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some people say past and history has no role in modern life. while others claim past and history provide modern people great lessons. write and essay to discuss and give your own opinion

some people say past and history has no role in modern life. while others claim past and history provide modern people great lessons. write and essay to discuss and give your own opinion

A matter of considerable controversy at present is the issue of whether past and history have no significant value and remain as a bygone area, or rather such value could provide modern people with thoughtful insight and vital sources of lessons. Strong arguments exist in support of both sides of this debate, which implies that it is worth examining both points of view before reaching any conclusion.
On the one hand, historical values play a significant role as they fulfill life with wisdom lessons, provide historical context and identity, and serve as cultural heritage and tradition. First, humanity can take advantage of past events by analyzing those mistakes and avoiding repeating them. Besides, past lessons can be turned to glean insight into the consequence of the present action and decision, a cautionary to help people to get away with potential downfall. Second, past and history are the key elements to form the shape of individuals and collective identities. Getting to know past events helps us connect with our roots, and foster a sense of belonging and continuity; therefore building us up for a strong fundamental of self-aware and origin-acknowledging. Finally, past morals are forms of repository of cultural heritage and traditions that contribute to the richness of social diversity.
On the other hand, the past and history are considerably irrelevant relics in the context of modern life. First of all, the rapid pace of technological advancement has led to the obsolete of the tools, systems, and knowledge from the past. A practical instance is the outdated, deficient steam engine, which once was madly widespread in the 19th century, in nowadays century has been entirely replaced by alternative means of harnessing energy conversion. Secondly, the ancient phenomena are the biggest oppose to globalization and dynamic changes. The rigid, conservative traditions and social norms that require certain isolation and limited interactions become less relevant in the face of evolving international dynamics and the globalized nature of society.
In conclusion, the opportunists of historical notions are considerably undecided. I am of the opinion that there should be a balanced approach hence we acknowledge the value of the past, develop and modify irrelevant system to form a well-informed and enlightened society


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "a matter of considerable controversy" -> "a topic of considerable controversy"
    Explanation: Replacing "matter" with "topic" and omitting "considerable" results in a more precise and formal expression commonly used in academic writing.

  2. "whether past and history" -> "whether the past and history"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "past" ensures grammatical correctness and maintains a formal tone.

  3. "have no significant value" -> "lack significant value"
    Explanation: Replacing "have no" with "lack" provides a more concise and formal expression.

  4. "remain as a bygone area" -> "remain relegated to the past"
    Explanation: Substituting "as a bygone area" with "relegated to the past" conveys the idea more formally and avoids unnecessary wording.

  5. "or rather such value could" -> "or if such value could"
    Explanation: Adding "if" improves the conditional structure, making the sentence more grammatically correct.

  6. "provide modern people with thoughtful insight" -> "offer contemporary individuals insightful perspectives"
    Explanation: Using "offer" and "contemporary individuals" enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.

  7. "Strong arguments exist" -> "Compelling arguments exist"
    Explanation: Replacing "strong" with "compelling" adds a touch of formality to the sentence.

  8. "implies that it is worth examining" -> "suggests the importance of examining"
    Explanation: Substituting "implies that it is worth" with "suggests the importance of" results in a more formal and direct expression.

  9. "fulfill life with wisdom lessons" -> "impart life with valuable lessons"
    Explanation: Using "impart" instead of "fulfill" and "valuable lessons" instead of "wisdom lessons" enhances formality and precision.

  10. "Getting to know past events" -> "Familiarizing oneself with historical events"
    Explanation: The substitution provides a more sophisticated and formal expression.

  11. "and foster a sense of belonging and continuity" -> "and cultivate a sense of belonging and continuity"
    Explanation: Replacing "foster" with "cultivate" maintains formality and precision.

  12. "past morals are forms of repository" -> "past morals serve as repositories"
    Explanation: This change corrects the grammatical structure and enhances clarity.

  13. "relatively irrelevant relics" -> "largely irrelevant artifacts"
    Explanation: Substituting "relatively" with "largely" and "relics" with "artifacts" adds precision and formality.

  14. "the obsolete of the tools" -> "the obsolescence of tools"
    Explanation: Changing "obsolete of" to "obsolescence of" corrects the phrase and maintains a formal tone.

  15. "madly widespread" -> "widely prevalent"
    Explanation: Replacing "madly widespread" with "widely prevalent" improves the formality and accuracy of the expression.

  16. "in nowadays century" -> "in the present century"
    Explanation: Substituting "nowadays" with "the present" improves formality, and adding "the" before "century" ensures grammatical correctness.

  17. "been entirely replaced by alternative means" -> "been completely supplanted by alternative methods"
    Explanation: Using "completely supplanted" instead of "entirely replaced" enhances formality.

  18. "rigid, conservative traditions" -> "rigid and conservative traditions"
    Explanation: Adding "and" between "rigid" and "conservative" ensures proper parallel structure.

  19. "less relevant in the face of evolving international dynamics" -> "less pertinent in light of evolving international dynamics"
    Explanation: Substituting "relevant" with "pertinent" and "in the face of" with "in light of" enhances formality and precision.

  20. "opportunists of historical notions" -> "opinions on historical concepts"
    Explanation: Correcting "opportunists" to "opinions" ensures the use of the appropriate term and maintains formality.

