fbpx

Some people say cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attraction aimed at tourist. Others say that this is only way to save traditions, discuss not views, and give your opinion.

Some people say cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attraction aimed at tourist. Others say that this is only way to save traditions, discuss not views, and give your opinion.

It is said that the expenditure on making tourist locations these days means that many cultural traditions are destroyed gradually while other opinions argue that this is the best way to preserve cultural identity. This essay will discuss the debate and give a concluding view.
On the one hand, cultural traditions are broken down when spending money on establishing tourist destinations for some reasons. To begin with, in fact, there is lots of tourist attraction modified to attract several travelers. They changed the size, color, structure, etc of many ancient buildings and locations to make them more colorful and attractive. However, this phenomenon has not only a negative impact on many old constructions but also a loss the value and cultural identity. In addition, this cultural tradition may be damaged by the irresponsible behavior of the visitor. This is due to they often have a littering habit and wear many kinds of colorful clothes that are not appreciated by this respected destination resulting in an evil sacred image of the country.
On the other hand, there are two main reasons to explain why expenditure on tourist destinations is also the way to retain many cultural sites. First of all, the tourist industry provides a huge financial source to preserve the tourist place, the amount of money is paid for several various services that will be spent on redecorating, raising the quality of these traditional locations. Secondly, tourist attractions open the door for cross-cultural interaction. Thanks to this tourist industry, the residents can understand more about the customs of their country, and have the opportunity to share and learn more about the local traditions. Therefore, this helps raise awareness of people having a respected attitude and preserving the cultural values of their nation.
In conclusion, although the tourist industry brings both cons and pros for the cultural tradition, I still believe that this service always has a more positive influence for cultural destinations as well as increasing the economic industry of the country


