Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

There are divergent opinions regarding the main culprit of all environmental issues. While some certainly think that it is to blame for the ongoing disappearance of flora and fauna, others would debate that more significant problems exist, In this essay, I will analyze both claims and assert that I strongly believe in the loss of plants and animals of specific species as the major problem of environmental deterioration.
On the one hand, part of the population claim that there are several other issues in terms of environment degradation. One of which is the prevalence of waste, consisting of trash and products which may be no longer usable. It is undeniable that the smell of waste and rubbish is never comfortable, and therefore this aspect may ruin the aesthetics of certain locations such as metropolitan areas and holiday destinations. Moreover, trash and used items scattered around countries may make way for diseases to spread, which may be harmful to the lives of billions of people around the world and lower the living standard in crowded residential areas. Another issue which is brought up is that exhaust fumes, which is largely sourced from factories and conventional vehicles, is a significant problem which damages the environment. With the popularity of cars, motorbikes among commuters along with the construction of more manufacturing centers, the amount of smoke released can be expected to rise sharply over time. As a result, the air quality in various locations on the planet can be negatively affected and can finally lead to infections or illnesses.
On the other hand, loss of more plants and animals is definitely more considerable for various reasons. The first and foremost explanation is the horrible effect on food chains in nature. For example, some birds prey on small insects to survive, with the loss of more small creatures such as these, species of birds would not be able to find another effective way to feed. Thereby, more of them may die of hunger and predators which have birds in their diet would not find a sufficient source of food, leading to collapses in food chains. Furthermore, loss of more plants can result in the decreasing amount of oxygen. Most plants release a substance called oxygen, for other creatures such as humans to survive. It is indisputable that without the existence of that chemical, thousands of species would not be able to live, including us. Oxygen supports blood circulation and breathing to maintain survival among almost all creatures, therefore it is concerning that more plants are dying due to different reasons.
In conclusion, it is widely debated whether the ongoing disappearance of flora and fauna is the major culprit among all environmental problems, While some would totally disagree, I certainly think that it is the main issue due to its negative impact on most food chains in wildlife and the loss of oxygen related to the decreasing number of plants.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There are divergent opinions" -> "There are varying opinions"
Explanation: "Varying" is a more precise term in academic writing, emphasizing the differences in opinion without the slightly informal connotation of "divergent."
"certainly think" -> "firmly believe"
Explanation: "Firmly believe" is more formal and academically appropriate than "certainly think," which can sound somewhat casual.
"would debate" -> "argue"
Explanation: "Argue" is a more direct and formal term than "would debate," which is somewhat vague and less assertive.
"I will analyze" -> "This essay will examine"
Explanation: Using "This essay will examine" shifts the focus from the personal pronoun "I" to a more formal, impersonal tone suitable for academic writing.
"part of the population claim" -> "some individuals argue"
Explanation: "Some individuals argue" is more precise and formal than "part of the population claim," which is vague and informal.
"the prevalence of waste" -> "the proliferation of waste"
Explanation: "Proliferation" is a more precise term that conveys the rapid increase in waste, enhancing the academic tone.
"consisting of trash and products which may be no longer usable" -> "comprising discarded items and non-functional products"
Explanation: "Comprising" and "discarded items and non-functional products" are more specific and formal, improving clarity and precision.
"never comfortable" -> "uncomfortable"
Explanation: "Uncomfortable" is a more concise and formal alternative to "never comfortable," which is redundant.
"may ruin the aesthetics" -> "can mar the aesthetic appeal"
Explanation: "Can mar the aesthetic appeal" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better than "may ruin the aesthetics."
"make way for diseases to spread" -> "facilitate the spread of diseases"
Explanation: "Facilitate the spread of diseases" is a more formal and scientifically accurate phrase than "make way for diseases to spread."
"lower the living standard" -> "decrease the standard of living"
Explanation: "Decrease the standard of living" is a more formal and commonly used phrase in academic texts than "lower the living standard."
"exhaust fumes" -> "exhaust emissions"
Explanation: "Exhaust emissions" is a more precise and technical term, suitable for an academic discussion about environmental issues.
