Some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe it’s perfectly fine for kids to have failures, while others disagree this and want adults to stop children from creating mistakes. In my opinion, I agree with the first given idea.
Granted, one might argue that leaving children to create mistakes is a reckless and irresponsible decision from the parents. This is based on the assumption that children don’t have adequate knowledge and common sense to foresee the consequences that their mistakes can bring to. As a result, kids can cause immeasurable troubles to the family. For example, if a child inadvertently swallows inedible objects, the parents must spend lots of time and money just to take the objects out of the child’s stomach. However, this line of reasoning is not sound as serious mistakes from children usually come from the lack of safety measures and the carelessness of their parents. Instead, if mistakes are taken from another viewpoint, it can train the children effectively to improve their common sense, leading to the avoidance of fatal mistakes.
In addition to the development of common sense, I am convinced that children should be allowed to experience failures since mistakes can help children to learn the value of people’s assistance. Consider the case if the children never get a chance to fail, they will form a flawed mindset thinking that every problem can be solved easily, thus making them become arrogant and having tendency of despising people’s suggestions. However, life is unpredictable and far from these children imagination so when they actually happen to make mistakes that they can’t figure out by themselves, there will be no one alongside them to help them out. Therefore, sooner or later, regretting their decisions and realizing the importance of people’s support in life.
In conclusion, although stopping children from making mistakes has some reasonable reasons, mistakes are essential for children to grow up with a proper and respectful attitude towards people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"some people believe it’s perfectly fine" -> "certain individuals assert that it is acceptable"
Explanation: Replacing "some people believe it’s perfectly fine" with "certain individuals assert that it is acceptable" elevates the formality of the expression while maintaining clarity.
"while others disagree this" -> "while others oppose this viewpoint"
Explanation: "Disagree this" is not a grammatically correct construction. "Oppose this viewpoint" is a more precise and formal alternative.
"In my opinion, I agree with" -> "In my view, I concur with"
Explanation: "In my opinion, I agree with" is redundant and lacks sophistication. "In my view, I concur with" maintains clarity and formality.
"Granted, one might argue that" -> "Admittedly, one might argue that"
Explanation: "Granted" is somewhat informal in this context. "Admittedly" is a more formal alternative that signals concession in a scholarly manner.
"reckless and irresponsible decision from the parents" -> "reckless and irresponsible parental decision"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase by removing "from the parents" while maintaining clarity and formality.
"kids" -> "children"
Explanation: "Kids" is a colloquial term, whereas "children" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing.
"lots of time and money" -> "considerable time and financial resources"
Explanation: "Lots of time and money" is overly casual. "Considerable time and financial resources" is more formal and precise.
"if mistakes are taken from another viewpoint" -> "if mistakes are viewed from a different perspective"
Explanation: "Taken from another viewpoint" is awkward. "Viewed from a different perspective" is clearer and more formal.
"train the children effectively" -> "effectively cultivate children’s abilities"
Explanation: "Train the children effectively" lacks precision. "Effectively cultivate children’s abilities" conveys the idea more precisely.
"Consider the case if" -> "Consider, for instance,"
Explanation: "Consider the case if" is somewhat awkward. "Consider, for instance," is more concise and formal.
"never get a chance to fail" -> "never have the opportunity to experience failure"
Explanation: "Never get a chance to fail" is less formal. "Never have the opportunity to experience failure" is clearer and more formal.
"making them become arrogant" -> "leading them to become arrogant"
Explanation: "Making them become arrogant" is grammatically awkward. "Leading them to become arrogant" is more precise.
"tendency of despising" -> "propensity to disdain"
Explanation: "Tendency of despising" is less formal. "Propensity to disdain" is more formal and precise.
"far from these children imagination" -> "beyond the imagination of these children"
Explanation: "Far from these children imagination" is ungrammatical. "Beyond the imagination of these children" is clearer and more formal.
"there will be no one alongside them to help them out" -> "there will be no one to assist them"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase while maintaining clarity and formality.
"regretting their decisions" -> "regretting their actions"
Explanation: "Regretting their decisions" is slightly ambiguous. "Regretting their actions" is more precise.
