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Some people suggest that the government should spend money putting more works of art like paintings and statues into towns and cities to make them attractive places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people suggest that the government should spend money putting more works of art like paintings and statues into towns and cities to make them attractive places.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A suggestion from various individuals is that the government should allocate funding to display more artworks such as paintings and statues in towns and cities for the sake of enhancing their attraction toward visitors. From my perspective, I firmly disagree with this school of thought.
One may argue that using paintings and statues to beautify cities and towns’ sceneries is beneficial in improving their appeal. This is driven by a theory that having numerous artworks may attract visitors, especially foreign people, and leave an unforgettable impression on them about the visited country. For example, Thailand’s Buddhist statues such as Wat Pho in Bangkok, have captivated numerous tourists to its cities annually. However, solely relying on the quantity of artworks may not be the sole determinant in the development of a country's tourism. In the case of Thailand, which has been bound up with Buddhism for many generations, the construction of such statues mainly derives from their religion, which is a factor beyond mere quantity that significantly contributes to the appeal of these artworks. So indiscriminate construction or displaying of such works may be unnecessary if their roots do not stem from certain reasons like religious beliefs and historical events.
To add further credence to my assertion, it's essential to recognize that the appeal of a city or town extends beyond artworks; crucial factors like infrastructure should be prioritized. To illustrate, Dubai with its Burj Khalifa, the world's tallest tower, has not only drawn millions of visitors but also entrepreneurs. So, instead of keeping sorely doling money out to artworks, governments may prioritize infrastructure that directly impacts the quality of life and functionality of a city. This, in turn, enhances the country's appeal, attracting businesses and individuals seeking improved living conditions. Therefore, while the display of such works may attract visitors, well-developed infrastructure has the capacity to captivate a broader audience, ranging from tourists to professionals seeking opportunities for both work and residence.
In conclusion, despite the function of enhancing cities and towns’ landscapes, works of art may need to derive from certain senses. In addition, improving infrastructure appears to be more beneficial in enhancing cities and towns’ attractiveness. Considering these factors, I believe that putting more works of art is unnecessary.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "A suggestion from various individuals is that the government should allocate funding to display more artworks such as paintings and statues in towns and cities for the sake of enhancing their attraction toward visitors."
    -> "A proposal from various experts suggests that the government allocate funds to exhibit a diverse range of artworks, including paintings and statues, in towns and cities to enhance their appeal to visitors."
    Explanation: Replacing "suggestion" with "proposal" and rephrasing the sentence for clarity and formality. Also, using "experts" adds a more authoritative tone.

  2. "From my perspective, I firmly disagree with this school of thought."
    -> "In my opinion, I strongly disagree with this viewpoint."
    Explanation: Replacing "school of thought" with "viewpoint" and adjusting the wording for a more formal expression of disagreement.

  3. "One may argue that using paintings and statues to beautify cities and towns’ sceneries is beneficial in improving their appeal."
    -> "It may be argued that employing paintings and statues to enhance the aesthetic appeal of cities and towns is advantageous."
    Explanation: Enhancing formality by replacing "beautify" with "enhance the aesthetic appeal" and using a more structured sentence.

  4. "This is driven by a theory that having numerous artworks may attract visitors, especially foreign people, and leave an unforgettable impression on them about the visited country."
    -> "This is based on the premise that a proliferation of artworks can attract visitors, particularly international tourists, and create a lasting impression of the visited country."
    Explanation: Substituting "theory" with "premise" for a more formal term, and restructuring the sentence for clarity and precision.

  5. "For example, Thailand’s Buddhist statues such as Wat Pho in Bangkok, have captivated numerous tourists to its cities annually."
    -> "For instance, Thailand’s Buddhist statues, exemplified by Wat Pho in Bangkok, have annually captivated a substantial number of tourists to its cities."
    Explanation: Refining the sentence for clarity, specifying the example, and using "exemplified" for a more academic tone.

  6. "However, solely relying on the quantity of artworks may not be the sole determinant in the development of a country’s tourism."
    -> "Nevertheless, depending solely on the quantity of artworks may not be the primary determinant in the advancement of a country’s tourism."
    Explanation: Replacing repetitive use of "sole" with "primary" for variety and formality.

  7. "So indiscriminate construction or displaying of such works may be unnecessary if their roots do not stem from certain reasons like religious beliefs and historical events."
    -> "Therefore, indiscriminate construction or display of such works may be unwarranted if their origins do not trace back to specific factors such as religious beliefs and historical events."
    Explanation: Enhancing clarity and formality by using "unwarranted" instead of "unnecessary" and rephrasing for precision.

