• Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Opinions are divided on whether advertising is definitely helpful for companies to sell their products or struggle to attract customers’ attention. From my perspective, both sides have their own merits based on different situations.

It is undeniable that advertising from famous brands or for unique products would have positive impacts on companies. Regarding the former, marketing strategies for convenient and humane-design products would certainly captivate consumers, and those products could eventually start a new revolution in how people use things. This can be seen in the way the microwave was first invented in Japan, and through certain advertising campaigns, it has been widely used throughout the world as the most convenient way of heating foods. In addition, people are now living in a material-based society, in which people tend to change things more frequently than the previous generations, and as a result, the marketing strategies of some well-known brands could be successful in attracting customers. For instance, Apple company usually organizes commercial shows to introduce new phones every year and it has become one of the most successful advertisements because the company could sell up to one million phones in a year. Young people changing their phones anually in order to show their personalities as well as their social status, this has become a social norm and that is why their advertising tactics are successful.

On the other hand, commercials which interrupt programs are usually found distracting and unpleasant. Since many streaming platforms or television channels depended heavily on the commercial fees from many brands, these advertisements have popped up more frequently and it has become a habit that people ignore these commercials. For example, consider advertisements on the popular streaming platform, YouTube, the frequency of these commercials is so high in one video that people just want to skip it as fast as possible. Therefore, such advertising tactics are not to capture one’s attention but to gain financial advantages.

