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Some people say that all citizens should be given complete freedom to express their personal opinions and concerns about every social problem on the Internet, while others say that this may worsen the situation in reality. Discuss both views and give your own opinions. Give reasons and relevant examples to support your answer.

Some people say that all citizens should be given complete freedom to express their personal opinions and concerns about every social problem on the Internet, while others say that this may worsen the situation in reality.
Discuss both views and give your own opinions.
Give reasons and relevant examples to support your answer.

People hold differing views about whether all the inhabitants should have the freedom of speech or not in order not to exacerbate the real circumstances. This essay will shed light on both sides of this controversial issue before my standpoints are presented.
On the one hand, possessing the freedom of expression on the media platforms may have some positive bearings on human. To begin with, it is undisputed that each person has incompatible thoughts about a divisive issue; therefore, they can learn to understand and consider things from different perspectives. This means free speech could bring about an equal community in which people can listen and share their viewpoints with others. Furthermore, online speech freedom has an enormous power that is able to disseminate information quickly with high accuracy. It can be exemplified by the fact that in some countries that are usually struck by natural disasters, including earthquakes and tsunamis, such as Japan and Indonesia, people are likely to raise their awareness of those events through virtual news and posts to take timely actions.
On the flip side, I contend that giving people online freedom of speech can have certain dire consequences. The first justification for this is that hackers and criminals may take advantage of these rights to make up weird rumors and use them as a tool for disseminating wrong information to others who lack such basic knowledge. This could result in social proof and negatively affect those people’s lives, possibly inciting illegal actions among the uninformed. Morever, freely expressing and transmitting details might be the culprit of cyberbullying as the divergent viewpoints and comments of a host of individuals about a problem or a scandal can change their real meanings together with worsening the situation in reality. This makes it impossible for victims to integrate into society and even forces them to face a wide range of mental health problems.
In conclusion, it cannot be denied that being free to express personal opinions on the social networking sites brings people numerous strengths; nevertheless, this right still has its inherent shortcomings. As a result, individuals should bear the responsibility of exercising control and thoughtful consideration before posting to guarantee that their statements contribute to the cultivation of a civilized society.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "People hold differing views about whether all the inhabitants should have the freedom of speech or not in order not to exacerbate the real circumstances." -> "Individuals hold varying perspectives on whether all citizens should be entitled to freedom of speech to avoid exacerbating real-world situations."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality by replacing "people" with "individuals" and uses more precise language to convey the idea of differing perspectives. The phrase "inhabitants" is replaced with "citizens," and the sentence structure is refined for clarity.

  2. "This essay will shed light on both sides of this controversial issue before my standpoints are presented." -> "This essay will explore both facets of this controversial issue before presenting my viewpoints."
    Explanation: The word "shed light on" is replaced with "explore," which is more formal and academically appropriate. The phrase "before my standpoints are presented" is refined to "before presenting my viewpoints" for conciseness.

  3. "To begin with, it is undisputed that each person has incompatible thoughts about a divisive issue; therefore, they can learn to understand and consider things from different perspectives." -> "Firstly, it is acknowledged that individuals harbor divergent opinions on divisive issues, enabling them to comprehend and contemplate various perspectives."
    Explanation: The phrase "to begin with" is replaced with "firstly" for a more formal transition. "Incompatible thoughts" is substituted with "divergent opinions," and the structure is refined for clarity and conciseness.

  4. "This means free speech could bring about an equal community in which people can listen and share their viewpoints with others." -> "This implies that free speech could foster a egalitarian community, facilitating the exchange of viewpoints among individuals."
    Explanation: The phrase "bring about an equal community" is refined to "foster an egalitarian community" for more sophisticated language. The verb "listen and share" is replaced with "exchange," contributing to a more formal tone.

  5. "Furthermore, online speech freedom has an enormous power that is able to disseminate information quickly with high accuracy." -> "Furthermore, the freedom of online speech holds significant potential for rapidly and accurately disseminating information."
    Explanation: The phrase "online speech freedom has an enormous power" is refined to "the freedom of online speech holds significant potential" for a more formal expression. The structure is adjusted for clarity and conciseness.

  6. "On the flip side, I contend that giving people online freedom of speech can have certain dire consequences." -> "On the contrary, I argue that granting individuals online freedom of speech can lead to specific adverse consequences."
    Explanation: The colloquial expression "on the flip side" is replaced with "on the contrary" for a more formal tone. "Contend" is used in place of "argue," and "dire consequences" is refined to "specific adverse consequences" for precision.

  7. "The first justification for this is that hackers and criminals may take advantage of these rights to make up weird rumors and use them as a tool for disseminating wrong information to others who lack such basic knowledge." -> "The primary rationale for this assertion is that hackers and criminals may exploit these rights to fabricate unfounded rumors, employing them as a means to disseminate misinformation to individuals lacking foundational knowledge."
    Explanation: The term "justification" is replaced with "rationale" for a more formal choice. "Make up weird rumors" is substituted with "fabricate unfounded rumors" for clarity and precision. The sentence structure is adjusted for conciseness.

  8. "This could result in social proof and negatively affect those people’s lives, possibly inciting illegal actions among the uninformed." -> "This may lead to social repercussions and adversely impact the lives of individuals, potentially prompting unlawful actions among the uninformed."
    Explanation: The phrase "could result in social proof" is refined to "may lead to social repercussions" for clarity. "Negatively affect those people’s lives" is replaced with "adversely impact the lives of individuals" for a more formal expression.

