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Some people say that all popular TV entertainment programmes should aim to educate viewers about important social issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people say that all popular TV entertainment programmes should aim to educate viewers about important social issues.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people claim that TV entertainment show main objective should be educating viewer about social issue. In my opinion, I totally support this trend due to numerous reason.
Firstly, mentioning or try to educate people about social issue through a entertainment show where people seek to have relaxing time might not be reasonable in various ways. The viewers can find this rigid and forceful include in their show can feel confusion or irrelevant from what they expected. Moreover, sometime trying to hard to mention about the social issue might decrease the quality of the show itself. Pushing to publish information could result in awkward or the decline of the product in this case the quality of TV programme.

Nevertheless, I believe that this trend might offer a lot of benefits due to numerous factors. Producer and people who try to convey or raise awareness about some topic could easily access through mass amount of people. People and society might be more concern about crime, economy, health, environment, education, and other topics being discussed. I believe that it is crucial for all citizen around the world know what happen surround them and through the mass media, it pose a concern or question them for enhancing quality of life purpose.

To sum up, even though popular entertainment programmes are sometime used to reach out to a large amount of people to educate them about some issue and might some time causing drawback but I believe that the benefit is far more greater than that.


 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. “TV entertainment show main objective” -> “The primary objective of TV entertainment shows”
    Explanation: Using “main objective” is a bit informal for an academic essay. Replacing it with “primary objective” maintains clarity while sounding more formal and appropriate.
  2. “totally support” -> “strongly advocate”
    Explanation: “Totally support” is casual; “strongly advocate” conveys a similar meaning in a more formal tone, suitable for academic writing.
  3. “due to numerous reason” -> “for several reasons”
    Explanation: “Due to numerous reasons” lacks specificity. “For several reasons” provides a more precise and formal phrase for academic writing.
  4. “mentioning or try to educate people” -> “mentioning or attempting to educate people”
    Explanation: Using “try to” is less formal. Replacing it with “attempting to” maintains formality and clarity.
  5. “might not be reasonable in various ways” -> “may not be feasible for several reasons”
    Explanation: “Not reasonable in various ways” is vague. “May not be feasible for several reasons” offers a more precise and formal expression.
  6. “rigid and forceful include in their show” -> “rigid and forceful inclusion in their show”
    Explanation: The phrase “rigid and forceful include” lacks clarity. Changing it to “rigid and forceful inclusion” makes the sentence clearer and more grammatically correct.
  7. “can feel confusion or irrelevant” -> “might find it confusing or irrelevant”
    Explanation: Rearranging the sentence structure for better flow and using “might find it” instead of “can feel” enhances the formality of the sentence.
  8. “sometime trying to hard” -> “sometimes trying too hard”
    Explanation: Correcting the typo and using “too hard” instead of “to hard” maintains formal language.
  9. “might decrease the quality of the show itself” -> “could diminish the show’s quality”
    Explanation: Replacing “might decrease the quality of the show itself” with “could diminish the show’s quality” simplifies the expression without losing its meaning.
  10. “Pushing to publish information” -> “Forcing the dissemination of information”
    Explanation: “Pushing to publish” lacks formality. Substituting it with “forcing the dissemination” improves the academic tone.
  11. “awkward or the decline of the product” -> “awkwardness or a decline in the product”
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better flow and clarity, using “awkwardness” instead of “awkward” and specifying “a decline in the product” enhances precision.
  12. “TV programme” -> “TV program”
    Explanation: “Program” is the preferred spelling in academic writing.
  13. “might offer a lot of benefits due to numerous factors” -> “may yield considerable benefits for various reasons”
    Explanation: Changing “offer a lot of benefits due to numerous factors” to “may yield considerable benefits for various reasons” provides a more formal and precise expression.
  14. “Producer and people who try to convey” -> “Producers and individuals seeking to convey”
    Explanation: “Producer and people who try to convey” is a bit informal. Using “Producers and individuals seeking to convey” maintains formality and clarity.
  15. “raise awareness about some topic” -> “raise awareness about certain topics”
    Explanation: Replacing “some topic” with “certain topics” provides a clearer and more specific phrase.
  16. “access through mass amount of people” -> “reach a vast audience”
    Explanation: “Access through mass amount of people” is awkward. “Reach a vast audience” is a more concise and formal phrase.
  17. “might be more concern about crime” -> “might be more concerned about crime”
    Explanation: Changing “more concern about crime” to “more concerned about crime” corrects the grammar.
  18. “I believe that it is crucial for all citizen around the world know what happen surround them” -> “I believe it is crucial for all citizens worldwide to be aware of their surroundings”
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using “citizens worldwide” instead of “all citizen around the world” enhances precision.
