Some people have benefited from modern communication technology, but some people have not benefited from it at all. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is little doubt that state-of-the-art communication devices have become more prevalent in recent years. While disadvantaged and elderly citizens may not obtain many benefits from them, I am of a strong opinion that they are hugely advantageous to humans’ communication.
The underpriviledged or those living in distant areas are likely to struggle to have access to modern technologies to communicate. Although modern technologies such as smartphones or laptops are so convenient to make a phone call or text these days, those people mostly could not afford to own them. Therefore, many of them have to resort to traditional methods like sending letters or going to community call center. Another kind of people who also struggle to gain benefits from modern communicating method is the elderly. They may find it hard to keep updated with new features and usage of cutting-edge devices. For example, to utilize several common social networking sites including Facebook or Instagram by smarphone, users also have to come through some specific steps, which may still be too complicated for the senior.
Despite the above-mentioned sorts of people, I strongly contend that technologies are contributing myriads of benefits to humans’ life. One apparent advantage is that they allow people to interact with each other regardless of distance and time. While in the past, individuals have no choice other than meeting directly to exchange ideas, now the advent of modern devices allows them to talk or even see directly anywhere. The prices of these devices are becoming increasingly affordable, further increasing this benefit. In addition, the advancement of technologies allow people to communicate in a higher level such as sending a book or software applications with each other in almost no time. This pays the way for online working and thus assists workers in the office significantly.
In conclusion, while top-of-the-line technologies may not bring many benefits of communicating to the elderly and the disadvantaged, I strongly contend that they are of paramount importance to humans.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"state-of-the-art communication devices" -> "cutting-edge communication devices"
Explanation: "State-of-the-art" is a bit informal for academic writing. "Cutting-edge" maintains the idea of advanced technology while sounding more formal and appropriate for this context.
"I am of a strong opinion" -> "I strongly believe"
Explanation: "I am of a strong opinion" is a less formal expression. "I strongly believe" is a more appropriate and concise way to convey the same idea in academic writing.
"The underpriviledged" -> "The disadvantaged"
Explanation: "Underprivileged" is the correct spelling, but "disadvantaged" is more commonly used in academic writing and maintains a formal tone.
"could not afford to own them" -> "might not have the means to acquire them"
Explanation: "Could not afford to own them" is slightly informal. "Might not have the means to acquire them" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"they have to resort to traditional methods" -> "they often rely on traditional methods"
Explanation: "Resort to" can be seen as slightly informal. "Rely on" is a more formal alternative that fits well in academic writing.
"struggle to gain benefits from modern communicating method" -> "struggle to reap the benefits of modern communication methods"
Explanation: "Gaining benefits from modern communicating method" sounds awkward. "Reap the benefits of modern communication methods" is a more natural and formal expression.
"For example, to utilize several common social networking sites including Facebook or Instagram by smarphone" -> "For example, using various common social networking sites such as Facebook or Instagram via smartphones"
Explanation: The original sentence is fragmented and awkward. The suggested alternative is clearer and more concise.
"they allow people to interact with each other regardless of distance and time" -> "they facilitate interpersonal interactions regardless of geographical and temporal constraints"
Explanation: This alternative is more formal and precise, using "facilitate" instead of "allow" and specifying "geographical and temporal constraints" instead of just "distance and time."
"the advent of modern devices allows them to talk or even see directly anywhere" -> "the emergence of modern devices enables them to communicate visually or verbally from anywhere"
Explanation: "Advent" is a bit archaic and formal for this context. "Emergence" is a more appropriate term. Additionally, "see directly" is ambiguous; "communicate visually or verbally" clarifies the intended meaning.
"The prices of these devices are becoming increasingly affordable" -> "The cost of these devices is progressively decreasing"
Explanation: "Becoming increasingly affordable" is slightly redundant. "Progressively decreasing" is more concise and formal.
"In addition, the advancement of technologies allow people to communicate in a higher level" -> "Moreover, technological advancements enable communication at an advanced level"
Explanation: "Advancement of technologies" is awkward; "technological advancements" is more natural. "Allow people to communicate in a higher level" is unclear; "enable communication at an advanced level" is more precise.