"In conclusion, although stopping children from making mistakes has some reasonable reasons" -> "In conclusion, while there are valid arguments for preventing children from making mistakes"
Explanation: Rewording for clarity and formality, avoiding redundancy and awkward phrasing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to discuss both views, acknowledging the argument that children should be prevented from making mistakes and presenting a clear opinion in favor of children having the freedom to make mistakes. However, the discussion lacks depth in examining the opposing view comprehensively.
- The essay briefly mentions that some people believe adults should prevent children from making mistakes, but this point is not thoroughly explored.
- The opinion is clearly stated: the author agrees that children should have the freedom to make mistakes, but the rationale behind this opinion is somewhat underdeveloped.
- Evidence provided is anecdotal and not entirely relevant to the prompt, such as the example of a child swallowing an inedible object.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should:
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the argument that adults should prevent children from making mistakes, and engage with counterarguments.
- Clearly and explicitly link the reasons why allowing children to make mistakes is beneficial to the prompt.
- Use relevant examples that directly support the arguments made and are aligned with the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position throughout in favor of allowing children to make mistakes. However, the stance could be more effectively supported with stronger reasoning and more relevant examples.
- The position is clearly stated in the introduction and reaffirmed in the conclusion.
- The reasons given to support this position, such as developing common sense and learning the value of assistance, are not fully developed.
- The essay maintains a consistent stance but does not effectively address opposing viewpoints.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should:
- Provide more detailed and specific reasons why allowing children to make mistakes is beneficial.
- Develop these reasons with specific examples that directly relate to the prompt and support the argument.
- Acknowledge and engage with counterarguments to strengthen the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the importance of children making mistakes but lacks sufficient development and support.
- Ideas are introduced but not extended or supported with evidence or examples.
- There is an attempt to support ideas with examples (e.g., swallowing inedible objects, learning the value of assistance), but these examples are not well-elaborated or analyzed.
- The development of ideas lacks depth and clarity.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should:
- Extend ideas with more detailed explanations and examples.
- Provide specific examples that are relevant and illustrate the points being made.
- Ensure that each idea is supported with evidence that directly relates to the prompt.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, but there are instances where the relevance to the prompt is unclear.
- The essay briefly mentions the opposing view but does not thoroughly discuss it.
- Examples provided are sometimes tangential and not directly related to the prompt.
- The conclusion reinforces the importance of children making mistakes, but it could tie back more explicitly to the essay prompt.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should:
- Ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the prompt and clearly support the essay’s thesis.
- Tie the conclusion back to the prompt by summarizing the main points and reinforcing the argument made.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, development of ideas, and relevance to the prompt. To achieve a higher band score, focus on providing more detailed and relevant examples, engaging with opposing viewpoints, and ensuring that all ideas are fully developed and supported.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization, with clear introductory, body, and concluding paragraphs. Each paragraph presents a distinct idea related to the topic. The introduction sets up the argument effectively by presenting both views, the body paragraphs develop these views with supporting examples, and the conclusion summarizes the author’s opinion. However, there are instances where the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the second and third paragraphs feels somewhat abrupt, lacking a smoother connection between the ideas presented.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the importance of mistakes in developing common sense, you could transition into the next paragraph by briefly summarizing the relevance of mistakes in learning the value of assistance. This would help readers follow the progression of ideas more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to structure the content effectively. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are areas where paragraph structure could be refined for greater clarity and coherence. For instance, the second paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs to distinguish between the discussion of the potential risks of mistakes and the argument in favor of allowing children to make them.
- How to improve: Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones to ensure that each paragraph addresses a single aspect of the argument. This can enhance readability and make it easier for readers to follow the progression of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate use of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences. Examples include transitions like "Granted," and "In addition to," which help signal shifts between different points of the argument. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used and integrating them more seamlessly throughout the essay.
