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Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve the sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve the sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Advertisement these days is considered to be one of the most effective approaches to the large number of customers. Hence, many individuals posit that it is used to lure customers to buy products that are useless for them while some people argue customers can have wider considerations before making final decisions. For me, I agree that the target of advertisements is to attract people to buy supplies even if they are not necessary at all.

Admittedly, advertisements can provide brand recognition and help to make a company or product more recognizable, thereby increasing sales and expanding brand’s reputation. Delivery applications, Be, has succeeded in reaching a variety of customers through their online advertising campaign, for instance. Besides profits for sellers, advertisement is also beneficial for audiences such as information and entertainment. Advertising is often used to introduce consumers about new products, features, or solutions to problems they may face; therefore, informative descriptions can be delivered to buyers, leading to the more considerable decisions.

However, I completely believe that the negative effects associated with advertisements on customers' awareness cannot be overlooked. Because of the potential benefits that ads bring, many enterprises take the advantage of this opportunity, to present the information in a misleading and exaggerated way to convince customers to buy the products. This situation also creates false expectations among customers and leads to disappointment when receiving the actual product. Moreover, consumer psychology can be considered as one of the potential factors to approach. Obviously, many people, especially young teenagers have a tendency to buy trending products, avoiding the practical use of these goods. Therefore, advertisements are boosted to draw people’s attention, leading to the excessive amount of incautious purchases.

In conclusion, despite the merits that advertisement brings, corporations have a tendency to use them for their own purposes. Therefore, advertising campaigns should be restricted to mitigate the negative outcomes.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Advertisement these days is considered to be one of the most effective approaches to the large number of customers." -> "Advertising these days is considered one of the most effective approaches to reaching a large number of customers."
    Explanation: The original sentence is overly informal and lacks precision. Changing "Advertisement" to "Advertising" and restructuring the sentence improves formality and clarity.

  2. "many individuals posit that it is used to lure customers to buy products that are useless for them while some people argue customers can have wider considerations before making final decisions." -> "Many individuals argue that advertisements are designed to entice customers into purchasing products that may be unnecessary for them. Conversely, some argue that customers should consider a broader range of factors before making final decisions."
    Explanation: The revised version enhances formality and clarity by using more specific language and rephrasing for better precision.

  3. "For me, I agree that the target of advertisements is to attract people to buy supplies even if they are not necessary at all." -> "In my opinion, I agree that the primary goal of advertisements is to attract individuals to purchase goods, even if they are unnecessary."
    Explanation: Adding "In my opinion" and replacing "supplies" with "goods" maintains formality and improves the precision of the statement.

  4. "Delivery applications, Be, has succeeded in reaching a variety of customers through their online advertising campaign, for instance." -> "For example, the delivery application Be has successfully reached a diverse customer base through its online advertising campaign."
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and uses incorrect punctuation. The revised version provides a clearer example and corrects the structure.

  5. "Besides profits for sellers, advertisement is also beneficial for audiences such as information and entertainment." -> "In addition to generating profits for sellers, advertising also provides benefits to audiences in terms of information and entertainment."
    Explanation: The change enhances formality, improves sentence structure, and specifies the benefits provided to audiences by advertising.

  6. "leading to the more considerable decisions." -> "leading to more informed decisions."
    Explanation: The term "more considerable decisions" is imprecise. The revised version uses "more informed decisions" for clarity and precision.

  7. "Because of the potential benefits that ads bring, many enterprises take the advantage of this opportunity, to present the information in a misleading and exaggerated way to convince customers to buy the products." -> "Due to the potential benefits that ads offer, many enterprises take advantage of this opportunity to present information in a misleading and exaggerated manner, convincing customers to purchase their products."
    Explanation: The revised version improves formality, clarity, and precision by rephrasing and using more appropriate vocabulary.

  8. "This situation also creates false expectations among customers and leads to disappointment when receiving the actual product." -> "This situation also fosters unrealistic expectations among customers, resulting in disappointment upon receiving the actual product."
    Explanation: The revised version enhances formality and clarity by using more precise language and improving the structure of the sentence.

  9. "Moreover, consumer psychology can be considered as one of the potential factors to approach." -> "Moreover, consumer psychology can be considered a significant factor to address."
    Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and awkward. The revised version provides a clearer expression of the idea.

  10. "leading to the excessive amount of incautious purchases." -> "resulting in an excessive number of impulsive purchases."
    Explanation: The term "incautious purchases" is less precise. The revised version uses "impulsive purchases" for better specificity and formality.