"This pays the way for online working" -> "This paves the way for remote work"
Explanation: "Pays the way" is incorrect; "paves the way" is the correct idiom. "Online working" is a bit informal; "remote work" is a more formal and widely used term.
"while top-of-the-line technologies may not bring many benefits of communicating to the elderly and the disadvantaged" -> "while cutting-edge technologies may not offer significant communication benefits to the elderly and the disadvantaged"
Explanation: "Top-of-the-line technologies" is somewhat informal. "Cutting-edge technologies" is more appropriate. "Bring many benefits of communicating" is awkward; "offer significant communication benefits" is clearer and more concise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt by acknowledging that while some people may not benefit from modern communication technology, the author strongly believes in its overall advantages.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, ensure that the discussion of both perspectives is balanced. Consider elaborating more on why certain groups may not benefit from modern communication technology.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author’s position in favor of modern communication technology is evident throughout the essay. However, there is a minor inconsistency where the author acknowledges the limitations of technology for certain groups but ultimately emphasizes its overall importance.
- How to improve: Maintain consistency by clearly acknowledging counterarguments while reinforcing your main stance. This can be achieved through more nuanced reasoning and by addressing potential counterpoints directly.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, supported by examples such as the difficulties faced by disadvantaged and elderly individuals. However, some of the supporting points lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration.
- How to improve: Strengthen the essay by providing more detailed examples and elaborating on the impact of modern communication technology on various aspects of life. Consider including real-world examples or statistics to bolster your arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the benefits and limitations of modern communication technology as prompted. However, there are moments where the focus slightly shifts towards discussing the affordability of devices and online working.
- How to improve: Maintain a tighter focus on the prompt by ensuring that all discussion points directly relate to the extent to which individuals benefit from modern communication technology. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from the main argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents a clear position in favor of modern communication technology, there are areas for improvement in terms of comprehensiveness, consistency, depth of argumentation, and maintaining focus on the prompt. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that presents the main argument clearly, followed by body paragraphs that discuss different aspects of the topic. The first body paragraph addresses the challenges faced by disadvantaged and elderly individuals in accessing modern communication technology, while the second paragraph argues in favor of the benefits of technology. Finally, the conclusion restates the main argument. However, there is room for improvement in the coherence between paragraphs, as the transition from discussing challenges to discussing benefits could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph flows logically from the preceding one. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the essay’s structure more effectively. For example, you could use phrases like "On the other hand" or "Furthermore" to signal shifts between discussing challenges and benefits.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as challenges faced by certain groups or the benefits of modern communication technology. However, some paragraphs could be more cohesive internally, with clearer topic sentences and supporting details.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph coherence by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes its main point. Then, provide supporting evidence or examples to develop that point further. Ensure that each paragraph maintains a single focus and avoids straying off-topic. For instance, in the paragraph discussing challenges, you could start with a topic sentence like "Disadvantaged individuals often face barriers to accessing modern communication technology due to financial constraints," and then provide specific examples to support this claim.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a moderate range of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences. For example, transitional phrases like "while," "although," and "despite" are used to signal contrasts and transitions between different points. However, there is a need for more variety and sophistication in the use of cohesive devices to enhance coherence further.
