some people think certain old buildings are more woth preserving than other ones. To wthat extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, there are various schools of thought about the preservation of historical landmarks. Some people said that historical sites offer little advantages, especially when land is valuable and scarce in city scale, while others emphasize that the crucial of them is an indispensable feature in national heritage, so they must be maintained. While both perspectives are justifiable to a certain extent, I gravitate towards the latter standpoint, for the reasons listed below.
On the one hand, it is reasonable why some individuals disagree with the maintenance of historic buildings. Their way of thinking is based on the reality that in the modern day, the megacities have encountered (đối mặt với) many issues associated with housing. These headaches comprise accommodation insufficiencies, real estate inflation and unhygienic living conditions which take a heavy toll on urban citizens, especially low – income individuals. Therefore, authorities need to demolish the deteriorated ones to make room for constructing new houses to yield more accommodation for inhabitants, ease the demand on houses, and bring about the deflation of the real estate bubble, paving the way for low wage individuals opportunities to foot the bill on housing.
On the other hand, I strongly believe that the preservation of historical landmarks must be the top priority. The first reason for my belief is that these buildings have economic value, exemplified by many historical sites, such as Duc Ba church, the temple of Literature, which has annually attracted many holiday makers to come to Ha Noi. It not only generates substantial profit for local service business but also spur job growth in the tourism industry. The other compelling reason is that these buildings ensure the continuity throughout generations. These historic landmarks serve as a connection with the past, reminding us that what we have today is built on the foundation of the past.Therefore, preserving these landmarks is the honor way to give credit to seniors, ensuring that youth will establish their personal national identity in the globalization era.
To sum up, in my opinion, it is important to maintain historical buildings as these are our country’s prosperity and signifies our history.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"Some people said" -> "Some argue"
Explanation: Replacing "Some people said" with "Some argue" adds formality to the statement by using a more sophisticated and objective verb, common in academic writing.
"the crucial of them is an indispensable feature" -> "their significance as an indispensable feature"
Explanation: The phrase "the crucial of them" lacks clarity, and replacing it with "their significance as an indispensable feature" makes the sentence more precise and academically appropriate.
"gravitate towards the latter standpoint" -> "lean towards the latter perspective"
Explanation: "gravitate towards" is a bit informal, and "lean towards" is a more formal and precise alternative that fits academic writing conventions.
"megacities have encountered (đối mặt với) many issues" -> "megacities have grappled with various issues"
Explanation: Replacing "encountered (đối mặt với)" with "grappled with" maintains formality and clarity, offering a more sophisticated way to express the challenges faced by megacities.
"These headaches comprise accommodation insufficiencies" -> "These challenges include housing shortages"
Explanation: Substituting "headaches" with "challenges" and replacing "accommodation insufficiencies" with "housing shortages" improves the formality and precision of the sentence.
"take a heavy toll on urban citizens" -> "have a significant impact on urban residents"
Explanation: The phrase "take a heavy toll on" is somewhat informal. Replacing it with "have a significant impact on" maintains formality and conveys the gravity of the situation in a more academic tone.
"to yield more accommodation for inhabitants" -> "to provide additional housing for residents"
Explanation: "yield more accommodation" can be refined to "provide additional housing," which is more formal and precise in academic writing.
"ease the demand on houses" -> "alleviate the demand for housing"
Explanation: Replacing "ease the demand on houses" with "alleviate the demand for housing" enhances precision and formality.
"bring about the deflation of the real estate bubble" -> "mitigate the inflation of the real estate market"
Explanation: Using "mitigate" instead of "bring about the deflation of" and replacing "real estate bubble" with "real estate market" contributes to a more formal and precise expression of the idea.
"paving the way for low wage individuals opportunities" -> "opening opportunities for low-income individuals"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward; the suggested change improves clarity and maintains formality by using more standard language.
"I strongly believe" -> "I firmly believe"
Explanation: "I strongly believe" is slightly informal; substituting it with "I firmly believe" aligns better with academic formality.
