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Some people think news has no connection to people’s lives. Therefore, it is a waste of time to read the newspaper and watch television news programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think news has no connection to people’s lives. Therefore, it is a waste of time to read the newspaper and watch television news programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that some individuals fail to recognize the relevance of news to their lives that they watch on TV or read in the newspaper. While some people may derive comfort by maintaining this opinion, I strongly disagree that news lacks connection to our daily lives.
On the one hand, people who criticize news often believe that the majority of events broadcasted on the mass media have no direct relevance to them. In other word, they have no demand to expose themselves to politics, foreign affairs, scientific breakthroughs. In fact, the happenings around the world do have impacts on each individual but they chose to ignore them. For example, news about the financial crisis in Europe may seem pointless to Vietnamese residents. However, once the US economy suffers, the demand for goods will drop, and many Vietnam companies can lose numerous customers which leads to businesses’ struggle and laborers’ unemployment. The butterfly effect is not unfamiliar, and it stems from initial disregarded news.
On the other hand, reading newspapers and watching TV not only keep people updated about things affecting their lives but also inform people how to tackle the problems that may occur. These days, the news about Covid 19 are posted on the mass media. By engaging in the flow information, we acknowledge how people in the world are combating to the plague and prepare for ourselves. Furthermore, news and TV programs convey a wide range of topics, providing educational content like science, history, and technology. These news outlets may offer in-deep analyses and explanations that contribute to a better understanding of complex issues.
In conclusion, while some people still doubt the benefits that news could offer, I firmly believe that keeping ourselves posted is profitable.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "While some people may derive comfort by maintaining this opinion, I strongly disagree that news lacks connection to our daily lives."
    -> "While some individuals may find solace in holding this viewpoint, I strongly disagree with the assertion that news lacks relevance to our daily lives."
    Explanation: Replacing "derive comfort" with "find solace" and "maintaining this opinion" with "holding this viewpoint" adds formality and precision to the sentence, aligning it with academic style.

  2. "On the one hand, people who criticize news often believe that the majority of events broadcasted on the mass media have no direct relevance to them. In other word, they have no demand to expose themselves to politics, foreign affairs, scientific breakthroughs."
    -> "On one hand, individuals who critique the news often contend that the majority of events broadcasted in the mass media lack direct relevance to them. In other words, they do not feel compelled to engage with politics, foreign affairs, or scientific breakthroughs."
    Explanation: Replacing "criticize news" with "critique the news" and "have no demand to expose themselves" with "do not feel compelled to engage" enhances the formal tone and clarifies the expression.

  3. "For example, news about the financial crisis in Europe may seem pointless to Vietnamese residents. However, once the US economy suffers, the demand for goods will drop, and many Vietnam companies can lose numerous customers which leads to businesses’ struggle and laborers’ unemployment."
    -> "For instance, reports on the financial crisis in Europe may appear inconsequential to residents of Vietnam. Nevertheless, if the US economy falters, the demand for goods will decline, potentially resulting in the loss of numerous customers for Vietnamese companies, leading to business challenges and unemployment among laborers."
    Explanation: Substituting "news about" with "reports on" and rephrasing "which leads to businesses’ struggle and laborers’ unemployment" to "leading to business challenges and unemployment among laborers" enhances precision and formal expression.

  4. "By engaging in the flow information, we acknowledge how people in the world are combating to the plague and prepare for ourselves."
    -> "By immersing ourselves in the flow of information, we gain insights into how people worldwide are combating the pandemic and can better prepare ourselves."
    Explanation: Replacing "engaging in the flow information" with "immersing ourselves in the flow of information" and refining the phrase "combating to the plague" to "combating the pandemic" improves formality and clarity.

  5. "Furthermore, news and TV programs convey a wide range of topics, providing educational content like science, history, and technology."
    -> "Furthermore, news and television programs cover a broad spectrum of subjects, offering educational content in areas such as science, history, and technology."
    Explanation: Substituting "convey" with "cover" and rephrasing "like science, history, and technology" to "in areas such as science, history, and technology" enhances precision and aligns with a more formal tone.

  6. "These news outlets may offer in-deep analyses and explanations that contribute to a better understanding of complex issues."
    -> "These news outlets may provide in-depth analyses and explanations that contribute to a better understanding of complex issues."
    Explanation: Correcting "in-deep" to "in-depth" ensures proper usage and maintains formal language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "It is true that some individuals fail to recognize the relevance of news to their lives that they watch on TV or read in the newspaper. While some people may derive comfort by maintaining this opinion, I strongly disagree that news lacks connection to our daily lives."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction effectively presents your stance on the topic, which is a strong start. However, it would be advantageous to include a brief roadmap of the main points you will discuss in the essay. This could enhance the overall structure and coherence of your argument, guiding readers through your perspective with greater clarity.
    • Improved example: "It is true that some individuals fail to recognize the relevance of news to their lives that they watch on TV or read in the newspaper. While some people may derive comfort by maintaining this opinion, I strongly disagree that news lacks connection to our daily lives. In this essay, I will delve into the impact of news on individual lives, addressing both the criticisms and the benefits that news consumption offers."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, people who criticize news often believe that the majority of events broadcasted on the mass media have no direct relevance to them. In other words, they have no demand to expose themselves to politics, foreign affairs, scientific breakthroughs."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your analysis of the opposing viewpoint is insightful. However, to strengthen your argument, consider providing specific examples or scenarios where individuals might overlook the relevance of news. This will add depth to your discussion and make your position more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "On the one hand, people who criticize news often believe that the majority of events broadcasted on the mass media have no direct relevance to them. For instance, a person focused on daily work routines may dismiss international political developments as inconsequential to their life. However, delving deeper, these global events can have subtle yet significant impacts on their immediate surroundings."
  3. Quoted text: "For example, news about the financial crisis in Europe may seem pointless to Vietnamese residents. However, once the US economy suffers, the demand for goods will drop, and many Vietnam companies can lose numerous customers which leads to businesses’ struggle and laborers’ unemployment. The butterfly effect is not unfamiliar, and it stems from initially disregarded news."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your example is relevant and provides a clear illustration of the interconnectedness of global events. To enhance your argument further, consider including another example from a different perspective or context, demonstrating the diverse ways in which news impacts individuals’ lives.
    • Improved example: "For example, news about the financial crisis in Europe may seem pointless to Vietnamese residents. However, once the US economy suffers, the demand for goods will drop, and many Vietnam companies can lose numerous customers which leads to businesses’ struggle and laborers’ unemployment. Additionally, consider a scenario where a student studying international relations benefits from understanding the political dynamics behind such economic crises, shaping their academic and career pursuits."

