Some people say that modern technology had made shopping today easier. While others disagree. Discuss both view and give your opinion

Living in the cutting-edge technolog world, shopping through online now becoming popular thanks to the advance-technology, while this new method still have some restrictions however its advantage outweigh the disadvantages.
On the one hand, from the old generation perspective, who don’t have much interaction and knowledge in using and understanding about how to use modern devices for buying items online, serving for their demands. Furthermore, there are some people prefer to touch and look at the things they want to buy instead of through images, especially with clothes. For instance, in my Asian countries, women still immerse themselves in holding and buying things offline because of its convenient and accuracy. To tackle with these problems, youngsters can teach old ones about shopping application, also right now customers can check their purchase before paying.
On the other hand, there are several benefits from shopping online. Humans can stay at home a do shopping with just one click. This avenue lay a significant role in contributing the developed world and economic growth. It save a lots of time and effort of people in a day, especially in rush hours traffic time. All of humans’s activities now have been superseded by a smartphone with Wifi. Acconpanu with that, inside supermarket, many high-technology and machines can help humans in accuracy payments and check-in which it is accelerate the pace of life, more convenient and faster.
In conclusion, while shopping online still can not include all of people demands but it is now changing and being popular around the world with lots of advantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"cutting-edge technolog world" -> "cutting-edge technological world"
Explanation: Adding the definite article "technological" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the phrase.
"shopping through online now becoming popular" -> "online shopping is now becoming increasingly popular"
Explanation: "Online shopping is now becoming increasingly popular" corrects the grammatical structure and uses more precise language.
"advance-technology" -> "advanced technology"
Explanation: "Advanced technology" is the correct term, and the hyphen is unnecessary in this context.
"this new method still have some restrictions however its advantage" -> "this new method still has some restrictions, but its advantages"
Explanation: Corrects the subject-verb agreement and uses a comma to separate the two independent clauses, improving readability and formality.
"from the old generation perspective" -> "from the perspective of the older generation"
Explanation: "From the perspective of the older generation" is more formal and precise.
"who don’t have much interaction and knowledge" -> "who have limited interaction and knowledge"
Explanation: "Have limited interaction and knowledge" is more formal and avoids the contraction "don’t."
"serving for their demands" -> "meeting their demands"
Explanation: "Meeting their demands" is a more precise and formal expression.
"there are some people prefer" -> "some people prefer"
Explanation: Removing "there are" simplifies the sentence structure and maintains a more formal tone.
"immerse themselves in holding and buying things offline" -> "prefer to purchase items offline"
Explanation: "Prefer to purchase items offline" is more concise and formal.
"to tackle with these problems" -> "to address these issues"
Explanation: "To address these issues" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"youngsters can teach old ones" -> "young people can educate older individuals"
Explanation: "Young people can educate older individuals" uses more formal language and avoids colloquial expressions.
"shopping application" -> "shopping apps"
Explanation: "Shopping apps" is a more common and precise term in modern contexts.
"lay a significant role in contributing the developed world and economic growth" -> "play a significant role in contributing to the development of the world and economic growth"
Explanation: Corrects the preposition and adds "to" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"It save a lots of time" -> "It saves a lot of time"
Explanation: Corrects the verb tense and uses the correct form "a lot" instead of "a lots."
"All of humans’s activities now have been superseded" -> "All human activities have now been superseded"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive form "humans’s" to "human" and removes the unnecessary "now" for grammatical correctness.
"Acconpanu with that" -> "Accompanied by that"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error and uses the correct form "accompanied."
"inside supermarket" -> "in supermarkets"
Explanation: "In supermarkets" is grammatically correct and more appropriate for the plural context.
"high-technology and machines" -> "advanced technology and machines"
Explanation: "Advanced technology" is a more precise and formal term.
"which it is accelerate the pace of life" -> "which accelerates the pace of life"
Explanation: Corrects the verb form to "accelerates" for subject-verb agreement and removes the unnecessary "it is."
"more convenient and faster" -> "more convenient and faster"
Explanation: This is a redundant repetition, and the second "faster" can be removed for clarity and conciseness.

