Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In recent years, debate about the allocation of resources and attention to the preservation of wildlife has been intensified. I firmly believe that protection of wild animals and birds is of paramount importance based on the following reasons.
First of all, wild animals and birds are one of the factors playing a crucial part in natural habitat and human’s lives. All these species can help to maintain the balance of ecosystems. If some of them are endangered, the loss of them can have far-reaching consequences, including the collapse of the entire ecosystem. For example, the disappearance of a single predator can lead to the overpopulation of prey species. This can negatively damage plant life, and also disrupt the ecological balance.
Furthermore, due to their importance, wild animals and birds can contribute significantly to a nation’s economy such as the ecotourism sector- a growing industry. Many countries may rely on it to generate revenue and create jobs, they also invest in zoos, or wildlife safari to encourage this sector. Another reason for wildlife’s importance is that they can be resources for scientific research and medical advancements. Since they may have unique traits and abilities, they can help to develop new treatments and therapies for various diseases. For example, venoms of certain snakes can be made into drugs, which is life-saving medication for humans. Besides, migratory birds can help scientists have a better understanding of navigation and climate change.
In conclusion, I disagree with the statement overinvestment in wildelife’s protection based on the aforementioned reasons. Wild animals and birds deserve the attention and resources they received.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"In recent years, debate about the allocation of resources and attention to the preservation of wildlife has been intensified." -> "In recent years, there has been heightened debate regarding the allocation of resources and attention to wildlife preservation."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically correct but lacks sophistication. By using "heightened" instead of "intensified" and rephrasing slightly, the statement gains a more formal and polished tone.
"I firmly believe that protection of wild animals and birds is of paramount importance based on the following reasons." -> "I strongly advocate for the paramount importance of preserving wild animals and birds for the following reasons."
Explanation: The phrase "I firmly believe" is somewhat colloquial. Replacing it with "I strongly advocate for" maintains the conviction while sounding more formal. Additionally, "paramount importance" is more precise than "of utmost importance."
"First of all, wild animals and birds are one of the factors playing a crucial part in natural habitat and human’s lives." -> "Primarily, wild animals and birds play a pivotal role in both natural ecosystems and human existence."
Explanation: "First of all" is overly informal for an academic essay. "Primarily" is a more sophisticated alternative. Additionally, "playing a crucial part" can be replaced with "playing a pivotal role" for clarity and formality.
"All these species can help to maintain the balance of ecosystems." -> "These species collectively contribute to the maintenance of ecosystem equilibrium."
Explanation: "Help to maintain" can be replaced with "contribute to the maintenance" for a more concise and formal expression. "Balance" is replaced with "equilibrium" for precision.
"Furthermore, due to their importance, wild animals and birds can contribute significantly to a nation’s economy such as the ecotourism sector- a growing industry." -> "Moreover, owing to their significance, wild animals and birds can make substantial contributions to a nation’s economy, particularly within the burgeoning ecotourism sector."
Explanation: "Furthermore" can be replaced with "Moreover" for variety. "Due to their importance" can be changed to "Owing to their significance" for a more formal tone. "Contribute significantly to" can be replaced with "make substantial contributions to" for precision.
"Another reason for wildlife’s importance is that they can be resources for scientific research and medical advancements." -> "Another rationale for the importance of wildlife lies in their potential as resources for scientific research and medical advancements."
Explanation: "Another reason for" can be replaced with "Another rationale for" for a more formal expression. "That they can be resources" can be replaced with "Lies in their potential as resources" for clarity and precision.
"Wild animals and birds deserve the attention and resources they received." -> "Wild animals and birds warrant the attention and resources they receive."
Explanation: "Deserve" can be replaced with "warrant" for a more formal and appropriate tone. Additionally, "they received" should be changed to "they receive" to maintain grammatical consistency.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt. It acknowledges the debate about resource allocation for wildlife protection and clearly states a strong disagreement with the opinion that too much attention is given to this cause. It discusses the importance of wildlife in maintaining ecosystems, its economic value through sectors like ecotourism, and its contribution to scientific research and medical advancements.
- How to improve: While the essay comprehensively covers the topic, it could strengthen its argument by briefly acknowledging potential counterarguments, such as concerns over resource allocation or competing priorities in conservation efforts. This would demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance throughout. It starts by stating a firm belief in the importance of wildlife protection and reinforces this stance with examples throughout the essay. There is no ambiguity in the position taken.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly supports the main argument and avoids tangential discussions that do not contribute directly to reinforcing the position on wildlife protection.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly and extends them with relevant examples and explanations. For instance, it elaborates on the ecological impact of wildlife loss, economic benefits through ecotourism, and scientific contributions. These points are well-supported with examples like the impact of predator-prey relationships on ecosystems and the medicinal potential of snake venom.
- How to improve: To strengthen this criterion further, consider providing more diverse examples or exploring each point in greater depth. For example, elaborating on specific species or case studies could enrich the discussion on ecological balance and economic benefits.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively stays on topic by focusing on the protection of wild animals and birds throughout. It discusses various aspects of why wildlife protection is crucial without deviating into unrelated topics.