"have economic value, exemplified by many historical sites" -> "hold economic value, exemplified by numerous historical sites"
Explanation: Replacing "have economic value" with "hold economic value" and "many historical sites" with "numerous historical sites" enhances formality without sacrificing clarity.
"spur job growth in the tourism industry" -> "stimulate employment in the tourism sector"
Explanation: Substituting "spur" with "stimulate" and "industry" with "sector" contributes to a more formal tone in academic writing.
"is the honor way to give credit to seniors" -> "is a honorable way to acknowledge our predecessors"
Explanation: "the honor way to give credit to seniors" can be refined to "a honorable way to acknowledge our predecessors," which is more formal and grammatically correct.
"signifies our history" -> "symbolizes our historical heritage"
Explanation: Replacing "signifies our history" with "symbolizes our historical heritage" adds a more formal and nuanced expression, fitting for academic writing.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument by presenting the viewpoint that historical buildings may not be worth preserving due to modern urban challenges and then strongly supporting the preservation of historical landmarks. However, there is room for improvement in terms of a more balanced exploration of opposing views. The second paragraph predominantly focuses on the preservation perspective, while a more nuanced examination of the opposing viewpoint could enhance the overall analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance the completeness of the response, consider allocating more space to discussing the opposing viewpoint in the second paragraph. Providing a deeper analysis of the reasons people may argue against preserving historical landmarks will contribute to a more well-rounded response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently advocating for the preservation of historical landmarks. The writer effectively communicates their stance, and the reader can easily identify the central argument.
- How to improve: No specific improvements are needed in this aspect; the essay successfully presents and maintains a clear position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally presents ideas coherently, offering examples such as Duc Ba church and the temple of Literature to support the argument for preservation. However, there are moments where the development of ideas could be more detailed. For instance, the discussion on the economic value of historical landmarks could benefit from more specific examples and elaboration.
- How to improve: To enhance idea development, provide more specific and detailed examples when discussing economic value and job growth. This will strengthen the argument and provide a more convincing case for the preservation of historical landmarks.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the preservation of historical buildings in response to the prompt. However, there is a slight deviation in the first paragraph where issues related to housing in megacities are introduced. While this adds context, it could be more directly tied to the preservation debate.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that any additional context or information is directly linked to the central theme of historical preservation. In the first paragraph, explicitly connect the housing challenges mentioned to the argument about the necessity of demolishing historical buildings for new constructions.
In conclusion, while the essay effectively presents a clear position and provides some support for the preservation argument, improvements in addressing opposing views, idea development, and maintaining direct relevance to the topic can contribute to an even stronger response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonably logical organization, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs presenting contrasting viewpoints, and a conclusion. However, there are instances where the flow is disrupted, such as in the second paragraph where the transition between discussing opposing views could be smoother. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining the transition between contrasting perspectives in the second paragraph. Also, explicitly state the thesis in the introduction, outlining the main points to guide the reader.
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but the structure within them is inconsistent. For instance, the second paragraph covers both perspectives, making it less focused. The third paragraph, while well-structured, could be more cohesive. The essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences and more distinct divisions between ideas.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus, with a topic sentence introducing the main idea. Use cohesive devices to link sentences and ideas within paragraphs for smoother transitions.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, like transition words (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "To sum up"). However, there’s room for improvement in the variety and strategic use of these devices to enhance coherence. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices within paragraphs could be strengthened.
- How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, synonyms) to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure their strategic placement for clarity and coherence. Review and refine the use of cohesive devices within paragraphs to strengthen internal coherence.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization, paragraph structure, and the strategic use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to use diverse words, some repetition and reliance on common phrases are noticeable. For instance, the term "historical landmarks" is frequently used without much variation. Moreover, the phrase "low-income individuals" is repeated, and synonyms or alternative expressions are not explored extensively.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more synonyms and exploring varied expressions for commonly used terms. For example, instead of consistently using "historical landmarks," try using phrases like "cultural heritage sites" or "architectural treasures" to add depth and variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally exhibits imprecise vocabulary use. For instance, in the introduction, "crucial of them" may be better expressed as "their significance." Additionally, the phrase "make room for constructing new houses" could be refined to "create space for the construction of new houses" for greater precision.