These changes enhance the formal tone, correct grammatical errors, and improve the precision of the vocabulary used in the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the impact of modern technology on shopping. The first paragraph discusses the perspective of the older generation, highlighting their challenges with online shopping. The second paragraph presents the advantages of online shopping, emphasizing convenience and time-saving aspects. However, the essay could be more balanced; the discussion of the disadvantages is less developed than the advantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim for a more balanced exploration of both perspectives. Each view could be elaborated with more examples or evidence. For instance, discussing specific technological advancements that have improved shopping experiences could strengthen the argument for modern technology.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position appears to lean towards supporting online shopping, stating that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However, this position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. The initial mention of the older generation’s challenges could lead readers to believe that the writer is presenting a neutral view rather than advocating for one side.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, throughout the essay, they should consistently refer back to this position when discussing both views, reinforcing their stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the convenience of online shopping and the challenges faced by older generations. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the essay mentions that online shopping saves time, it does not provide specific statistics or examples to substantiate this claim.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should include more detailed examples and evidence. This could involve citing studies on online shopping trends or providing personal anecdotes that illustrate the points being made. Additionally, expanding on the implications of these ideas would strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the impact of modern technology on shopping. However, some sentences introduce ideas that are not directly related to the prompt, such as the mention of "high-technology and machines" in supermarkets. This could distract from the main argument about online shopping specifically.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the topic of online shopping. They could create an outline before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to addressing the prompt. Additionally, revising sentences that stray from the main topic would help maintain clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of both views, a clearer position, stronger support for ideas, and tighter focus on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections discussing both perspectives on modern shopping technology. The introduction sets the context, while the body paragraphs effectively differentiate between the views of the older generation and the benefits of online shopping. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between discussing the older generation’s perspective and the advantages of online shopping feels abrupt. The connection between ideas is sometimes weak, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases (e.g., "Conversely," "In contrast," "Moreover") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. For example, after discussing the older generation’s challenges, a transitional phrase could lead into the advantages of online shopping, creating a more cohesive flow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly defined. The first paragraph, for instance, combines multiple ideas about the older generation’s perspective without a clear separation of thoughts, making it harder to follow.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant details. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main point. For example, the first paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the challenges faced by the older generation and another discussing their preferences for in-person shopping. This will enhance clarity and make the argument more persuasive.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which are effective in signaling contrasting viewpoints. However, the overall range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clear connections, leading to a disjointed reading experience. For instance, phrases like "this avenue lay a significant role" could be better connected to the previous sentence to clarify the relationship between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "In addition" to add information, and "However," "Nevertheless," or "On the contrary" to present opposing views. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to strengthen the connections between sentences and ideas. For instance, revising sentences to explicitly show how one idea leads to another can improve coherence.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use more sophisticated terms such as "cutting-edge," "advance-technology," and "economic growth." However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks variety. For example, the phrase "shopping online" is used multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which limits the lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "shopping online," alternatives like "e-commerce," "digital shopping," or "virtual purchasing" could be used. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to technology and consumer behavior could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "advance-technology," which should be "advanced technology," and "a do shopping," which should be "to do shopping." The phrase "from the old generation perspective" is also awkwardly phrased; it would be clearer as "from the perspective of the older generation."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and ensure that word forms are correct. Proofreading for common errors and using a thesaurus to find the right word can help. For example, instead of "to tackle with these problems," a more precise expression would be "to address these challenges."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "technolog" (technology), "acconpanu" (accompany), and "a lots" (a lot). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice spelling common words and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, reading more English texts can help reinforce correct spelling and familiarize the writer with commonly used terms. Regular practice with spelling exercises and quizzes can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use a range of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on these aspects will help elevate the overall quality of the writing and potentially improve the band score in the Lexical Resource category.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Humans can stay at home a do shopping with just one click.") and complex sentences ("To tackle with these problems, youngsters can teach old ones about shopping application…"). However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For example, phrases like "this new method still have some restrictions" contain grammatical errors that detract from clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and varied sentence beginnings. Using subordinate clauses and transitional phrases can help create more sophisticated sentence constructions. For instance, instead of "On the one hand," the writer could use "From the perspective of those who prefer traditional shopping methods," which adds depth to the argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("this new method still have some restrictions") and incorrect verb forms ("advance-technology" should be "advanced technology"). Punctuation is also inconsistent; for example, commas are often missing before conjunctions in compound sentences, which affects the flow of ideas. Additionally, phrases like "a lots of time" should be corrected to "a lot of time."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct these issues. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly concerning the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Reading more academic essays can also provide models for proper grammar and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay presents a basic argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of modern shopping methods, it suffers from grammatical inaccuracies and a limited range of sentence structures. By focusing on these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

Living in a cutting-edge technological world, online shopping is now becoming increasingly popular thanks to advanced technology. While this new method still has some restrictions, its advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

On the one hand, from the perspective of the older generation, many individuals do not have much interaction or knowledge about how to use modern devices for purchasing items online. This can make it challenging for them to meet their demands. Furthermore, some people prefer to touch and examine the items they wish to buy rather than relying solely on images, especially when it comes to clothing. For instance, in many Asian countries, women often prefer to engage in offline shopping because of its convenience and accuracy. To address these issues, young people can educate older individuals about shopping apps, and currently, customers can also check their purchases before making a payment.

On the other hand, there are several benefits to shopping online. Consumers can stay at home and shop with just one click. This method plays a significant role in contributing to the development of the world and economic growth. It saves a lot of time and effort, particularly during rush hour traffic. All human activities have now been superseded by smartphones with Wi-Fi. Accompanied by that, in supermarkets, advanced technology and machines can assist with accurate payments and check-ins, which accelerates the pace of life, making it more convenient and faster.

In conclusion, while online shopping may not yet meet all of people’s demands, it is rapidly changing and gaining popularity around the world due to its numerous advantages.