  19. “pose a concern or question them for enhancing quality of life purpose” -> “raise concerns or prompt them to consider improving quality of life”
    Explanation: The original phrase is unclear. “Pose a concern or question them for enhancing quality of life purpose” is rephrased for better clarity and formality.
  20. “entertainment programmes are sometime used” -> “entertainment programs are sometimes utilized”
    Explanation: Changing “entertainment programmes are sometime used” to “entertainment programs are sometimes utilized” maintains formal language and corrects the tense agreement.
  21. “far more greater than that” -> “far outweighs the drawbacks”
    Explanation: “Far more greater than that” is redundant and informal. “Far outweighs the drawbacks” is more concise and academically appropriate.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: “Some people claim that TV entertainment show main objective should be educating viewer about social issue. In my opinion, I totally support this trend due to numerous reason.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting the writer’s position on the topic. It mentions support for the idea without clearly stating whether the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. To improve, explicitly state your stance in the introduction. For instance, you can say, “In my opinion, TV entertainment shows should indeed prioritize educating viewers about social issues, and I wholeheartedly support this notion.”
    • Improved example: “In my opinion, TV entertainment shows should indeed prioritize educating viewers about social issues, and I wholeheartedly support this notion due to numerous reasons.”
  2. Quoted text: “Firstly, mentioning or try to educate people about social issue through an entertainment show where people seek to have relaxing time might not be reasonable in various ways. The viewers can find this rigid and forceful include in their show can feel confusion or irrelevant from what they expected.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The development of the first main idea is somewhat unclear and lacks specific examples. To enhance clarity, provide concrete examples or experiences to illustrate how forcing educational content into entertainment shows might lead to confusion or make the content seem irrelevant. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
    • Improved example: “For instance, integrating a segment on climate change in a comedy show might disrupt the viewers’ expectations and lead to confusion. People tune in to such programs for relaxation and entertainment, and abrupt educational content can indeed feel out of place.”
  3. Quoted text: “Moreover, sometime trying to hard to mention about the social issue might decrease the quality of the show itself. Pushing to publish information could result in awkward or the decline of the product in this case the quality of TV programme.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The explanation lacks depth, and there’s a need for more elaboration on how forcing social issues into TV programs might lead to a decline in quality. Provide specific examples or scenarios to illustrate this point and strengthen your argument.
    • Improved example: “Furthermore, forcefully injecting information about social issues into entertainment shows can undermine the overall quality of the program. For instance, a drama series may lose its narrative flow if it abruptly introduces a didactic element, resulting in a jarring viewing experience and a decline in audience satisfaction.”
  4. Quoted text: “Nevertheless, I believe that this trend might offer a lot of benefits due to numerous factors.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the transition is appropriate, it would be more effective to briefly summarize the main points you’ve made so far. This will enhance the coherence of your essay and help the reader follow your line of reasoning.
    • Improved example: “However, despite the potential challenges mentioned above, the integration of social issues into entertainment programs holds substantial benefits. Let’s explore some of these advantages in the following paragraphs.”
  5. Quoted text: “Producer and people who try to convey or raise awareness about some topic could easily access through mass amount of people. People and society might be more concern about crime, economy, health, environment, education, and other topics being discussed. I believe that it is crucial for all citizen around the world know what happen surround them and through the mass media, it pose a concern or question them for enhancing quality of life purpose.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The second main idea lacks specificity and examples. To strengthen your argument, provide concrete examples of how the mass media’s ability to reach a wide audience has positively influenced awareness and societal concerns. This will make your argument more persuasive.
    • Improved example: “For instance, documentaries addressing environmental issues broadcasted on popular TV channels have successfully raised awareness and prompted viewers to actively engage in environmental conservation efforts. This demonstrates the powerful impact that integrating social issues into entertainment can have on societal concerns.”
  6. Quoted text: “To sum up, even though popular entertainment programmes are sometime used to reach out to a large amount of people to educate them about some issue and might some time causing drawback but I believe that the benefit is far more greater than that.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion is concise but could be strengthened by summarizing the key points made in the essay. Reinforce your stance and briefly restate the main reasons supporting your opinion.
    • Improved example: “In conclusion, while there may be occasional drawbacks to using popular entertainment programs as a medium for educating the public about social issues, the overall benefits, including increased awareness and societal engagement, far outweigh these challenges.”

