Some people think hosting major international sporting events brings a lot of advantages to a country, while other believe there are more disadvantages. Discuss both these views and give your own ideas. Write at least 250 words.

Some people think hosting major international sporting events brings a lot of advantages to a country, while other believe there are more disadvantages.
Discuss both these views and give your own ideas.
Write at least 250 words.

In modern era, someone think celebrating a international sporting events which brings a ton of benefits to country. However, some other people against that opinion, they believe there have any negative impacts than posstive. On my mind, I think this activit have more advantages than more disadvantages too.
First of all, hosting major global sporting events have several benefits, specially is economic development. When a country celebrates events like Olympic, World Cup… they can asvert their famous specially for people around the world to sell domestic good. During that events, a range of work opportunities were created and increase demand for labor.
On the other hand, when we talk about the benefit of hosting world events, we also need to reconsider some problems will be happened. Besides the economic development opportinities was brought by this events, any biggest global projects costs a lot of money for the host countries. It can due to national public debt risk. Environment and limited resource may struggle to face the high cost of building sports facilites and infastructure, resulting in a signficant financial burden, even leading to national debt. Futhermore, environment pollution and waste of resource are an issue which have to follow specially. Almost of building for events are built with simple use target, they require lots of metal for build which have been never used again.
In conclusion, during time celebrating global sports events brought lots of benefits about economic and cultural, I believe that government in the hosting country will organize the events carefully to redue negative impacts for natoinal residents and enviroment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In modern era" -> "In the modern era"
   Explanation: Adding "the" before "modern era" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with formal academic style.

2. "someone think" -> "some people think"
   Explanation: "Someone" is too informal and vague for academic writing; "some people" is more precise and appropriate.

3. "celebrating a international sporting events" -> "hosting international sporting events"
   Explanation: "Celebrating" is not the correct term for hosting events; "hosting" is the more accurate verb.

4. "brings a ton of benefits" -> "offers numerous benefits"
   Explanation: "A ton of" is colloquial and imprecise; "numerous" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

5. "some other people against that opinion" -> "some others oppose this view"
   Explanation: "Against that opinion" is awkward and informal; "oppose this view" is clearer and more formal.

6. "they believe there have any negative impacts than posstive" -> "they argue that there are more negative impacts than positive"
   Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning by using "argue" and "more negative impacts than positive."

7. "On my mind" -> "In my opinion"
   Explanation: "On my mind" is informal and vague; "In my opinion" is the standard phrase for expressing personal views in formal writing.

8. "this activit have more advantages than more disadvantages too" -> "this activity has more advantages than disadvantages"
   Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and simplifies the structure for clarity and formality.

9. "hosting major global sporting events have several benefits, specially is economic development" -> "hosting major global sporting events offers several benefits, particularly economic development"
   Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and replaces "specially" with "particularly" for a more formal tone.

10. "asvert their famous specially for people around the world to sell domestic good" -> "advertise their country’s fame globally to sell domestic products"
    Explanation: "Asvert" is incorrect; "advertise" is the correct verb. Also, "domestic good" is vague; "domestic products" is more precise.

11. "a range of work opportunities were created and increase demand for labor" -> "a range of job opportunities were created, increasing the demand for labor"
    Explanation: Corrects grammatical structure for clarity and formality.

12. "problems will be happened" -> "problems that may occur"
    Explanation: "Will be happened" is grammatically incorrect; "that may occur" is the correct phrase.

13. "economic development opportinities was brought by this events" -> "economic development opportunities were brought by these events"
    Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and pluralizes "events" to match the context.

14. "any biggest global projects costs a lot of money" -> "any major global projects cost a significant amount of money"
    Explanation: "Any biggest" is grammatically incorrect; "any major" is correct. Also, "costs" should be "cost" for singular subject agreement.

15. "It can due to national public debt risk" -> "This can lead to a national public debt risk"
    Explanation: "It can due to" is grammatically incorrect; "This can lead to" is correct and clearer.

16. "Environment and limited resource may struggle to face the high cost" -> "The environment and limited resources may struggle to cope with the high costs"
    Explanation: "Environment" should be "The environment" for grammatical correctness, and "cope with" is more precise than "face."

17. "Futhermore" -> "Furthermore"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error.

18. "environment pollution and waste of resource are an issue which have to follow specially" -> "environmental pollution and waste of resources are issues that must be addressed"
    Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and uses "issues" correctly, replacing "an issue which have to follow" with "issues that must be addressed."

19. "Almost of building for events are built with simple use target" -> "Most buildings constructed for events are designed with a single use"
    Explanation: "Almost of" is incorrect; "Most" is the correct quantifier. Also, "simple use target" is unclear; "a single use" is more precise.

20. "they require lots of metal for build which have been never used again" -> "they require large amounts of metal for construction, which are often not reused"
    Explanation: "Lots of" is informal; "large amounts" is more formal. Also, "have been never used again" is grammatically incorrect; "are often not reused" is correct.