In conclusion, based on different types of purpose, commercials can be divided into two types which are gaining people’s attention to sell products or profit from those seeking to advertise their products.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Opinions are divided on whether advertising is definitely helpful for companies to sell their products or struggle to attract customers’ attention." -> "Opinions vary on the efficacy of advertising in promoting sales or capturing customers’ attention."
Explanation: The original sentence is somewhat vague and lacks precision. Replacing "definitely helpful" with "efficacy" and "struggle to attract" with "capturing" enhances clarity and formality.
"From my perspective, both sides have their own merits based on different situations." -> "In my view, each perspective carries its own merits contingent upon varying circumstances."
Explanation: The revised phrase maintains the personal perspective while enhancing formality and clarity. Additionally, "different situations" is replaced with "varying circumstances" for precision.
"It is undeniable that advertising from famous brands or for unique products would have positive impacts on companies." -> "It is indisputable that advertising by reputable brands or for distinctive products can yield positive outcomes for companies."
Explanation: The original phrase is too informal. "Famous" is replaced with "reputable" for a more sophisticated term. "Unique" is substituted with "distinctive" for a more precise description. "Positive impacts" is replaced with "positive outcomes" for better academic tone.
"captivate consumers" -> "engage consumers"
Explanation: While "captivate" is not incorrect, "engage" is a more versatile and commonly used term in academic and business contexts.
"start a new revolution in how people use things" -> "initiate a paradigm shift in consumer behavior"
Explanation: The phrase "start a new revolution in how people use things" is somewhat colloquial. "Initiate a paradigm shift in consumer behavior" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic language.
"the most convenient way of heating foods" -> "the most convenient method for heating food items"
Explanation: "Heating foods" is grammatically incorrect. "Food items" is a more precise term. Additionally, "way of" is replaced with "method for" for better clarity.
"In addition, people are now living in a material-based society" -> "Moreover, contemporary society is characterized by materialism"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks precision and formality. "Material-based society" is replaced with "contemporary society is characterized by materialism" for clearer expression and better academic tone.
"people tend to change things more frequently than the previous generations" -> "consumers exhibit a higher propensity for product turnover compared to previous generations"
Explanation: "Change things" is too vague. "Exhibit a higher propensity for product turnover" is a more precise and formal expression.
"it has been widely used throughout the world" -> "it has gained widespread usage globally"
Explanation: "Used throughout the world" is slightly redundant. "Gained widespread usage globally" is more concise and formal.
"For instance, Apple company usually organizes commercial shows" -> "For example, Apple frequently hosts product launch events"
Explanation: "Commercial shows" is less formal. "Hosts product launch events" is a more precise and academic term.
"Young people changing their phones annually" -> "Young consumers upgrading their smartphones annually"
Explanation: "Changing their phones annually" is somewhat informal. "Upgrading their smartphones annually" is more formal and specific.
"as well as their social status, this has become a social norm" -> "thus, it has become a social norm to signal social status through such purchases"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity. Replacing it with the suggested phrase clarifies the relationship between purchasing behavior and social status.
"commercials which interrupt programs" -> "advertisements that disrupt programming"
Explanation: "Commercials" is colloquial. "Advertisements that disrupt programming" is more formal and precise.
"Since many streaming platforms or television channels depended heavily on the commercial fees" -> "Given the heavy reliance of many streaming platforms and television channels on advertising revenue"
Explanation: "Depended heavily on" is replaced with "reliance…on advertising revenue" for better clarity and formality.
"the frequency of these commercials is so high in one video" -> "the frequency of these advertisements within a single video is notably high"
Explanation: "Commercials" is replaced with "advertisements" for formality. "So high" is replaced with "notably high" for a more precise expression.
"people just want to skip it as fast as possible" -> "viewers seek to bypass them as quickly as possible"
Explanation: "Skip it" is too colloquial. "Bypass them" is a more formal and appropriate alternative.
"Therefore, such advertising tactics are not to capture one’s attention but to gain financial advantages." -> "Hence, these advertising strategies are geared towards financial gain rather than audience engagement."
Explanation: The revised phrase maintains clarity while enhancing formality and precision. "Capture one’s attention" is replaced with "audience engagement" for specificity.
"commercials can be divided into two types which are gaining people’s attention to sell products or profit from those seeking to advertise their products." -> "Advertisements can be classified into two categories: those aimed at attracting consumer interest to drive sales, and those intended to generate revenue from advertisers."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and precision. "Gaining people’s attention" is replaced with "attracting consumer interest" for clarity. "Profit from those seeking to advertise their products" is replaced with "generate revenue from advertisers" for better precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives on advertising effectiveness: one viewpoint that advertising is successful in persuading consumers to buy products, and the opposing perspective that advertising has become so prevalent that people tend to ignore it. It offers examples to support each viewpoint, discussing the impact of advertising on consumer behavior and attitudes.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, ensure each viewpoint is thoroughly explored with balanced evidence and analysis. Additionally, explicitly stating the writer’s own opinion would strengthen the essay’s coherence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, which is to acknowledge the effectiveness of advertising while also recognizing its potential to be disregarded by consumers. This stance is evident in the introduction and conclusion, providing a consistent viewpoint.
- How to improve: To further improve clarity, consider explicitly stating the writer’s position earlier in the essay, perhaps within the thesis statement, to guide the reader more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and develops ideas with relevant examples and explanations. It discusses the impact of advertising on consumer behavior, citing examples such as the success of marketing campaigns for innovative products and the prevalence of commercials on streaming platforms.