Overall, the essay addresses the task, but there is a need for more specific examples and clearer development of ideas to enhance the depth of the argument.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. The introduction is somewhat unclear and contains grammatical errors. The body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument. Additionally, there is inconsistency in the use of cohesive devices, and there are instances of inadequate referencing. The essay attempts to address the prompt but lacks a cohesive and logically structured response.

How to improve:

  1. Introduction Clarity: Revise the introduction to provide a clearer stance on the issue and ensure grammatical accuracy.
  2. Logical Progression: Ensure a clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next. Use topic sentences to guide the reader through the essay’s structure.
  3. Cohesive Devices: Work on using cohesive devices more consistently and accurately. Ensure that they contribute to the logical flow of ideas rather than causing confusion.
  4. Referencing and Substitution: Pay attention to referencing and substitution to avoid repetition and improve overall coherence. Use pronouns and synonyms effectively.
  5. Paragraph Structure: Organize paragraphs logically with a clear central topic. Each paragraph should contribute to the overall development of the argument.

By addressing these points, the essay can enhance its coherence and cohesion, leading to a more effective communication of ideas.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for addressing the prompt. It lacks variety and depth in lexical resource, resulting in repetitive word usage and a reliance on basic vocabulary. The essay attempts to convey ideas about the relationship between TV entertainment and social issues but lacks sophistication in language use. There are noticeable errors in word choice, collocations, and word formations, hindering the overall clarity and precision of expression. Additionally, the essay contains spelling and grammatical errors that impede effective communication.

How to improve:

  1. Expand Vocabulary: Work on incorporating a wider range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Use synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and more varied phrases to convey ideas.
  2. Accuracy and Precision: Enhance accuracy in word choice, collocations, and phrasing to articulate thoughts more precisely and effectively.
  3. Grammar and Spelling: Review and revise for grammatical accuracy and proper spelling to avoid errors that distract from the message.
  4. Structural Coherence: Focus on improving the structure and coherence of ideas within paragraphs for a more cohesive and organized essay.

Improving vocabulary diversity, enhancing language precision, and refining grammar and spelling will significantly strengthen the lexical resource of your essay.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, they rarely hinder communication. The use of vocabulary is reasonable, but there is room for improvement in the precision of expression. The overall organization of ideas is clear, with a proper introduction, body, and conclusion. The essay attempts to address the prompt but lacks depth in the development of arguments.

How to improve:

  1. Sentence Structure: Aim for a more varied sentence structure. Include a mix of simple and complex sentences to showcase a higher level of language proficiency.
  2. Grammar and Punctuation: Pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation to reduce errors. Ensure that verb tenses are used consistently, and sentences are correctly punctuated for better clarity.
  3. Vocabulary: Work on using more precise and varied vocabulary. This will contribute to a more sophisticated expression of ideas. Avoid repetitive phrases and explore synonyms to enhance lexical diversity.
  4. Depth of Analysis: Elaborate on your points more thoroughly. Provide specific examples and details to support your arguments, adding depth to your analysis.
  5. Introduction and Conclusion: While the introduction and conclusion are adequate, consider refining them to create a stronger impact. The thesis statement could be more explicit, and the conclusion might benefit from summarizing key points.

By focusing on these areas, the essay can elevate its grammatical range and accuracy, leading to a more comprehensive and refined response.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that TV entertainment shows should primarily focus on educating viewers about social issues. In my view, I wholeheartedly support this notion for several reasons.

Firstly, attempting to educate people about social issues within an entertainment show where audiences seek relaxation might not be practical in various ways. Viewers may find it rigid or forced when such content is included, causing confusion or a sense of irrelevance from what they expected. Furthermore, pushing too hard to highlight social issues might diminish the show’s quality. Forcing information into the program could lead to awkwardness or even a decline in the overall quality of the TV program.

However, I firmly believe that this trend can offer numerous benefits due to various factors. Producers and individuals aiming to raise awareness about specific topics can easily reach a vast audience. This can prompt people and society to become more concerned about issues such as crime, the economy, health, the environment, education, and other pertinent topics. I consider it crucial for citizens worldwide to be informed about the events surrounding them, and through mass media, these issues can spark concerns or prompt reflection, ultimately contributing to enhancing the quality of life.

In conclusion, while popular entertainment programs may sometimes aim to educate a large audience about certain issues, potentially leading to drawbacks, I firmly believe that the benefits far outweigh these drawbacks.

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