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Some people think an international car-free day is an effective way of reducing air pollution, others think there are some other ways. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think an international car-free day is an effective way of reducing air pollution, others think there are some other ways. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is little room for doubt that deteriorating air quality is one of the alarming issues in this era. There have been a number of debates over the efficiency of car-free days in alleviating air pollution, while some claim that there are alternative approaches. This essay will give a detailed analysis of both these notions before drawing a conclusion.

At first, it is vital to note that huge amounts of exhaust vapors are chief contributors to air degradation. Having a day when cars are forbidden is an ideal method for curing the damaged global atmosphere, there will be a curbing harmful smoke release celebration taking place on a global scale, resulting in subsequent amelioration in the rate of air pollution. Not only does celebrating no-car Day improve the atmospheric condition but it also socially stimulates the environment awareness among citizens around the world. The practicality of car-free day can be perfectly measured when it is operated in major urban centers in the world. For instance, since this car-free policy took place in Beijing, the city which is known for its dirty air and its atmosphere covered with smog, the air condition of the city has greatly improved.

On the other side, there might be numerous methods that can be useful for air pollution dealing purposes. First, national governments should put more pressure on the tax policy of the fuel industry, the fossil fuel industry market suffers from high tax will be substituted by other renewable energy as the ubiquity of clean energy advancement trend, leading to the decreasing of non-renewable energy use. Second, encouraging the prevalence of public transport instead of private vehicles. Because of the private car use reduction, the atmosphere obviously benefits from the lower of toxic fumes, leading to the improvement of air quality.

In the light of the above analysis, all afford mentioned solutions made contribution to combating with carbon emission level trend. Different actions taken by people have distinct efficiency in curing the damaged air condition, furthermore every local government should be the pioneer in taking those actions and dealing with global atmosphere issues.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. “There is little room for doubt that deteriorating air quality is one of the alarming issues in this era.” -> “There is little room for doubt that deteriorating air quality is a pressing concern in this era.”
    Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains the sense of urgency while using more precise language and avoiding the informal word “alarming.”
  2. “Having a day when cars are forbidden is an ideal method for curing the damaged global atmosphere, there will be a curbing harmful smoke release celebration taking place on a global scale, resulting in subsequent amelioration in the rate of air pollution.” -> “Implementing car-free days is an effective approach to mitigating global air pollution. Such events curb harmful emissions on a global scale, leading to a subsequent improvement in air quality.”
    Explanation: The revised sentence removes informal language and awkward phrasing, making the content more academically suitable and easier to understand.
  3. “Not only does celebrating no-car Day improve the atmospheric condition but it also socially stimulates the environment awareness among citizens around the world.” -> “Celebrating ‘No-Car Day’ not only enhances atmospheric conditions but also fosters global environmental awareness among citizens.”
    Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains the formal tone, clarifies the message, and uses more precise vocabulary.
  4. “The practicality of car-free day can be perfectly measured when it is operated in major urban centers in the world.” -> “The feasibility of a car-free day can be accurately assessed when implemented in major urban centers worldwide.”
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains the formality and clarity of the original while using more advanced vocabulary.
  5. “since this car-free policy took place in Beijing, the city which is known for its dirty air and its atmosphere covered with smog, the air condition of the city has greatly improved.” -> “Since the implementation of the car-free policy in Beijing, a city known for its air pollution and smog-covered atmosphere, there has been a significant improvement in air quality.”
    Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a more detailed and academically appropriate description of the situation in Beijing.
  6. “On the other side, there might be numerous methods that can be useful for air pollution dealing purposes.” -> “On the other hand, there are several methods that can be beneficial in addressing air pollution.”
    Explanation: The revision replaces the informal phrase “air pollution dealing purposes” with a more formal and clear expression.
  7. “First, national governments should put more pressure on the tax policy of the fuel industry, the fossil fuel industry market suffers from high tax will be substituted by other renewable energy as the ubiquity of clean energy advancement trend, leading to the decreasing of non-renewable energy use.” -> “Firstly, national governments should exert greater regulatory pressure on the taxation of the fossil fuel industry. High taxation in the fossil fuel market can incentivize a transition to renewable energy sources, thereby reducing non-renewable energy consumption.”
    Explanation: The revised sentence clarifies the message, eliminates informal language, and uses more precise vocabulary.
  8. “Second, encouraging the prevalence of public transport instead of private vehicles. Because of the private car use reduction, the atmosphere obviously benefits from the lower of toxic fumes, leading to the improvement of air quality.” -> “Secondly, promoting the adoption of public transportation over private vehicles is paramount. Reducing private car usage significantly reduces toxic emissions, thereby contributing to improved air quality.”
    Explanation: The suggested alternative enhances clarity, maintains formality, and uses more appropriate vocabulary.
  9. “In the light of the above analysis, all afford mentioned solutions made contribution to combating with carbon emission level trend.” -> “In light of the aforementioned analysis, all of the solutions mentioned above contribute significantly to combating the trend of increasing carbon emissions.”
    Explanation: The revised sentence corrects grammar and uses more formal language, improving the overall tone and clarity.
  10. “Different actions taken by people have distinct efficiency in curing the damaged air condition, furthermore every local government should be the pioneer in taking those actions and dealing with global atmosphere issues.” -> “Various actions taken by individuals exhibit varying degrees of effectiveness in mitigating air pollution. Additionally, every local government should take a pioneering role in implementing these actions to address global environmental challenges.”
    Explanation: The suggested alternative clarifies the message, maintains formality, and uses more precise language.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

