Some people say that the experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their future life. Others say that experiences as a teenager, especially at school, are more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?
In recent years,it is common believed that the most influence experience on their children future life is before starting school.However,it is argued that the experiences during teenagers are more efficient for children,espcially at school.This point has negative things,also has positive things.This essay will delve into this nuanced discussion.
It is undeniable that children who have experiences before going to school always have better performance than others.There are caused by several reasons.To begin with,it avoid children shocking with new environment.Some children that the first time go to class feel very scared and don't cooperate with teachers and classmates.The reason for fact is very simple.Because they are used to stay at home and always have parents beside,they also don't contact with too much people or stranger like in class.A great example for this is,a mother of Pam-a famous baby in TikTok Viet nam said that:"She usually let her daughter go outside and travel many places in order to she can meet weired things or people".Therefore,in her class,she is the most flexible baby.In addition,the first lessons of kids always valuable.Scienetists conduct servey in many period of kids,then they reported that the most impressive lessons in their memory is the first,it means eveything which they know or look the first in their life.Therefore,the more meaningful first lessons,the better influence on their future life.
Besides,the experiences that children gain during teenagers are really important and impact directly on their future life.First of all,teens can understand anything in life vibrant than kids.Teenagers are mature,they can understand and adapt lessons that they study in many aspect of their life and they also relise what is bad or good for them.A great example for this is,in a history trip,children are allowed to go to where the lessons mentions.This a great time for children to have a real experince and understand that this theory can adapt in this or that situation.Second,the experiences during teenager are more suitable when they grow up.It means,the experiences that gain in teenagers are more about they should do what things to live meaningful or how much is youth worth.In compared with the experiences before kids come to kingdergarten which is only lessons usefull before 8 years old.
In conclusion,although the experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their is reasonable,I prefer to the view that experiences as a teenager,especially at school,are more influential.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"In recent years,it is common believed" -> "In recent years, it is commonly believed"
Explanation: Correcting the grammar by adding a space after "years" and changing "common" to "commonly" improves the sentence’s clarity and aligns with formal language conventions.
"the most influence experience on their children future life" -> "the most influential experience in their children’s future life"
Explanation: Changing "influence" to "influential" and rephrasing the sentence for grammatical accuracy enhances the formal tone and precision of the expression.
"espcially at school" -> "especially at school"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "espcially" to "especially" ensures adherence to formal language norms.
"This point has negative things, also has positive things." -> "This perspective has both negative and positive aspects."
Explanation: Reframing the sentence for conciseness and precision while avoiding the informal use of "things" contributes to a more academically appropriate tone.
"It is undeniable that children who have experiences before going to school always have better performance than others." -> "Undoubtedly, children who undergo experiences before starting school consistently exhibit superior performance."
Explanation: Enhancing formality by replacing "It is undeniable that" with "Undoubtedly" and refining the phrasing results in a more polished and academically suitable expression.
"There are caused by several reasons." -> "This is caused by several factors."
Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement by changing "There are" to "This is" improves grammatical accuracy and formalizes the sentence structure.
"It avoid children shocking with new environment." -> "It helps children avoid being shocked by a new environment."
Explanation: Adjusting the sentence structure for clarity and correctness while using more formal language enhances the overall academic tone.
"They also don’t contact with too much people or stranger like in class." -> "They also lack contact with many people or strangers, as in a classroom."
Explanation: Improving the accuracy and formality by replacing "too much people" with "many people" and specifying the context of the contact contributes to a more polished expression.
"A great example for this is,a mother of Pam-a famous baby in TikTok Viet nam said that:" -> "A compelling example is provided by the mother of Pam, a famous baby on TikTok in Vietnam, who stated that:"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity, removing unnecessary words, and adding appropriate punctuation contribute to a more refined and formal presentation.
"Therefore,in her class,she is the most flexible baby." -> "Therefore, in her class, she is the most adaptable child."
Explanation: Substituting "flexible" with "adaptable" for a more precise term and adjusting the phrasing enhances the academic tone of the statement.
"Scienetists conduct servey in many period of kids,then they reported" -> "Scientists conduct surveys at various stages of children’s development, and they report"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "Scienetists" to "Scientists" and "servey" to "surveys" improves accuracy, and restructuring the sentence for clarity contributes to a more formal expression.