- How to improve: Focus on choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Utilize specific terms and expressions to avoid ambiguity. Consider consulting a thesaurus for alternative words that may better capture your ideas.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "worth" spelled as "woth," "deflation" instead of "inflation," and "honor" instead of "honorable." These errors, though not pervasive, impact the overall quality of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread your essay carefully before submission. Consider using spelling and grammar check tools or seeking feedback from peers to catch and correct errors. Developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically can contribute to better spelling precision.
In conclusion, while the essay displays a reasonable command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Enhancing these aspects will contribute to a more polished and effective expression of ideas.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a moderate variety of sentence structures. Simple and complex sentences are used, but there is room for improvement in terms of sentence complexity. For instance, the introductory paragraph could benefit from more intricate structures to enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing. The essay tends to rely on straightforward sentence constructions, and there’s a need for a more diverse range of sentence types, such as compound-complex sentences or the incorporation of relative clauses.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and diversity, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures. Introduce sentences with dependent clauses, use a variety of sentence lengths, and experiment with different types of punctuation to create a more engaging and varied writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some grammatical and punctuation issues. For example, there are instances of tense inconsistencies (e.g., "There are various schools of thought" vs. "Their way of thinking is based"), and awkward phrasing (e.g., "the crucial of them is an indispensable feature"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases and misuse of parentheses.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to verb tenses to ensure consistency throughout the essay. Review the use of articles and prepositions to enhance precision. Work on proper punctuation, particularly commas, to clarify sentence structure and improve overall readability. Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct awkward or unclear phrasing.
In summary, while the essay effectively communicates its main points, there is room for improvement in grammatical range and accuracy. Diversifying sentence structures and addressing specific grammar and punctuation issues will contribute to a more polished and refined piece of writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary times, opinions diverge on the preservation of historical landmarks. Some argue that historical sites offer few advantages, particularly when urban land is valuable and scarce. Conversely, others contend that the significance of these landmarks as an indispensable feature in national heritage necessitates their preservation. While both perspectives have merit, I lean towards the latter viewpoint for the following reasons.
On one hand, it is understandable why some individuals oppose the maintenance of historic buildings. Their viewpoint is grounded in the reality that modern megacities have grappled with various issues related to housing. These challenges include housing shortages, real estate inflation, and unhygienic living conditions, which have a significant impact on urban residents, especially those with low incomes. Consequently, authorities may feel compelled to demolish deteriorated structures to make way for new construction, thereby providing additional housing for residents, alleviating the demand for housing, and mitigating the inflation of the real estate market. This, in turn, opens opportunities for low-income individuals to access affordable housing.
On the other hand, I firmly believe that the preservation of historical landmarks should be a top priority. One reason for my stance is that these buildings hold economic value, exemplified by numerous historical sites like Duc Ba church and the Temple of Literature, which annually attract holidaymakers to cities such as Ha Noi. This not only generates substantial profits for local service businesses but also stimulates employment in the tourism sector. Another compelling reason is that these buildings symbolize our historical heritage and ensure continuity across generations. Historic landmarks serve as a connection to the past, reminding us that our present is built on the foundation of the past. Therefore, preserving these landmarks is an honorable way to acknowledge our predecessors, ensuring that the youth will establish their personal national identity in the era of globalization.
In conclusion, I believe it is crucial to maintain historical buildings as they contribute to our country’s prosperity and symbolize our history. Balancing the need for urban development with the preservation of cultural heritage is a complex task, but it is one that can be achieved through thoughtful planning and consideration of both perspectives.