  1. Quoted text: “Having a day when cars are forbidden is an ideal method for curing the damaged global atmosphere, there will be a curbing harmful smoke release celebration taking place on a global scale, resulting in subsequent amelioration in the rate of air pollution.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This sentence is convoluted and lacks clarity. The idea behind a car-free day is presented, but it is not effectively linked to how it specifically reduces pollution. To improve, focus on a clear and concise explanation of how a car-free day directly impacts air pollution.
    • Improved example: “Implementing a car-free day globally is a significant step towards reducing air pollution. By temporarily eliminating vehicle emissions, this initiative directly contributes to lower levels of harmful pollutants in the air.”
  2. Quoted text: “For instance, since this car-free policy took place in Beijing, the city which is known for its dirty air and its atmosphere covered with smog, the air condition of the city has greatly improved.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This example lacks specific detail and seems to overgeneralize the impact of the car-free policy. Include more precise details or a clearer explanation of how the policy improved air quality in Beijing.
    • Improved example: “For example, the implementation of a car-free day in Beijing, a city previously plagued by smog, has led to a noticeable improvement in air quality. Measurements show a significant reduction in pollutants on these days.”
  3. Quoted text: “Different actions taken by people have distinct efficiency in curing the damaged air condition, furthermore every local government should be the pioneer in taking those actions and dealing with global atmosphere issues.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The conclusion is somewhat vague and lacks a clear, personal stance on the issue. It’s important to concisely summarize the arguments and state your own opinion more definitively.
    • Improved example: “While various actions by individuals and governments contribute to improving air quality, I believe that local governments should take the lead. By implementing policies like car-free days and promoting public transport, they can effectively address the issue of air pollution.”

Overall, the essay addresses the task and presents relevant ideas, but some parts lack focus and clear development. To improve, the writer should aim for more precision in their examples and clarity in their argumentation, especially in the conclusion.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonably strong level of coherence and cohesion, earning it a band score of 7.0. Here’s why:

  1. Logical Organization: The essay is logically organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. It follows a typical essay structure, making it easy to follow the progression of ideas.
  2. Clear Central Topic: Each paragraph presents a clear central topic related to the discussion of car-free days and alternative methods for reducing air pollution. This helps maintain clarity and focus within the essay.
  3. Cohesive Devices: The essay uses a range of cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas within and between sentences. Phrases like “At first,” “On the other side,” and “In the light of the above analysis” help guide the reader through the argument.
  4. Paragraphing: The essay generally uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
  5. Transition Phrases: The use of transition phrases like “First,” “Second,” and “Furthermore” further enhances the logical flow of the essay.

However, there are minor issues with the use of cohesive devices, as mentioned in the band descriptor. Some sentences could benefit from more precise and varied transitional words to improve cohesion further.

