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Some people think news has no connection to people’s lives. Therefore, it is a waste of time to read the newspaper and watch television news programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think news has no connection to people’s lives. Therefore, it is a waste of time to read the newspaper and watch television news programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that some people fail to see any relevance to their lives of the news that they watch on TV or read in newspaper. While some people may find comfort by holding this opinion, I strongly believe that it is wrong to argue that news has no connection to people’s lives.

On the one hand, people who criticize news often believe that the majority of events in broadcasters on the mass media have not direct relevance to them. In other word, they have no demand for exposing themselves to politics, foreign affairs, science breakthrough. In fact, the happenings around the world do have impacts on each individual but they chose to ignore them. For example, the news about financial crisis in European may seem pointless in Vietnamese residents. However, once the economy in the US suffer, the demand for goods will drop, many Vietnam’s companies can lose a lot of customers which lead to businesses’ struggle and labors’ unemployment. The butterfly effect is not strange, and it results from indifferent news at first.

On the other hand, by reading newspaper and watching TV not only keep people updated about things affecting their life but also inform people how to tackle the problem that may occur. These days, the news about Covid 19 is posted on the mass media. By engaging in the the flow information, we acknowledge how people in the world is fighting the plague and prepare for ourselves. Furthermore, news and programs in Tv convey a wide range of topics, providing educational contents like science, history, technology. These news outlets may offer a deep analyses and explanations that contribute to a better understanding of complex issue.

In conclusion, while some people still doubt the benefit of news could offer, I firmly believe that keeping ourselves posted is profitable.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "some people fail to see any relevance to their lives of the news" -> "some individuals fail to recognize the relevance of the news to their lives"
    Explanation: Replacing "fail to see any relevance to their lives of the news" with "fail to recognize the relevance of the news to their lives" enhances clarity and employs a more formal structure.

  2. "While some people may find comfort by holding this opinion" -> "While some individuals may derive comfort from maintaining this viewpoint"
    Explanation: Substituting "find comfort by holding this opinion" with "derive comfort from maintaining this viewpoint" introduces a more sophisticated expression without compromising clarity.

  3. "it is wrong to argue that news has no connection to people’s lives" -> "it is inaccurate to assert that news lacks connection to people’s lives"
    Explanation: Changing "wrong to argue" to "inaccurate to assert" provides a more precise and formal phrasing, aligning better with academic language.

  4. "events in broadcasters on the mass media" -> "events broadcasted on mass media"
    Explanation: Replacing "events in broadcasters on the mass media" with "events broadcasted on mass media" corrects the grammatical structure and improves clarity.

  5. "they have no demand for exposing themselves to politics, foreign affairs, science breakthrough" -> "they have no inclination to engage with politics, foreign affairs, or scientific breakthroughs"
    Explanation: Substituting "demand for exposing themselves to" with "inclination to engage with" and rephrasing "science breakthrough" to "scientific breakthroughs" elevates the language while maintaining precision.

  6. "the news about financial crisis in European" -> "news about the financial crisis in Europe"
    Explanation: Correcting "financial crisis in European" to "financial crisis in Europe" ensures grammatical accuracy and proper use of adjectives.

  7. "once the economy in the US suffer" -> "once the US economy suffers"
    Explanation: Changing "once the economy in the US suffer" to "once the US economy suffers" corrects the subject-verb agreement and improves the sentence’s flow.

  8. "many Vietnam’s companies can lose a lot of customers which lead to businesses’ struggle and labors’ unemployment" -> "many Vietnamese companies may lose numerous customers, leading to business struggles and labor unemployment"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better flow and clarity, and replacing "Vietnam’s companies" with "Vietnamese companies" for grammatical correctness.

  9. "The butterfly effect is not strange, and it results from indifferent news at first" -> "The butterfly effect is not unfamiliar, and it stems from initially disregarded news"
    Explanation: Substituting "not strange" with "not unfamiliar" and rephrasing "it results from indifferent news at first" to "it stems from initially disregarded news" enhances formality and clarity.

  10. "By engaging in the the flow information" -> "By engaging in the flow of information"
    Explanation: Removing the redundant "the" in "By engaging in the the flow information" improves grammatical correctness and readability.

  11. "we acknowledge how people in the world is fighting the plague" -> "we acknowledge how people around the world are combating the pandemic"
    Explanation: Correcting "people in the world is fighting" to "people around the world are combating" ensures subject-verb agreement and uses a more precise term, "pandemic," instead of "plague."

  12. "news and programs in Tv" -> "news and TV programs"
    Explanation: Correcting "news and programs in Tv" to "news and TV programs" adheres to standard capitalization and improves clarity.

  13. "These news outlets may offer a deep analyses and explanations" -> "These news outlets may offer in-depth analyses and explanations"
    Explanation: Changing "a deep analyses" to "in-depth analyses" improves the accuracy and formality of the sentence.

