Some people say that all students should learn history as a major subject, some others feel that other subjects are important for children in today's society. discuss both view and give your opinion

The debate remains ongoing regarding the importance of history in comparison with other subjects. From my perspective, the subject of history is an indispensable part of the school curriculum that complements benefits gained from learning other subjects, giving rise to future well-rounded individuals.
On the one hand, the arguments against history are predominantly rooted in the inferiority of history majors compared to others in contemporary job market. Given the Forth Industrial Revolution and globalization, subjects such as mathematics, physics, languages, literature, etc. seemingly better guarantee a desirable job position for students when they finish education. History, for it revolves around the past, hardly can arm students with essential and related knowledge and skills for today’s world. Not to mention, several children are unwilling to make devoted engagement in this subject, as due to its fact driven nature, history lessons tell facts, dates, and names, rather than an interesting story. For these reasons, it appears to be more advantageous to dedicate to fields other than history.
On the other hand, many believe that the magnitude of history lies in the consolidation of inner resources, rather than skills and knowledge needed for future employment opportunities. As for children, being acknowledged about the past, they come to appreciate what they currently enjoy and become proud of the nation’s legacies, which instils in them a sense of responsibility and provides each a identity. From here, they are aware that their studies are not only for themselves but are also determinant to the prosperity of their communities. Such fosters dedication, commitment, ambition, and resilliance, rendering each young individual perseverant in their academic journey. Moreover, despite major differences between the present and the past, what is happening today is shaped by the past. In this regard, history teaches experiences that serve as principle references for making decisions in the future, which critically averts undesirable consequences. Therefore, learning history is of significance to every young individual.
In conclusion, I contend that emphasis should be placed on the subject of history as it hones facilities of young individuals and encourages them in their learning. By harmoniously dividing attention to history and other crucial subjects, the future will welcome more and more comprehensive citizens who are determined and qualified to contribute to their communities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The debate remains ongoing" -> "The debate continues"
Explanation: "Continues" is a more concise and formal alternative to "remains ongoing," which is slightly redundant in this context.
"an indispensable part of the school curriculum" -> "an essential component of the school curriculum"
Explanation: "Essential component" is a more precise and formal term than "indispensable part," which is slightly colloquial.
"complements benefits gained" -> "enhances the benefits derived"
Explanation: "Enhances the benefits derived" is more precise and formal, improving the academic tone by specifying the nature of the benefits.
"giving rise to future well-rounded individuals" -> "yielding well-rounded individuals in the future"
Explanation: "Yielding well-rounded individuals in the future" is more direct and formal, aligning better with academic style.
"the inferiority of history majors" -> "the perceived inferiority of history majors"
Explanation: Adding "perceived" clarifies that the inferiority is a subjective view, which is important in academic discussions.
"seemingly better guarantee" -> "appear to better ensure"
Explanation: "Appear to better ensure" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic context better than "seemingly better guarantee."
"For it revolves around the past" -> "As it focuses on the past"
Explanation: "As it focuses on the past" is clearer and more direct, avoiding the awkward construction of "For it revolves around."
"hardly can arm students" -> "scarcely equips students"
Explanation: "Scarcely equips" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone over "hardly can arm."
"devoted engagement" -> "dedicated effort"
Explanation: "Dedicated effort" is a more formal and precise term than "devoted engagement," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"dedicate to fields other than history" -> "focus on fields other than history"
Explanation: "Focus on" is more specific and formal than "dedicate to," which is less commonly used in academic writing.
"acknowledged about the past" -> "aware of the past"
Explanation: "Aware of the past" is a more natural and formal expression than "acknowledged about the past," which is awkward and incorrect.
"instils in them a sense of responsibility" -> "instills in them a sense of responsibility"
Explanation: "Instills" is the correct verb form for this context, and the use of "sense" is more formal than "feeling."
"are also determinant to the prosperity" -> "are also crucial to the prosperity"
Explanation: "Crucial" is a more precise and formal term than "determinant," which is not commonly used in this context.
"Such fosters dedication, commitment, ambition, and resilliance" -> "This fosters dedication, commitment, ambition, and resilience"
Explanation: "This" is more appropriate than "Such" in this context, and "resilience" is the correct spelling.
"critically averts undesirable consequences" -> "critically prevents undesirable consequences"
Explanation: "Prevents" is a more direct and formal verb than "averts," which is less commonly used in this context.
"hones facilities of young individuals" -> "develops the skills of young individuals"
Explanation: "Develops the skills" is a clearer and more formal expression than "hones facilities," which is awkward and unclear.
"By harmoniously dividing attention to history and other crucial subjects" -> "By balancing attention between history and other crucial subjects"
Explanation: "Balancing attention between" is a more precise and formal way to describe the distribution of attention, improving the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the importance of history versus other subjects. The first body paragraph presents arguments against the emphasis on history, highlighting its perceived inferiority in the job market and students’ lack of engagement. The second body paragraph counters this by emphasizing the intrinsic value of history in fostering identity and responsibility. This balanced approach demonstrates a thorough understanding of the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could more explicitly summarize the key points of each perspective in the introduction, ensuring that the reader is clear on what will be discussed. Additionally, a more explicit comparison of the two views in the conclusion could reinforce the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position favoring the study of history, stating it is indispensable for well-rounded individuals. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, where the author reiterates the importance of history. However, the transition between discussing both views and the author’s opinion could be more fluid.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use transitional phrases to signal shifts in perspective more clearly, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. For instance, explicitly stating "In my opinion" before presenting the concluding argument would strengthen the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a range of ideas, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the benefits of learning history are extended through various points about identity and community responsibility. However, some ideas, such as the argument about the job market, could benefit from more specific examples or data to substantiate the claims made.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should consider incorporating specific examples or case studies that illustrate the benefits of studying history. This could involve mentioning historical figures or events that have shaped contemporary society, thus providing a more robust support for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing the importance of history in relation to other subjects. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt, particularly in the first body paragraph, where the critique of history could be more directly linked to the implications for students today.
- How to improve: To maintain tighter focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. For instance, when discussing the job market, it would be beneficial to explicitly connect how this impacts students’ educational choices and future opportunities, thereby reinforcing the relevance of the discussion to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With minor adjustments to clarity, support, and focus, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The arguments are logically sequenced, with the first body paragraph addressing the opposition to studying history and the second supporting its importance. For instance, the transition from discussing the perceived inferiority of history to the benefits it provides is smooth and coherent, allowing the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This would help clarify the main point of each section right from the start. Additionally, integrating transitional phrases such as "Conversely," or "In contrast," at the beginning of the second body paragraph could further emphasize the shift in perspective.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph is focused on a distinct argument, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer sub-arguments, as it contains multiple ideas that might overwhelm the reader.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down the second body paragraph into two smaller paragraphs. One could focus on the emotional and cultural significance of history, while the other could elaborate on its practical implications for decision-making. This would not only improve clarity but also allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "Moreover," which effectively link ideas and help the reader navigate through the arguments. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied; some phrases are repeated, which can detract from the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Moreover," you could use "Additionally," or "Furthermore." Additionally, using devices such as "For instance," or "This illustrates that," can help to clarify and connect specific examples to the broader arguments being made.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "indispensable," "inferiority," "consolidation," and "resilience" effectively employed. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "subjects such as mathematics, physics, languages, literature, etc." could be enhanced by substituting "etc." with a more specific term or phrase to avoid redundancy and improve sophistication.
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "subjects," you might use "disciplines" or "fields of study." Additionally, using more advanced phrases or idiomatic expressions could enrich the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "the magnitude of history lies in the consolidation of inner resources" may confuse readers, as "inner resources" is vague and could benefit from clarification. Furthermore, "devoted engagement" might be better expressed as "active engagement" to convey a clearer meaning.
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choices to ensure clarity. When using abstract terms, consider providing context or examples that illustrate their meaning. For instance, instead of "inner resources," you could specify "critical thinking skills" or "cultural awareness" to enhance understanding.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of spelling, with only minor errors present. However, the term "resilliance" is misspelled and should be corrected to "resilience." Such errors can detract from the overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, focusing specifically on spelling. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools or maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can be beneficial for future writing tasks.

