Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In today’s digital era, some people think that the development of technology has facilitated shopping whereas others disagree. Advanced technology can helps people’s shopping more easily or difficultly depending on each individual purpose. I believe that thanks to cutting- edge technology, it will bring more advantages for consumers.
In my opinion, modern technology has numerous benefits for people’s shopping habit. First, shopping online is really timesaving and convenient without going to direct shops. People are able to purchase necessary items through various online apps from their home, and they have more selections to find products in different websites on the internet. For example, advanced technology allows consumers to buy imported products through some international shopping apps, such as Taobao, and Amazon without wasting time and money to travel directly to these shops. Second, thanks to the development of technology, people can chose some good quality products through watching feedbacks from other consumers on the internet. The shopping experience of consumers will reflect significantly the reality of product quality, so others are able to consider carefully before making decisions to buy these items.
However, intelligent technology also has many disadvantages in shopping. Firstly, online shopping has the high risk of scam and information stolen. It does not guarantee the safety of users, as some personal information and credit cards can be stolen by scammers. Shopping online is also risky because people are able to be tricked into buying poor quality products that is not the same as the picture online. Besides, shopping online cannot control the product quality as going to stores to purchase. Buyers hanging directly to shops can see with their own eyes and check the product quality by hand, so they will have a realistic view of products and prevent from buying poor quality items. Namely, the online products which people received can not the same as color or quality of cloth as their expectation because of the difference in light and image color when taking photos.
The advanced technology has both of benefits and drawbacks in the shopping habit of consumers. I think that it will be more beneficial because of its convenience and comfort