 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. “It is said that the expenditure on making tourist locations these days means that many cultural traditions are destroyed gradually while other opinions argue that this is the best way to preserve cultural identity.”
    -> “The allocation of funds for developing tourist destinations in contemporary times is purported to lead to the gradual erosion of numerous cultural traditions. Conversely, some viewpoints contend that this approach is the most effective means of preserving cultural identity.”
    Explanation: Replacing “It is said that” with “purported to” and restructuring the sentence enhances formality. The use of “expenditure” is more precise than “spending money,” and the alternative phrasing provides a more nuanced expression of contrasting opinions.
  2. “On the one hand, cultural traditions are broken down when spending money on establishing tourist destinations for some reasons.”
    -> “On one hand, cultural traditions undergo degradation when financial resources are allocated to establish tourist destinations for several reasons.”
    Explanation: The phrase “broken down” is replaced with “undergo degradation” for a more formal and precise description of the impact on cultural traditions. The change from “for some reasons” to “for several reasons” adds specificity.
  3. “They changed the size, color, structure, etc of many ancient buildings and locations to make them more colorful and attractive.”
    -> “These locations underwent alterations in terms of size, color, structure, etc., with the aim of enhancing their visual appeal.”
    Explanation: The use of “underwent alterations” is more formal than “changed,” and specifying the alterations adds clarity. The abbreviation “etc.” is replaced with “with the aim of enhancing their visual appeal” for a more complete and formal expression.
  4. “However, this phenomenon has not only a negative impact on many old constructions but also a loss the value and cultural identity.”
    -> “However, this phenomenon not only exerts a detrimental impact on numerous historic structures but also results in a loss of their intrinsic value and cultural identity.”
    Explanation: The phrase “has not only a negative impact” is revised to “not only exerts a detrimental impact” for a more formal tone. The addition of “intrinsic” before “value” adds precision, and the rephrasing improves overall clarity.
  5. “This is due to they often have a littering habit and wear many kinds of colorful clothes that are not appreciated by this respected destination resulting in an evil sacred image of the country.”
    -> “This is attributable to their frequent littering habits and the wearing of various colorful clothes that may not be appreciated by the revered destination, thereby tarnishing the sacred image of the country.”
    Explanation: “Due to” is replaced with “attributable to” for formality, and the phrasing is adjusted for better coherence. The term “evil” is replaced with “tarnishing” for a more precise description of the impact on the sacred image.
  6. “First of all, the tourist industry provides a huge financial source to preserve the tourist place, the amount of money is paid for several various services that will be spent on redecorating, raising the quality of these traditional locations.”
    -> “Firstly, the tourist industry serves as a substantial financial resource for the preservation of tourist sites. The funds generated through various services contribute to redecorating and enhancing the quality of these traditional locations.”
    Explanation: “First of all” is replaced with “Firstly” for formality, and the sentence is restructured for clarity. The phrase “huge financial source” is refined to “substantial financial resource,” and the repetitive use of “the amount of money” is eliminated for conciseness.
  7. “Therefore, this helps raise awareness of people having a respected attitude and preserving the cultural values of their nation.”
    -> “Therefore, it contributes to raising awareness among individuals, fostering a respectful attitude, and preserving the cultural values of their nation.”
    Explanation: The phrase “this helps” is replaced with “it contributes to” for clarity, and the sentence is rephrased to improve overall structure. The use of “people having a respected attitude” is refined to “fostering a respectful attitude” for precision and formality.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: “It is said that the expenditure on making tourist locations these days means that many cultural traditions are destroyed gradually while other opinions argue that this is the best way to preserve cultural identity. This essay will discuss the debate and give a concluding view.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, addressing the topic and indicating the intention to present both sides of the argument. However, it lacks clarity in presenting the writer’s stance. It would be more effective if the writer explicitly stated their opinion on whether cultural traditions are more likely to be destroyed or preserved by tourist attractions.
    • Improved example: “The ongoing debate revolves around the impact of investing in tourist locations on cultural traditions. While some argue that this expenditure leads to the gradual destruction of cultural heritage, others contend that it is the optimal way to preserve cultural identity. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives before presenting my own view on whether tourist attractions contribute more to the destruction or preservation of cultural traditions.”
  2. Quoted text: “To begin with, in fact, there is lots of tourist attraction modified to attract several travelers. They changed the size, color, structure, etc of many ancient buildings and locations to make them more colorful and attractive.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The paragraph discusses the negative impact of tourist attractions on cultural traditions, but the ideas are not fully developed. Provide specific examples and elaborate on how modifications compromise the authenticity and cultural significance of these attractions. For instance, mention a specific historical site or traditional location that has undergone detrimental changes.
    • Improved example: “To illustrate, consider the renowned historical site XYZ, which has undergone extensive modifications to cater to the preferences of tourists. The alterations in size, color, and structure, aimed at enhancing visual appeal, have resulted in a dilution of the site’s historical authenticity. This not only diminishes the intrinsic cultural value but also distorts the original narrative that the site represents.”
  3. Quoted text: “However, this phenomenon has not only a negative impact on many old constructions but also a loss the value and cultural identity.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The sentence lacks clarity and grammatical accuracy. Reconstruct the sentence for better coherence and precision. Additionally, provide specific examples to support the claim that tourist modifications lead to a loss of cultural value and identity.
    • Improved example: “However, this phenomenon not only adversely affects numerous historical structures but also results in the erosion of their cultural value and identity. For instance, the alterations made to the architectural features of ancient temples may lead to a distortion of their original cultural significance, causing a disconnect between the historical narrative and the modified representation.”
  4. Quoted text: “In addition, this cultural tradition may be damaged by the irresponsible behavior of the visitor. This is due to they often have a littering habit and wear many kinds of colorful clothes that are not appreciated by this respected destination resulting in an evil sacred image of the country.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While the point is valid, it lacks specificity and examples. Provide concrete instances of irresponsible visitor behavior and elaborate on how such actions specifically damage cultural traditions. This will strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.
    • Improved example: “Furthermore, the irresponsible behavior of visitors, such as littering and wearing culturally inappropriate attire, poses a direct threat to the preservation of cultural traditions. For example, the act of discarding waste in sacred areas not only desecrates the sanctity of the site but also contributes to environmental degradation, directly impacting the cultural integrity of the location.”

Overall, the essay addresses the task but needs more depth in the development of ideas and specific examples to support the arguments. Strengthening the clarity of the writer’s position in the introduction is essential for a more cohesive and persuasive essay.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a coherent organization of ideas with a clear overall progression. There is a logical structure with a proper introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The essay uses cohesive devices effectively, but there are instances where cohesion within sentences may be faulty or mechanical. Additionally, referencing and substitution are not always clear and appropriate. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically.

