Some people say that success is '10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work'. Is hard work the key to success, or is talent also important? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people say that success is '10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work'.
Is hard work the key to success, or is talent also important?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The success of each individual depends on lots of different factors, and there are two key elements that directly impact people’s achievement. People say that success is ‘10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work’, and I think both of them are important for them to become successful.

Talent may create many advantages, which is a benefit to achieve success faster. Innate abilities help people gain trust, and have access to a range of opportunities. For example, Lionel Messi, known as one of the greatest players of all time, became a member of Barcelona Football Club when he was 13 and had first ‘Golden Ball award at the age of 22. Thanks to his talent, other football clubs invited him to participate in their ones with high salary and an expectable career. He is proof that the key to success is talent.

However, hard work also plays an important role in the journey of achieving leading to success. Without frequent practice and persistence, one cannot make full use of their potential. For example, if people want to learn English, but they do not speak or use it daily, they cannot be proficient in this language. With Messi, he will/would not get/gain accomplishments if he does not/did not work hard and practice daily. Therefore, working hard brings many value that makes people become more disciplined and consistent to learn new skills and not give up easily when facing setbacks.

In conclusion, the majority of achievement is based on hard effort and persistence. To lead in a successful life, a talent also needs to practice constantly.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"lots of different factors" -> "a multitude of diverse factors"
Explanation: "Lots of different factors" is too colloquial for an academic essay. "A multitude of diverse factors" maintains clarity while using more formal language.
"People say that" -> "It is often asserted that"
Explanation: "People say that" is too informal for academic writing. "It is often asserted that" presents the assertion more formally and objectively.
"‘10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work’" -> "the adage ’10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work’"
Explanation: Adding "the adage" before the quoted phrase gives it context and formality.
"for them to become successful" -> "to achieve success"
Explanation: "For them to become successful" is slightly awkward. "To achieve success" is a clearer and more direct phrase.
"may create many advantages" -> "can yield numerous advantages"
Explanation: "May create many advantages" lacks precision. "Can yield numerous advantages" is more formal and specific.
"a benefit to achieve success faster" -> "beneficial in expediting success"
Explanation: "A benefit to achieve success faster" is awkward. "Beneficial in expediting success" is more concise and formal.
"Innate abilities" -> "Inherent talents"
Explanation: "Innate abilities" is slightly redundant. "Inherent talents" is more concise and formal.
"access to a range of opportunities" -> "access to various opportunities"
Explanation: "A range of opportunities" is slightly informal. "Various opportunities" maintains clarity while sounding more formal.
"For example" -> "As exemplified by"
Explanation: "For example" is overused in academic writing. "As exemplified by" adds variety and formality.
"with high salary and an expectable career" -> "with lucrative salaries and promising careers"
Explanation: "High salary and an expectable career" is grammatically incorrect. "With lucrative salaries and promising careers" is more precise and formal.
"He is proof that the key to success is talent." -> "He exemplifies the significance of talent in achieving success."
Explanation: "He is proof that the key to success is talent" is overly simplistic. "He exemplifies the significance of talent in achieving success" is more sophisticated and formal.
"also plays an important role in the journey of achieving leading to success" -> "also plays a pivotal role in the journey toward success"
Explanation: "In the journey of achieving leading to success" is awkward and unclear. "In the journey toward success" is more concise and clear.
"Without frequent practice and persistence" -> "Absence of consistent practice and perseverance"
Explanation: "Without frequent practice and persistence" is slightly informal. "Absence of consistent practice and perseverance" is more formal and precise.
"cannot make full use of their potential" -> "cannot fully realize their potential"
Explanation: "Cannot make full use of their potential" is slightly awkward. "Cannot fully realize their potential" is more concise and formal.
"With Messi, he will/would not get/gain accomplishments if he does not/did not work hard and practice daily." -> "Even Messi would not achieve accomplishments without diligent daily practice."
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and unclear. The suggested alternative is clearer and more concise.
"Therefore, working hard brings many value that makes people become more disciplined and consistent to learn new skills and not give up easily when facing setbacks." -> "Thus, diligence cultivates discipline and consistency, enabling individuals to persevere in acquiring new skills and resiliently overcoming setbacks."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and coherence. The suggested alternative is more structured and formal.
"the majority of achievement is based on hard effort and persistence" -> "the bulk of achievement is predicated on diligent effort and perseverance"
Explanation: "Majority of achievement" is less formal. "Bulk of achievement" is a more sophisticated term. "Predicated on diligent effort and perseverance" is more precise and formal.
"To lead in a successful life" -> "To lead a successful life"
Explanation: "To lead in a successful life" is slightly awkward. "To lead a successful life" is more concise and clear.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both components of the prompt, discussing the significance of talent and hard work in achieving success. It acknowledges the importance of both elements and provides examples to support the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, the essay could delve deeper into the interplay between talent and hard work. Providing more nuanced examples or discussing potential scenarios where one factor may outweigh the other could enrich the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that both talent and hard work are essential for success. This position is evident from the introductory paragraph to the concluding remarks.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, the essay could explicitly state the stance in the thesis statement and ensure that each paragraph reinforces this position without ambiguity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, using Lionel Messi’s example to illustrate the importance of talent and emphasizing the necessity of hard work through the analogy of learning English.
- How to improve: To extend ideas, the essay could provide more diverse examples beyond sports to demonstrate the relevance of talent and hard work across various fields. Additionally, expanding on how talent and hard work interact synergistically could add depth to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of whether talent or hard work is more crucial for success. While it briefly mentions the importance of practice and consistency, these elements are tied back to the central theme.
- How to improve: To enhance coherence, the essay could avoid minor tangents, such as the mention of Messi’s salary, and maintain a tighter focus on directly addressing the relationship between talent, hard work, and success.