21. "government in the hosting country will organize the events carefully to redue negative impacts for natoinal residents and enviroment" -> "the government of the host country will organize the events carefully to reduce negative impacts on national residents and the environment"
    Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning by specifying "the government of the host country" and "reduce negative impacts on."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the advantages and disadvantages of hosting major international sporting events. The first paragraph presents the positive aspects, focusing on economic development and job creation. The second paragraph discusses the potential downsides, such as financial burdens and environmental concerns. However, the discussion of disadvantages is less developed than the advantages, which could lead to an unbalanced view.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides are given equal weight. This could involve elaborating more on the disadvantages, perhaps by providing specific examples or statistics that illustrate the negative impacts. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the two perspectives in separate paragraphs could help in organizing the response more effectively.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer states a personal opinion in the introduction and conclusion, indicating a belief that advantages outweigh disadvantages. However, the position is somewhat muddled by the phrasing and the structure of the essay. Phrases like "on my mind" and "I think this activit have more advantages than more disadvantages too" could be clearer. The position could be more assertively stated and consistently reinforced throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use more definitive language and ensure that their opinion is clearly articulated in both the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, integrating personal views more seamlessly into the discussion of both advantages and disadvantages could strengthen the overall argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as economic benefits and environmental issues, but these ideas are not always fully developed. For instance, while the economic benefits are mentioned, the explanation lacks depth and specific examples. The environmental concerns are introduced but not sufficiently explored, which weakens the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or case studies that illustrate their points. For instance, mentioning a specific country that benefited economically from hosting an event or detailing a particular environmental issue that arose from such events would add depth. Additionally, using more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures could enhance the sophistication of the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of hosting international sporting events. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, such as the mention of "national public debt risk" without a clear connection to the preceding points. Some sentences are also convoluted, which may confuse the reader about the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point directly relates back to the central question of advantages versus disadvantages. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader. Additionally, simplifying complex sentences and ensuring clarity in expression will help keep the discussion relevant and coherent.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in clarity, depth of argument, and balance between perspectives would enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits to the drawbacks is somewhat abrupt. The phrase "On the other hand" introduces the counterargument but lacks a smooth segue from the previous point about economic benefits. Additionally, the points made about economic benefits and drawbacks could be better linked to enhance the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate the relationship between ideas, such as "Conversely," or "In contrast," to better connect the discussion of advantages and disadvantages. Structuring the essay to first present all advantages followed by all disadvantages could also create a clearer narrative.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with separate sections for the introduction, benefits, drawbacks, and conclusion. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly defined. For example, the first paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the benefits and another on the drawbacks. This would help in delineating the two sides of the argument more distinctly.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting sentences relate directly to that idea. Consider starting each paragraph with a topic sentence that summarizes the main point, which will help guide the reader through the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "on the other hand," and "in conclusion." However, the range is limited, and some phrases are used incorrectly or awkwardly, such as "they believe there have any negative impacts." This affects the clarity and flow of the essay. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," "however," and "for instance." Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help improve their application in essays. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly to maintain clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, attention to logical organization, clearer paragraphing, and a more varied use of cohesive devices will enhance the coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of international sporting events. Phrases like "economic development," "work opportunities," and "national public debt" show some range. However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. For instance, the phrase "a ton of benefits" is informal and could be replaced with a more academic expression such as "numerous advantages." Additionally, the use of "celebrating" in the context of hosting

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, but it largely relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "some other people against that opinion" and "they believe there have any negative impacts than posstive" show a limited range of grammatical constructions. There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as "this activit have more advantages than more disadvantages too," which detracts from clarity and sophistication.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses or conditional forms. For instance, instead of saying, "When a country celebrates events like Olympic, World Cup…," they could say, "When a country hosts significant events such as the Olympics or the World Cup, it can showcase its culture and economy to a global audience." Practicing sentence combining exercises and reading more complex texts can help in developing this skill.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "someone think celebrating a international sporting events" should be "someone thinks that celebrating an international sporting event." Additionally, phrases like "they believe there have any negative impacts than posstive" are grammatically incorrect; it should be "they believe there are more negative impacts than positive ones." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and periods, also affect the flow of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and proper sentence structure. Regular grammar exercises, particularly focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors before submission can help catch mistakes. For instance, the sentence "Besides the economic development opportinities was brought by this events" could be revised to "In addition to the economic development opportunities brought by these events," which corrects both grammatical and punctuation issues.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant discussion on the topic, enhancing grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the modern era, some people think that hosting international sporting events brings numerous benefits to a country. However, others oppose this view, believing that there are more negative impacts than positive. In my opinion, I think this activity has more advantages than disadvantages.

First of all, hosting major global sporting events offers several benefits, particularly economic development. When a country hosts events like the Olympics or the World Cup, they can advertise their country’s fame globally to sell domestic products. During these events, a range of job opportunities are created, increasing the demand for labor.

On the other hand, while discussing the benefits of hosting world events, we must also reconsider some problems that may occur. Besides the economic development opportunities brought by these events, any major global projects cost a significant amount of money for the host countries. This can lead to a national public debt risk. The environment and limited resources may struggle to cope with the high costs of building sports facilities and infrastructure, resulting in a significant financial burden, even leading to national debt. Furthermore, environmental pollution and waste of resources are issues that must be addressed. Most buildings constructed for events are designed for single use, requiring large amounts of metal for construction, which are often not reused.

In conclusion, while hosting global sporting events brings many benefits in terms of economic and cultural development, I believe that the government of the host country will organize these events carefully to reduce negative impacts on national residents and the environment.