  8. "To add further credence to my assertion, it’s essential to recognize that the appeal of a city or town extends beyond artworks; crucial factors like infrastructure should be prioritized."
    -> "To lend additional support to my assertion, it is crucial to acknowledge that the appeal of a city or town goes beyond artworks; essential factors such as infrastructure should take precedence."
    Explanation: Substituting "add further credence" with "lend additional support" and rephrasing for formality and precision.

  9. "So, instead of keeping sorely doling money out to artworks, governments may prioritize infrastructure that directly impacts the quality of life and functionality of a city."
    -> "Therefore, rather than merely allocating funds to artworks, governments should prioritize investing in infrastructure that directly influences the quality of life and functionality of a city."
    Explanation: Replacing colloquial phrases like "keeping sorely doling money out" with more formal language for academic writing.

  10. "This, in turn, enhances the country’s appeal, attracting businesses and individuals seeking improved living conditions."
    -> "Consequently, this enhances the country’s allure, attracting businesses and individuals in pursuit of enhanced living conditions."
    Explanation: Substituting "appeal" with "allure" for a more sophisticated term, and refining the wording for clarity and formality.

  11. "In conclusion, despite the function of enhancing cities and towns’ landscapes, works of art may need to derive from certain senses."
    -> "In conclusion, while art has a role in enhancing the landscapes of cities and towns, it is essential that artworks have meaningful roots."
    Explanation: Clarifying the expression and avoiding ambiguity in the use of "certain senses."

  12. "Considering these factors, I believe that putting more works of art is unnecessary."
    -> "Considering these factors, I assert that the addition of more artworks is unnecessary."
    Explanation: Using "assert" for a stronger expression and refining the wording for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the idea of government spending on artworks in towns and cities to enhance their attractiveness. The stance is clear throughout the essay, presenting a viewpoint that firmly disagrees with the suggestion. The essay consistently focuses on the relationship between artworks, tourism, and infrastructure.
    • How to improve: The essay does well in addressing all parts of the question. To enhance comprehensiveness, consider exploring potential counterarguments briefly and refuting them to strengthen the overall argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The position is clear and maintained throughout the essay. The introduction clearly states the disagreement with the idea of government spending on artworks, and this stance is consistently upheld in subsequent paragraphs. The use of phrases like "firmly disagree" reinforces the clarity of the position.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that reinforces the overall stance. This will provide a clear roadmap for the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently and supports them with relevant examples. The discussion on Thailand’s Buddhist statues and Dubai’s Burj Khalifa effectively illustrates the points made. Each idea is extended and logically connected to the overall argument.
    • How to improve: While the examples provided are strong, consider adding more depth to the analysis by discussing the potential impact of government spending on artworks in a broader context, perhaps looking at examples from different countries or historical periods.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the government spending on artworks to enhance cities and towns’ attractiveness. However, there is a brief mention of "improving infrastructure," which slightly deviates from the main topic. While this point is relevant, it could be connected more explicitly to the overall argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain a more focused discussion, explicitly tie the mention of improving infrastructure back to the central argument of the essay, emphasizing how it relates to the overall theme of government spending on artworks.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, presents a clear position, and supports ideas effectively. To enhance the essay further, consider refining the organization of ideas and providing more nuanced analysis in certain areas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization by presenting a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against the suggestion, and each body paragraph discusses a specific aspect of the argument. The flow of ideas is smooth and sequential, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the logical organization is generally strong, consider strengthening transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence. Use transition words or phrases to guide the reader seamlessly from one point to the next.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to clarity and coherence. The structure within paragraphs is well-maintained, with a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
    • How to improve: Continue to maintain the effective paragraph structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, and consider varying sentence structures for added fluency.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. For instance, phrases like "One may argue" and "To add further credence" contribute to the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To further enhance cohesion, experiment with a wider range of cohesive devices. Introduce synonyms for repeated terms and consider using more advanced transitional phrases to elevate the sophistication of the essay’s language.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To enhance further, focus on refining transitions, maintaining effective paragraph structures, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices for a more nuanced expression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing diverse words and phrases throughout. For instance, the writer employs a variety of terms to convey the idea of enhancing a place’s appeal (e.g., "beautify," "sceneries," "appeal," "attractiveness"). The essay also includes specific examples such as "Wat Pho in Bangkok" and "Burj Khalifa" to support the arguments.
    • How to improve: To further enrich the vocabulary, consider incorporating more synonyms and nuanced expressions. Additionally, ensure that the chosen vocabulary aligns precisely with the intended meaning. For instance, in the phrase "the development of a country’s tourism," consider alternatives like "the advancement of a nation’s tourism."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision; however, there are instances where the meaning could be more exact. For example, the phrase "the construction of such statues mainly derives from their religion" might benefit from a more precise term than "derives," such as "is rooted in" or "is influenced by." This would enhance clarity and specificity.
    • How to improve: Review the essay for opportunities to replace general terms with more specific and accurate vocabulary. Pay attention to instances where a more precise word can convey the intended meaning more effectively. In this case, choosing words that explicitly convey the connection between the construction of statues and religious beliefs can enhance precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy. There are no major spelling errors that significantly detract from the overall quality of the writing. However, it is crucial to remain vigilant in proofreading to maintain this standard.
    • How to improve: Continue to prioritize thorough proofreading to catch any potential spelling errors. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar check tools to enhance accuracy further. As a good practice, focus on common problematic areas, such as homophones, and ensure consistency in the spelling of terms throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resources, with the potential for further enhancement through nuanced vocabulary choices and meticulous proofreading.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. It incorporates various sentence types, including complex sentences and compound sentences. For instance, the essay uses complex sentences like, "For example, Thailand’s Buddhist statues such as Wat Pho in Bangkok have captivated numerous tourists to its cities annually."
    • How to improve: While the variety is good, consider experimenting with more advanced structures to further elevate the complexity and sophistication of the essay. Introduce conditional sentences, inverted sentences, or rhetorical devices to enhance expressiveness.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally high level of grammatical accuracy. Complex sentences are handled adeptly, and there are minimal grammatical errors throughout the essay. One example of accurate grammar is, "This, in turn, enhances the country’s appeal, attracting businesses and individuals seeking improved living conditions."
    • How to improve: Maintain this high level of accuracy by paying attention to subject-verb agreement and ensuring consistency in verb tenses. Review sentences for potential ambiguity, especially in more complex structures.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is used effectively to convey the intended meaning. Commas, semicolons, and colons are appropriately deployed. For instance, "So, instead of keeping sorely doling money out to artworks, governments may prioritize infrastructure that directly impacts the quality of life."
    • How to improve: While the punctuation is generally accurate, ensure consistency in punctuation usage, especially with complex sentences. Consider integrating dashes or parentheses to add variety. Review the use of commas within complex sentences to prevent potential confusion.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. To further improve, focus on introducing even more sophisticated sentence structures, maintaining a high level of grammatical accuracy, and ensuring consistency in punctuation usage. Overall, the essay is well-constructed and effectively conveys the author’s viewpoint.