Overall, the essay effectively responds to the prompt and provides a well-structured argument supported by relevant examples. To improve, it could deepen the analysis by exploring more nuanced scenarios and ensure greater precision in maintaining the central argument throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting arguments for both talent and hard work contributing to success in separate paragraphs. Each paragraph introduces a main idea and provides supporting examples. However, there is room for improvement in the coherence of ideas within paragraphs, as some sentences could be better connected to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph follows a clear structure with a topic sentence introducing the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Additionally, use transition words and phrases to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs, guiding the reader through the essay’s arguments seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas into distinct units, with each paragraph focusing on either talent or hard work as key factors in success. However, some paragraphs could be more coherent internally, with stronger topic sentences and smoother transitions between sentences.
- How to improve: Aim for stronger topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that clearly state the main idea. Ensure that each paragraph develops its main point coherently, with supporting evidence and examples that directly relate to the topic sentence. Use transition words and phrases to maintain coherence within paragraphs and guide the reader from one idea to the next seamlessly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and enhance coherence. While some cohesive devices such as "for example" and "however" are used, there is a need for greater variety and more sophisticated use of cohesive devices to strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices beyond basic transitions like "for example" and "however" to include a wider range of linking words and phrases such as "moreover," "in addition," "on the other hand," etc. This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas and improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately and effectively to connect related ideas and guide the reader through the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "achievement," "advantages," "innate abilities," "proficient," "disciplined," and "persistence." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further to enhance clarity and precision.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more specific and varied synonyms for commonly used words. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "success," you could employ terms like "accomplishment," "triumph," or "attainment" where appropriate. Additionally, introduce specialized vocabulary related to the topic, such as terms specific to talent and hard work, to enrich the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, such as in the differentiation between "talent" and "hard work" and the distinction between "trust" and "opportunities." However, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be more precise, such as the repetitive use of "success" without nuanced variations.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, strive for clarity and specificity in expression. Avoid vague or overused terms by selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Utilize synonyms and antonyms effectively to provide depth and accuracy in language. For example, instead of repeatedly using "success," vary the terminology to reflect different aspects of achievement, such as "accomplishment," "fulfillment," or "triumph."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors observed, such as "expectable" instead of "expected" and "participate in their ones" instead of "participate in theirs." Overall, spelling errors do not significantly detract from the clarity or coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading, spell-checking tools, and practicing spelling exercises regularly. Pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and homophones to minimize errors in written expression. Additionally, consult reference materials, such as dictionaries or style guides, to verify spelling when in doubt.

By refining the range and precision of vocabulary while maintaining spelling accuracy, the essay can elevate its lexical resource to a higher band score. Continued practice and attention to vocabulary selection and spelling will contribute to the overall improvement of the essay’s lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. It effectively employs various sentence structures to convey ideas, such as using complex sentences to elaborate on arguments and simple sentences for clarity and emphasis. For instance, in the sentence "Talent may create many advantages, which is a benefit to achieve success faster," a complex sentence structure is utilized to present a nuanced idea. Additionally, the essay incorporates transitional phrases like "however" to smoothly connect contrasting points, enhancing coherence.
- How to improve: While the essay already utilizes a diverse range of sentence structures, further enrichment could be achieved by incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences or sentences with embedded clauses. This can elevate the sophistication of the writing and enhance coherence by providing a deeper exploration of ideas within sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Sentences are generally well-structured, and grammatical errors are minimal. However, there are a few instances of grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that slightly disrupt the flow of the essay. For example, in the sentence "He is proof that the key to success is talent," there is a subject-verb agreement error ("He is proof" should be "He provides proof"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas after introductory phrases ("In conclusion") and inconsistent verb tenses ("With Messi, he will/would not get/gain accomplishments").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is recommended to carefully review subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay. Additionally, paying close attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage after introductory phrases and within complex sentences, can help improve overall clarity and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, with minor areas for improvement in terms of enhancing sentence structure diversity and refining grammatical and punctuation skills. With continued practice and attention to detail, the writer can further elevate the quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The success of individuals hinges on a multitude of diverse factors, with two key elements directly influencing their achievements. It is often said that success is ’10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work’, and I firmly believe that both are indispensable for attaining success.

Talent can confer numerous advantages, expediting one’s path to success. Natural abilities instill confidence and open doors to a myriad of opportunities. Take, for instance, Lionel Messi, renowned as one of the greatest footballers of all time. He joined Barcelona Football Club at the tender age of 13 and clinched his first ‘Golden Ball’ award at 22, attracting lucrative offers from other clubs due to his exceptional talent. Messi’s journey serves as a testament to the significance of talent in achieving success.

Nevertheless, hard work also assumes a pivotal role in the pursuit of success. Without consistent practice and unwavering determination, individuals cannot fully harness their potential. For instance, consider someone aspiring to learn English; without daily practice and immersion, proficiency in the language remains elusive. Similarly, Messi would not have attained his remarkable accomplishments without relentless dedication and daily practice. Thus, diligent effort fosters discipline and resilience, enabling individuals to acquire new skills and persevere through adversity.

In conclusion, while talent undoubtedly offers a head start, the bulk of success is derived from sustained effort and perseverance. To thrive in life, individuals must complement their innate abilities with continuous practice and determination.

Some people say that success is ’10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work’. Is hard work the key to success, or is talent also important? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.