Some people think all lawbreakers should be put into prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

One school of thought holds the belief that incarcerating lawbreakers is significant. Although i acknowledge the justifications behind this thought, i would contend that permitting offenders to work is a superior option.

On the one hand, it is understandable that imprisoning offenders can be advantageous. This can undoubtedly reduce social unrest. Since these lawbreakers have committed numerous unforgivable and notorious actions in their past, capturing them can assist in facilitating the security of society, thereby fostering a sense of safety within the community.

On the other hand, allowing prisoners to work can also offer several merits. First of all, while acknowledging that restricting offenders inside prison can nurture a sense of security among society, neglecting the talents that could significantly contribute to the community potentially hinders the enhancement of various facets. Therefore, instead of applying imprisonment as the only punishment, other types of penalties can be put into practice, such as partaking in public benefit activities. Furthermore, this approach can also improve the level of integration. Allowing offenders to interact with ordinary people and vice versa can foster a sense of empathy and community. As both sides interact and comprehend each other's stories, people can become more empathetic and understanding towards offenders' actions, making it easier for prisoners to reintegrate into society after their imprisonment.

In conclusion, while imprisoning offenders can provide societal security and reduce social unrest, benefits of allowing prisoners to work totally outweigh the former opinion . By enabling offenders to contribute to society through work and community interaction, not only does it potentially reduce recidivism, but it also fosters empathy