"the most impressive lessons in their memory is the first,it means eveything which they know or look the first in their life." -> "the most memorable lessons in their memory are the first ones; it signifies everything they encounter or experience for the first time in their lives."
Explanation: Correcting subject-verb agreement, adding clarity to the phrasing, and replacing informal language with more formal alternatives contribute to a more academically appropriate expression.
"Besides,the experiences that children gain during teenagers" -> "Additionally, the experiences that children gain during adolescence"
Explanation: Substituting "Besides" with "Additionally" for a more formal transition and correcting the phrase "during teenagers" to "during adolescence" improves the academic tone and precision.
"children are allowed to go to where the lessons mentions." -> "children are allowed to visit the locations mentioned in the lessons."
Explanation: Correcting the sentence structure and improving precision by replacing "go to where the lessons mentions" with "visit the locations mentioned in the lessons" enhances the formality and clarity of the statement.
"This a great time for children to have a real experince" -> "This is a great time for children to have a real experience"
Explanation: Correcting the article and spelling errors by changing "This a great time" to "This is a great time" and "experince" to "experience" contributes to grammatical accuracy and formality.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "In recent years,it is common believed that the most influence experience on their children future life is before starting school.However,it is argued that the experiences during teenagers are more efficient for children,espcially at school.This point has negative things,also has positive things.This essay will delve into this nuanced discussion."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity and conciseness in presenting the author’s viewpoint and the key arguments that will be discussed in the essay. To improve, focus on a more direct and structured introduction, clearly stating your opinion and briefly outlining the main points that will support it.
- Improved example: "While some argue that early childhood experiences have the greatest impact on a child’s future, others emphasize the significance of teenage experiences, particularly those acquired at school. This essay will explore both perspectives, highlighting their respective strengths and drawbacks."
Quoted text: "There are caused by several reasons.To begin with,it avoid children shocking with new environment.Some children that the first time go to class feel very scared and don’t cooperate with teachers and classmates.The reason for fact is very simple.Because they are used to stay at home and always have parents beside,they also don’t contact with too much people or stranger like in class."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The development of the idea here lacks coherence and clarity. It could be strengthened by organizing the reasoning and providing more concrete examples to support the argument. For instance, expand on how exposure to diverse environments helps children adapt to new situations, citing personal experiences or observations to reinforce your point.
- Improved example: "Early experiences outside home environments can significantly aid in reducing the shock of a new educational setting. For instance, children accustomed to social settings through outings and interactions with various people tend to transition more smoothly into classroom environments, fostering better collaboration with teachers and peers."
Quoted text: "A great example for this is,in a history trip,children are allowed to go to where the lessons mentions.This a great time for children to have a real experince and understand that this theory can adapt in this or that situation."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the example attempts to illustrate the benefits of practical experiences, it lacks specificity and depth. To enhance this point, provide a more detailed example or elaborate on how hands-on learning during a historical trip, for instance, helped teenagers better comprehend theoretical knowledge and apply it in practical situations.
- Improved example: "Consider a historical trip where students visit the places mentioned in their lessons. This experience allows teenagers to witness the real-world application of historical theories, fostering a deeper understanding of how these concepts translate into tangible situations, thereby enriching their learning."
Overall, while the essay addresses both views and attempts to provide reasoning, enhancing coherence, clarity, and depth in explanations and examples would significantly strengthen the argumentative structure and support the author’s position more effectively.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
The essay demonstrates an attempt to discuss both views, but it lacks clarity and coherence in presenting ideas. There’s an effort to introduce two perspectives, but the arguments lack depth and often lack cohesion between sentences and within paragraphs. The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and lacks appropriate sentence structuring. The essay tends to present ideas repetitively without a clear progression, leading to confusion for the reader. Paragraphing is inconsistent, impacting the overall coherence.
How to Improve:
- Structure and Organization: Ensure a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint coherently, and a conclusion summarizing the discussion.
- Cohesion and Sentence Structure: Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas logically. Focus on constructing clear and concise sentences to avoid confusing the reader.
- Grammar and Language Usage: Work on grammar, punctuation, and vocabulary usage to convey ideas more accurately.
- Paragraphing: Organize content into distinct paragraphs, each addressing a specific point or idea related to the topic.