"can be expected to rise sharply" -> "is likely to increase significantly"
Explanation: "Is likely to increase significantly" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express future expectations.
"horrible effect" -> "devastating impact"
Explanation: "Devastating impact" is a more formal and precise term than "horrible effect," which is too colloquial for academic writing.
"more plants and animals" -> "more plant and animal species"
Explanation: "More plant and animal species" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"definitely more considerable" -> "significantly more significant"
Explanation: "Significantly more significant" avoids redundancy and maintains a formal tone, improving the academic quality of the statement.
"the horrible effect on food chains" -> "the devastating impact on food chains"
Explanation: "Devastating impact" is a more formal and precise term than "horrible effect," aligning better with academic standards.
"the decreasing amount of oxygen" -> "the decreasing levels of oxygen"
Explanation: "Levels" is a more precise term than "amount" in the context of gases like oxygen, which are typically measured in terms of concentration or levels.
"it is concerning" -> "it is concerning that"
Explanation: Adding "that" after "it is concerning" clarifies the sentence structure and enhances the formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding environmental issues. The first paragraph outlines the perspective that other environmental problems, such as waste and air pollution, are more pressing. The second paragraph presents the counterargument that the loss of species is the most significant issue, providing relevant examples to support this view. However, the discussion could be more balanced; the section on alternative environmental issues is less developed compared to the argument for species loss.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide more detailed examples or statistics regarding the other environmental issues mentioned, such as the impact of waste on ecosystems or specific instances of air pollution affecting health. This would create a more balanced discussion and demonstrate a thorough understanding of both perspectives.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the loss of species is the primary environmental issue, especially in the conclusion. However, the transition from discussing other environmental problems to asserting the importance of species loss could be smoother. The phrase "I strongly believe" is somewhat abrupt and could be better integrated into the overall argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should use transitional phrases that link the discussion of both views more cohesively. For example, after presenting the alternative issues, the writer could summarize their significance before transitioning into their own opinion, reinforcing the connection between the arguments.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, particularly in the discussion of the impact of species loss on food chains and oxygen levels. However, some points, such as the effects of waste and air pollution, lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. The examples provided are relevant but could be expanded to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed explanations or examples. For instance, when discussing the impact of pollution, they could include specific health statistics or case studies that illustrate the problem’s severity. This would not only support their points but also demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, particularly in the first half of the essay. The discussion of waste and air pollution, while relevant, could be more tightly connected to the main argument about species loss.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of which environmental problem is more significant. They could preface each point with a statement that ties it back to the main argument, reinforcing the relevance of each issue discussed.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By enhancing the balance of perspectives, improving transitions, extending ideas with more detailed examples, and maintaining tighter focus, the writer could elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the debate and states the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs are divided into two distinct viewpoints, which helps in organizing the information logically. However, there are moments where the flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing waste and exhaust fumes could be smoother to enhance the logical progression of ideas. The conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments but could benefit from a more explicit connection back to the introduction.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that transitions between ideas are seamless. For example, use phrases like "In addition to waste, another pressing issue is…" to link the discussion of waste to exhaust fumes more coherently.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses alternative environmental issues, while the second addresses the significance of species loss. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first body paragraph is relatively long and could be split into two to allow for a more detailed examination of each issue.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph contains a similar amount of information. Consider breaking the first body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on waste and the other on exhaust fumes. This will allow for a more thorough exploration of each point and improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "Moreover," and "Furthermore," which help in connecting ideas. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "loss of more plants" is used multiple times, which could detract from the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "loss of more plants," consider using synonyms or rephrasing, such as "decline in plant species" or "decreasing plant populations." Additionally, vary the transitional phrases used to connect ideas, such as "In contrast," "Additionally," or "Consequently," to enhance the overall flow and cohesion of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "divergent opinions," "environmental deterioration," and "food chains." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice, particularly with phrases like "loss of more plants and animals" and "significant problem." The vocabulary used is adequate but lacks the sophistication and variety that would elevate the score.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "loss of more plants and animals," you could use "decline in biodiversity" or "extinction of species." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to environmental issues can enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the smell of waste and rubbish is never comfortable" could be more accurately expressed as "the odor of waste and rubbish is unpleasant." Moreover, the term "culprit" in the context of environmental issues may not convey the intended meaning clearly.