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"One school of thought holds the belief that incarcerating lawbreakers is significant." -> "One perspective maintains that imprisoning offenders is crucial."
Explanation: Replacing "One school of thought holds the belief that" with "One perspective maintains that" refines the phrase to a more academic tone. "Imprisoning offenders" is more precise than "incarcerating lawbreakers," and "crucial" is more specific than "significant" in the context of importance.
"Although i acknowledge" -> "Although I acknowledge"
Explanation: Capitalizing "I" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone of the essay.
"i would contend" -> "I would contend"
Explanation: Capitalizing "I" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.
"permitting offenders to work is a superior option" -> "allowing offenders to work is a preferable option"
Explanation: "Allowing" is more precise than "permitting" in this context, and "preferable" is a more formal synonym for "superior."
"This can undoubtedly reduce social unrest." -> "This undoubtedly reduces social unrest."
Explanation: Changing "can" to "reduces" corrects the verb tense to match the present context, enhancing the sentence’s clarity and formality.
"capturing them can assist in facilitating" -> "capturing them assists in facilitating"
Explanation: Changing "can assist" to "assists" corrects the verb tense to match the present context, improving the sentence’s grammatical accuracy.
"neglecting the talents that could significantly contribute" -> "overlooking the talents that could significantly contribute"
Explanation: "Overlooking" is a more precise term than "neglecting" in this context, emphasizing the act of failing to recognize or utilize the talents.
"partaking in public benefit activities" -> "participating in public benefit activities"
Explanation: "Participating" is the correct term for actively taking part in activities, whereas "partaking" is less commonly used and can be confusing.
"allowing offenders to work can also offer several merits" -> "allowing offenders to work also offers several benefits"
Explanation: "Offers" corrects the verb tense to match the present context, and "benefits" is a more formal synonym for "merits."
"neglecting the talents that could significantly contribute" -> "overlooking the talents that could significantly contribute"
Explanation: See explanation for point 6.
"benefits of allowing prisoners to work totally outweigh the former opinion" -> "the benefits of allowing prisoners to work significantly outweigh the former perspective"
Explanation: "Significantly" is more precise than "totally," and "perspective" is a more formal term than "opinion" in this context.
"By enabling offenders to contribute to society through work and community interaction" -> "By enabling offenders to contribute to society through work and community engagement"
Explanation: "Engagement" is a more formal and precise term than "interaction" in this context, emphasizing the active participation of offenders in community activities.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the incarceration of lawbreakers and the consideration of alternatives. The first paragraph introduces the topic and acknowledges the perspective that imprisonment is significant. The essay then discusses the advantages of imprisonment, such as reducing social unrest and enhancing community safety. Conversely, it presents the alternative view that allowing offenders to work has merits, including community integration and empathy-building. However, while both views are discussed, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the arguments for imprisonment, as it leans slightly towards the alternative view without fully elaborating on the implications of the first perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics supporting the benefits of imprisonment, such as its effectiveness in deterring crime or protecting society. Additionally, a more detailed exploration of the potential downsides of imprisonment could provide a more nuanced discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that favors alternatives to imprisonment, particularly the idea of allowing offenders to work. The use of phrases like "I would contend that permitting offenders to work is a superior option" clearly states the author’s stance. However, the transition between discussing both views and the author’s opinion could be smoother, as the shift might confuse readers about the overall position.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could use more explicit transitional phrases when moving from discussing the opposing view to presenting their own opinion. For example, stating "Despite the benefits of imprisonment, I believe that…" would reinforce the author’s position and enhance the logical flow of the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly regarding the benefits of allowing offenders to work. It effectively extends these ideas by discussing how community interaction can foster empathy and understanding. However, the support for these claims could be strengthened. For instance, the mention of "public benefit activities" is a good start, but it lacks specific examples or elaboration on what these activities entail and how they contribute to societal benefits.
- How to improve: To better support ideas, the author should provide concrete examples or case studies of successful rehabilitation programs that allow offenders to work. Additionally, including counterarguments or addressing potential criticisms of the alternative approach would deepen the analysis and demonstrate critical thinking.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the discussion of imprisonment versus alternatives. However, there are moments where the argument could stray slightly, particularly in the discussion of empathy and community integration, which, while relevant, could be more tightly linked to the core argument about alternatives to imprisonment.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly ties back to the central question of whether lawbreakers should be imprisoned or offered alternatives. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each argument back to the implications for lawbreakers and society, thereby reinforcing the relevance of each point made.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in the areas of balance, clarity, support, and focus, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally organized logically, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the prompt. For instance, the first body paragraph outlines the advantages of imprisonment, while the second discusses the merits of allowing offenders to work. However, the transition between the two perspectives could be smoother, as the connection between the arguments is somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits of imprisonment, a phrase like "Conversely" or "In contrast" can help signal the shift to the alternative viewpoint. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can further clarify the main idea being discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, the second body paragraph is quite lengthy and contains multiple ideas that could be more effectively communicated if broken down into smaller paragraphs. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider splitting the second body paragraph into two: one focusing on the benefits of allowing offenders to work and the other on the potential for community integration. This would not only enhance clarity but also allow for a more thorough discussion of each point, making the argument more compelling.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," to contrast ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the transition from discussing societal security to the potential contributions of offenders lacks a cohesive link, making the argument feel disjointed.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover" to add information, "However" to introduce contrasting ideas, and "Consequently" to indicate results. Additionally, ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next by using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "incarcerating," "unforgivable," "facilitating," and "recidivism" showcasing the writer’s ability to use more advanced language. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the repeated use of "offenders" could be replaced with synonyms like "criminals" or "lawbreakers" to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and expressions throughout the essay. This could involve using a thesaurus to find alternative words that fit the context better and practicing writing sentences that use these varied terms.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "numerous unforgivable and notorious actions" could be seen as vague; "unforgivable" is a strong term that may not accurately describe all lawbreaking actions, which can vary in severity. Additionally, the phrase "nurture a sense of security" could be better expressed as "enhance" or "promote" security, as "nurture" typically refers to development rather than security.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on selecting words that convey the intended meaning more clearly. This can be achieved by reviewing the context in which words are used and ensuring that they align with the specific ideas being expressed. Engaging in exercises that involve paraphrasing sentences can also help in honing precise vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "i" instead of "I" and "totally outweigh" where "totally" could be seen as informal. These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing. The use of lowercase "i" at the beginning of a sentence is particularly noteworthy as it reflects a lack of attention to detail.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can build confidence and reduce mistakes in future essays.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, but there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, phrases such as "Although I acknowledge the justifications behind this thought, I would contend that permitting offenders to work is a superior option" effectively showcase a complex structure. Additionally, the use of transitional phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" helps to organize the argument clearly. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as starting multiple sentences with "This" or "Allowing," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could experiment with different ways to begin sentences, such as using adverbial phrases or varying the subject. For instance, instead of starting with "This can undoubtedly reduce social unrest," the writer might say, "Reducing social unrest is undoubtedly a benefit of imprisoning offenders." Incorporating more varied sentence openings and structures will make the writing more engaging and sophisticated.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that affect clarity and professionalism. For instance, the phrase "i acknowledge" should capitalize the "I." Additionally, the sentence "the benefits of allowing prisoners to work totally outweigh the former opinion" lacks clarity; "totally" is an informal adverb that could be replaced with a more formal alternative, such as "significantly." There are also minor punctuation issues, such as the missing comma before "and vice versa" in the sentence discussing community interaction.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch capitalization errors and ensure that all sentences are punctuated correctly. Additionally, using more formal language and avoiding colloquial terms will enhance the overall tone. For example, replacing "totally outweigh" with "significantly outweigh" would elevate the formality of the writing. Practicing grammar exercises focused on common errors and reviewing punctuation rules can also help strengthen these skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

One school of thought holds the belief that incarcerating lawbreakers is significant. Although I acknowledge the justifications behind this thought, I would contend that permitting offenders to work is a superior option.

On the one hand, it is understandable that imprisoning offenders can be advantageous. This can undoubtedly reduce social unrest. Since these lawbreakers have committed numerous unforgivable and notorious actions in their past, capturing them assists in facilitating the security of society, thereby fostering a sense of safety within the community.

On the other hand, allowing prisoners to work can also offer several merits. First of all, while acknowledging that restricting offenders inside prison can nurture a sense of security among society, overlooking the talents that could significantly contribute to the community potentially hinders the enhancement of various facets. Therefore, instead of applying imprisonment as the only punishment, other types of penalties can be put into practice, such as participating in public benefit activities. Furthermore, this approach can also improve the level of integration. Allowing offenders to interact with ordinary people and vice versa can foster a sense of empathy and community. As both sides interact and comprehend each other’s stories, people can become more empathetic and understanding towards offenders’ actions, making it easier for prisoners to reintegrate into society after their imprisonment.

In conclusion, while imprisoning offenders can provide societal security and reduce social unrest, the benefits of allowing prisoners to work significantly outweigh the former perspective. By enabling offenders to contribute to society through work and community engagement, not only does it potentially reduce recidivism, but it also fosters empathy.