- How to improve: Maintain this focus by ensuring that every paragraph and example directly relates to the central theme of wildlife protection. Avoid introducing new ideas or arguments that do not directly contribute to the discussion of the essay prompt.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong command of the topic with well-developed arguments and clear organization. To improve further, the writer could consider incorporating counterarguments briefly and deepening the exploration of examples provided. This would enrich the essay’s depth and complexity, potentially elevating it to an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction stating the author’s stance, followed by body paragraphs presenting reasons supporting this stance. Each paragraph presents a distinct argument, with clear topic sentences. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the importance of wild animals and birds in maintaining ecosystem balance, while the subsequent paragraphs elaborate on their economic value and contributions to scientific research. Finally, the conclusion reaffirms the author’s position. However, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, carefully review the order of arguments to ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. Topic sentences are present in each paragraph, guiding the reader through the essay’s structure. However, some paragraphs could be further developed to enhance clarity and coherence. For instance, the paragraph discussing the economic value of wildlife could benefit from additional examples or statistics to support the argument.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraphs by providing more detailed examples, evidence, or analysis to support each argument. Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including transitional words and phrases (e.g., "first of all," "furthermore," "in conclusion"). These devices help to signal the progression of ideas and create coherence within paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of cohesive devices used. Additionally, some transitions could be smoother to enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: Increase the diversity of cohesive devices used, including conjunctions, transitional adverbs, and pronouns. Additionally, focus on creating seamless transitions between sentences and paragraphs to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay. Consider using parallel structure and repetition strategically to reinforce key points and improve clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with the author employing diverse terms such as "paramount importance," "ecosystems," "ecotourism sector," "scientific research," "advancements," and "migratory birds." These terms are effectively integrated into the essay, enhancing its lexical richness.
- How to improve: To further elevate the lexical resource, consider incorporating more nuanced vocabulary to convey ideas with greater precision. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "importance," explore synonyms like "significance," "vitality," or "cruciality" where appropriate. Additionally, integrating domain-specific terminology related to wildlife conservation and ecological sciences could enrich the essay’s vocabulary further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, accurately conveying ideas and concepts. For instance, terms like "ecotourism sector" and "venoms of certain snakes" are used precisely to articulate specific aspects of the argument. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, in the phrase "overinvestment in wildlife’s protection," specifying the nature of overinvestment or utilizing a more nuanced term could enhance precision.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive to select vocabulary that precisely captures the intended meaning. Avoid using vague terms or overly general expressions. Instead, opt for words and phrases that succinctly convey the intended message. Consider refining phrases where ambiguity may arise to ensure clarity and precision in expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally satisfactory, with minimal errors observed. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors occur, such as "wildelife’s" (wildlife’s) and "overpopulation" (over-population). These errors do not significantly detract from the overall readability of the essay but should be addressed to uphold a consistently high standard of written English.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider employing spell-checking tools or proofreading techniques to identify and rectify any misspellings. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling rules and patterns to minimize errors. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help catch any overlooked spelling mistakes and ensure polished written communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is effective use of transitional phrases to connect ideas and maintain coherence. For instance, the author utilizes introductory phrases like "First of all" and "Furthermore" to signal the organization of ideas. Complex sentences, such as "Since they may have unique traits and abilities, they can help to develop new treatments and therapies for various diseases," exhibit a higher level of syntactic complexity.
- How to improve: To further enhance the variety of structures, the author could incorporate more complex sentence constructions, such as conditional sentences or sentences with embedded clauses. Varying the lengths of sentences can also add dynamism to the essay’s flow. Additionally, employing rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion can enrich the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor grammatical errors occur, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("the loss of them can have far-reaching consequences") and article usage ("overinvestment in wildelife’s protection"). Punctuation usage is generally appropriate, though there are occasional inconsistencies, like missing commas after introductory phrases ("First of all," "Furthermore,") and inconsistent hyphenation ("ecotourism sector- a growing industry").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the author should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Proofreading the essay carefully for such errors before submission is advisable. Consistent hyphenation and punctuation usage should also be ensured throughout the essay. Engaging with grammar resources or seeking feedback from peers can assist in refining these skills.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a satisfactory range of sentence structures, contributing to its effective communication of ideas. With attention to detail and continued practice, the author can further enhance their writing proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, there has been an escalating debate about the allocation of resources and attention to wildlife preservation. I firmly believe that the protection of wild animals and birds is of paramount importance based on the following reasons.

First and foremost, wild animals and birds are crucial components of natural habitats and human life. These species play a vital role in maintaining the balance of ecosystems. If certain species become endangered, their loss can have widespread consequences, potentially leading to the collapse of entire ecosystems. For instance, the disappearance of a single predator can result in the overpopulation of prey species, causing detrimental effects on plant life and disrupting the ecological balance.

Additionally, owing to their significance, wild animals and birds can make substantial contributions to a nation’s economy, particularly within the growing ecotourism sector. Many countries rely on this sector to generate revenue and create jobs, investing in attractions such as zoos and wildlife safaris to promote tourism.

Another reason for the importance of wildlife lies in their potential as resources for scientific research and medical advancements. Due to their unique traits and abilities, they can aid in the development of new treatments and therapies for various diseases. For example, certain snake venoms can be utilized in the creation of life-saving medications for humans. Moreover, migratory birds contribute to a better understanding of navigation and climate change, aiding scientists in their research efforts.

In conclusion, I disagree with the notion of overinvestment in wildlife protection based on the aforementioned reasons. Wild animals and birds deserve the attention and resources they receive, as they play indispensable roles in both natural ecosystems and human society.