Revising these elements would significantly enhance coherence and cohesion in your essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, utilizing both common and less common words. There is an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary, but with some inaccuracies. The essay contains noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation; however, these errors do not significantly impede communication.
The essay lacks fluency and flexibility in conveying precise meanings. There are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, impacting the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, the use of informal language, such as "TikTok Viet Nam," may affect the formality of the essay.
While the author attempts to present arguments for both sides of the prompt, the development of ideas is somewhat unclear. The lack of clear topic sentences and organization makes it challenging for the reader to follow the flow of the essay.
How to improve:
- Grammar and Word Choice: Pay careful attention to grammar and word choice. Proofread the essay to correct spelling and word formation errors.
- Formality: Maintain a formal tone throughout the essay. Avoid the use of informal language, such as specific social media references.
- Organization: Clearly structure the essay with well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph’s main idea.
- Development of Ideas: Provide more detailed examples and elaborate on the points made to enhance the depth of the essay.
- Fluency and Coherence: Work on improving the overall flow of the essay by ensuring sentences are clear and logically connected.
By addressing these areas, the essay has the potential to achieve a higher band score by demonstrating a more sophisticated control of lexical features and improved overall coherence.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. While some sentences are clear and well-structured, there are notable grammatical errors throughout the essay that impact clarity. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("it is common believed," "are caused by several reasons") and word choice ("have better performance than others"). Additionally, there are frequent punctuation errors, such as missing spaces after periods and commas. The essay attempts complex sentences, but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences, leading to some difficulty for the reader. Overall, the range of structures is limited, and there is a lack of full flexibility and accuracy.
How to improve:
Grammar and Punctuation: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that verb tenses are used correctly. Review the appropriate use of articles, such as "a" and "the." Additionally, work on punctuation rules, including proper spacing after periods and commas.
Sentence Structure: Aim for a more varied sentence structure. Introduce a mix of simple and complex sentences to enhance the overall fluency and coherence of your writing.
Clarity and Precision: Be mindful of word choice to convey ideas more precisely. Instead of "have better performance," consider alternatives like "perform more effectively."
Proofreading: Take the time to proofread your essay carefully before submitting it. This will help you catch and correct grammatical errors and improve the overall quality of your writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent years, there has been a common belief that the experiences shaping a child’s future life hold the most influence before they commence school. Conversely, some argue that the adolescent phase, particularly the experiences encountered during schooling, wield a greater impact. This debate presents both positive and negative aspects, necessitating a nuanced exploration.
Undeniably, experiences acquired before a child enters school often correlate with better performance. This stems from various reasons. Primarily, it aids in averting the shock of a new environment. Many children entering the classroom for the first time experience apprehension, hindering their cooperation with teachers and peers. The underlying reason is rather simple: these children are accustomed to the shelter of home and constant parental presence, limiting their interaction with unfamiliar faces. For instance, a mother, recounting her experiences with Pam, a renowned baby featured on TikTok in Vietnam, highlighted the importance of exposing her daughter to diverse environments and people. Consequently, Pam exhibits remarkable adaptability in her class. Additionally, the initial lessons a child encounters hold significant value. Surveys conducted by scientists across various developmental stages of children consistently reveal that the most memorable lessons are those initial encounters. Therefore, the more profound these initial lessons, the greater their influence on future life.
Conversely, the experiences garnered during the teenage years wield substantial and direct influence on future prospects. Adolescents possess a heightened ability to comprehend life’s nuances compared to younger children. Their maturity enables them to grasp and apply lessons across various facets of life, discerning what is beneficial or detrimental. For example, during a historical excursion, teenagers are granted opportunities to witness firsthand the places referenced in their lessons. This practical experience allows them to connect theoretical knowledge to real-life scenarios. Moreover, experiences during adolescence tend to align more closely with their impending adulthood, encompassing lessons on leading a purposeful life and understanding the value of youth. This stands in stark contrast to experiences before kindergarten, which predominantly cater to the pre-8-year-old age group and are limited in their applicability to later life.
In conclusion, while the argument favoring experiences before a child’s formal education holds merit, I lean toward the perspective that experiences during adolescence, particularly within the school setting, wield greater influence on their future trajectory.