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Some people say that devoting one’s time to family activities is more important than spending time working. Others believe that dedicating one’s time to work is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that devoting one's time to family activities is more important than spending time working. Others believe that dedicating one's time to work is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People have different points of view on how to balance their time between work and family. While some agree that dedicating time to family activities is paramount, others advocate for the importance of prioritizing working. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument and give my own opinion.
Those who prefer work value its significance in ensuring the financial stability and well-being of the family. It is argued that financial security provides a comfortable lifestyle, enabling families to meet their basic needs and essentials, such as education, healthcare, and leisure activities. For example, parents who miss out on their children's events are not neglectful, but they are making sacrifices for the sake of the family's future.
On the other hand, while financial security is undoubtedly crucial, it is essential to spend more time with family. This is due to the fact that the love, support, and shared experiences within a family are precious treasures that no amount of money can buy. Spending time with family is a moment to appreciate and relax, in contrast to the stressful and demanding time at work. As an example, a survey showed that 85% of the participants said they enjoyed their time with their family, while 60% experienced stress at their jobs.
In conclusion, the debate between prioritizing work and family is complicated, with valid arguments on both sides. I personally believe that family activities are more vital than working. Therefore, we should prioritize family over our occupations and find a balance that suits the situation.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "paramount" -> "crucial"
    Explanation: While "paramount" is not necessarily informal, "crucial" maintains the same level of importance but is more commonly used in academic writing, making the statement more accessible and clear.

  2. "advocate for" -> "argue for"
    Explanation: "Advocate for" is slightly informal; using "argue for" retains the meaning in a more academic manner.

  3. "value its significance" -> "emphasize its significance"
    Explanation: "Value its significance" is slightly redundant. "Emphasize its significance" offers a more precise and formal expression.

  4. "comfortable lifestyle" -> "higher quality of life"
    Explanation: "Comfortable lifestyle" is a bit general. "Higher quality of life" conveys a similar idea but in a more academic tone.

  5. "parents who miss out on their children’s events" -> "parents unable to attend their children’s events"
    Explanation: "Miss out on" is a bit colloquial. "Unable to attend" maintains formality and clarity.

  6. "no amount of money can buy" -> "is invaluable"
    Explanation: This phrase, while not incorrect, is slightly informal. "Is invaluable" maintains the emphasis on the priceless nature of love and shared experiences in a more academic tone.

  7. "moment to appreciate and relax" -> "opportunity for appreciation and relaxation"
    Explanation: This change offers a more academic phrasing without altering the meaning significantly.

  8. "stressful and demanding time at work" -> "rigorous and demanding work environment"
    Explanation: This change employs more sophisticated vocabulary while maintaining the description of the work setting.

  9. "participants said they enjoyed their time" -> "participants reported enjoying their time"
    Explanation: Using "reported" instead of "said" adds a touch of formality to the statement.

  10. "we should prioritize family over our occupations" -> "we should prioritize family commitments over professional obligations"
    Explanation: "Occupations" is slightly casual in this context. "Professional obligations" maintains the formal tone and specificity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "While some agree that dedicating time to family activities is paramount, others advocate for the importance of prioritizing working."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction adequately presents the two viewpoints on balancing time between family and work. However, it lacks a clear indication of your stance, which can be vital for guiding the reader throughout the essay. Consider explicitly stating your opinion in the introduction to offer a stronger framework for your subsequent arguments.
    • Improved example: "While some prioritize family activities as paramount, others advocate for the importance of dedicating more time to working. Personally, I believe that striking a balance between family and work is essential for a harmonious life."
  2. Quoted text: "It is argued that financial security provides a comfortable lifestyle, enabling families to meet their basic needs and essentials, such as education, healthcare, and leisure activities."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This paragraph effectively presents the perspective valuing work by emphasizing the importance of financial stability for a family. However, it could be enhanced by providing a specific example or personal anecdote that illustrates how financial stability directly contributes to fulfilling the family’s needs. This would lend more credibility and depth to your argument.
    • Improved example: "For instance, my own family’s experience highlights how my parents’ consistent work enabled us to afford quality education, healthcare, and memorable leisure activities. This financial stability significantly contributed to our overall well-being."
  3. Quoted text: "Spending time with family is a moment to appreciate and relax, in contrast to the stressful and demanding time at work."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While this paragraph effectively highlights the value of family time, it lacks specificity. To strengthen your argument, consider providing a vivid example or personal story that showcases how spending quality time with family contributes positively to emotional well-being, compared to the stress of a work environment.
    • Improved example: "I vividly recall how a weekend getaway with my family not only brought relaxation but also strengthened our bonds. This contrasted sharply with the stressful work environment, emphasizing the rejuvenating impact of family moments on our mental and emotional health."

