Some people say that what individuals do to protect can not make difference, others say that individuals can protect the environment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

While some individuals believe that what a single person does is not able to make an impact, others think that people can preserve the environment. This essay discusses both sides of the argument and explains why I believe if individuals take action, it will make a big difference.

Some people assume that individuals' actions can not have an influence on the environment. The main source of pollutants is from the industrial sector. There is a large number of industries that release exhaust fumes and untreated chemicals into the air, water, and land. A clear example of this is the Fomosha factory, which dumped thousands of tons of pollutants into the sea, which led to a severe condition in Vietnam some years ago. As a result, this is the government that has the responsibility to handle the problems by implementing strict laws to prevent such situations.

However, others believe that individuals can take some measures to keep the environment clean. This is humans who are to blame for the pollution. They have been doing a lot of activities that affect the environment negatively such as using vehicles, littering, and manufacturing their products. Consequently, the environment has deteriorated due to human activities. Therefore, if the people's awareness is raised, the situation will become better. In particular, business owners should have effective treatment systems before releasing harmful chemicals into the environment. As a result, the environment will gradually improve due to this measurement.
In conclusion, I believe that both sides of the argument have merits. However, overall, I think that the environment can be protected by the actions of each individual.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"what a single person does is not able to make an impact" -> "the actions of an individual are incapable of making a significant impact"
Explanation: The original phrase is slightly informal and lacks precision. Replacing it with "the actions of an individual are incapable of making a significant impact" maintains formality and clarity while expressing the same idea more precisely.
"people can preserve the environment" -> "individuals can contribute to environmental preservation"
Explanation: The term "preserve" implies maintaining something in its existing state, whereas "contribute to environmental preservation" emphasizes active involvement in protecting the environment. This replacement is more accurate and formal.
"Some people assume" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Assume" is less formal and implies a passive acceptance of a belief, while "contend" suggests a more assertive stance. Using "contend" elevates the tone and aligns with academic writing standards.
"can not" -> "cannot"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the standard contraction of "can not" in formal writing, ensuring consistency and adherence to academic style.
"the main source of pollutants is from the industrial sector" -> "the primary source of pollutants stems from industrial activities"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality while maintaining the same meaning. "Stems from industrial activities" is a more sophisticated phrase than "is from the industrial sector."
"There is a large number of industries" -> "Numerous industries"
Explanation: "There is a large number of" is verbose. "Numerous industries" is concise and maintains formality.
"As a result, this is the government that has the responsibility to handle the problems by implementing strict laws" -> "Consequently, it is the government’s responsibility to address these issues by enacting stringent regulations"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks precision and uses passive voice. The suggested alternative is more direct and employs active voice, enhancing clarity and formality.
"However, others believe" -> "Alternatively, proponents argue"
Explanation: "However, others believe" is informal and lacks specificity. "Alternatively, proponents argue" introduces a contrasting viewpoint in a more formal manner.
"This is humans who are to blame for the pollution" -> "Humans bear responsibility for environmental pollution"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically awkward and informal. "Humans bear responsibility for environmental pollution" is more concise and formal.
"have been doing a lot of activities" -> "have engaged in various activities"
Explanation: "Have been doing a lot of activities" is colloquial and lacks precision. "Have engaged in various activities" is more formal and specific.
"the environment has deteriorated due to human activities" -> "human activities have led to environmental degradation"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality while maintaining the same meaning. "Led to environmental degradation" is a more sophisticated phrase than "has deteriorated."
"people’s awareness is raised" -> "public awareness is heightened"
Explanation: "People’s awareness is raised" is somewhat informal. "Public awareness is heightened" is more formal and maintains clarity.
"As a result, the environment will gradually improve due to this measurement." -> "Consequently, the environment will gradually improve as a result of these measures."
Explanation: "This measurement" is vague and lacks clarity. "These measures" is more specific and maintains formality. Also, "due to" is replaced with "as a result of" for better formal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument as presented in the prompt. It discusses the perspective that individuals cannot make a difference, citing industrial pollution as a significant source of environmental harm, and it also acknowledges the viewpoint that individuals can indeed contribute to environmental protection by changing their behaviors. The concluding opinion is clearly stated, affirming the belief that individual actions can impact the environment positively.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both perspectives, a more nuanced exploration of each viewpoint could enhance the depth of analysis. Providing additional examples or evidence to support the argument that individuals can make a difference, despite industrial pollution, would strengthen the essay’s comprehensiveness.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by expressing the belief that individuals can contribute to environmental protection. This stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, providing consistency and clarity for the reader.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly supports the chosen position. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each argument or example back to the overarching stance on individual impact on the environment.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing both perspectives and providing examples such as industrial pollution and individual behaviors. However, the development of these ideas could be further extended to provide deeper analysis and insight into the complexities of the issue.