  9. "Morever, freely expressing and transmitting details might be the culprit of cyberbullying as the divergent viewpoints and comments of a host of individuals about a problem or a scandal can change their real meanings together with worsening the situation in reality." -> "Moreover, the unrestricted expression and transmission of information may contribute to cyberbullying, as the diverse viewpoints and comments from numerous individuals regarding an issue or scandal can distort their true meanings, exacerbating the real-world situation."
    Explanation: "Morever" is corrected to "Moreover" for accuracy. "Might be the culprit of" is replaced with "may contribute to" for a more formal expression. The sentence structure is adjusted for clarity and precision.

  10. "This makes it impossible for victims to integrate into society and even forces them to face a wide range of mental health problems." -> "This renders it challenging for victims to integrate into society and compels them to confront a myriad of mental health problems."
    Explanation: The phrase "This makes it impossible for" is refined to "This renders it challenging for" for a more formal expression. "Even forces them to face" is replaced with "compels them to confront" for a more sophisticated tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "People hold differing views about whether all the inhabitants should have the freedom of speech or not in order not to exacerbate the real circumstances. This essay will shed light on both sides of this controversial issue before my standpoints are presented."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the introduction addresses the topic, it lacks a concise summary of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Adding a brief preview of your arguments could enhance the clarity of your essay’s structure. For instance, you can mention that you will explore the benefits of free speech and its potential drawbacks.
    • Improved example: "The question of whether all citizens should enjoy the freedom of speech is a contentious one. In this essay, I will examine the positive aspects of unrestricted online expression, such as fostering diverse perspectives, as well as the potential negative consequences, including the spread of misinformation."
  2. Quoted text: "To begin with, it is undisputed that each person has incompatible thoughts about a divisive issue; therefore, they can learn to understand and consider things from different perspectives."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea presented here is generally clear, but it could be strengthened by providing a specific example or scenario to illustrate how free speech facilitates understanding diverse perspectives. This would make your argument more persuasive and concrete.
    • Improved example: "For instance, consider a controversial social issue like climate change. With the freedom of speech, individuals can openly express their opinions and engage in constructive debates, leading to a more comprehensive understanding of the complexities surrounding the issue."
  3. Quoted text: "The first justification for this is that hackers and criminals may take advantage of these rights to make up weird rumors and use them as a tool for disseminating wrong information to others who lack such basic knowledge."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This argument is valid, but it lacks depth. Provide a more detailed explanation or example of how hackers and criminals could exploit free speech to disseminate false information. Additionally, suggest a countermeasure or solution to address this potential issue.
    • Improved example: "Hackers and criminals may exploit the freedom of speech by spreading false rumors about health crises. For instance, during a pandemic, false information about fake cures could circulate, posing a serious threat to public health. To mitigate this, online platforms could implement stricter content verification measures."

Overall, your essay effectively presents contrasting views on the freedom of speech issue. However, enhancing the introduction and providing more detailed examples in your arguments would further strengthen your essay and elevate it to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and each body paragraph presents a distinct viewpoint. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The writer employs a range of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, which enhance the flow of ideas. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. Paragraphing is generally well-managed, aiding in the structural organization of the content.

How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider ensuring that the relationship between sentences is consistently maintained. Some sentences could benefit from more explicit connections to the preceding or following ideas. Additionally, be cautious of minor language issues and refine the expression for precision and clarity. Overall, a commendable effort in organizing ideas and maintaining cohesion throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, such as "incompatible thoughts," "disseminate information," and "social proof." The writer shows an awareness of style and collocation, contributing to a fairly smooth flow of ideas. However, there are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, such as "bearing" instead of "bearing," "Morever" instead of "Moreover," and a few instances of awkward phrasing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher score, focus on refining word choice and ensuring the accurate use of uncommon lexical items. Carefully proofread for spelling and word formation errors, and consider revising awkward phrasing for clearer expression. Aim for more consistent precision in vocabulary use throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of complex structures, contributing to a Band 7 score. The writer employs a mix of sentence forms, incorporating both simple and complex structures effectively. The essay features a good level of grammatical control, with the majority of sentences being error-free. However, there are some instances of minor errors, such as the misuse of "Morever" instead of "Moreover" and a few other grammatical inaccuracies. Despite these, the errors do not significantly impede communication and can be considered as occasional ‘slips.’ The writer shows a good command of grammar and punctuation overall.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to proofreading and correcting minor errors. Careful review before submission can help eliminate occasional slips, ensuring a consistently error-free essay. Additionally, the writer can aim for greater precision in choosing vocabulary and expressions to further elevate the overall language proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

There’s an ongoing debate regarding whether all citizens should enjoy the freedom to express their opinions online, with concerns about its potential impact on real-life situations. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my own stance.

On one hand, granting individuals the liberty to express themselves on online platforms can yield positive outcomes. It’s widely acknowledged that everyone holds diverse opinions on divisive issues, fostering an environment where individuals can comprehend and respect different perspectives. This fosters an inclusive community where people engage in meaningful exchanges of viewpoints. Additionally, online free speech holds significant power in swiftly disseminating accurate information. For instance, in countries like Japan and Indonesia prone to natural disasters, people often raise awareness and prompt timely actions through virtual news and posts.

Conversely, I believe that unrestricted online speech can lead to adverse consequences. One primary concern is the potential misuse by hackers and criminals to spread false information, exploiting those who lack fundamental knowledge. This misinformation may trigger social discord and encourage unlawful behavior among the uninformed. Furthermore, the unrestricted transmission of details can fuel cyberbullying, distorting the true meaning of opinions and comments about a problem or scandal, exacerbating real-life situations. This, in turn, isolates victims and contributes to a myriad of mental health issues.

In conclusion, while expressing personal opinions on social media platforms brings several advantages, it’s crucial to acknowledge its inherent drawbacks. Therefore, individuals must exercise responsibility and thoughtfulness before posting, ensuring their contributions foster a civilized society.

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