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Some people think learning history in school is important. Others think learning subjects more relevant to life is important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think learning history in school is important. Others think learning subjects more relevant to life is important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

One of the matters of great concern in our contemporary life is the veriety of school subjects. Some individuals claim that history is the main focus for students, another issue is that life-related subjects are more necessary. From my point of view, I strongly believe that both opinions should have equal consideration and this essay will give some reasons to support my answer.
It is undeniable that history is a significant discipline because it allows students to know the origins of our nation and ancestors that the next generation should express remembrance, pride and gratitude for them. Moreover, characteristics of the country such as culture, customs and national identity are also studied in history. Students will not only expand their knowledge about the process of forming and developing of our country until today but also other countries around the world. For instance, learning history helped me knowing September 2 Independence Day that day the registered the birth of my country, Viet Nam by Presiden Ho Chi Minh. Hence, I always appreciate my present life and take more responsibility to protect and build the homeland.
On the other hand, there is no doubt that some other subjects equip various knowledge about human life and society with student. This helps them develop thinking and perfect themselves. For example, Literature is taught at school that provide student with communication skills and maths for logical thinking ability. Additionally, their physical health and life skills are also enhanced in the best way. Facts indicated that if children do not have social knowledge, they will not be able to survive and can easily be affected by negative things in human life. What is more dangerous, they are simply exploited and become criminals.
In conclusion, although history is an important subject for students’education at school, other subjects related to life are also essential in lessons. Therefore, a well-balanced curriculum encompassing all subjects is necessary for students' comprehensive development."


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "veriety" -> "variety"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling from "veriety" to "variety" ensures proper usage and maintains a formal tone.

  2. "life-related subjects" -> "subjects related to life"
    Explanation: Replacing "life-related subjects" with "subjects related to life" improves precision and adheres to a more formal style.

  3. "From my point of view" -> "In my perspective"
    Explanation: Substituting "From my point of view" with "In my perspective" adds formality and sophistication to the expression.

  4. "should have equal consideration" -> "should be equally considered"
    Explanation: Changing "should have equal consideration" to "should be equally considered" enhances the formality of the statement.

  5. "give some reasons" -> "provide several reasons"
    Explanation: Swapping "give some reasons" with "provide several reasons" introduces a more formal and precise expression.

  6. "It is undeniable" -> "Undoubtedly"
    Explanation: Replacing "It is undeniable" with "Undoubtedly" contributes to a more concise and formal tone.

  7. "express remembrance, pride and gratitude for them" -> "express remembrance, pride, and gratitude towards them"
    Explanation: Adding the serial comma after "pride" improves clarity, and changing "for them" to "towards them" enhances formality.

  8. "the country such as" -> "aspects of the country, such as"
    Explanation: Inserting a comma after "the country" and replacing "such as" with "aspects of the country, such as" improves grammatical structure and formality.

  9. "Viet Nam" -> "Vietnam"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling from "Viet Nam" to "Vietnam" adheres to standard usage.

  10. "knowing September 2 Independence Day" -> "learning about Independence Day on September 2nd"
    Explanation: Changing "knowing September 2 Independence Day" to "learning about Independence Day on September 2nd" provides a more accurate and formal description.

  11. "Presiden Ho Chi Minh" -> "President Ho Chi Minh"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling from "Presiden" to "President" ensures proper usage.

  12. "appreciate my present life" -> "appreciate my current life"
    Explanation: Substituting "present" with "current" maintains formality and clarity.

  13. "take more responsibility" -> "assume greater responsibility"
    Explanation: Changing "take more responsibility" to "assume greater responsibility" introduces a more formal and precise expression.

  14. "some other subjects" -> "other subjects"
    Explanation: Removing "some" from "some other subjects" streamlines the expression and maintains formality.

  15. "equip various knowledge" -> "provide diverse knowledge"
    Explanation: Replacing "equip various knowledge" with "provide diverse knowledge" enhances precision and formality.

  16. "with student" -> "with students"
    Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error from "with student" to "with students" ensures proper agreement.

  17. "thinking and perfect themselves" -> "critical thinking and self-improvement"
    Explanation: Substituting "thinking and perfect themselves" with "critical thinking and self-improvement" offers a more precise and formal expression.

  18. "is taught at school that provide student" -> "is taught at school to provide students"
    Explanation: Correcting the grammatical structure from "is taught at school that provide student" to "is taught at school to provide students" ensures proper syntax.

  19. "Facts indicated that" -> "Facts indicate that"
    Explanation: Changing "Facts indicated that" to "Facts indicate that" maintains a more active and formal voice.