- How to improve: Expand your repertoire of cohesive devices beyond transitional phrases to include techniques such as pronoun reference, parallel structure, and cohesive repetition. Additionally, focus on integrating these devices more naturally into your sentences to enhance coherence and cohesion. For example, instead of simply using transitional phrases at the beginning of sentences, experiment with embedding them within sentences to create smoother connections between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout. It effectively employs words and phrases such as "reckless," "assumption," "immeasurable," "fatal," "arrogant," and "despising" to convey ideas and arguments. Additionally, varied synonyms and expressions are utilized, enhancing the richness and depth of the essay’s vocabulary.
- How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more specialized terminology related to the topic where appropriate. Additionally, integrating idiomatic expressions or phrasal verbs can add flair and sophistication to the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. However, there are instances where word choice could be more precise to avoid ambiguity or strengthen the expression of concepts. For example, in the phrase "a reckless and irresponsible decision from the parents," the term "reckless" might slightly misrepresent the intended meaning, as the parents’ decision could be perceived as negligent rather than deliberately careless. Similarly, phrases like "flawed mindset" and "far from these children imagination" could benefit from more precise language to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, carefully consider the nuances of words and phrases to ensure they accurately reflect the intended meaning. Utilize a thesaurus or consult reference materials to explore alternative terms that convey ideas with greater precision and clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally adequate, with few noticeable errors detracting from overall readability. However, there are occasional instances of misspellings or typographical errors that could be addressed to further improve clarity and professionalism. For instance, "swallows" should be "swallowing," "imagination" is misspelled as "imagiation," and "the lack of safety measures and the carelessness of their parents" could benefit from hyphenation for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, developing a habit of reviewing written work for spelling and typographical mistakes can contribute to improved overall accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. It employs conditional sentences ("Granted, one might argue…"), cause and effect structures ("As a result, kids can cause immeasurable troubles…"), and comparison structures ("Consider the case if the children never get a chance to fail…"). However, there is some repetition in the structure of certain sentences, which could be diversified further to enhance clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s expression, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as parallelism, inversion, and relative clauses. Varying the length and structure of sentences can enhance the flow and engagement of the reader. Additionally, pay attention to avoiding repetitive patterns to maintain reader interest.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good grasp of grammar and punctuation, with few errors affecting clarity or meaning. However, there are some instances of incorrect verb tense usage ("Consider the case if the children never get a chance to fail…") and subject-verb agreement ("mistakes are essential for children to grow up…"). Punctuation is generally used correctly, but there are a few instances where commas could be used more effectively for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, review verb tense consistency throughout the essay to ensure coherence. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to avoid errors that can disrupt the flow of the essay. Additionally, consider revising sentences where punctuation could clarify meaning or improve readability. Proofreading carefully can help identify and correct these issues before submission.

Overall, the essay effectively demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a diverse range of sentence structures, contributing to its coherence and effectiveness in conveying ideas. By addressing areas of improvement highlighted above, the essay can further enhance its grammatical accuracy and stylistic richness.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals assert that it is acceptable for children to make mistakes, while others believe that adults should prevent children from making errors. In my view, I concur with the former perspective.

Admittedly, one might argue that allowing children to make mistakes is a reckless and irresponsible parental decision. This is based on the belief that children lack adequate knowledge and common sense to foresee the consequences of their actions. Consequently, children may cause considerable trouble for their families. For instance, if a child inadvertently swallows inedible objects, parents may need to invest considerable time and financial resources to address the situation. However, this argument overlooks the fact that serious mistakes made by children often stem from the lack of safety measures and parental carelessness. Viewing mistakes from a different perspective, they can effectively cultivate children’s abilities to improve their common sense, thereby helping them avoid potentially fatal errors.

In addition to fostering common sense, I am convinced that children should be allowed to experience failure because mistakes teach them the value of seeking assistance from others. Consider, for instance, the scenario where children never have the opportunity to experience failure. They may develop a flawed mindset, believing that every problem can be easily solved and thus becoming arrogant and disdainful of others’ suggestions. However, life’s challenges often exceed the imagination of these children. When they encounter mistakes they cannot resolve on their own, there will be no one to assist them. Consequently, they may eventually find themselves regretting their actions and recognizing the importance of seeking support from others in life.

In conclusion, while there are valid arguments for preventing children from making mistakes, errors are essential for effectively fostering children’s growth and instilling in them a respectful attitude towards others.