Overall, the essay displays a solid command of lexical resource, but with targeted improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Given the Forth Industrial Revolution and globalization, subjects such as mathematics, physics, languages, literature, etc. seemingly better guarantee a desirable job position for students when they finish education" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "if they are aware that their studies are not only for themselves," adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures, such as inversion or varied clause placements, which could enhance the overall complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and using different grammatical forms. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "As for children" or "On the one hand," try beginning with adverbial phrases or subordinate clauses. Additionally, experimenting with more complex structures, such as passive voice or participial phrases, can enrich the essay’s grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "as due to its fact driven nature" should be rephrased for clarity, potentially as "due to its fact-driven nature." Additionally, the sentence "which instils in them a sense of responsibility and provides each a identity" contains a grammatical error; it should read "provides each with an identity." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "rather than skills and knowledge needed for future employment opportunities."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for minor errors and ensuring that all phrases are correctly constructed. Pay particular attention to articles and prepositions, as these are common areas for mistakes. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can further enhance clarity and coherence in writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and meticulously proofreading for minor errors will help elevate the writing to an even higher standard.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate continues regarding the importance of history in comparison with other subjects. From my perspective, history is an essential component of the school curriculum that enhances the benefits derived from learning other subjects, yielding well-rounded individuals in the future.

On the one hand, the arguments against history are predominantly rooted in the perceived inferiority of history majors compared to others in the contemporary job market. Given the Fourth Industrial Revolution and globalization, subjects such as mathematics, physics, languages, and literature appear to better ensure desirable job positions for students upon completing their education. As it focuses on the past, history scarcely equips students with essential and relevant knowledge and skills for today’s world. Furthermore, several children are unwilling to engage devotedly in this subject, as its fact-driven nature often presents dates and names rather than captivating narratives. For these reasons, it seems more advantageous to focus on fields other than history.

On the other hand, many believe that the significance of history lies in the consolidation of inner resources, rather than merely in the skills and knowledge needed for future employment opportunities. For children, being aware of the past allows them to appreciate what they currently enjoy and fosters pride in their nation’s legacies, which instills in them a sense of responsibility and provides each with an identity. Consequently, they recognize that their studies are not only for themselves but are also crucial to the prosperity of their communities. This fosters dedication, commitment, ambition, and resilience, rendering each young individual perseverant in their academic journey. Moreover, despite the major differences between the present and the past, what is happening today is shaped by historical events. In this regard, history teaches experiences that serve as critical references for making decisions in the future, which effectively prevents undesirable consequences. Therefore, learning history is significant for every young individual.

In conclusion, I contend that emphasis should be placed on the subject of history as it develops the skills of young individuals and encourages them in their learning. By balancing attention between history and other crucial subjects, the future will welcome more comprehensive citizens who are determined and qualified to contribute to their communities.