  14. "while some people still doubt the benefit of news could offer" -> "while some individuals still doubt the benefits that news can offer"
    Explanation: Replacing "doubt the benefit of news could offer" with "doubt the benefits that news can offer" corrects grammar and enhances precision in expressing doubt about the advantages of news.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "While some people may find comfort by holding this opinion, I strongly believe that it is wrong to argue that news has no connection to people’s lives."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction is clear in presenting your viewpoint; however, it lacks a concise preview of the main points you will discuss. Consider adding a sentence outlining the key arguments you will present in the body paragraphs to enhance the structure and guide the reader.
    • Improved example: "While some people may find comfort by holding this opinion, I strongly believe that it is wrong to argue that news has no connection to people’s lives. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss the impact of global events on individuals and how staying informed can be beneficial for personal growth."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, people who criticize news often believe that the majority of events in broadcasters on the mass media have not direct relevance to them. In other word, they have no demand for exposing themselves to politics, foreign affairs, science breakthrough."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your argument is clear, but there is room for improvement in sentence structure and grammar. For instance, "In other word" should be "In other words," and "science breakthrough" could be "scientific breakthroughs." Ensure proper grammar and phrasing for a more polished expression of ideas.
    • Improved example: "On the one hand, people who criticize news often believe that the majority of events broadcasted in the mass media have no direct relevance to them. In other words, they have no demand for exposing themselves to politics, foreign affairs, or scientific breakthroughs."
  3. Quoted text: "In fact, the happenings around the world do have impacts on each individual but they chose to ignore them. For example, the news about financial crisis in European may seem pointless in Vietnamese residents. However, once the economy in the US suffer, the demand for goods will drop, many Vietnam’s companies can lose a lot of customers which lead to businesses’ struggle and labors’ unemployment."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The example provided is relevant, but the expression could be more concise and focused. Ensure clarity in presenting your examples. Also, be cautious about grammar and language usage; for instance, "financial crisis in European" should be "financial crisis in Europe."
    • Improved example: "In fact, global events do impact individuals, even if they choose to ignore them. For instance, the financial crisis in Europe may seem irrelevant to Vietnamese residents. However, if the US economy suffers, the demand for goods will drop, leading to potential losses for Vietnamese companies and resulting in business struggles and unemployment."

Overall, the essay presents a clear position and provides relevant examples, but attention to sentence structure, grammar, and more focused examples can enhance the overall clarity and persuasiveness of your arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a coherent organization of ideas, maintaining a clear overall progression throughout. The introduction presents a clear stance, and each paragraph contains a central topic. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to link ideas within and between sentences. The butterfly effect example illustrates the interconnectedness of global events with local consequences, contributing to coherence.

However, cohesion within sentences can be occasionally faulty or mechanical, and there is some inconsistency in referencing. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" signals a shift in perspective, enhancing cohesion. Still, there are instances where the connections between ideas are not seamlessly established. Additionally, the use of "In other word" should be corrected to "In other words" for accuracy.

Paragraphing is generally logical, but there are moments where the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. The essay manages to convey a well-organized response, but improvements in sentence-level cohesion and paragraph transitions would elevate the coherence.

How to improve:

  1. Pay attention to sentence-level cohesion, ensuring smooth transitions between ideas within sentences.
  2. Use cohesive devices consistently and precisely for a more polished flow.
  3. Ensure accurate usage of phrases, such as "In other words."
  4. Strengthen paragraph transitions for a seamless progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering a variety of topics and ideas related to the prompt. There is an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary and phrases, but with some inaccuracies and occasional errors in word choice and collocation. The writer effectively conveys opinions and arguments, but the vocabulary usage lacks consistent sophistication and precision. Some errors in word formation and spelling are present, yet they do not significantly impede communication.

The essay presents contrasting viewpoints regarding the relevance of news to people’s lives. It attempts to use vocabulary that is fitting for the discussion, addressing aspects such as the impact of global events on individuals, the importance of staying informed, and the educational value of news programs. However, there are instances where word choice and sentence structure could be refined for clearer expression and more accurate usage.

How to improve:

  1. Vocabulary Precision: Work on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater accuracy and precision. Avoid inaccuracies in word choice and focus on using expressions that best convey intended meanings.
  2. Sentence Structure and Collocation: Pay attention to sentence structure and the appropriate use of collocations. Refining these aspects can enhance the sophistication of the essay.
  3. Spelling and Word Formation: Aim for greater accuracy in spelling and word formation to minimize errors that might distract the reader.

Revising and proofreading the essay while focusing on the areas mentioned above will help elevate the lexical resource to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, using a variety of complex structures throughout. The writer effectively communicates ideas with frequent error-free sentences. The control of grammar and punctuation is generally strong, although there are a few errors present. For instance, there are instances of minor word choice issues, such as "the majority of events in broadcasters on the mass media" and "they chose to ignore them," where more precise wording could enhance clarity. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, like missing commas after introductory phrases. However, these errors are not pervasive and do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on refining word choice for greater precision. Careful proofreading to catch and correct punctuation errors, especially the omission of commas after introductory phrases, would contribute to a more polished essay. Furthermore, paying attention to sentence structure complexity and avoiding minor slips in word usage will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It’s often argued that news from TV and newspapers doesn’t relate to our lives. While some hold this view, I strongly disagree that news lacks connection to our daily lives.

Critics suggest news rarely affects individuals directly. They see no need to engage with topics like politics, global events, or scientific advancements. However, these worldwide events do impact everyone, even if not immediately apparent. For instance, when the US faces an economic crisis, it affects global markets. Vietnamese companies may lose customers, causing struggles and job losses. The chain reaction from global events illustrates how ignoring news can lead to unexpected consequences.

On the flip side, staying updated through newspapers and TV helps us understand and manage potential issues. Take the current Covid-19 news, for instance. Learning about global efforts to combat the pandemic helps us prepare. Moreover, these mediums cover diverse topics like science, history, and technology, offering in-depth analysis that enhances our comprehension of complex matters.

In summary, despite doubts about its relevance, staying informed through news proves beneficial in various ways.

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