Overall, your essay effectively addresses the task and presents a clear position with relevant examples. However, incorporating a concise roadmap in the introduction and expanding the examples in your analysis could elevate your essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction presents a clear stance, and each paragraph focuses on distinct aspects of the argument. The writer effectively uses cohesive devices, such as transition words, to guide the reader through the essay. The example of the financial crisis in Europe and its potential impact on Vietnamese residents demonstrates a logical connection between global events and individual lives. The essay also effectively utilizes referencing and substitution, contributing to overall coherence.

However, there is a minor issue with overusing the phrase "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which could be diversified for better cohesion. The reference to the butterfly effect is insightful but could be more explicitly tied back to the initial argument. Additionally, the concluding paragraph is concise but could be strengthened by summarizing key points.

How to improve:

  1. Vary the use of transition phrases for better cohesion.
  2. Connect the example of the butterfly effect more explicitly to the initial argument.
  3. Strengthen the concluding paragraph by summarizing key points without introducing new ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
This essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with an attempt to incorporate less common lexical items. There’s a good effort to use varied vocabulary to convey ideas, showcasing awareness of style and collocation. The essay successfully discusses various concepts related to the prompt, employing a range of vocabulary to express arguments and examples.

There are instances of less common vocabulary and some flexibility in word choice. The use of idiomatic expressions like "the butterfly effect" showcases a higher level of vocabulary usage. However, occasional inaccuracies and errors in word choice and collocation slightly hinder the fluency and precision.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score, focus on further enriching vocabulary by incorporating a wider array of sophisticated terms and idiomatic expressions. Ensure precise and accurate usage of less common lexical items, paying attention to word choice and collocation. Reviewing and refining sentence structures can elevate the fluency and precision of the essay’s lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good use of a variety of sentence structures and complex forms throughout. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, displaying a decent range of grammar. The essay also exhibits control over punctuation and grammar, with the majority of sentences being error-free. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and inaccuracies scattered across the essay.

The essay employs a mix of sentence structures to present ideas effectively. It demonstrates an attempt at complex sentence construction and effectively communicates the writer’s viewpoint. The use of examples, like the financial crisis in Europe impacting Vietnamese residents, adds depth to the argument and shows an understanding of causation. The essay also discusses the relevance of news in addressing issues like the Covid-19 pandemic, offering insights into how being informed aids in preparing for challenges.

However, there are instances where sentence structures could be further diversified, and some errors, though not pervasive, slightly affect communication. For instance, "On other word" should be corrected to "In other words," and "in-deep" should be revised to "in-depth."

How to Improve:
To reach a higher band score, focus on enhancing sentence variety further. Work on refining complex sentence structures while ensuring precision and accuracy. Proofreading and revising for minor errors and inaccuracies will help elevate the grammatical accuracy to a higher level, closer to a band 8 standard. Additionally, precise word choice and careful attention to sentence construction can aid in achieving greater fluency and accuracy in expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed true that some individuals may not fully appreciate the connection between news and their daily lives, whether it be from watching it on TV or reading it in newspapers. While some find solace in holding this viewpoint, I strongly disagree with the notion that news lacks relevance to our everyday experiences.

On one hand, those critical of news often argue that many events presented in the media have little direct impact on their lives. In other words, they see no need to expose themselves to topics such as politics, foreign affairs, or scientific breakthroughs. However, the reality is that global events do influence each individual, even if they choose to overlook them. For instance, news regarding the financial crisis in Europe might seem irrelevant to residents in Vietnam. Nevertheless, when the U.S. economy falters, the demand for goods decreases, affecting numerous Vietnamese companies and resulting in business struggles and unemployment. The butterfly effect, stemming from initially disregarded news, becomes apparent in such scenarios.

On the other hand, reading newspapers and watching TV not only helps people stay informed about matters affecting their lives but also equips them with solutions to potential problems. Currently, news about Covid-19 saturates the media. By staying engaged with this information, we gain insight into how people worldwide are combating the pandemic and can better prepare ourselves. Furthermore, news and TV programs cover a broad spectrum of topics, providing educational content on science, history, and technology. These outlets may offer in-depth analyses and explanations that contribute to a better understanding of complex issues.

In conclusion, despite some lingering doubts about the benefits of news consumption, I am firm in my belief that staying informed is indeed beneficial.

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