Overall, your essay addresses both viewpoints with clear arguments and examples. However, enhancing your introduction by explicitly stating your opinion and incorporating more personalized, specific examples throughout would further strengthen your position and engagement with the reader.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with a clear progression throughout. The introduction introduces the topic and the essay’s purpose effectively. Each paragraph has a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence. The writer uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately, such as transitions and pronouns, contributing to the flow of the essay. However, there is a slight overuse of repetitive phrases, like "financial security," which may slightly impact cohesion. The use of examples enhances the essay’s overall coherence.

How to improve:
To improve, the writer should diversify the language and avoid repetitive phrases. Exploring different ways to express key ideas and using a wider range of vocabulary will contribute to a smoother flow. Additionally, careful attention to minor grammatical details, like the use of pronouns, will further enhance cohesion without distracting the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, utilizing a wide range of words to convey ideas with fluency and flexibility. There is evidence of sophisticated control of lexical features, with only rare minor errors that can be considered ‘slips.’ The essay effectively communicates the contrasting views on balancing work and family, providing examples and reasoning for both perspectives. Uncommon lexical items are used skillfully, contributing to the overall richness of the language.

How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating even more nuanced and context-specific vocabulary. While the essay is already strong in its use of vocabulary, expanding on less common lexical items and experimenting with diverse expressions could elevate the overall lexical range. Additionally, careful proofreading can help eliminate any remaining rare minor errors, ensuring an even smoother and more polished expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

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The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However,Band Score: 7.0

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The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, thereBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However,Band Score: 7.0

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The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there areBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minorBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instancesBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errorsBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minorBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors andBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors andBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slightBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightlyBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affectBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardnessBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect theBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness existBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overallBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though theyBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’tBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluencyBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency.Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantlyBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. TheseBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

**Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errorsBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

HowBand Score**: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors areBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How toBand Score**: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improveBand Score**: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequentBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve:Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent andBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhanceBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and doBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance theBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do notBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the scoreBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantlyBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score,Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focusBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impedeBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus onBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehensionBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refiningBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension.Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracyBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. OverallBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy ofBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall,Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complexBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall, theBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentenceBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall, the candidate exhibits a commendable control of grammar and punctuation.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay more attention to certain expressions that, while grammatically correct, may sound slightly awkward or less idiomatic. Additionally, a careful proofreading session to catch and rectBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structuresBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall, the candidate exhibits a commendable control of grammar and punctuation.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay more attention to certain expressions that, while grammatically correct, may sound slightly awkward or less idiomatic. Additionally, a careful proofreading session to catch and rectifyBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures.Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall, the candidate exhibits a commendable control of grammar and punctuation.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay more attention to certain expressions that, while grammatically correct, may sound slightly awkward or less idiomatic. Additionally, a careful proofreading session to catch and rectify the minor errors will contribute to an even smoother presentation. Incorporating aBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures. Revising toBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall, the candidate exhibits a commendable control of grammar and punctuation.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay more attention to certain expressions that, while grammatically correct, may sound slightly awkward or less idiomatic. Additionally, a careful proofreading session to catch and rectify the minor errors will contribute to an even smoother presentation. Incorporating a wider range ofBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures. Revising to eliminateBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall, the candidate exhibits a commendable control of grammar and punctuation.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay more attention to certain expressions that, while grammatically correct, may sound slightly awkward or less idiomatic. Additionally, a careful proofreading session to catch and rectify the minor errors will contribute to an even smoother presentation. Incorporating a wider range of vocabularyBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures. Revising to eliminate minorBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall, the candidate exhibits a commendable control of grammar and punctuation.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay more attention to certain expressions that, while grammatically correct, may sound slightly awkward or less idiomatic. Additionally, a careful proofreading session to catch and rectify the minor errors will contribute to an even smoother presentation. Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary andBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures. Revising to eliminate minor errorsBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall, the candidate exhibits a commendable control of grammar and punctuation.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay more attention to certain expressions that, while grammatically correct, may sound slightly awkward or less idiomatic. Additionally, a careful proofreading session to catch and rectify the minor errors will contribute to an even smoother presentation. Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and refining sentence structures furtherBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures. Revising to eliminate minor errors andBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall, the candidate exhibits a commendable control of grammar and punctuation.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay more attention to certain expressions that, while grammatically correct, may sound slightly awkward or less idiomatic. Additionally, a careful proofreading session to catch and rectify the minor errors will contribute to an even smoother presentation. Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and refining sentence structures further could elevateBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures. Revising to eliminate minor errors and refiningBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall, the candidate exhibits a commendable control of grammar and punctuation.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay more attention to certain expressions that, while grammatically correct, may sound slightly awkward or less idiomatic. Additionally, a careful proofreading session to catch and rectify the minor errors will contribute to an even smoother presentation. Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and refining sentence structures further could elevate theBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures. Revising to eliminate minor errors and refining the expressionBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall, the candidate exhibits a commendable control of grammar and punctuation.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay more attention to certain expressions that, while grammatically correct, may sound slightly awkward or less idiomatic. Additionally, a careful proofreading session to catch and rectify the minor errors will contribute to an even smoother presentation. Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and refining sentence structures further could elevate the essay toBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures. Revising to eliminate minor errors and refining the expression for smootherBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall, the candidate exhibits a commendable control of grammar and punctuation.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay more attention to certain expressions that, while grammatically correct, may sound slightly awkward or less idiomatic. Additionally, a careful proofreading session to catch and rectify the minor errors will contribute to an even smoother presentation. Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and refining sentence structures further could elevate the essay to a higherBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures. Revising to eliminate minor errors and refining the expression for smoother readabilityBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall, the candidate exhibits a commendable control of grammar and punctuation.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay more attention to certain expressions that, while grammatically correct, may sound slightly awkward or less idiomatic. Additionally, a careful proofreading session to catch and rectify the minor errors will contribute to an even smoother presentation. Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and refining sentence structures further could elevate the essay to a higher bandBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures. Revising to eliminate minor errors and refining the expression for smoother readability wouldBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall, the candidate exhibits a commendable control of grammar and punctuation.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay more attention to certain expressions that, while grammatically correct, may sound slightly awkward or less idiomatic. Additionally, a careful proofreading session to catch and rectify the minor errors will contribute to an even smoother presentation. Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and refining sentence structures further could elevate the essay to a higher band scoreBand Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures. Revising to eliminate minor errors and refining the expression for smoother readability would further elevateBand Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency. These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall, the candidate exhibits a commendable control of grammar and punctuation.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay more attention to certain expressions that, while grammatically correct, may sound slightly awkward or less idiomatic. Additionally, a careful proofreading session to catch and rectify the minor errors will contribute to an even smoother presentation. Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and refining sentence structures further could elevate the essay to a higher band score.Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the discussion with relative accuracy. The majority of the sentences are error-free, presenting ideas coherently. However, a few minor errors and slight awkwardness exist, though they don’t impede understanding significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures. Revising to eliminate minor errors and refining the expression for smoother readability would further elevate the essay’s grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

People hold divergent perspectives on how to manage their time between professional commitments and family engagements. While some argue for the paramount importance of dedicating time to family activities, others emphasize the significance of prioritizing work. In this essay, I will delve into both viewpoints and present my own stance.

Those who advocate for prioritizing work underscore its role in ensuring the financial stability and overall well-being of the family. It is contended that financial security facilitates a comfortable lifestyle, allowing families to fulfill their basic needs and requirements, including education, healthcare, and recreational activities. For instance, parents who miss their children’s events are not neglectful but are making sacrifices for the sake of the family’s future.

On the flip side, notwithstanding the undeniable importance of financial stability, it is crucial to allocate more time to family. This is because the love, support, and shared experiences within a family are priceless treasures that money cannot buy. Spending time with family provides moments of appreciation and relaxation, in contrast to the stressful and demanding nature of work. As an illustrative example, a survey revealed that 85% of participants found joy in their family time, whereas 60% experienced stress in their jobs.

In conclusion, the debate surrounding the prioritization of work versus family is intricate, with valid arguments on both ends. Personally, I believe that family activities hold more significance than work. Consequently, it is imperative to prioritize family over our professional commitments and strike a balance that aligns with the prevailing situation.

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