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s digital era" -> "In the contemporary digital era"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more formal and precise term than "today’s," enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"can helps" -> "can help"
Explanation: "Can helps" is grammatically incorrect. The correct form is "can help," which is necessary for maintaining grammatical accuracy in formal writing.
"more easily or difficultly" -> "more easily or more difficultly"
Explanation: "More difficultly" is not a standard adverb form. The correct form is "more difficultly," which is used to describe the degree of difficulty.
"it will bring more advantages for consumers" -> "it will offer more advantages to consumers"
Explanation: "Offer" is more precise and formal than "bring" in this context, and "to" is the correct preposition to use with "advantages" when referring to the benefits provided to consumers.
"really timesaving" -> "significantly time-saving"
Explanation: "Really" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Significantly" is more precise and formal, and "time-saving" should be hyphenated for grammatical correctness.
"without going to direct shops" -> "without visiting physical stores"
Explanation: "Direct shops" is unclear and informal. "Physical stores" is a more precise and formal term that clearly communicates the intended meaning.
"People are able to purchase" -> "Individuals can purchase"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people," and "can" is more appropriate than "are able to" in this context, which sounds overly formal and awkward.
"chose" -> "choose"
Explanation: "Chose" is the past tense of "choose," which is incorrect in this context. The correct form is "choose" for the present tense.
"watching feedbacks" -> "viewing feedback"
Explanation: "Watching" is informal and imprecise in this context. "Viewing" is more appropriate and formal, and "feedbacks" should be pluralized to "feedback" for grammatical correctness.
"reflect significantly the reality" -> "significantly reflect the reality"
Explanation: The correct order is "significantly reflect the reality," as "reflect" is a transitive verb that requires the object "the reality" to come after it.
"high risk of scam and information stolen" -> "high risk of scams and data theft"
Explanation: "Scam" should be pluralized to "scams" for consistency, and "information stolen" is vague; "data theft" is a more precise and formal term.
" Buyers hanging directly to shops" -> "Buyers visiting stores directly"
Explanation: "Hanging directly to shops" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Visiting stores directly" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"can not the same as color or quality of cloth" -> "may not match the expected color or quality of the fabric"
Explanation: "Can not" is grammatically incorrect; "may not" is the correct modal verb for expressing possibility. "Color or quality of cloth" is vague and informal; "color or quality of the fabric" is more precise and formal.
"because of the difference in light and image color when taking photos" -> "due to differences in lighting and image color when photographed"
Explanation: "Because of the difference" is informal and vague; "due to differences" is more formal and precise. "Image color" is awkward; "image color" is more natural and correct. "When taking photos" is informal; "when photographed" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the impact of modern technology on shopping. The first part discusses the advantages of technology, such as convenience and a wider selection of products. The second part acknowledges the disadvantages, including risks of scams and quality concerns. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both perspectives, as the advantages are more thoroughly developed than the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both views are presented with equal depth. For instance, elaborating on the disadvantages with specific examples or statistics could provide a more balanced discussion. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the two sides in separate paragraphs would improve clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear opinion that modern technology is beneficial for shopping. However, this position is somewhat overshadowed by the detailed discussion of the advantages, which may lead to ambiguity about the writer’s stance. The conclusion reiterates the belief in technology’s benefits but lacks a strong synthesis of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their opinion throughout the essay, especially after discussing the disadvantages. Including transitional phrases that link back to the main argument can help reinforce the position. A more assertive conclusion that summarizes the key points supporting the opinion would also strengthen this aspect.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the advantages of technology, such as time-saving and access to diverse products. However, while some points are supported with examples (e.g., Taobao and Amazon), others lack depth and specific evidence. The disadvantages are mentioned but not as thoroughly explored or supported with examples.
- How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, when discussing scams, specific examples of common scams or statistics on online shopping fraud could enhance the argument. Additionally, expanding on how technology improves shopping experiences with more varied examples would create a more robust discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the impact of technology on shopping. However, some sentences could be clearer and more relevant to the main argument. For example, the phrase "depending on each individual purpose" is vague and does not contribute meaningfully to the discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should avoid vague statements and ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the discussion of technology’s impact on shopping. Regularly revisiting the prompt and ensuring that each paragraph aligns with the core question can help maintain relevance.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of both views, deeper support for ideas, and clearer connections to the main argument throughout the text.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The ideas flow logically, particularly in the body paragraphs where the advantages of technology in shopping are discussed first, followed by the disadvantages. However, the transition between the two views could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing benefits to drawbacks could be more explicitly marked to guide the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" when moving from one viewpoint to another. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, which will help the reader follow the argument more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the first paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the benefits of technology and the other on the drawbacks. This would allow for a more balanced discussion and clearer delineation of ideas.
- How to improve: Consider structuring the essay with four distinct paragraphs: an introduction, one for the advantages of technology, one for the disadvantages, and a conclusion. This will not only improve readability but also provide a more comprehensive exploration of each viewpoint.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "second," and "however," which help to connect ideas. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For example, the phrase "thanks to the development of technology" is used multiple times, which detracts from the overall fluency of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," "nevertheless," and "for instance." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, varying sentence structures can help maintain reader interest and improve coherence.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving the overall band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "facilitated," "timesaving," and "convenient." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "shopping online" and "technology." The phrase "advanced technology" appears multiple times, which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "advanced technology," alternatives like "modern innovations" or "digital advancements" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can enrich the text (e.g., "extremely convenient" instead of just "convenient").
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "helps people’s shopping more easily or difficultly." The phrase "difficultly" is awkward and does not fit the context. Furthermore, "the high risk of scam and information stolen" could be more clearly articulated as "the high risk of scams and identity theft."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, instead of "helps people’s shopping more easily," a clearer expression would be "makes shopping easier for consumers." Regularly consulting a thesaurus and practicing paraphrasing can also aid in achieving more precise language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "chose" (should be "choose"), "feedbacks" (should be "feedback"), and "cannot" (should be "cannot"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Regular practice with spelling exercises can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Advanced technology can helps people’s shopping more easily or difficultly depending on each individual purpose" shows an attempt at variety. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, such as "can helps" (should be "can help") and "more easily or difficultly" (should be "more easily or more difficult"). The essay also relies heavily on simple and compound sentences, which limits the overall complexity and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more varied sentence types, including conditional sentences ("If consumers shop online, they may…") and relative clauses ("Products that are bought online often…"). Practicing the use of different conjunctions and transitions can also help in creating more complex sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation issues. For example, "can helps" is incorrect, and "chose" should be "choose." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. The phrase "the high risk of scam and information stolen" should be rephrased for clarity, as it is awkwardly constructed. The use of "Firstly" is also somewhat informal for an academic essay; "First" or "First of all" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors, especially in longer sentences, will help clarify meaning and improve readability. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers can also assist in identifying mistakes before finalizing the essay.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses both sides of the prompt, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the writing quality and potentially increase the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary digital era, some people believe that the development of technology has made shopping easier, while others hold a different view. Advanced technology can help people shop more easily or more difficultly, depending on individual preferences. I believe that, thanks to cutting-edge technology, it offers more advantages to consumers.

In my opinion, modern technology has numerous benefits for people’s shopping habits. First, shopping online is significantly time-saving and convenient, allowing individuals to make purchases without visiting physical stores. People can buy necessary items through various online apps from the comfort of their homes, and they have a wider selection of products available across different websites on the internet. For example, advanced technology enables consumers to buy imported products through international shopping apps, such as Taobao and Amazon, without wasting time and money traveling directly to these shops. Second, the development of technology allows people to choose high-quality products by viewing feedback from other consumers online. The shopping experiences of consumers significantly reflect the reality of product quality, enabling others to consider their options carefully before making a purchase.

However, modern technology also has several disadvantages when it comes to shopping. Firstly, online shopping carries a high risk of scams and data theft. It does not guarantee the safety of users, as personal information and credit card details can be compromised by scammers. Additionally, shopping online can be risky because individuals may be deceived into buying poor-quality products that do not match the images displayed online. Furthermore, online shopping does not allow for the same level of quality control as purchasing items in physical stores. Buyers visiting stores directly can see products with their own eyes and assess their quality firsthand, which helps them avoid purchasing subpar items. For instance, the products received online may not match the expected color or quality of the fabric due to differences in lighting and image color when photographed.

In conclusion, advanced technology has both benefits and drawbacks in the shopping habits of consumers. I believe that it is more beneficial overall due to its convenience and comfort.