behavior. For teenagers and adults, excessive interaction with these movies can lead to misunderstandings that these films encourage types of antisocial behaviors. As a result, the rate of crime, such as bullying, domestic violence, and scams, increases day by day.

In conclusion, violent scenes can bring some benefits for viewers and filmmakers, but they can also contribute to social unrest. The government should set boundaries for the level of violence in films to satisfy the demands of all citizens.