Bài sửa mẫu

The suggestion has been made that governments should invest funds in displaying more artworks like paintings and statues in towns and cities to make them more appealing to visitors. In my view, I strongly disagree with this idea.

It might be argued that using paintings and statues to enhance the beauty of cities and towns can make them more attractive. This is based on the belief that having many artworks could draw in visitors, especially those from other countries, and leave a lasting impression about the visited nation. For instance, Thailand’s Buddhist statues, such as those found in Wat Pho in Bangkok, have yearly attracted a significant number of tourists to its cities. However, relying solely on the quantity of artworks might not be the main factor in boosting a country’s tourism. In the case of Thailand, where Buddhism has deep roots, the creation of such statues is mainly rooted in their religion, which goes beyond just having many artworks and significantly adds to their appeal. Therefore, thoughtlessly creating or displaying such artworks may not be necessary if they don’t have meaningful connections like religious or historical significance.

To further support my argument, it’s crucial to understand that a city or town’s appeal goes beyond just artworks; essential aspects like infrastructure should take precedence. For example, Dubai, with its Burj Khalifa, the world’s tallest tower, has attracted not only millions of visitors but also entrepreneurs. Hence, instead of simply investing in artworks, governments should prioritize infrastructure that directly impacts the quality of life and functionality of a city. This ultimately enhances the country’s attractiveness, drawing both businesses and individuals seeking better living conditions.

In conclusion, although art plays a role in improving the landscapes of cities and towns, it’s important that artworks have meaningful significance. Additionally, investing in infrastructure seems more advantageous in enhancing the attractiveness of cities and towns. Considering these points, I believe that adding more artworks might not be necessary.

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