- How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices used in the essay to include a wider range of conjunctions, transitional adverbs, and cohesive expressions. This can help create smoother transitions between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Consider using cohesive devices such as "furthermore," "in addition," "conversely," and "on the contrary" to add nuance and complexity to your argument. Additionally, pay attention to parallel structure and pronoun reference to ensure clarity and coherence in your writing.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents arguments for both sides of the issue, enhancing coherence and cohesion through improved paragraph organization and the use of a wider range of cohesive devices would elevate the essay to the ultimate level of clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some varied terms used throughout. For instance, words like "state-of-the-art," "prevalent," "advantageous," "underprivileged," "utilize," "myriads," "paramount," etc., showcase a decent breadth of vocabulary. However, there is room for improvement in incorporating more sophisticated and contextually appropriate vocabulary to elevate the lexical richness of the essay further.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, the writer could incorporate more precise and nuanced vocabulary that is directly relevant to the topic. For example, instead of using common terms like "advantageous," consider employing synonyms such as "beneficial," "advantageous," or "favorable," depending on the context. Additionally, integrating domain-specific terminology related to communication technology would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary with reasonable precision, but there are instances where words could be used more accurately or effectively. For example, the phrase "state-of-the-art communication devices" effectively conveys the idea of advanced technology, but using a more specific term like "cutting-edge communication devices" could enhance precision. On the other hand, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "contributing myriads of benefits," where "myriads" might not be the most precise term to convey abundance.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully select words that precisely convey the intended meaning in the given context. This can be achieved by consulting a thesaurus or conducting research to find more accurate and contextually fitting vocabulary choices. Additionally, paying attention to collocations and idiomatic expressions related to the topic can help improve precision in vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout, with only a few minor errors observed (e.g., "priviledged" instead of "privileged"). Overall, the level of spelling accuracy is satisfactory, with no significant hindrance to comprehension.
- How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, the writer should consider utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools available in word processing software. Additionally, dedicating time to proofreading and editing the essay before submission can help catch any overlooked spelling errors. Developing a habit of actively reviewing and learning from spelling mistakes can also contribute to ongoing improvement in this area.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences, albeit with some repetition and limited variation. There is evidence of attempts to use introductory phrases and clauses ("There is little doubt that," "While disadvantaged and elderly citizens may not obtain many benefits from them," "Despite the above-mentioned sorts of people," etc.), but these could be further diversified for greater sophistication. The essay lacks more advanced structures such as conditional sentences, passive voice, or inverted sentences, which could enhance the complexity and coherence of the text.
- How to improve: To improve the range of structures, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of sentence types and structures. This could involve using complex sentences with subordinate clauses, employing parallelism for emphasis, and experimenting with rhetorical devices like inversion or parallel structure. Additionally, the writer could vary sentence lengths to create a more engaging rhythm and flow in the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates relatively accurate grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are notable errors throughout the text that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("technologies are contributing," should be "technology is contributing"), article usage ("top-of-the-line technologies," should be "top-of-the-line technology"), and awkward phrasing ("to communicate in a higher level" could be improved to "to communicate at a higher level"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas before introductory phrases ("While disadvantaged and elderly citizens may not obtain many benefits from them, I am of a strong opinion…") and inconsistent capitalization ("myriads" should be capitalized).
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, noun-pronoun agreement, and article usage. Proofreading for punctuation errors, including commas, periods, and capitalization, is crucial to improving clarity and readability. Utilizing grammar checkers and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can also help identify and correct recurring errors. Additionally, reviewing grammar rules and practicing writing in various contexts can strengthen grammatical proficiency over time.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is little doubt that cutting-edge communication devices have become more prevalent in recent years. While the disadvantaged and elderly citizens may not have the means to acquire them, I strongly believe that they are hugely advantageous to human communication. The disadvantaged, such as those living in distant areas or with limited financial resources, might not have the means to acquire these devices. Consequently, they often rely on traditional methods like sending letters or visiting community call centers to communicate. Similarly, the elderly may struggle to reap the benefits of modern communication methods due to difficulties in keeping up with new features and usage of smartphones or laptops. For example, using various common social networking sites such as Facebook or Instagram via smartphones might be too complicated for seniors.

Despite the challenges faced by these groups, I firmly maintain that modern communication technologies offer myriad benefits to human life. One obvious advantage is that they facilitate interpersonal interactions regardless of geographical and temporal constraints. In the past, individuals had no choice but to meet face-to-face to exchange ideas, but now the emergence of modern devices enables them to communicate visually or verbally from anywhere. Moreover, the cost of these devices is progressively decreasing, making them more accessible to a wider range of people. Furthermore, technological advancements enable communication at an advanced level, paving the way for remote work and assisting workers in the office significantly.

In conclusion, while cutting-edge technologies may not offer significant communication benefits to the elderly and the disadvantaged, I strongly contend that they are of paramount importance to humans.