How to improve:
To further improve coherence and cohesion in this essay and potentially aim for a higher band score:

  1. Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the flow between ideas. Avoid overusing certain phrases like “On the other side” and “In the light of the above analysis.”
  2. Ensure that all paragraphing is done logically and consistently. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point related to the topic.
  3. Pay close attention to the use of transition phrases to connect ideas seamlessly. Avoid abrupt shifts between paragraphs.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong level of coherence and cohesion but could benefit from more varied cohesive devices and even more precise paragraphing for further improvement.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonably strong use of vocabulary throughout, which is essential for effective communication. It uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow for flexibility and precision in conveying ideas. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary with some awareness of style and collocation, such as “curbing harmful smoke release,” “amelioration,” and “ubiquity of clean energy advancement trend.” These elements contribute to the lexical resource of the essay.

The essay also avoids significant errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. However, there are some minor issues, such as “afford” instead of “aforementioned” and “contributed to combating with carbon emission level trend,” which could be expressed more clearly. Additionally, there is occasional awkward phrasing, like “there will be a curbing harmful smoke release celebration,” which affects the fluency of expression.

Overall, the essay falls into Band 7 because it demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some awareness of style and collocation, and it maintains effective communication with relatively few errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation.

How to improve:

  1. Work on sentence structure and phrasing to enhance fluency and coherence.
  2. Use less common vocabulary more consistently and appropriately.
  3. Pay attention to minor errors in word choice and word formation to further improve accuracy.
  4. Proofread the essay to eliminate any remaining spelling or grammatical errors.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical range and accuracy, which aligns with the Band 7 descriptor. It uses a variety of complex sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are error-free. The essay generally maintains good control over grammar and punctuation, with only occasional errors.

Examples of grammatical strengths include the use of complex sentences, such as “There have been a number of debates over the efficiency of car-free days in alleviating air pollution,” and “Because of the private car use reduction, the atmosphere obviously benefits from the lower of toxic fumes.” These complex sentence structures showcase the writer’s ability to handle varied grammatical structures.

However, there are still some minor grammatical errors, such as “there will be a curbing harmful smoke release celebration taking place,” which could be phrased more accurately. Additionally, there are a few instances where word choices could be improved for clarity and fluency, like “the practicality of car-free day,” which might benefit from rephrasing.

How to improve:

  1. Continue to work on sentence structure variety. Use a mix of simple and complex sentences to enhance the essay’s fluency.
  2. Carefully proofread the essay to eliminate minor grammatical errors and improve overall clarity.
  3. Pay attention to word choice to ensure precision and effectiveness in conveying ideas.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

There is little room for doubt that deteriorating air quality is one of the alarming issues in this era. There have been a number of debates over the efficiency of car-free days in alleviating air pollution, while some claim that there are alternative approaches. This essay will give a detailed analysis of both these notions before drawing a conclusion.

Firstly, it is vital to note that large amounts of exhaust emissions are significant contributors to air pollution. Having a day when cars are forbidden is an ideal method for improving the damaged global atmosphere. During this event, harmful smoke emissions are reduced on a global scale, leading to a subsequent improvement in air quality. Celebrating a car-free day not only enhances the atmospheric condition but also raises environmental awareness among citizens worldwide. The practicality of the car-free day concept can be effectively demonstrated when implemented in major urban centers around the world. For example, since the implementation of this policy in Beijing, a city known for its polluted air and smog-covered atmosphere, the city’s air quality has greatly improved.

On the other hand, there may be numerous methods that can be useful for addressing air pollution. First, national governments should exert more pressure on the taxation policies of the fossil fuel industry. When the fossil fuel market faces higher taxes, it becomes more favorable for the adoption of renewable energy sources due to the growing trend of clean energy advancements. This, in turn, leads to a decrease in the use of non-renewable energy sources. Second, promoting the use of public transportation over private vehicles can significantly benefit the environment. By reducing the use of private cars, there is a noticeable reduction in toxic emissions, resulting in improved air quality.

In light of the above analysis, all the aforementioned solutions contribute to combating the trend of increasing carbon emissions. Different actions taken by individuals have varying degrees of efficiency in addressing air pollution. Furthermore, it is imperative that local governments take the lead in implementing these actions and addressing global environmental issues.

 

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