- How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider providing deeper analysis and elaboration on the examples provided. Additionally, connecting ideas more explicitly to the central argument would strengthen the coherence of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the effectiveness and prevalence of advertising as prompted by the essay question. However, there are slight deviations, such as discussing the financial motives behind commercials, which although related, could be more directly tied to the main topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure all points discussed directly relate to the main theme of advertising effectiveness and consumer perception. Avoid tangential discussions that may detract from the central argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments on both sides of the issue, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, coherence, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic throughout. Strengthening these aspects would enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear logical organization, with a well-structured introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, starting with a general statement and then providing supporting details and examples. For instance, the introduction presents the two opposing views on advertising effectiveness, followed by body paragraphs that explore each perspective in detail, and finally, a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Consider using linking words or phrases to connect thoughts more explicitly. Additionally, provide a stronger topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly outline its main idea.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas and maintain coherence. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, such as the positive impacts of advertising, the drawbacks of intrusive commercials, and a concluding paragraph summarizing the main arguments. Furthermore, the paragraphs have a clear structure, with topic sentences introducing the main idea followed by supporting details and examples.
- How to improve: While the paragraph structure is generally effective, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion or overcrowding of information. Additionally, consider varying sentence lengths and structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement and flow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates the use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence. Transition words and phrases such as "on the other hand," "for instance," and "in conclusion" are used to guide the reader through the different arguments and sections of the essay. Additionally, pronouns and demonstratives are employed to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, enhancing coherence.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are utilized effectively, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases to add variety and sophistication to the writing. Experiment with different transitions to create smoother connections between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure consistency in the use of cohesive devices throughout the essay to maintain coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout, utilizing words and phrases such as "undeniable," "humane-design," "revolution," "material-based society," "commercial shows," "social norm," "interruption," "distracting," "pop up," and "financial advantages." These lexical choices contribute to the depth and clarity of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a good variety of vocabulary, incorporating more nuanced or specialized terms related to advertising and consumer behavior could further enrich the discussion. For instance, using terms like "target demographic," "brand loyalty," or "consumer psychology" would enhance the sophistication of the analysis.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. For instance, phrases like "captivate consumers," "successful advertisements," and "social norm" are used accurately to express the intended meanings. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, in the sentence, "commercials which interrupt programs are usually found distracting and unpleasant," the word "unpleasant" could be substituted with a more specific term such as "intrusive" or "irritating" to convey a clearer image.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, consider utilizing synonyms or more descriptive terms that accurately capture the nuances of the intended message. Additionally, paying attention to context and selecting words that align closely with the intended tone and meaning can further refine the expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate spelling throughout, with only a few minor errors such as "anually" instead of "annually." Overall, spelling accuracy is satisfactory and does not significantly detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct any spelling errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, developing a habit of reviewing written work for spelling accuracy can help minimize mistakes and enhance overall professionalism.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary, with a wide range of terms effectively employed to convey ideas and arguments. To further elevate lexical resource, focus on incorporating more specialized vocabulary related to the topic while maintaining precision and accuracy in word choice and spelling.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including complex, compound, and simple sentences. Complex structures such as subordinate clauses ("Regarding the former, marketing strategies for convenient and humane-design products would certainly captivate consumers") and compound-complex sentences ("Young people changing their phones annually in order to show their personalities as well as their social status, this has become a social norm and that is why their advertising tactics are successful") are effectively employed to convey ideas. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of sentence structures. The essay tends to rely on simple and compound sentences more frequently than complex ones.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and complexity, consider integrating more complex sentence structures throughout the essay. This can be achieved by incorporating phrases such as appositives, participial phrases, and relative clauses. Additionally, aim to vary the lengths of sentences for a smoother flow and increased reader engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few notable errors. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement issues occur ("It is undeniable that advertising from famous brands or for unique products would have positive impacts on companies"), and punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas in compound sentences ("On the other hand, commercials which interrupt programs are usually found distracting and unpleasant"). Additionally, some sentences lack clarity due to awkward phrasing ("Since many streaming platforms or television channels depended heavily on the commercial fees from many brands, these advertisements have popped up more frequently and it has become a habit that people ignore these commercials").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency throughout the essay. Review the use of commas in compound sentences to clarify the relationship between ideas. Additionally, strive for clarity by revising sentences that may be ambiguous or awkwardly phrased. Proofreading the essay carefully for punctuation errors can also help enhance overall accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions vary on the efficacy of advertising in promoting sales or capturing customers’ attention. In my view, each perspective carries its own merits contingent upon varying circumstances.

It is indisputable that advertising by reputable brands or for distinctive products can yield positive outcomes for companies. Engaging consumers with marketing strategies for convenient and humanely designed products can initiate a paradigm shift in consumer behavior. Take, for example, the microwave, which was first introduced in Japan. Through certain advertising campaigns, it has gained widespread usage globally as the most convenient method for heating food items. Moreover, contemporary society is characterized by materialism, wherein consumers exhibit a higher propensity for product turnover compared to previous generations. Hence, marketing strategies of well-known brands, such as Apple, frequently hosting product launch events, are successful in attracting customers. Young consumers upgrading their smartphones annually to signal social status exemplifies this shift, thus making it a social norm.

However, advertisements that disrupt programming are often seen as intrusive and unpleasant. Given the heavy reliance of many streaming platforms and television channels on advertising revenue, the frequency of these advertisements within a single video is notably high. Viewers seek to bypass them as quickly as possible, indicating that these advertising strategies are geared towards financial gain rather than audience engagement.

In conclusion, advertisements can be classified into two categories: those aimed at attracting consumer interest to drive sales, and those intended to generate revenue from advertisers. Each serves its purpose based on different circumstances and objectives.