  20. "well-balanced curriculum encompassing all subjects" -> "a well-rounded curriculum that includes all subjects"
    Explanation: Altering "well-balanced curriculum encompassing all subjects" to "a well-rounded curriculum that includes all subjects" provides a more refined and formal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "One of the matters of great concern in our contemporary life is the veriety of school subjects. Some individuals claim that history is the main focus for students, another issue is that life-related subjects are more necessary. From my point of view, I strongly believe that both opinions should have equal consideration and this essay will give some reasons to support my answer."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting your stance on the topic. It’s crucial to clearly state whether you lean towards the importance of history or life-related subjects. A concise summary of the main points to be discussed in the essay would improve the overall structure. For instance, you could mention briefly that you will explore the merits of both perspectives.
    • Improved example: "The diversity of school subjects sparks considerable debate, with some advocating for a primary focus on history, while others argue for the indispensability of life-related subjects. In this essay, I will weigh the merits of both opinions, asserting my belief in the significance of a balanced curriculum encompassing various subjects."
  2. Quoted text: "It is undeniable that history is a significant discipline because it allows students to know the origins of our nation and ancestors that the next generation should express remembrance, pride and gratitude for them."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you articulate the importance of history well, there’s a lack of depth in your development. Providing specific examples from your own knowledge or experience would strengthen your argument. For instance, you could share a personal anecdote about how learning about your nation’s history has influenced your sense of pride and responsibility.
    • Improved example: "Undoubtedly, history plays a crucial role in shaping our understanding of national origins and ancestors. For instance, studying the struggles and triumphs of my nation’s history has instilled in me a deep sense of remembrance, pride, and gratitude, fostering a strong connection to my heritage."
  3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, there is no doubt that some other subjects equip various knowledge about human life and society with student."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you acknowledge the importance of life-related subjects, your argument lacks specific examples or reasons. Strengthen your points by providing concrete examples from your own life or experiences that highlight the practical benefits of subjects like Literature or Mathematics.
    • Improved example: "Conversely, life-related subjects, such as Literature and Mathematics, equip students with diverse knowledge crucial for navigating human life and society. For instance, literature enhances communication skills, fostering effective expression, while mathematics sharpens logical thinking abilities, crucial for problem-solving in real-life scenarios."

Overall, your essay demonstrates a fair understanding of the topic, but improvements in providing specific examples and deepening the development of your arguments would enhance the overall Task Response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, presenting some organization and a semblance of logical progression. Ideas are expressed in a somewhat coherent manner, with an attempt to structure paragraphs around central topics. The essay contains some cohesive devices, although their usage lacks consistency and precision. There is an overall sense of progression in the argumentation, though it could be more clearly delineated.

How to Improve:

  1. Structural Organization: Ensure a more distinct and consistent structure within paragraphs, each clearly focused on a singular idea.
  2. Cohesive Devices: Strive for a more varied and precise use of cohesive devices to enhance the connections between sentences and ideas.
  3. Logical Progression: Strengthen the logical flow between paragraphs to provide a clearer development of ideas and arguments.

The essay needs more refined coherence and cohesion by enhancing paragraph structures and employing cohesive devices more consistently to better link ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It covers both sides of the argument, discussing the importance of learning history and life-related subjects. Some less common vocabulary is attempted, but there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, leading to occasional errors. For example, "veriety" should be "variety," and "Presiden" should be "President." Additionally, there are some awkward phrasings and grammar issues that impact the overall fluency and sophistication of the language.

How to improve:

  1. Enhance word choice and collocation for a more natural flow of ideas.
  2. Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to improve overall fluency.
  3. Correct spelling errors and inaccuracies in word formation.
  4. Aim for a more sophisticated use of vocabulary to elevate the overall lexical resource.

Note: While the essay presents a balanced view and provides examples, improvements in language precision, fluency, and accuracy would contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating a variety of structures. While there are grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay, they rarely hinder communication. The writer attempts to use complex sentences, but these may be less accurate than simpler ones. There is a noticeable effort to convey ideas and support opinions with examples, contributing to overall clarity.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: Pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation. There are instances of incorrect verb forms and missing articles that could be corrected to enhance precision.
  2. Sentence Structure: Work on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures. Ensure that when employing more intricate sentences, the intended meaning is conveyed clearly.
  3. Coherence and Cohesion: Enhance the flow of ideas between paragraphs for a more seamless transition. Use linking words and phrases to create a smoother connection between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, the essay demonstrates potential for improvement, and with focused attention on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure, the writer can enhance the overall quality and coherence of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In our modern lives, the variety of school subjects is a matter of great concern. Some argue that history should be the primary focus for students, while others emphasize the importance of subjects more directly related to life. In my opinion, both perspectives deserve equal consideration. This essay will provide reasons to support my view.

Undeniably, history holds significant importance as it enables students to understand the origins of our nation and ancestors. The next generation should express remembrance, pride, and gratitude for them. Furthermore, characteristics such as culture, customs, and national identity are explored in history classes. Students not only broaden their knowledge about the formation and development of our country but also gain insights into other nations worldwide. For instance, studying history allowed me to learn about the significance of September 2, Independence Day, marking the birth of my country, Vietnam, as registered by President Ho Chi Minh. Consequently, I deeply appreciate my present life and feel a heightened responsibility to protect and contribute to building our homeland.

On the flip side, there is no doubt that certain subjects offer diverse knowledge about human life and society, aiding students in their overall development. For example, literature enhances communication skills, and mathematics fosters logical thinking abilities. Additionally, these subjects contribute to the improvement of students’ physical health and life skills. It is a proven fact that without social knowledge, children may struggle to survive and become susceptible to negative influences in human life. Moreover, the absence of such knowledge puts them at risk of exploitation and involvement in criminal activities.

In conclusion, while history undeniably plays a crucial role in students’ education, subjects related to life are equally essential. Therefore, a well-balanced curriculum that encompasses all subjects is necessary for the comprehensive development of students.

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