How to improve: Focus on improving the precision of cohesive devices, ensuring they enhance the logical flow between sentences. Pay attention to referencing and substitution, ensuring clarity and appropriateness. Refine paragraphing to enhance logical organization and coherence within each paragraph.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision, placing it in the Band 7 category. There is a noticeable use of less common lexical items, showing some awareness of style and collocation. While occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument, providing examples and reasoning to support each viewpoint. There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary to convey the ideas, and the overall structure of the essay is coherent.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should aim for greater accuracy in word choice and collocation. Careful proofreading is essential to minimize errors in spelling and word formation. Additionally, incorporating a more diverse range of vocabulary, particularly in expressing nuanced ideas, will enhance the essay’s lexical richness. Paying attention to sentence structure and transitions can further contribute to achieving a higher band score.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some errors in grammar and punctuation. While there is an attempt to use a variety of structures, there are noticeable errors throughout the essay that occasionally affect communication. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement (“expenditure on making tourist locations”), awkward phrasing (“for some reasons”), and incorrect word choices (“loss the value”). Additionally, there are problems with sentence clarity and coherence.

On the positive side, the essay does present some complex ideas and provides examples to support them. There is an effort to use a range of vocabulary, and the overall organization of the essay is clear. However, the frequent grammatical errors, punctuation issues, and awkward expressions prevent the essay from achieving a higher band score.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure. Proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors. Additionally, refine the use of punctuation for clearer communication.
  2. Word Choice and Phrasing: Be cautious with word choices to ensure accuracy. Instead of “expenditure on making tourist locations,” consider a more precise phrase like “investment in developing tourist destinations.” Also, strive for more natural phrasing throughout the essay.
  3. Sentence Structure: Aim for more varied sentence structures to enhance the complexity of your writing. This can include a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.
  4. Clarity and Coherence: Ensure that each sentence contributes to the overall clarity and coherence of the essay. Revise sentences that may be confusing or unclear to improve the flow of ideas.

By addressing these areas, the essay can enhance its grammatical range and accuracy, moving towards a higher band score.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

It is often asserted that the investment in developing tourist destinations leads to the gradual erosion of many cultural traditions. However, opposing views contend that this is the most effective way to safeguard cultural identity. This essay will explore this debate and present a conclusive viewpoint.

On one hand, the allocation of funds to create tourist destinations can result in the degradation of cultural traditions for several reasons. Firstly, numerous tourist attractions are altered to cater to a diverse audience, involving modifications to the size, color, and structure of ancient buildings and locations to enhance their visual appeal. Unfortunately, this not only negatively impacts the authenticity of these historical structures but also diminishes their cultural significance. Additionally, the irresponsible behavior of visitors can contribute to the deterioration of cultural traditions. Tourists often exhibit habits such as littering and wearing vibrant clothing that may not align with the cultural norms of the destination, thereby tarnishing the sacred image of the country.

On the other hand, there are two primary reasons supporting the idea that expenditure on tourist destinations serves as a means to preserve cultural sites. Firstly, the tourism industry serves as a substantial financial resource for the maintenance of these places. The revenue generated through various services contributes to the renovation and enhancement of the quality of these traditional locations. Secondly, tourist attractions facilitate cross-cultural interaction, allowing residents to gain a deeper understanding of their own customs and providing opportunities to share and learn about local traditions. This, in turn, fosters an increased awareness, respect, and preservation of cultural values.

In conclusion, while the tourist industry brings both advantages and disadvantages to cultural traditions, I am inclined to believe that its overall impact is more positive. It not only contributes to the preservation of cultural sites through financial support but also promotes cross-cultural understanding, fostering a greater appreciation for and protection of the cultural heritage of a nation.

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

119K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

149K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

299K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

159K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

199K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

399K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

VIP

499K/th

  • Everthing in Premium

  • Hand Writing Image Recognition

  • Better Accuracy with GPT-4

  • Early Access to New features

    - Speaking Feedback

  • Customization

    We help with minor customizations to get it working just right.

  • Support Development of New Features

    • Speaking Practice
    • Classroom Management (e.g., Google Class Room)
    • Reading Practice
    • Listening Practice