- How to improve: To extend and support ideas, consider elaborating on the consequences of individual actions on the environment beyond pollution, such as resource conservation or sustainable practices. Additionally, integrating relevant statistics or research findings could add credibility and depth to the argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the question of whether individuals can make a difference in protecting the environment. However, there are moments where the focus slightly shifts, such as discussing government responsibility in handling industrial pollution.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all examples and discussions directly relate to the central theme of individual impact on the environment. Avoid tangential discussions, such as governmental responsibilities, unless directly relevant to supporting the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments for both perspectives while maintaining a clear stance. To improve, focus on providing more in-depth analysis, strengthening the connection between ideas, and ensuring consistency in maintaining the central theme throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument in a clear and organized manner. It begins with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views and states the writer’s opinion. Each viewpoint is then discussed in separate paragraphs, with supporting examples provided for each. The essay concludes by summarizing the main points and restating the writer’s opinion.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider providing a stronger transition between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, expanding on the counterarguments and providing more detailed explanations could strengthen the coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure the discussion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, with clear topic sentences introducing the main idea. The paragraphs are adequately developed with supporting details and examples.
- How to improve: While the paragraphs are well-structured, varying the length and complexity of sentences within each paragraph could improve readability and maintain the reader’s interest. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a coherent focus on its main idea to avoid potential confusion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Transition words and phrases such as "while," "however," and "in conclusion" are used effectively to indicate shifts between different viewpoints and to summarize key points. Additionally, pronouns and demonstrative adjectives are utilized to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, enhancing overall coherence.
- How to improve: To further enrich cohesion, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, such as synonyms, parallel structures, and repetition of key terms, to reinforce connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to facilitate a smoother flow of thought and improve overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "impact," "pollutants," "exhaust fumes," "untreated chemicals," "deteriorated," and "awareness." However, there’s a scope for more varied and nuanced vocabulary to enrich the discussion further. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "environment," the writer could employ synonyms like "ecosystem," "biosphere," or "natural habitat" to add depth to the analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more specialized vocabulary related to environmental issues. Additionally, explore synonyms and alternative expressions to avoid repetition and elevate the sophistication of the language. For instance, instead of "keep the environment clean," consider using "preserve environmental integrity" or "maintain ecological balance."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally precise usage of vocabulary. For example, terms like "exhaust fumes," "pollutants," and "harmful chemicals" accurately convey specific concepts related to environmental degradation. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "the situation will become better" lacks specificity and could be replaced with a more precise descriptor such as "environmental conditions will ameliorate."
- How to improve: Aim for precision by selecting vocabulary that precisely conveys the intended meaning. Review each term used in the essay and consider if there are more exact or nuanced alternatives available. Utilize specific terminology relevant to environmental science and policy to strengthen the analysis and demonstrate a deep understanding of the subject matter.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors observed. However, there are a few minor issues, such as "Fomosha" (possibly intended as a fictional example, but could be clearer with proper capitalization and punctuation) and "measurement" instead of "measure."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully before submission to catch any minor errors. Additionally, utilize spell-checking tools and resources to identify and correct spelling mistakes effectively. Pay close attention to proper nouns and technical terms to ensure accuracy and consistency throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, incorporating simple, compound, and complex sentences. Simple sentences like "This essay discusses both sides of the argument" are used alongside compound sentences such as "However, others believe that individuals can take some measures to keep the environment clean." Additionally, complex sentences like "There is a large number of industries that release exhaust fumes and untreated chemicals into the air, water, and land" showcase the ability to construct more intricate ideas. While the variety is commendable, there is room for improvement in terms of using more sophisticated sentence structures to further enhance coherence and clarity.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating compound-complex sentences or using rhetorical devices like parallelism and inversion. For instance, instead of solely relying on simple subject-verb-object constructions, try integrating phrases and clauses to create more dynamic sentences. This will not only elevate the essay’s sophistication but also improve its readability and engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies that detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the writing. For example, in the sentence "This is humans who are to blame for the pollution," the article "is" should be pluralized to "are" to match the subject "humans." Additionally, there is a missing comma after the introductory phrase "In particular" in the sentence "In particular, business owners should have effective treatment systems before releasing harmful chemicals into the environment." These errors, albeit minor, slightly impede the essay’s effectiveness in conveying its message.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation precision, it’s advisable to conduct thorough proofreading and revision. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation rules. Utilize grammar checkers and style guides to identify and rectify any errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to gain insights into areas needing improvement and implement targeted practice exercises to reinforce grammatical concepts and punctuation conventions.

Bài sửa mẫu

While some individuals contend that the actions of an individual are incapable of making a significant impact on environmental preservation, others argue that individuals can contribute to environmental preservation. This essay will discuss both viewpoints and provide reasons why I believe individuals’ actions can indeed make a substantial difference.

Some individuals argue that individuals cannot significantly influence the environment. The primary source of pollutants stems from industrial activities. Numerous industries release exhaust fumes and untreated chemicals into the air, water, and land. For instance, the Fomosha factory dumped thousands of tons of pollutants into the sea, causing severe environmental damage in Vietnam some years ago. Consequently, it is the government’s responsibility to address these issues by enacting stringent regulations to prevent such occurrences.

Alternatively, proponents argue that humans bear responsibility for environmental pollution. Individuals have engaged in various activities such as using vehicles, littering, and manufacturing products, all of which have led to environmental degradation. Consequently, heightened public awareness is crucial. If people are made more aware, they can take measures to mitigate their impact on the environment. For instance, business owners should implement effective treatment systems to manage harmful chemicals before releasing them into the environment. Consequently, the environment will gradually improve as a result of these measures.

In conclusion, while both perspectives have valid points, I believe that individuals can indeed play a significant role in protecting the environment through their actions.