- How to improve: Focus on using more precise language to convey your ideas clearly. Instead of "culprit," consider using "primary cause" or "main factor." Additionally, ensure that phrases accurately reflect the intended meaning; for instance, "the aesthetics of certain locations" could be better articulated as "the visual appeal of certain locations."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "In this essay, I will analyze both claims and assert that I strongly believe in the loss of plants and animals of specific species as the major problem of environmental deterioration," where "specific species" could be misinterpreted as "specific species" instead of "certain species." However, overall, spelling is generally accurate, which supports the clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a moment to read it aloud or use spell-check tools to catch any errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words in the context of environmental vocabulary to minimize mistakes.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—you can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "while some certainly think that it is to blame for the ongoing disappearance of flora and fauna" shows an ability to connect ideas effectively. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "Another issue which is brought up is that exhaust fumes, which is largely sourced from factories and conventional vehicles, is a significant problem which damages the environment" is somewhat repetitive in its structure.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses and varying the placement of clauses. For instance, instead of starting with "Another issue which is brought up," you could rephrase it to "Exhaust fumes, largely sourced from factories and conventional vehicles, represent another significant environmental problem." This not only diversifies the structure but also improves clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For example, the phrase "which may be harmful to the lives of billions of people around the world and lower the living standard in crowded residential areas" could be clearer if rephrased. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the comma splice in the sentence "In conclusion, it is widely debated whether the ongoing disappearance of flora and fauna is the major culprit among all environmental problems, While some would totally disagree." The word "While" should not be capitalized as it continues the same thought.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation. For instance, ensure that verbs agree with their subjects (e.g., "exhaust fumes… are a significant problem" instead of "is a significant problem"). Additionally, practice using punctuation correctly to avoid comma splices and run-on sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are varying opinions regarding the main culprit of all environmental issues. While some firmly believe that the ongoing disappearance of flora and fauna is to blame, others argue that more significant problems exist. This essay will examine both views and assert that I strongly believe the loss of specific species of plants and animals is the major problem contributing to environmental deterioration.

On the one hand, some individuals argue that there are several other pressing issues related to environmental degradation. One of these is the proliferation of waste, comprising discarded items and non-functional products. It is undeniable that the unpleasant smell of waste can be uncomfortable, and therefore this aspect can mar the aesthetic appeal of certain locations, such as metropolitan areas and holiday destinations. Moreover, trash and used items scattered across countries can facilitate the spread of diseases, which may be harmful to the lives of billions of people around the world and decrease the standard of living in crowded residential areas. Another significant issue is exhaust emissions, which are largely sourced from factories and conventional vehicles. With the increasing popularity of cars and motorbikes among commuters, along with the construction of more manufacturing centers, the amount of smoke released is likely to increase significantly over time. As a result, air quality in various locations on the planet can be negatively affected, potentially leading to infections or illnesses.

On the other hand, the loss of more plants and animals is undoubtedly more considerable for various reasons. The first and foremost explanation is the devastating impact on food chains in nature. For example, some birds prey on small insects to survive; with the loss of these small creatures, species of birds may struggle to find another effective way to feed. Consequently, more of them may die of hunger, and predators that rely on birds for food would not find a sufficient source of sustenance, leading to collapses in food chains. Furthermore, the loss of more plants can result in decreasing levels of oxygen. Most plants release oxygen, which is essential for the survival of other creatures, including humans. It is concerning that without the existence of this vital chemical, thousands of species would not be able to live. Oxygen supports blood circulation and breathing, making it crucial for the survival of almost all creatures; therefore, the ongoing decline of plant life is alarming.

In conclusion, it is widely debated whether the ongoing disappearance of flora and fauna is the major environmental problem. While some may disagree, I firmly believe that it is the main issue due to its devastating impact on food chains in wildlife and the loss of oxygen associated with the decreasing number of plants.