  11. "In conclusion, despite the merits that advertisement brings, corporations have a tendency to use them for their own purposes." -> "In conclusion, despite the merits that advertising brings, corporations often leverage it for their own purposes."
    Explanation: The revised version maintains formality and improves precision by using "advertising" instead of "advertisement" and rephrasing for clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Advertisement these days is considered to be one of the most effective approaches to the large number of customers. Hence, many individuals posit that it is used to lure customers to buy products that are useless for them while some people argue customers can have wider considerations before making final decisions. For me, I agree that the target of advertisements is to attract people to buy supplies even if they are not necessary at all."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction provides a clear position, which is good. However, it lacks a concise overview of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. To improve, consider adding a sentence summarizing the key arguments you will present, enhancing the overall structure and coherence of your essay.
    • Improved example: "In this essay, I will discuss both the positive and negative aspects of advertising, exploring its role in brand recognition and customer awareness. Despite its benefits, I believe advertisements often lead consumers to make unnecessary purchases, a phenomenon I will delve into in the following paragraphs."
  2. Quoted text: "Moreover, consumer psychology can be considered as one of the potential factors to approach. Obviously, many people, especially young teenagers have a tendency to buy trending products, avoiding the practical use of these goods. Therefore, advertisements are boosted to draw people’s attention, leading to the excessive amount of incautious purchases."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The explanation of consumer psychology is relevant, but it lacks depth and specific examples. To improve, provide more detailed insights into how advertisements exploit consumer psychology, offering concrete examples or personal experiences to bolster your argument.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, delving into consumer psychology reveals that advertisements often tap into the desire for social acceptance, particularly among young teenagers. For instance, the prevalence of influencers endorsing certain products creates a trend-driven purchasing behavior, where practical considerations take a backseat to the allure of being ‘in vogue.’ Sharing personal anecdotes or specific examples would strengthen this point."
  3. Quoted text: "In conclusion, despite the merits that advertisement brings, corporations have a tendency to use them for their own purposes. Therefore, advertising campaigns should be restricted to mitigate the negative outcomes."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion is clear in summarizing your stance; however, it lacks a call to action or a suggestion for potential solutions. To enhance this section, propose specific measures or regulations that could address the issue raised in your essay.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, while recognizing the merits of advertising, it is imperative to consider regulatory measures that ensure responsible and transparent advertising practices. Implementing stricter guidelines on truth in advertising and monitoring the authenticity of product claims can contribute to a more ethical and consumer-friendly advertising landscape."

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents a clear position. However, improvements in providing a concise overview in the introduction, offering more depth in the discussion of consumer psychology, and proposing specific solutions in the conclusion would elevate the essay’s coherence and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion to some extent. There is a clear overall progression in the essay, with a logical organization of information and ideas. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are structured in a way that contributes to the overall flow of the essay. The writer effectively uses cohesive devices, but there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences may be somewhat faulty or mechanical. Additionally, there is room for improvement in the logical relationship between ideas, as some connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened.

How to improve:

  1. Ensure a more seamless connection between ideas by using a variety of cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay.
  2. Work on the clarity of relationships between sentences and ideas, avoiding any mechanical or forced transitions.
  3. Pay careful attention to referencing and substitution to avoid any confusion or lack of clarity.
  4. Review paragraphing to ensure a more logical arrangement, ensuring that each paragraph maintains a clear central topic.

Overall, refining the use of cohesive devices and strengthening the logical connections between ideas will contribute to a more cohesive and coherent essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision. It incorporates less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The essay effectively conveys ideas and maintains coherence. While occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present, they do not significantly impede communication. The use of transitional phrases contributes to the overall fluency.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource, consider refining the use of less common lexical items with more precision. Pay close attention to word choice to minimize occasional errors. Additionally, strive for a more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to further elevate the lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a band score of 7. The writer effectively uses a mix of sentence forms, including complex structures such as "Because of the potential benefits that ads bring" and "This situation also creates false expectations among customers." There is good control of grammar and punctuation throughout, although there are a few errors, such as the phrase "many individuals posit" which could be rephrased for better clarity. The essay also showcases a range of vocabulary, contributing to the overall grammatical range and accuracy.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer could focus on refining sentence structures for increased clarity and precision. Additionally, careful proofreading can help eliminate minor errors and further improve the overall grammatical accuracy. Consider rephrasing ambiguous expressions like "many individuals posit" for clearer communication. Overall, maintaining this level of complexity and refining sentence structures will contribute to a more polished essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Advertising is widely acknowledged as a powerful means to reach a large audience. Some argue that its primary goal is to persuade people to purchase items they don’t truly need, while others contend that consumers can make informed choices. Personally, I agree that advertisements aim to entice individuals into buying items, even those deemed unnecessary.

Undeniably, advertisements play a crucial role in establishing brand awareness and enhancing a company’s or product’s visibility. For example, the delivery application Be has effectively engaged a diverse customer base through its online advertising initiatives. Apart from benefiting sellers, advertising also serves audiences by providing information and entertainment. It serves as a platform to introduce consumers to new products, features, or solutions, aiding them in making more informed decisions.

Nevertheless, I firmly believe that the adverse impact of advertising on consumer awareness should not be underestimated. In their pursuit of advantages, many businesses exploit this opportunity by presenting information in a deceptive and exaggerated manner to persuade consumers to make purchases. This often results in false expectations and subsequent disappointment upon receiving the actual product. Additionally, consumer psychology, especially among young teenagers, contributes to the inclination to buy trending products, often neglecting the practical utility of these goods. Advertisements, therefore, intensify this trend, leading to an excessive number of impulsive purchases.

In conclusion, while advertising offers undeniable benefits, corporations tend to manipulate it for their own gains. Consequently, there should be limitations on advertising campaigns to mitigate the negative consequences.

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