  21. "there should be a balanced approach" -> "a balanced approach should be taken"
    Explanation: Reordering the sentence improves the formality and clarity of expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "A matter of considerable controversy at present is the issue of whether past and history have no significant value and remain as a bygone area, or rather such value could provide modern people with thoughtful insight and vital sources of lessons. Strong arguments exist in support of both sides of this debate, which implies that it is worth examining both points of view before reaching any conclusion."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction is well-structured and presents the issue clearly. However, it would be beneficial to provide a concise thesis statement that clearly states your position on the matter. This would offer readers a roadmap for what to expect in the essay.
    • Improved example: "In the ongoing debate about the relevance of the past and history in modern life, I firmly believe that the value of historical knowledge provides essential lessons for contemporary society."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, historical values play a significant role as they fulfill life with wisdom lessons, provide historical context and identity, and serve as cultural heritage and tradition."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The paragraph effectively discusses the positive aspects of historical values. However, the ideas lack specificity and detailed development. To strengthen your argument, provide concrete examples or anecdotes from history that illustrate the wisdom lessons, historical context, and cultural heritage you mention.
    • Improved example: "For instance, the story of World War II serves as a powerful lesson, highlighting the catastrophic consequences of global conflicts. This historical context not only imparts wisdom but also shapes our contemporary understanding of peace and diplomacy."
  3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, the past and history are considerably irrelevant relics in the context of modern life."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This paragraph effectively presents the opposing viewpoint. However, to enhance the depth of your argument, consider providing specific examples of how certain historical practices or knowledge have become obsolete due to technological advancements. This would strengthen your position and make your argument more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "An illustrative example is the shift from manual typewriters to modern computers. The skills associated with typewriting, once essential, are now considered obsolete in the era of advanced technology."
  4. Quoted text: "In conclusion, the opportunists of historical notions are considerably undecided. I am of the opinion that there should be a balanced approach hence we acknowledge the value of the past, develop and modify irrelevant system to form a well-informed and enlightened society."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion is somewhat unclear and may benefit from a more concise restatement of your position. Additionally, consider summarizing the main points discussed in the essay to reinforce your stance.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, while acknowledging the value of historical lessons, a balanced approach involves modifying obsolete systems to build a well-informed and enlightened society. By learning from the past and adapting to the present, we can navigate the complexities of the modern world."

Overall, the essay adequately addresses the task but would benefit from more specific examples to support the arguments and a clearer thesis statement in the introduction.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets up the debate effectively, and each paragraph follows a logical sequence of presenting arguments and counterarguments. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, contributing to overall coherence. The essay maintains a clear central topic within each paragraph, addressing both sides of the argument systematically.

How to improve:
While the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices. Some sentences could benefit from smoother transitions to enhance the overall flow. Additionally, ensuring that the introduction explicitly states the writer’s opinion could strengthen the coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The writer effectively conveys ideas with a mix of common and uncommon vocabulary, contributing to a coherent argument. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, such as "opportunists" instead of "opinions," and "madly widespread" which may be better phrased. Despite these, the errors do not significantly impede communication. The essay successfully presents arguments on both sides and maintains a reasonable level of coherence.

How to improve:

  1. Pay attention to word choice: Review and revise word choices to ensure they accurately convey the intended meaning. For example, replace "opportunists" with "opinions."
  2. Refine phrasing: Some expressions, like "madly widespread," could be revised for smoother, more formal language. Consider alternatives to enhance clarity and precision.
  3. Proofread for word formation: Review the essay for errors in word formation, such as the misuse of "madly widespread." Ensure words are used in appropriate contexts.

Note: Overall, the essay displays a commendable understanding of vocabulary use, and with minor refinements, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of a variety of complex structures, such as using subordinate clauses and presenting ideas with relative complexity. There is evidence of frequent error-free sentences, showcasing a generally good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few errors present, which may include minor issues with word choice and sentence structure. These errors do not significantly hinder communication but are noticeable.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, pay close attention to sentence structure and word choice. While the essay generally uses a variety of complex structures, ensure that these structures are employed accurately. Review the essay for minor errors, particularly in the use of articles and prepositions, to further enhance clarity. Additionally, consider refining the connection between ideas to create a smoother flow in the essay. Overall, a careful proofreading focusing on these aspects will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The current debate revolves around the relevance of the past and history in modern life. Some argue that they hold no significant value and are merely remnants of a bygone era, while others believe they offer valuable insights and lessons for contemporary people. Both perspectives have strong arguments, necessitating a careful examination of each before forming a conclusion.

On one hand, historical values play a crucial role in enriching life with valuable lessons, providing a historical context and identity, and preserving cultural heritage and tradition. Firstly, by analyzing past mistakes, humanity can learn and avoid repeating them. Moreover, these lessons offer insights into the consequences of present actions, serving as a cautionary guide to steer clear of potential pitfalls. Secondly, an understanding of past events is essential for forming individual and collective identities. Connecting with our roots fosters a sense of belonging and continuity, laying a strong foundation for self-awareness and origin acknowledgment. Lastly, the morals embedded in history contribute to the richness of social diversity by preserving cultural heritage and traditions.

On the other hand, some argue that the past and history are irrelevant relics in the context of modern life. The rapid pace of technological advancement has rendered tools, systems, and knowledge from the past obsolete. For example, the once widely used steam engine of the 19th century has been entirely replaced by alternative means of harnessing energy in the present century. Additionally, ancient traditions and social norms that promote isolation and limited interactions are seen as obstacles to globalization and dynamic changes in today’s globalized society.

In conclusion, the utility of historical notions remains a subject of considerable debate. I am of the opinion that a balanced approach is necessary. We should acknowledge the value of the past, adapting and modifying outdated systems to create a well-informed and enlightened society.

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